TTC 10+++ months part 18

[Mrsden]

This is the BFP thread.

Watching your updates with interest euro. Theorhetically 7w 2 days today but no symptoms at all other than no AF and positive test. Only sickness I feel is from stuffing my face with fish and chips followed by nutella and banana crepe at lunch. I also miscarried further along than this last time so I understand the nerves and willing time to pass. 1 week 2 days to go until scan here.

Joycep that is awful awful awful. Your poor SIL. Sorry to hear this.

Sea your patience is unbelievable and I admire you greatly. Good luck with stimming.

Sorry, selfish post coming up.......mini sar ws born on Saturday after an intense labour and birth. Totally in love with our baby girl. Photos on t'other place and birth story on other thread. She has now left another space for the next bfp from ttc 10+. Thinking of you all and will catch up properly soon. Thank you to everyone who helped and supported me through my ttc journey - don't think she would be here without all my friends on this thread who have always offered virtual handholding, support and laughter. Xxxx

Congratulations sar that is wonderful news.

symptoms can be a complete mind feck it stressed me out as mine would come and go so can sympathise, Friday will feel like an age away

free when is your scan booked for

January 8th buzzy. So next week.

Sar congratulations! What wonderful news! Very very happy to see another 10 plussers baby arrive in the world. I hope you are feeling okay. It must feel so amazing to have your baybee in your arms after such a long fight to get here. Enjoy it. Delighted for you.

Free and Euro. I'm sure it's impossible not to worry at this stage. I'm just so hoping for sticky beans and easy pregnancies for you both. You so deserve it after all you have been through.

Joy I have no compliant a so far about the Argy and the whole ivf process. I have felt surprisingly well considering. I have no clue about AFC and actual number of follies. There never seems to be direct correlation between the two in ladies I know who had ivf in RL. I'm just going along with it and trying to follow the instructions and keep positive as much as I can.

Buzz I hope you are feeling better now. I remember you were not feeling great a while back.

Waves to fox, pout, critter, ten, Mrsd and madness.

Joy I forgot to say I think it's v normal to feel that way. My latest worries are the weddings I am attending in the next few months. I'm convince some of these couples will be instadiffers and even they will overtake me. I know it's a horrible way to think but it's what pops into my mind whenever I get a wedding invite these days.

I'm sorry to hear about SIL's mc. It must be particularly difficult after 3 month mark. Like Buzz I think the fact they already have 2 children should soften the blow even if only slightly but I'm sure it won't feel that way for them. I agree again with Buzz you need to take care of yourself and not let them offload too much on you.
Did you hear back about the funded cycle?

Congrats sar. I don't think we are friends on t'other place. I will PM you my name so you can add me (if that's ok) in all that free time you will have on your hands now....

joy so sorry to hear about your SIL. Poor things. Hope you're ok too, and that you can get news about your funded cycle soon. It must be horrible feeling in limbo.

euro I am thinking about you loads and wishing you so much luck. I know this wait must feel absolutely awful. I wish you could enjoy it, but of course given your previous experience that must be completely impossible - it's just sad how 10 plussers can't relax and have that innocent feeling of excitement. Big handhold and really really willing the days away for you.

free I have everything crossed for good news at your scan. No AF is good, as is strong positives on your tests. I know this must be torture but there is every reason that this is going to be your 'take home' baby. Hang in there lovely.

sar I'm just thrilled for you, even though the birth sounded pretty traumatic. You've been such an amazingly supportive and generous person on this thread.

sea I think like lemon I stimmed for a long time too, as I was LP. Slow and steady. You're nearly there, just keep going - you've shown incredible grace and fortitude throughout this horrible process and long wait. And hurrah for having the house back to yourself!

cos I know this must be a painful time of year for you, and I'm thinking of you and wishing for a better 2014.

Love to everyone else, especially those who are having a particularly hard time at the moment. Christmas and the New Year are always pretty awful. I hope next year will be a happier one.

Morning all.

I'm men killing again today. Still no more nausea (why one day of it and then it goes away?) and my boobs are less sore. The test line is still strong, but last time it didn't start fading until about a week after the foetus stopped developing. ARGH. This limbo stage is so hard. Roll on friday.

Hand hold euro the strong line is good and symptoms can come and go for no reason. The nausea might not have been bean related and just Xmas excess.
I'm still your 'men-killing' buddy. Still no AF and now 15 days "late". Starting to fret that maybe the 'men-o-paws' may have got me.

Big hand hold for lovely Euro. What a headf**k you are having to go through. I know no amount of rationalising will help given your history. I really really feel for you. Just wanted to offer you my big bear hands and I'm counting down the days with you until your scan. I'm also cheering on Eurobean to be super super sticky.

Coco
You have already done a Poas on a stick no? This long delay also happen to me a while back when I was waiting to start ivf investigations. It was Chinese herbs that got it going in the end. Is it worth getting it checked out by the gp?

euro big hand hold, symptoms don't really mean much, they do help reassure you

coco That is strange, maybe a trip to the GP like sea suggested

free fingers crossed for you on the 8th

sea yes I've had a couple of bfn's now. This has happened before but the last time was two years ago, when I had a 77 day cycle, so I thought I'd fixed it. Dr's don't give two hoots so I managed to get it down to a regular 32 (give or take 3/4 days) with the diet regime. I'll leave it till Feb then go to the GP.

coco that is odd. I hope things regularise for you soon. There shall be no talk of men-o-paws.

I've had a lovely day out with friends and their little boy at the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park. The weather was shit, but we had lots of fun despite that. It definitely took my mind off things for a few hours. :)

What is everyone doing tonight? We're just staying in. I don't think we've ever spent it as just the two of us before. And I don't think I have ever been sober for it before, so it will be a bit odd! We've got some good food in though, so it's not all bad. I hope 2014 is less of a shitfest than 2013 was for many of us. x

Coco it sounds like a trip to the gp is needed. Are you underweight? I know that can send your periods missing. I hope it comes soon. Typical of the witch.. Doesn't come when you want it to.

Euro I'm glad you had a fun day that took your mind off men killing. Lovely food sounds nice.

We have dinner with preggo friends at posh restaurant and that's about it. I will miss having a nice glass of fizz.

NYE is always as melancholic as birthdays for me. Another date to remind one of all the unfulfilled potential and unrealised opportunities that in my youth seemed so possible. This year I also have a huge gut full of bruises to go with it. I can only hope 2014 is better than 2013 which has been probably one of the worst years ever.

On that cheery note. Happy 2014 to all 10 plussers. I hope we all have a better 12 months ahead of us.

Sar - congrats!!! amazing news, so pleased for tou. you ate now on the other side!!
Lots of love to you all. Strange for me thinking back to this time last year where I was pretending to be drinking but was in middle of stimming. **cj off 2013 I say!! Friend is not preggars which is much easier, she is very cross as she has been trying for 18 monthsj. I was het up all of Xmas as I was expecting her to announce. Get a grip joy! Xx

Happy new year 10 plussers.
May 2014 be filled with BFPs, take home healthy babies, easy pregnancies and sneeze births!

Joy of course last night was not an easy time for you looking back to the year before but it's a new year and with it comes new opportunities and we must leave the old behind us. I'm happy you were not confronted with an announcement welcoming in the new year.

Euro how was sober NYE? I'm sure it will be all worth it.

Love to everyone. Thinking of you all and wishing only the best for you all.

Wishing all the lovely 10+ers an amazing 2014, with BFPs and on-going pregnancies, happy experiences and no more limbo!

Congrats, sar! Glad she's finally here!

Sober NYE was shit. I didn't realise quite how much I enjoyed a drink until I had to deal with Xmas and NYE completely sober. Meh. And thank to an absolutely terrible night of being woken by the rain (we have skylights in the bedrooms, so rain is very noisy here), HNY texts coming through at 3am and some twunt letting off fireworks at 4am I feel like I have a hangover anyway!

How was everyone else's night?

joy I'm glad you didn't end the year with an announcement.

Hello lovelies. I have had to step away from Mumsnet over Christmas as I am having a bit of a difficult time coming to terms with all of what has happened. I have been reading here and there but feel quite behind really. Euro I am keeping everything crossed for you, days must be feeling pretty long. Sar I was so so pleased to see your news and photos. I read about your birth, sounds very full on indeed but you got there lady and I hope that this bit is being all snuggly and amazing. Sea hold in there with the stimming. I stimmed for 15 days. In spite of rather non eventful ovaries (understatement) I was very very bloated and bleugh. Sounds as if there are loads of follies in there - good feelings about this. Joy, it is a hard and poignant time of year. I am sorry to read about your SIL, 20 weeks.. I can't even imagine how awful that must be.

My head is not in a very settled place at the moment as I try and make sense of what seems to be the only logical next steps for me. Whatever I try with my own eggs there is a less than 5% chance of success. But I think I had underestimated the grieving I need to go through to be in the right place for a de cycle. It isn't just that I am ruling out my chance of my genetic child. It is my lost fertility, my unwomanliness, my scars, the whole experience really. I was derailed by comments over xmas about why on earth we hadn't got round to having a family yet and don't seem to have come out of it. I have also put on quite a lot of weight during ivf and for those of you that have been speaking to me on here for a long time I am sure you can understand that this has unearthed past problems - I wasn't expecting that at all.

So, these next couple of months are about healing for me. My clinic counselling was a dire dire experience so I am going to try someone else and generally just focus on getting my body back into some kind of balance. Last month I was spotting all over the show followed by a very heavy period, I'm also going to throw some reflexology in the mix to try and settle things as I do think it made a massive difference to my cycle in October. I am no longer trying naturally, I mean I''m not not trying but won't be putting in any efforts. I just want to be normal and off ttc for a few months. I will try de over the next 2 years and then it will be time to move to adoption. I wish I could feel that it could work for me. But I can't ever imagine getting a lucky break.

Sorry, a bit of a gloomy post for New Years Day. I hope that 2014 brings good things to everyone on this thread, by god we are due the happy happy times.

fox my lovely, you do have a lot to come to terms with. You have been through so much. I understand the significance of the weight issue too. I've put on some weight with each cycle and it has definitely led to feelings of self-loathing, particularly when my stupid body hasn't done what else I want it to. Reflexology and counselling sounds like a good plan. I'm sorry you had to face thoughtless comments about starting a family. The people who make those comments have never had to think about the issues we face and have no idea how lucky they are. Be kind to yourself. x

Thanks euro. That almost made me do a little cry! I lost someone very close to me at ny, always makes me a bit maudlin.

Fox - I am so sorry you are finding it all so difficult. Of course it isn't easy to be faced with an IVF BFN and having to come to terms with DE is a huge emotional toll. I really think you have been dealing with it all very well considering... Knowing that you need the support from counselling and seeking that is a brave and courageous. You should be v proud of yourself. As for ivf weight... I can sympathise with how that can mess with your self imagine and bring out deep seated issues. I feel v much the same... and I have not been able to look at myself in the mirror since ivf stimms begun. I hate the way I look and feel bloated (from steroids I think) and fat even though in reality I know I am not "fat". Please be kind to yourself. I know counselling can be really beneficial so I am positive that it will help you. I just really wanted to give you a big hug and handhold. You have been through so so much this year.

As for the insensitive comments about starting a family. I am so angry on your behalf. Like Euro said... the people that make these sorts of comments have never had to experience what you have had to. They have no right to comment and should really know better than to open their mouths. I would shut them down or better still completely ignore them. Goodness knows they wouldn't open their gobs if they had to go through anything close to what you have had to deal with. Grrrrrr on your behalf!

Euro - I am sorry about the broken sleep in the night. Hopefully next year you won't be sleeping for v different reasons.

AFM, day 13 of stimms... it's likely to go another 2 days. My veins have given up and I look v much like a drug user from the twice daily blood tests. Feeling exhausted with 5am injections and cleaxane injections continue to be a struggle for me... I can't see much beyond EC at the moment and just want it to come.