TTC 10+++ months part 18

[Mrsden]

This is the BFP thread.

free that's excellent news! I hope you get equally good news on the boob rash soon. I find it amazing how quickly a few cells into something that looks baby-like. Last time I had an app with pictures at each stage and it was really quite special to see how they develop.

critter and buzz you must be entering the drop zone soon?

AFM, the cramps and bleeding have eased overnight. I feel a bit like I have been oofed in the stomach though. We decided not to go to the EPU today, but I probably will if I start bleeding again.

Yay free congratulations brilliant news!!

Euro, willing everything to settle down for you, that is enough horribleness for quite a while.

Sea I am not sure re arse bullets I think they have a reputation for using suppositories more than we do, could just be urban legend. Congrats on the dividing nicely embies, good luck for et, tomorrow I think?

euro when is next scan? In 2 days or so right? Glad bleeding has eased off.

Not until next Tuesday, free. So it's quite a long time to last. But if we can wait, I'll be just under 8 weeks, and if there is a heartbeat at 8 weeks there is a 98% chance of everything being ok, so it seems like a good time for a scan. But if the bleeding starts up again, I think I will cave and try to have one earlier.

ten you are right about the French - don't trust 'em where medicines are involved.

Happy New Year ladies. I hope that we all have a happy and lucky 2014.

euro I am so sorry that you are still in menkulling limbo. It isn't fair and I am hoping that Eurobean is nestling in.

sarlat Huge congratulations on the birth of your little girl.

free I am so pleased that your scan went well. Sorry that the doctor was less than helpful about your boob ishoos. FWIW when I had a lump in my boob I was told that a lumpy, sore boob is often associated with pregnancy, not sure about rashes though.

sea What an amazing egg haul, congratulations! I am willing on your little egglets to keep on dividing. I hated the arse bullets too and much preferred using them in the front door.

buzz How are you doing? How is the SPD, are you still on the crutches?

fox I am sorry to read that your counselling wasn't very nice. Will you be going back? I was also sad to read that you are struggling with the IVF weight. If it is any comfort to know mine just suddenly disappeared without making any changes to my diet or levels of exercise. I think that it just takes a bit of time for your system to settle down & get back to normal. Hang in there

I was also sorry to read about some of us having the New Year blues. It's so hard I think to ponder a new year and the worries of what it may or may not bring. My referral appointment is next week and I am very apprehensive about possibly getting back on the NHS merry-go-round. It's weird because as much as I don't want to start up all that crap again I am afraid of the referral not resulting in any more help IYSWIM

Big waves to everyone lemons ten sweet nelly den joy critter .... and waves and welcomes to the newbies.

Phew euro, glad things have settled down. It must be so stomach churningly scary. Really really hope all goes well from here on in. Do you feel many symptoms yet?

Sea that is a jaw dropping amount of eggs - I am in awe! Amazing that you will get to day 5 and have spares, you have been so incredibly patient and I am glad things are going well for you. I would hate to put things up my bum, it is a one way route! But about thinking of your happy place. In your position I really don't know about one or two. Everyone I know that has had two put in has had a singleton pregnancy and I think that distorts my thinking. Critter speaks wise words. Speaking of which - how goes it Critter, are you fit to burst? Will you and buzzy be having simultaneous births?!

Ray I do like the new name. You sound really positive in your latest posts. I got myself a fitbit and have got walking. After my operation my running motivation flatlined and I do hate running in the winter. I also haven't been to hot yoga since ivf, though do all my other yogas still but they aren't as cardio. But walking you can just wrap up and fit it in. So I am aiming for my 10 000 steps every day and I have to say I feel a lot better for it. I am sleeping better too. All of this is making me feel marginally better about my ivf muffin top. Thank you pout for saying that it will go and generally being a lovely understanding person. I am so glad that you have an appointment coming up. I will have to go back for 'implications' counselling but will go to the other person who will hopefully do more than tell me I have had the worst experience ever and look at me sadly.

Joy how are you doing? It is like a heavy weight sat on your shoulders. I hate that I have got used to it. If I ever do get pregnant and all goes well I can imagine that it will feel as if someone just took the world off my back. Sorry to hear about the bird.

Free so glad to hear that the scan went well. The rash doesn;t sound nice though. My friend had terrible rashes throughout her pregnancy and was told that it was hormonal. I guess they can say that about everything to a woman!

Ten oh your poor dog, I would have thought exactly the same!

Wave to new folks who need some company on here. Do stay and while away the many many hours with us.

I have nothing to report. I have ovulated on day 12 this month which whilst a bit on the early side feels normal and everything seems to have settled down. Now if only I could rummage a good egg from in there. And pigs might fly.

fox you are sounding pretty upbeat. And it's great that your cycles seem to be back to normal.

I feel practically no different to normal. I had very sore boobs to start with but that stopped very quickly (last time it lasted until things went wrong). Last time I had terrible insomnia. This time, my sleep is a bit more disturbed than usual but I am not awake for hours. I have had one or two days where I am not exactly nauseous but no food seems to appeal, but then I'm back to normal the next morning. I am not even tired. The lack of symptoms is not helping the men killing!

pout I hear you about wanting the appointment but being reluctant to get back on the merry go round.

I meant to say, ray I like the new name!

I guess euro that every pregnancy is different, it always amazes me how much you hear that. I suppose in the same way some months bad pmt, bad pains, other times none? It must be so hard all this waiting. Will a home scanner ever be invented?!

I thought I ovd yesterday due to ewcm (ivf has unleashed this to teenage status) but today I have the most horrible ov pain. Every now and then it floors me, it's almost like period pain all across my back. Maybe my senile eggs grow massive or something.

Fox - I am glad your cycle has gone back to normal somewhat. That's good news! I got a fitbit for my birthday! I am struggling with not being allowed to exercise and I thought I could use it to monitor walks etc.

Pout - I am sorry you are feeling apprehensive about going back on the ivf merry go round. I can imagine how hard it is to face it again. I hope you get more assistance from them.

Euro - One of my preggo friends who's had 2 kids told me her symptoms were completely different in both pregnancies. I really think even with the same person everything is different each time around. I know that probably doesn't help. Glad there's not been more blood. I am counting down the days until your next scan.

Ten - Arse bullets are evil evil evil. I genuinely hate them. I can't understand why they were invented. That hole is not for putting things up into... . Nothing in that areas has been the same since I started using them. It's really affecting my schedule in a bad way.

Joy - I hope you are feeling brighter today.

I am not in a v good place emotionally. I am fluctuating between happy that things have gone well so far to really worried that it's going to be a huge crash if this doesn't work. Very nervous about tomorrow. I need to stop looking at pictures of embryos on google.

I do like the new name ray! It does seem very positive.

Euro - Good luck hanging in there until Thursday. I wish I could help ease the menkulling... So I am offering my hand to hold until your scan.

Fox - woohoo! I am so happy your cycle is back on track. One less worry for you.

Free - Congratulations on your great scan! I am so happy for you.

Sea - good luck with the upcoming ET.

Waves and hello to everyone I have missed.

xpost sea - I can understand why you are so stressed. I hope tomorrow goes smoothly for you. I have to say google is evil for me too when I am emotionally stressed. hugs and hand hold.

Oh sea, big squeeze. It's so hard not to be totally saturated with it. You d done all you can and things are looking good. You can't prepare or anticipate how you will feel if it doesn't work. I thought I could steel myself and prepare for it and be stoic and brave. But you feel what you feel and it's horrible and... it passes. We are so tough and strong, it isn't something uncopeable. It's like waiting for the sting after a jab, you don't want it but it happens and moves on and no amount of fretting or tensing changes it? As I write all this I do so from a perspective that there is a very strong chance you won't have to face this at all - the odds are in your favour! I guess what I'm trying to say is that it WILL be ok, whatever the outcome, I promise you this. Wish I could come and give you a real life hug and cake.

Thanks sweet and fox.
Fox you are so right. I know I will be okay even if it doesn't work. I just want it so much, like we all do. It feels so overwhelming.
A question to those of you who have used Clexane. Did you find it becomes increasing difficult to inject? The skin on my tummy has become so tough I'm struggling to pierce the skin anymore, not to mention actually finding a non bruise section to go into. I have quite veiny thighs so clinic have advised against injecting there.

sea I remember doing the same with the googling of embryos. I can understand the fear, I remember feeling very tearful during mine and I wasn't on Clexane, which sounds evil. An IVF cycle is an extraordinarily stressful thing to go through and you've waited so long. You're managing brilliantly. One day at a time. You asked me how many blasts I had… I had 14 fertilised eggs and of those we transferred one and froze five blasts. The other eight 'degenerated'. Like many of the women on this thread I don't feel thrilled at the idea of having spares - feels a bit ethically dodgy to have wastefully created all that life without using it - but I am glad we only transferred one. And I know I'm bloody lucky to have won the IVF lottery - first go, one embie, straightforward pregnancy.

euro I am thinking of you every day. I can't imagine how stressful this waiting must be. Sending your bean positive thoughts and love.

free brilliant news on the scan. Hurrah!

fox I so hope your counselling goes better this time. Looking at you sadly, jeez, where do these people train? You'd think they could offer you some encouragement and support. Your IVF weight will go - it's also January which is a truly crap time of year - I bet by the summer you will feel better physically. It's a lot to put your body through. How unfair that you're getting ovulation pain as well. I wish I could give you a hug. You are totally my hero in how you've dealt with all this shit.

pout it sounds exhausting, all the different referrals, like a horrible labyrinth. I hope you're ok and that MrP and the dogs are taking care of you and that you're crafting.

All well here. Sweet, buzz and I are all due this month. I'm 38 weeks today. Can hardly believe it. It's freezing cold, the house is a mess, but basically I am just feeling incredibly blessed to be at this stage. And so grateful for all the support this thread has given me, and willing some of my good luck to rub off on the rest of the lovely 10 plussers in 2014.

Morning!

Just popping in to offer support to euro for your wait and men killing free. Googling embies, been there, done that... You stand an awsome chance with this number of embies. Even if god forbid this one doesn't work. I am still grateful for my number of frosties (6, now 5) because it gave me more chances without going thru the whole shitty cycle again. That was the only thing that helped in the men killing weeks of waiting and thru cp. On having spares, SB and I have agreed to pick the other frosties up as well. With a chance of ~15% per frostie, it might just give us a single sibling...

Handholds also for poutster and joy in limboland!

Can't believe you lot are nearly there, critter, buzz and sweet! Wow :)

Not much to report here, except that working after time off is tough :(

Good luck buzz, sweet and critter. I can't wait to hear your news.

Sea, this is the hard part of ivf. I found I was very emotional and anxious in the second part. I so wanted it to work. You've done everything you can and now it's out of your hands. It sounds like your round is going amazingly well though to have so many still going strong. The clexane did seem to toughen my skin, I thought I'd been give a batch of blunt needles. I didn't really bruise with it though, just one or two.

Fox, stoopid counsellor. I've never had counseling, I know it's good to talk but I also think I'm not going to walk out of there with a baby so what's the point. The implications couselling should have more of a focus though, presumably they'll raise things you might not have considered. Is it for both you and hare?

Pout, happy new year! I didn't know you were going to get another round of ivf, that's fantastic. It's scary to go through it all again though, I understand that. I'm feeling incredibly anxious just now and I think it's because we're throwing ourselves into the fet and I know how utterly wretched I'm going to feel if it doesn't work.

Free, wonderful news. Congratulations.

I would have been due about now if the first ivf had worked which makes me feel a little bit sad that all this time has passed and I'm no further forward. It's not worth dwelling on though.

When is your FET, ray? How many will they defrost? Could have been, would have bern due dates are awful :(
Nice name btw.

Sorry about the head tilting counsellor, fox! Really hope a different one might help. Even tho it did not give me a pregnancy I hear you on that ray it gave me some more tools to deal w the shittiness, when I went last year!

ray these dates passing are always tough. By rights, we should all have toddlers by now! Life just really isn't fair sometimes.

fox my counselling experience at my NHS clinic was similar. She listened and had a sympathetic look on her face, but was no actual use at all. I didn't bother going again. I did use my acu lady to kind of sound off to though.

I'm very excited that we are going to have a trio of new squishy 10+er babies soon!

AFM, Mr euro has broken this morning and decided he wants to try to get scanned before Tuesday. Neither of us is keen on spending hours in the EPU, so he is trying to see if our clinic can move the scan forward.

God, I can't believe that critter buzzy and sweet are all due this month. It really is incredible.

How are you today euro? All good I hope.

sea The period of waiting to see what my eggs did in terms of development was the hardest part for me too. I was so overwrought that when the clinic phoned to tell me that my clutch were looking good I sobbed like a twonk in the car. I can understand also the pressure of wanting it to work so much and being afraid that it won't and especially of being afraid of how you will handle it. Like fox says if, God forbid, it doesn't work out this cycle you will get through it. You will be stronger than you think. My advice would be to just enjoy the time after transfer & the possibility that it could be the start of something wonderful I wish I had done that more I do remember though being on absolute cloud 9 when we left the clinic after the first cycle transfer. It was the happiest I have been in a long time, total elation.

Fox Oh no at the head tilting and reitteration of how this is the saddest thing evah! Yikes. Maybe she is trying to totally break you down before she builds you back up again

lemons Oh no at the back to work blues. Is anyone else counting down to Easter already!

ray Oh yes, I had forgotten that a new year signalled your long awaited FET. When do you start? I don't know yet that I will be going down the IVF route again. I just have a new infertility referral at a different hospital in a different PCT. Actually I have no idea what to expect from it and that is a worry!

ten I mean't to say about your dog. How is she doing now? We did our two both together and it was so horrible to watch them zonked out & walking into walls with their buster collars & crying through the night They got over it amazingly quickly though. Literally the next day they were back to normal.

Euro – really sorry to hear you are in mental hell. I hope all has settled down now though. Frigging awful. I hope you can get that scan earlier as well. You just need peace of mind. Was talking to my friend yesterday who is 35wks and she has had 2 scans in her whole pregnancy. how the other half live eh.

Sea – it’s really ghastly waiting for that day5 phone call but i am convinced you will be fine. In fact hopefully you will be there having ET now. I think one of your biggest bonuses is that your ovaries seem to be in youthful shape with your extraordinarily good amh etc. About 5 days after ET , I found it immensely emotional where I found myself lying on the bedroom floor wailing and balling my eyes out. Combination of drugs and just that sheer desire of wanting it to work. It’s overwhelming. Yes Clexane got tougher to inject, i would have to stab a few times in different places to stab the skin. I do wonder how people continue to do throughout their whole pregnancy because by 10wks, there literally was no more space to stab on my stomach. Thanks for your tips about natural ivf etc. I am a bit stuck as I will lose my nhs round if I do another private round plus a bit stuck for cash at the mo. I’m still waiting to hear whether I’m going to get that nhs round. I think they all probably only came back to work on Monday so may have to wait a bit longer.

Free – lovely wonderful news!

Ten – sorry you had to stay away from a party because you feared an announcement. I was nervous all week because i was scared my friend was going to tell me she was preggo. The relief that she wasn’t was immense.

Pout – how are you? I hear you on the whole apprehension thing. I get anxious waiting such a long time for a referral and then anxious when it’s time for appointments. I never want to face it!

Fox – i hope you are ok lovely. And I’m glad you feel like your body is doing what it should be doing apart from that awful pain. That doesn’t sound nice at all. I hope it has gone now.

Ray – i’m going to follow suit and change my name too. New year, new start and all that. this name has been bad luck for too long! Yes when is your fet? It’s awful how much time passes without moving forward and thinking what could have been. I find it mind boggling that in a few months, I’ll be going to an annual work event and it will be the 5th one where I won’t be pregnant. My 30s have been completely consumed by this affair.

Waves.

Afternoon all, a quick a selfish question post from me......my NHS round is coming up and the woman has just rung me to say that they are putting me on the 'Pill protocol' so I start taking the contraceptive pill on day two and then ring them to find out about when to inject. Has anyone done this? What can I expect?? The doses of drugs she is talking about are double what I was on at Create and I am nervous!

Any advice/insight appreciated.

Ten - I'm not much help on pill protocol I am afraid. I know it's not unusual though as a few friends have done a pill round for DRing. The higher drug dose would concern me though. Are you able to tell them you were on a lower dose last time? Surely they will use the notes from your Create round and make modifications based on that - no? Sorry if that's not helpful. I wish you lots of luck with this round!

Euro - I think MrE is right about trying to get an earlier scan. I hope you manage to get in today or tomorrow so you can get some reassurance. You sound v calm considering... you should be v proud.

Ray - These dates are so difficult. I can imagine how hard they must be. Euro is right... some of us should have 3 year olds running around annoying us by now if we were instadiffers. Sigh. FET is coming up again and I know this has good stats too so I am really hopeful this next one will be the one where you get your baybee.

Joy - Grrr at the NHS for not having come back to you. Please do chase them up. UCLH are v good but they can drag their feet sometimes and need regular reminding. I really hope you get your NHS round. The reason why I mentioned doing a round overseas before is so they (nhs) won't find out you have an a 3rd round privately as I think they know from the HEFA forms. And it does seem to be cheaper than here in the UK but I realise it still costs money and time off from work might not be do-able.

Pout - A new hospital might bring some new insight with different team of staff. I know you are feeling apprehensive which is only to be expected but I'm v hopeful the next one will be your time.

Thank you to all you lovelies for understanding... I had a terrible night sleep last night - full of nightmares of being raped rectally... (suppository link?)

ET all done. We ended up putting back 2 "expanded blastocyst". It was an extraordinarily difficult decision to make. We were debating right up till the last minute whether to put 1 or 2 back. In the end, the fact that twins is only 20 - 30% chance, putting 2 gives me a 60% chance of getting a BFP and putting 1 back gives me a 50% of a BFP made me decide on 2. They also talked a lot about my long immune journey until I got to ivf and how if that is really what stopped me from getting pregnant, then 2 makes more sense. I think MrS wanted just 1 back but he let me decide in the end and I wanted to go with what the docs suggested - they were actually v balanced about the risks/pros/cons etc.

Frosties wise - we have 2 (same grade as what we put back today) for the freezer today and possibly more tomorrow as quite a few hadn't reached blastocyst stage yet but are close.

ET itself was okay physically but I was extremely emotional. When they turned off the light to bring the embies into the room I could feel tears running down the side of my face. I am not sure why I felt so emotional but I did. Now just a matter of waiting and seeing. OTD in 10 days.

Sea, you're PUPO! Congrats and good luck with the men killing over the next 10 says.

Euro, any news on early scannage?

Ten, I was on LP with the pill, for me it was pill from say 2, DRing drucks added on day 20 or so. And then stabbing stims after AF has turned up. Then I stimmed for 14/5 days. Hope that helps!

sea yay to PUPO, I cried as well, it is a very emotional time

ten sorry I can't help but others on here will be able to

euro I hope you can get a scan booked soon to put your mind at rest

Sea - that's all great news. Expanding blasts is good and your immunes are being looked after and the fact you have 2 for the freezer already convinces me you will be fine. It is very emotional. Did the big man do ET?

Ten - I don't know about the pill protocol I'm afraid. What was Create like btw? MiL has just sent me a link to them as head woman got woman of the year.