Posifrickentivity all round, with a good healthy dash of project desperate. New thread, new luck, new BFPs and Summer 2014 babies all round please! TTC after MC

[Sal1977]

Our brand spanking new thread full of luck, baby dust, BFPs and a few choice swear words.

The Rules...

(1) A lady may only POAS on a Friday.
(2) Friday means the day that everyone calls Friday in the time zone where you spent the night.
(3) Rule (1) does not apply to POA-OPK-S, UNLESS they are being illegitimately used as surrogate HCG detectors, in which case Rule (1) most definitely does apply
(4) Rule (1) does not apply following a BFP because if you want to waste £25 a day POADigiS that's your prerogative
(5) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady is POAS in an attempt to get a BFN to prove she can start DTD with intent
(6) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady wants for unknown reason to pee on an actual stick, like a twig or some such, if that lady is unexpectedly caught short whilst tramping in the forest looking for bears.
(7) These rules (including Rule (1)) are subject to the change at any time if the ladies of the Posifrickentivity thread decide on a whim come up with empirical evidence to prove that it is luckier to POAS on any other day of the week
(8) Violators of Rule (1) shall be subject to fish throwing.

And as a grand finale, why not pledge to NEVER POAS before 14DPO?

aw fedup big hugs. don't try and make yourself feel OK right now. cured meats and a punching bag sounds like just what you need.

i got the day 21 bloods done at 6 months post mc because i was so obviously feeling desolate and fragile that the doc felt sorry for me.
you could try another gp and see if that strategy works? It seems odd to me that they'd make you struggle along for 2 years before giving you any tests.

I've too had the day 21 and a scan for cysts after crying in the doctor. They showed nothing obviously wrong... It's anything further or Referal to fertility specialists that they won't do...
Maybe it's time to bring on the tears again (easily done at the mo)....

Im really sorry fedup. If you discover how to make it better let me know. Hugs in the meantime though. I've had tests done after 'only' two. Privately unfortunately as my gp refused. Someone I know 'got through' by crying desperately on a frightened gp though. Try and get an appointment with a locum!

I feel quite strongly people should be referred after two (though admittedly I'm hugely biased). As I've posted previously they found I have lupus anticoagulant which has a 90% miscarriage rate untreated, so I would almost undoubtedly have had another one. However, when treated the chances are much much better. It just seems a bit heartless to put people through something so awful which could be avoided, though I understand its about cost and the fact that the NHS have a finite amount of resources and there are no guarantees even with treatment. I feel so relieved that I opted to get the tests done, but guilty for people that aren't in the position to go private. I'd love to know the actual stats for odds of a second after one and odds of a third after two. Wonder what makes it so different.

Sorry if that was a bit of an inappropriate and thoughtless rant. I'm currently sitting in the car with a broken toe waiting for the rac. It's not been a good day!

Sorry if that was a bit of an inappropriate and thoughtless rant. I'm currently sitting in the car with a broken toe waiting for the rac. It's not been a good day!

Thanks cam.
I think in new year we will do what you did. How did you find a consultant? 200 isn't bad in the grand scheme of things, I've easily spent that on pregnancy tests, digi opks and preseed. I don't really want Christmas presents so maybe it will be that instead.

And I agree with you, waiting for 3 seems heartless and cruel. Stupid doctor at my EPU did keep banging on at me (after first mc) that because I had one mc doesn't mean I wouldn't have another. It doesn't work like that. Each time your chances are back to 1 in 3 (his stats) or 1 in 5 as the more widely reported. I call him stupid as although he talked sense he was the most arrogant man I've ever met and has the wrong personal skills to be dealing with women who miscarry. An important skill to have as well as knowing what to do from a medical perspective in my opinion!! Unfortunately it was him who saw me when I was staying in hospital on Monday and again dismissed my questions as daft and I was left feeling belittled and a silly woman for ever thinking this pregnacy could work. He's awful, really awful. At least the sonographer woman I had this time in EPU was lovely and honestly answered my questions without thinking them to be ridiculous.

Just realised that what I said contradicted itself! I think it's cruel to leave people to wait to 3 as sometimes yes it's just shitty luck to miscarry more than once but also there are some real issues (like yours) that cause recurrent mc. But whatever, I don't think we should risk hurting people's mental health and relationships, and they should be helped after 'only' two whether or not they fall into the just bad luck or potential problem category - make sense? Peace of mind that all is ok does wonders as well as knowing and solving a problem if there is one... And all the doctors say to me stress is a barrier to conceiving so why don't they help us more rather than put us on anti d's or refer to counselling?? Sorry... My turn for a rant... You got me started!!!

you're totally right fedup and cam. But it's a cost-benefit ratio. They know that most women will have a baby eventually, so it's cheaper to do nothing. They don't seem to take the mental aspect into account at all.

That doctor should be ashamed of himself fedup, what a dick. He clearly has no first hand experience of loss, or even empathy.

I would ask to transfer docs if he's your regular, he doesn't sound like someone you ever want to see again. The initial tests they can offer aren't even expensive - a blood test, a sperm test...they're nothing compared to peace of mind and stress reduction.

He's not my regular gp... He's the EPU doc / sonographer and gynae doc at the hospital. I was worried he would do my actual scan this time round but he didnt, just my care in hospital. I just don't know how someone can be such a dick / on a power trip in these situations.

Had some quite bad pains last night so hoping the 'big clear out' is on its way. Just want this over with so we can get on, particularly with Christmas coming up.

Good luck to anyone POAS today! Is that you seaside? And aly are you confirming?!

It makes sense and I agree. Especially the bit about mental health. I was truly devastated after my first, probably more so than for my second tbh as I was naive so the whole thing was a colossal shock. However, the second has had a greater effect on my emotional well-being in a more long-term, worn down, way and I literally can't imagine how I would feel after more. I'm not saying its all about numbers. I know someone who was very traumatised after one for a long time, and others who have had more than two and appear (on the outside at least) to be remaining positive and optimistic. But a blanket rule doesn't take into account any of this and the NHS seems to adopt an attitude of because its so common that you should just be ok with it. But then again the NHS is strapped at the mo and ultimately I want my aunt to get her radiotherapy, and my granny her dementia medication, and everyone else to get the care they need - so perhaps I'm forced to admit this is the way it has to be (contradicting myself too). Perhaps that's what makes the attitude of staff so important. Speaking of which, your Dr does sound horrid. Was there any way of giving the service a bit of feedback? Not a complaint as such but a 'how are we doing?' form?

The NHS referred me to a gynaecologist to investigate the suspected bicornuate uterus. However he only was able to look in to that and couldn't do the blood tests etc on the nhs because I didn't meet criteria, but agreed to do them in his private clinic . So I didn't really hunt around. I imagine a bit of googling would find someone local to you. I know there are specialist centres but I'm not sure of the advantages of those over general gynaecologists. Possibly they are better if the results come back clear but a person contines to miscarry (I gather there are tests they offer that mine didn't, something to do with NK cells).

I hope this dual ranting is helping Fedup - it's making me feel a lot better but hope its not too much for you as I'm aware you're in a different place to me atm xxxx

Nothing like a good rant when things are shite
It's therapeutic in some way.

Good luck to any POAS today!

Well, AF is now officially late late late. Yesterday was the absolute latest that she should have arrived. Temp was sky high this morning, looks like the beginning of a triphasic chart. I'm only 12/13dpo but for me that's late.
So I poas again this morning and again got a faint positive line. It's a little bit darker than the one on wednesday but not much.

So..... I plugged my lmp date into an app to see what my potential due date would be and low and behold, it's exactly the same as the EDD of my mmc baby. I hope that isn't a bad sign!
I have to say that ever since mmc was diagnosed i've been convinced that i'd have two mc in a row. Not sure why, but I'm kind of prepared for the worst.

anyone else POAS?????

Bfn of course-know I'm perhaps only 9dpo, but think I can safely assume there'll be no Xmas present for me this month. Maybe easier anyway with Xmas parties etc, would never have been able to hide the non drinking! Good luck to anyone else today.

aly I totally missed your post! How exciting, and what A ccoincidence! Sure it's a good sign, mother nature correcting her previous mistake. X

Fedup - phew. Hope you're being looked after today. X

Aly - that sounds really positive. It's a very strange coincidence, though I do like Seaside's explanation too. Everything crossed for you. Don't you be joining the land of the two mcs. As you can see from the above t'is a dark and bitter place!

Seaside - 9dpo is really early isn't it? Wouldn't lose hope just yet!

Fingers crossed for anyone else poas today. I considered it briefly this morning despite having had AF this week, which I think may be a new low! Resisted though - "Cam - it was not an inplantation bleed, it was AF".

haha cam i've been there. And not restrained myself. In fact I think i've probably poas more after AF than before!!
So well done you.

Agree with cam, seaside 9dpo is early. i tested at 10dpo on wed on an ic with 10mI (or whatever the unit is) sensitivity and the line was very faint and only came up after a few minutes.

Don't congratulate me yet Aly. Today has a lot of hours left!

I decided to take ds to soft play this morn so I can sit about whole he burns some energy. Bad move. Literally all the mums are heavily pregnant with siblings for their little ones. Man, it hurts. Really hurts. I know I'm supremely blessed / lucky to have DS but I am just desperate to give him a sibling to play with :(

Yay aly and good luck for this one.... Hope it's a sticker. I would need to conceive about now to get the same EDD as my mmc too so that's clearly not going to happen. So the twin thing officially ended so you are not going to lose this one, I just feel it! Xx

My dad had another stroke on Wednesday night and he died yesterday afternoon. I feel lost. This year really couldn't get any worse if it tried. I probably wont be around here for a bit as I have a funeral to organise. Apparently my sisters can't help me because they are too busy with their families and as I don't have children I have the time to do it. I'm biting my tongue at the moment, but they are going the right way for a slap.

Good luck to anyone with BFPs today and huge hugs to everyone who needs them. I'll catch up as soon as I can. Now I just want to get Christmas out of the way. I've got it into my head that once this year is over then my luck will change and everything will be ok. If I hope hard enough it'll happen, right?

oh no wing, oh no
biggest, biggest of hugs for you. I'm so, so sorry.

So sorry to hear your sad news wing how awful for you. How inconsiderate piling everything onto you as well.

I hope you have the strength and support to get through the next couple of weeks and I wish you all the luck and good wishes for the new year. Look after yourself. Xxx

wing I'm so sorry to hear about your father. It's such sad news. And for your family leaving it all to you is rubbish and heartless given their reasoning as well.
I'm totally with you 2013 being the shittest year. Can't wait for it to be over. 2014 will be a good year, it has to be!
Lots of love and hugs for you xxxx

Sorry if tmi but think have properly miscarried now. It's been like a v bad period pains, so manageable.

That reads like it was soooo manageable! Like it was a doddle. I mean that it was manageable because it was like v bad period pain and not worse...!