Emmsys Weebles - the one where we insulate the greenhouse & pass round the mulled wine

[CloudOfStarlings]

A new wintery thread :)

Hugs for you Sabs. The guilt is dreadful, I know, but you are doing the right thing for the right reasons.
I'm very nervous about today. I don't like uncertainty and the only certainty is that life will never be the same whatever the result.

Happy, happy, happy first birthday BabyMoon

A very happy 1st birthday to your little miracle man mrsmoon!! A big and also for you, to congratulate you on your first momentous year of mummydom! I know how special and emotional it is for us all for marking that first birthday we only ever dared dream would happen! Hope you all have a lovely day! X

Big excitable wave to the lovely Lbm too! Always nice to hear your updates.. check your girl out going all grown up and independent on us with her name change!

Also thinking of our Scottish lasses on a rather momentous day for you...!

Oops missed the new page! Hi sabs.. ooh return to work must be tough, remember how resilient and adaptable to change our little ones are though, let go of the guilt, you're providing a great life for them both.. I literally only stopped the very last bf for Teddy a couple weeks back too, had just become a sporadic night only thing if he woke, & surprise surprise, he's now sleeping right through without it! He looked at my now completely shrunkenboobs the other day with slight confusion, like he recognised them, but wasn't quite sure if he could remember what they were for! Z & you will find your natural time to end when it feels right. . They don't call it mothers instinct for nothing! x

Oòh neeks I'm nervous for you! X

Happy First Birthday Babymoon and for you moon - you must be so proud and happy I found ds's first b'day very emotional - that first year is such a journey, and all of a sudden they're so much bigger and not a baby any more Your precious boy is so very lucky to be so adored, and I hope you're all having the most wonderful day.

Ah sabs guilt is a horrible feeling, but please try not to feel too bad. It's life, and although you have to work I'm sure your dc's know how much they are loved and cherished and they will get used to the new rhythm soon. I think you hit the nail on the head about being organized - I'm not even back at work yet but have realised that you really need to be on the ball and do things before they need to be done or life turns into chaos!
Does Z wake every night to be fed? I carried on feeding ds morning and night when I went back, but he tended to sleep through which made it doable. Dealing with two kids, working AND waking every night must be exhausting!!

LBM I loved your post, it made me quite emotional As 4ever said it's lovely to read your update I can't believe your baby girl is so grown up now!

4ever re Teddy being a bit confused - but lovely that he seems to have accepted you stopping bf'ing without any problems. Bless him - he's such a big boy too! Are they both still thriving?

Thinking of all you Scottish ladies today, when will we know what the result is?

All good here - little missy is coming on brilliantly and far too fast in my opinion! Those newborn day are well and truly gone. She'll be eight months old on Sunday (we're having her naming ceremony then ) and she's already crawling everywhere and into everything. She's a cheeky thing, lots of smiles and monkeyness with her brother. A friend of mine commented the other day that she'd never seen me so happy, and it's true. I have never been happier or more content in my life My two darlings have completed me. DH might have something to do with it too of course

Anyway, she's just waking up, so better go, but love to you all as always xxx

My little boy is one today, happy birthday my beautiful J.

Thank you so much for all the birthday wishes. If any of you had ever told me that I'd be celebrating a 1st birthday, I never would have believed it. You girls have supported me through so much, and here I am with my ds at the end of it. From the days when I never dared to hope I would ever have a baby to now, thank you all for being there.

We've had a quiet day, just ds and dh and me. Everyone is coming over tomorrow for the party, so that suits us just perfectly. J has been so well behaved and loved every minute of opening presents. I am so happy.

shroom omg how is Lily 8 months old, wow I still think of her as being much smaller than that! Lovely to hear how contented you are, so very pleased that you feel complete.

sabs I hated going back to work and I cried and cried that first day, I felt absolutely awful for abandoning J, but they do just get into a new routine. He couldn't care less now when I walk out the door (makes me sad sometimes but rather that than clinging to me) but he makes a huge fuss when I get in. As others have said you are doing it for the right reasons, and things will settle down again. You have done amazingly well for bf for so long, well done. And you too 4ever. I think if I hadn't have had to go back to work so early I'd have lasted longer, but J was interested after 7 months or so, so we didn't force it.

to sabs and neeko

Must dash, party to prepare! Love to you all xxxxxx

wasn't interested* doh!

Moon hope you all had a wonderful time at J's party ??

Shroom reading your post about your DD made me well up. After everything you've been through, it's so lovely and well deserved to see you so happy. I love seeing photos of your DC's on facebook - they look like they adore each other. How did the naming ceremony go?

Neeko how are you feeling following the outcome of the vote?

4ever hope S is still enjoying reception

lbm your baby sounds like a big girl now - love the photos on fb

To those who asked, Z wakes every night, at least twice a night and sometimes, like last night when he wasn't feeling well, I ended up nursing all night. Z is such a boob monster, I need some tips on how to stop the association and how to stop him pulling my top down at any opportune moment! ??

Thanks for your kind words about the guilt. I know I shouldn't feel bad about going to work, I just hate being so tired and the weekend goes so fast, there's never enough time in the weekend to do things. I think Saara got used to having me around for a year picking her up from school and spending so much more time together, and then we had the whole summer together. I have to keep reassuring her that I love her lots and I'm not leaving her, I'm just going to work ??.

Today, 6 years ago, we lost our beloved angel. And life was never the same again ?? Wanted to mark it here with you ladies who understand the importance of acknowledging our loss but also appreciating so much more the DC's we have and how grateful we are to have them. Thanks for all your support lovely ladies and big hugs to anyone else who had or have significant dates coming up x

Just wanted to offer a hand squeeze on your little angels anniversary sabs sweetie xx

Hugs for Sabs.

Will come back and post later.

Just told the mums ive befriended on the school run about my miscarriages, was all discussing more kids etc, so ended up telling them about my 6 little angels, bless them, they were all so lovely and really interested.. I was very matter of fact as I told them, I felt brave and strong and proud, I told Dh and he said exact same thing, 'something to be proud of'.. Felt good to really talk about it as I haven't done properly in a long long time, but maybe that's for a reason as now just can't get it out of my head.. The mums were surprised to hear about my 3rd little angel at 13w6d with the suspected downs or turners, and at one day later would of had to deliver like poor monkey.. weirdly that loss was discovered at a scan on July 15th, I had my erpc on the 16th, which 5yrs later was when Teddy was born... However thinking especially about that loss, undoubtedly the hardest, made me start googling the management options at that stage, and saw lots of stories like monkey of delivering, holding, and burying those tiny babies, it really overwhelmingly saddens me I didn't get that option, that I could of held it, & known it's sex, that all 6 of my babies bodies ended up god knows where.. just been having a little quiet cry about it, and I know we haven't opened the dark doors on the heaviness of these feelings for a long time on our little thread, but just needed to have a little outlet on here... X X X X X X X X

Stupid phone. Just posted to 4ever now it's gone grrr. Try again. I feel for you 4ever and I partly understand. With my second mc I was asked if I wanted to see the baby and I said no. I torture myself with that daily. Why didnt I say yes? It is very hard and you dont forget. And we of all people totally understand. This place is for all sorts of feelings not just the good and we're here to support in any way we can. Have a big hug. Can't stop as loads to do, get keys to house next Monday! All been ill over the weekend so minimal packing been done and J has not been sleeping well. Back soon.

Ah 4ever, have a from me. I understand exactly how you must be feeling I too have been thinking about our lost babies, especially our little sleeping boy. Even though i'm so happy since Lily arrived I have been feeling his absence even more acutely. I feel like a mum of three, not two
Our losses have shaped us forever, and we will never forget any of those babies. You should be proud of what you have managed to come through, and to be where you are now with your amazing babies. I remind myself that had it not been for the 8 babies we lost Lily would not be here now. I have to say that despite the heartbreak and pain, and utter devastation we went through, that I would not change what happened.
I'm so sorry for you that you feel that way about not seeing your baby. The thing is that there's no right way to deal with it - would it have been easier on you moon if you hadn't been given the option of seeing your baby do you think? What a huge thing to ask anyone. There's no right answer. DH didn't see our ds, which was his way of dealing with it. I have no idea whether he wishes he had, and don't want to upset him by asking. If it makes you feel better moon if we had lost our baby earlier than we did I wouldn't have seen him I don't think. Nothing can take away the pain you feel at that time, and I think seeing him just made it even more real I think you did the right thing, please try not to feel bad about it. That time is a terrible time and you get through it the best you can.
Thinking of you both 4ever and moon, and you too sabs for your anniversary last week. Lots of love xxx
Ps hope what I said makes a bit of sense and isn't too rambly! It's something I've been thinking about a lot recently

Shroom everything you said I agree with, despite the heartache we are who we are because of it all. I do truly think I could put things to rest if I had said yes. I was so angry and so upset that I didnt want to see the tinybaby my stupid body couldn't look after. But it was the last good thing I could do for the baby and I didnt do it so I feel like I failed the poor little thing. I can't change it but I wish like 4ever I could have had that chance for a burial etc to help the healing.

Big Hugs to 4ever, Shroom and Moon. Like Moon said this is our place to be happy, sad, reflective or whatever and there's always someone around who understands and will listen x

Saara turns 5 tomorrow - can't quite believe it! Been spending all of today remembering what I was doing this time 5 years ago. My contractions started at 5am on the 29th and S wasn't born till just before 8pm on the 30th!

S is giving out party bags to her classmates tomorrow and then we're going for a meal, just the 4 of us. Then over the weekend, it's our second Eid and I've ordered a Frozen theme cake from a local baker I'm trying out for the first time - I hope it turns out nice!

Moon I can totally see how that might've helped with the healing. I suppose it helped a little with our lost boy, although I find it difficult whenever I go to the city he's buried in (it's about 25 minutes from here). I feel torn each time I drive near the graveyard. It's horrible to think about but I got very upset when there was bad weather for example, thinking of him there all alone. Even now it brings me to tears

Sabs Happy Birthday to gorgeous Miss S for tomorrow. Bet she'll love giving out party bags, how exciting! Have a lovely meal all of you, and Happy Eid too

Xxx

Happy birthday to your (not so) little girl for tomorrow sabs.
Monkey that is so sad and I think I would feel the same. Like you said, there's no right or wrong way of dealing with it all and we have to manage however we can. Those baby shaped holes never go, even though we have such precious babies in our lives I can never help but wonder what if.... So grateful to have J in my life I could cry with happiness every time I look at him and feel so incredibly lucky to have him.

Shroom not monkey, so sorry. Lost the plot.

Ah you lovely ladies, thank you for taking the time to post. . I know you totally understand. . I think in the reality of the moment back then seeing as I had erpcs I wouldn't of necessarily wanted to see the babies after the ops, my first was stuck in my cervix and i had been rushed to a&e by ambulance& given morphine, & they simply used a speculum, so again would of been there to see, but i was oblivious it would of even been an option, it's only in retrospect.. The others being ops, it was a weird sense of relief the op was over and I could move on so probably would of said no, it's more the fact I now know it was actually an option, and how close I came to actually giving birth to that third one like you shroom.. its the sadness more that they were probably just disposed of like other hospital waste, but I do also feel like there little souls went up to heaven the moment their hearts stopped so take solace in that. . It's very rarely I do now allow myself to think this deeply.. of course I wouldn't change anything as I do feel our paths in life are set for us and my little angels set the path for my 2 beautiful children I'm now blessed with.. just good to let it out occasionally. . Shroom always resonates with me about your sleeping boy as know how close to the horrific ordeal you went through, I was, & remember empathising so much and lots of tx back & forth through that time.. I remember giving you the awful warning that you'd produce milk at that stage, no one had warned me and will never forget the devastation I felt laying in bed as it happened to me.. Moon didn't realise you'd been given that choice, it's such a hard thing to deal with... One things for sure, us ladies truly appreciate beyond words, just how incredibly blessed and lucky we are to be where we are now with our beautiful children eh? Like I initially said, overall, I actually feel very strong, brave and proud, and so grateful, we are lucky ladies indeed and I know we feel that every day, that overcomes all that heartache in a precious heartbeat xx xx xx xx

That moves me very aptly on to say a massive and huge Happy 5th Birthday to our very first girl graduate little lady S! Mummy sabs who'd of guessed back then we'd of actually been pregnancy buddies with our 2nd baby boys eh?! Just amazing! Was so momentous when we started having actual graduates in our little thread, so much hope and inspiration came from your gorgeous little girl! I just can't believe she's 5!!! Have a big slice of that yummy frozen and a huge well deserved congratulatory

Me again just had to post cos it's so bizarre, watching this morning & sad subject of stillbirth following a panorama programme last night 'born asleep' they showed a clip and immediately recognised the consultant in fetal meds that we were under, & broke the sad news on that 3rd pregnancy, even showed the room when I watched on I player. . How weird. . Amazing brilliant research though on a practice of doppler scanning placental bloodflow that is apparently only in our,and 2 other hospitals that is literally halving stillbirth rates! God feel so lucky to have had our care there, and under such a prestigious consultant, thought what we had was standard practice on all hospitals.. A campaign for mumsnet to get behind methinks..

4ever I started to watch that but I had to switch over as I started crying when I saw the graves and the poor parents making their memory boxes. Too sad for words.

Check out Barbie's thread! It should still be on your 'I'm on' list.

Hi ladies :) I popped on cos I saw Barbie's news on instagram.. for those who haven't seen she had a baby boy 6 weeks early! :) but I think he's ok..I haven't found her thread again Neeko as I didn't post on it..does she say much? I won't post the name incase she hasn't but it's lovely :) and one I remember her considering for her ds2 so glad she got to use it!
So do we now officially have nobody on the thread upduffed?! Unless someone has some news to share?!

Oh shroom that made me well up about the bad weather thing too :( you poor thing that must be horrible :( so lovely to read all your words though ladies, you're all so supportive.
I agree that I am now actually grateful for what I went through..that sounds. bad but just so many of my friends have been through it since and I've felt so privileged to be able to support them and know what they're going through. it gives you a real sensitivity too not to ask people stupid questions!
4ever well done on sharing your story too!

Aww congrats to barbie lovely news, hope all are doing well.
Wow no one pregnant? Definitely not me anyway! Makes me beam to see how far we've all come, all those beautiful longed for babies.

Congrats to the expanded barbiefamily! Thanks for letting us know cloud!

Just popping in to say we got the keys to our house today and we're finally home owners! Was a very exciting moment. Felt all emotional seeing how far we've come. Marriage, our beautiful little boy and a house in just over 2 years. I am so lucky.
Anyway we are moving on weds so won't be around for a little while. Will lurk and post when I can.
Love to everyone xxxxx