TTC 10+++ months part 18

[Mrsden]

This is the BFP thread.

Ten that sounds like my NHS round protocol (although in the end the told me to skip the Pill bit because I have previously had ishoos with it). It was Pill from the start of the cycle, then burserelin (bleugh) from day 21, then period, then scan to check everything was shut down, then start stimming (not that I got that far). It might be a good idea to chat to them about the doses though, as you have evidence as to how your body responds to a lower dose. I think often they seem to use a one size fits none all approach. Which hospital are you at? I was at King's.

sea expanded blasts are great! This whole journey is so emotional. I'm not surprised there were tears! You are PUPO. Now the menkulling can REALLY begin....

I ended up going to the EPU (my first experience of an NHS hospital in a LONG time and I am in no hurry to go back - the staff were lovely but it was all a bit ick ). My blood pressure was unsurprisingly rather high before the scan. Anyway, they scanned me and amazingly all was well. No reason was found for the bleed. Centime is still there and there is the beginning of a brain as well as a heartbeat. It's amazing how quickly stuff develops in the early days. It's double the size it was last Friday. I'm going to cancel the scan at my clinic next week (3 scans in 10 days seems a bit OTT...) and try not to menkul until the next thing that sets me off . Thank you all so much for the good wishes and handholding. I'm cheering you all on!

Sea - congrats on being PUPO and for the frosties! I can totally understand how ET would be emotional!

Euro - That is fantastic news. I couldn't be happier for you.

Ten - I don't know enough about the protocols to be of any use. If in doubt, can you ask why the doses are so much higher?

Euro that's excellent news! So happy Eurobean is growing. It must have been amazing to see him/her. Delighted the red stuff was just him/her burrowing in nice and snug! Yay

Thanks ladies for your lovely words and support.

Good news is no more arse bullets. Moved into big needle Gestone instead.

euro I had been checking back for your news and I teared up a bit reading that your bean is thriving. What a huge, huge relief. I am so happy for you. Thank God.

sea it sounds like two was the right decision. For what it's worth, I know two girls here with IVF twins and they are both really loving parenthood. It sounds like you made the best choice. Hang in there for the next 10 days - it's a hard wait.

ray sweetheart I remember you were my cycle buddy, I am sorry for reminding you about what should have been for you this month. I have everything crossed for your FET.

ten I was on the pill for 3 weeks before my cycle (long protocol). I think it's just a slightly different approach. I hope they scan you regularly to keep an eye on how you respond to the higher drug dose.

great news euro its bloody scary when you bleed though, hope that is the last of it :)

Spent ages reading and catching up and now MrNelly is back so I need to go and be sociable!

Anyway firstly huge yays for Euro and the sticky Centime. I was very nervous reading through.

Hello to newbies. May your stay be as short as possible, for all the best reasons.

Great new name Ray. Sorry about the Due-date-that-never-was. It's one of mine too. I have several now . I am basically ignoring it as best as I can. It must be good to have the frosties there though.

Fox you sound a bit happier - I hope so! Much as we all hate work, it can be useful to change our focus. Your words to Sea were lovely by the way. I am glad the walking is making you feel better.

Talking of, congrats on being PUPO Sea. Those first few days are the only nice bit of IVF - unless you get BFP I guess, but I never experienced that part.

Pout I really hope the NHS comes through for you.

Ten I wanted to say something to you but now can't remember what!

Free that is great news about the scan, amazing.

Critter, Buzzy and Sweet it's so exciting that your time is near.

Lemon where are you now, I have lost count. Does it feel real yet?

Waves to everyone else I've missed of which there are many. I am trying not to be on the thread every day as there isn't much going on from a TTC perspective so I'm trying to focus on other things. I think about you all a lot though. Is the other thread back up and running? I will look and maybe start one if not - I loved chatting to you all about non-diffment things :)

Just popping in quickly to say euro I'm so massively relieved that all is ok with centime. It's really excellent news and I'm so pleased for you. Are you 7 weeks now? It's actually not all that long til the 12 week scan, although I know it must feel freakin ages away.

sea yay for being pupo and having such a good crop for the freezer. I am so hopeful for you. I'd rather do an arse bullet over gestone, although the thought of the ivf dr shoving them up there whilst I was out, still makes me feel a bit sick. It was good prep for the birth though, as after pushing ginster out, the dr asked if he could insert a pain killing suppository! At least ivf prepares you for that kind of thing.

Big Luffs to everyone else xx

Ps where is t'other fred? Nellie let us know if you find it! Btw nice pics on the other place :)

Oh yes, ten, I would discuss dosages with them. I'd be keen to not start on an overly high dose, as you had a good response with less before. Will you have an appointment before it all starts? I was on only 150 gonal-f and that was plenty, which I doubted before I started as on 100 gonal-f in SO cycles (without DRing) I struggled to get two egglets. But the pill is just to calm everything down (even more) before. Btw I felt worst on the pill+DRing and things improved a little while stimming.

HURRAH for eurobean.

Enjoy the few non-men killing days sea, you are PUPO. Are they giving you another update on the other embies today? Expanding blasts sound very good. Mine was only an early, ungraded blast...

If anyone finds or starts another fred, make sure you put a link on here!

Waves at all the others, ray, pout, fox, nelly etc, etc.

Here all is well, 19 weeks tomorrow, anomaly scan next week And believing, nah, not really. I hope it'll come soon. I get really surprised when I accidentally touch the (mini) bump as it feels very different from flab...

sea ace. fingers crossed

euro good. centime very good.

thanks everyone for your good wishes.

Ladies I don't want to post a link as it's on the non-Googleable part of the site. PM me if you can't find it

Fantastic news that all is well euro. I'm so happy for you. Fingers crossed that the next few weeks are uneventful.

sea congrats on being pupo.

Selfish post from me coming up. We had our cycle review. Our Dr was very nice and really gave us a lot of time, we were talking to him for 45 mins. I feel like he really wants it to work for us. He started by saying that he was so disappointed that it didn't work. On paper it should be simple for us so he's a bit puzzled. He thinks we don't make good embryos :( Although it's hard for them to say this for certain at day 2. It is possible for them to take them to day 5, the law isn't quite as strict as I thought but then they all must be frozen and transferred at some point (not quite sure how they police this, escort you to the clinic to have them transferred??) So, a possible plan for us is to take them to day 5 on the next cycle, it wouldn't change the outcome but might give us more info about what's happening with development. He did say that we should consider that long term effects of taking to day 5 outside of womb are not yet known, that the womb is the best place. He said that after two failed cycles the odds of getting pregnant are reduced, I knew this but it's hard to hear. He has recommended that I have my immunes done, he's of the view that we throw everything at it now and we agree. So, I have a blood test next week for that and we won't do the fet until the results are back so yet more waiting. He also said that we could try picsi next cycle, has anyone done this?

I forgot to ask about the scratch, when does it need to be done?

There was a moment when the doctor leant forward and said with a very sympathetic voice "after two failed cycles I think you need to think about" I really though he was going to say giving up, or accepting you're not going to have children. I had a big lump in my throat but he actually just said about doing the immense stuff. What surprised me was expecting to hear that didn't feel that bad, I think I have accepted that we need to consider it. Has anyone else got to the stage where they can seriously consider not having children? Adoption and donor isn't on the cards for us so it's not that far away having to really give it thought.

Hurrah for Centime. I am so relieved for you euro at NHS hospital snobbery! I remember feeling really disappointed with the private clinic that do the ET and wondering where the fancy coffee machine was and the fresh flowers. I was also aghast that it was painted in what seem to me to be standard NHS colours of gross pinks and mint green!

sea Big smiles that you are PUPO

Lemons I did smile when you said how you get little surprises when you touch mini bump!

ten I'm sorry but I can't help you with the protocol you are on. I didn't even know that there was a protocol that involved taking the pill.

ray I am pleased for you that you had a constructive appointment and the doctor is on board with throwing the kitchen sink at this. I didn't know that two failed cycles were bad news in terms of a longterm successful outcome. I'm sorry that this came up. You asked about anyone being at the stage of considering not having children. I think that I am getting there. I'm 38 now and am at the stage in my life where for most women, who granted would usually have had other kids, getting pregnant would be considered a bit of a disaster. I feel personally too old now. I am exhausted by thinking of TTC, I am exhausted by the tears & the watching my body like a hawk for any little thing but most of all I just want to have my life back again & to be happy. If I am totally honest MrP and I have given up on timed SWI and only do the deed if we want to. I also find myself drilling into my head that actually I don't like kids very much and what a drag they would be and how I would be happier without the responsibility. I know that that part isn't true but I think it is part of the whole preparing myself for the end in terms of TTC. I feel definitely more at peace with myself since I faced the worst case scenario. And having said all of that we have another referral.....I guess for me it is an exercise in making peace with things too. I do still have the need to know that I did everything possible so I never look back on all this when it is too late and have regret that I could have done more.

Waves to buzz nelly & gin How is the little one?

I hear you on the exhaustion pout. I have so much to say in reply to your post but im at work and sneakily posting. I will reply properly later. Our meeting was productive but had also shown me that pregnancy isn't a certainty, I think our chances of success aren't that great. There is something pretty fundamental wrong. So much for me trying to be positive this year, I really want to cry but I'm at work so can't until home at 6pm.

Aw ray Don't get upset. It sounds like you have a doctor who really wants this to work for you. Try and be positive that he isn't going to let you sleepwalk into a cycle that follows the same protocol and you really will have the very best chance next time Big love to you

ray I'm sorry you are down. Plenty of people succeed on more than 2 rounds of IVF - sign up to fertility friend and look at the signature blocks for lots of examples (NB you can't see the signatures unless you are a member). Has your husband had the DNA frag test? That might be why your embies are not thriving.

My clinic wanted the scratch done between days 21 and 26 I think.

pout we were pretty much at the "given up at natural ttc" over the past year, so I completely understand. The medicalisation of the process with 4 IVF rounds in 12 months didn't help as I was pretty much over being "interfered with" down there in any shape or form. I am looking forward to getting back to some sort of normality (but to date, mr euro is terrified to touch me, despite the allure of the enormonorks ). I was starting to make peace with moving on to a child-free life too. We had decided on one more full-on round at the new clinic in the Spring and that was going to be it. I was a bit sad, but also glad to have a finish line in sight. If this one works out, I think we will be sticking at one. I'm not sure I would ever want to put myself through a repeat of the first 3 years of our marriage.

Thanks for all the encouragement and good wishes towards me and the centime. I have cancelled the next scan scheduled at my clinic - 3 in 10 days does seem excessive. And despite the 3rd world surroundings and the vile people in the waiting room the care I received at the EPU was good, so any problems and I will just go back there.

It's me, Roy's wife.

Euro – so pleased all turned out well. Wonderful news.

Ray , i’m sorry you are so down. There is no doubt about it but all this is just one horrible life crisis. Having to face fears (that may be unfounded) and all the treatment is just shattering. But anyway i’m not sure day2 can give embryologists an accurate reading of what is going on. It seems a bit early to deduce that you’re not making good embryos. Things change quite considerable from day 2-3 and then again to day5. I haven’t heard about the two failed cyles being bad news for long term outcomes. Many people have success on their 4, 5, 6th rounds and often a variable was changed to give them that success. You’ve had two rounds, so I’m still convinced you are still just being played by the laws of averages. It seems a positive move to get your immunes checked out just in case. What is picsi? Sounds intriguing.
It’s so hard isn’t it though because however many times people can try and give you hope or if they truly believe it will happen for you – it doesn’t help what you feel. Personally I can’t yet seriously consider a life without children yet it’s highly unlikely I’m ever going to have my own. However adoption and donor still feel premature right now. I also can’t accept that starting at 30 to try to have a baby ended up being too late. I have a very long way to go to deal with the emotions of facing childlessness and putting everything that has happened in to the cupboard. As I’m not emotionally equipped to face childlessnesss, i just live with the fears (not very well) and daydream (a lot) that one day we will have a miracle but with deep down knowledge that really this is highly unlikely.

Pout – Roy and I often say we don’t like kids and ask ourselves why we want them. it’s almost as if we are trying to prepare ourselves for the worst.

Ray - I am sorry you are feeling so down at the moment. I think there's a lot of positive you can take from your review. Your consultant sound understanding and certainly seem open to new ideas. I think immunes is worth looking into. I am of course hopelessly biased on this because it's the only explanation that's ever been given to me. There are so many things you can still try... immunes, scratch, different protocol, I don't think you are at the stage where you have to consider a childless future - not even close.

You asked about the scratch. I had mine with my hysteroscopy just after my period finished - CD4 - I started stimms on that day as well.

As for thinking about a childless future. I often think about that. If I am honest I think it is something I could come to terms with. I am not sure my marriage would survive though. Don't get me wrong I really want this to work and I would love to be a mother but I think with enough time, thinking through things and no doubt counselling I believe I could live a fulfilling life without being a mother. It would make me sad not to experience something I believe will be uniquely special but yes I do think I could come to terms with it one day (although I hope I don't have to).

Love the new name Devon. I am sorry you also feel as you do. It is so difficult to take on a day to day especially when you have put some much into it. A big hand hold.

I think you asked a bit further down thread. No the big man didn't do my ET. It was Dr R - the older gent who is quite tall. He did my hysteroscopy as well. I only saw the big man once - scan before EC.

Just popping in to say happy new year everyone and great news Free and Euro on your positive scan results. IME the men killing never really subsided but the odds are now firmly on your side. And congratulations Sea on being PUPO! That's brilliant news. I have everything crossed for a good result and hope the 2ww passes quickly for you.

Waved and big loves to everyone else. I am out of touch so need to go back through the fred and catch up with everyone but I hope 2014 brings a run of well deserved BFPs. What comes after snake babies? Horses I think. The clatter of tiny hooves has to be a good sign for at least one lovely 10plusser

Euro thats amazing news, come on eurobean. So pleased for you.

Sea you've done so well so far, I went for two also last few goes, how are you finding the gestone? Is it 50mg a day?

Den big hug. It's so unhelpful when docs say that it should have worked. There are so many tweaks that can be made don't lose heart.

Big new year squeezes all round. It's such a hard time of year, bring on the spring and some more sunlight.

Have just been on hols, amazing what some mountain air can do to lift the spirits. Will hopefully help this weekwith my mental state. Tried the progesterone again and got another bfp today. No congrats as it didn't last very long last time but you never know I suppose.

Sorry have missed out loads will try to catch up properly this week.

Cos no congrats but I'm keeping everything crossed for you. Big hugs.

Eee cos. I'm adding to the keeping it all crossed team. Big love to you.

Ps sea - don't think I've sent pupo congrats but I'm thinking of you.