TTC 10 months + Part 17.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

For all the lovely 10+ers, and anyone else lurking, who has been trying for long enough to start worrying. This is a great place to rest until the elusive BFP shows up.

Big hand hold to Euro.
It's so difficult. Although I haven't been through it I know it must be v hard to cope with would have been due dates.
Big hug to you and MrEuro.
You will get there and get to meet your baybee one day.

Hi euro - wishing you all the best for today, and I hope it does give you a degree of closure.

Sorry I haven't been around much (I'm really crap at long running threads). DH is mega pissed with our obgyn - he went for a sperm analysis test the week before last (I think it was?) and the doctor was supposed to call him on Monday to discuss the results. No call, chased up with the recepitionist - oh he's away and will give you a call when he can. He says take multivitamins. Um, surely this is something he could have said after the last semen analysis six months ago?
I have to go for a second progesterone test today, so we'll see from there. At the moment it doesn't look like there's any underlying issue, bar me being on the milder end of the PCOS scale. So yes, this is fun.

Euro massive squeeze lovely, am thinking of you today. I second Rabbit I believe you will get your baby one day though I know how sad you will be ttoday. It's so unfair.

Lovely euro I will be thinking of you today a lot, I know you must feel incredibly sad. It's so unfair and I'm just so sorry. I hope that you'll start to feel better soon but I know the only thing that will truly help is a baby - which you will get, I am positive. You've been so brave and stoic through all of this.

cos hope you're ok too, and starting to feel (physically at least) a little better. Wishing you masses of luck for the next round, I just wish it wasn't such a marathon.

absy great that your PCOS is on the lower end of the scale - nice to have good news for once! Bloody irritating about the doctor.

coco the diet thing sounds amazing, I take my hat off to you. It worked for princess and she is a mine of info on it. I couldn't hack it so went down the drug/IVF route to induce ovulation (I wasn't getting any periods at all - then got two, with a 3 month gap in between), but I really believe the nutritional thing really works for many people.

Waves to everyone - longer catch up later, better finish some work!

euro big hugs, due dates are hard as they are a reminder of what should have been, maybe light a candle, I hope you and Mr E have some time to yourselves later

Thanks ladies. I am feeling the love.

My colleagues are feeling my rather short fuse today...

Euro – big hand hold. It must be a very poignant day for you. I hope you get some closure from now on and hope your mind has been kept busy today. I think someone else said it but I think getting pregnant again really is the only closure on all this.

Mad – glad you are alright and can’t believe it’s just 2 weeks from your scan.

Sea – i really hope your retest goes ok. i can’t bear to think about you waiting around even more.

Lemons – thinking of you and thinking your scan must be soon. I really think you’lll be just fine.

Gin – interesting to hear about your nct groups and that three of you were long termers. I always ask friends about their nct groups and none of my friends seem to have been in a class with anyone who has done ivf so it’s nice to know there are people out there.

Mrsd – i hope you are doing ok and the stimming is going ok.

Rabbit – best of luck on Friday for when you start stimming. I must say i never found ivf exciting as i always thought my chances were low too.

Having been very rude about my GP and how useless she is, I was very surprised to get a date through for my NHS ivf appointment and it’s in a few weeks. Well i think it is the ivf appointment – it just says fertility consultation so i am hoping it is a consultation about ivf. I think there could be a year wait from consultation to getting a round. sea - have you had to wait a year? I found a form in my file that my nhs gynae had filled out last year and it said if the patient has had more than 3 private rounds they can’t have an nhs go. So that is immensely lucky. This week was birthday week and so i’ve been moping around rather than celebrating as this is my fourth birthday of trying for a baby. I know others have been trying longer so i shouldn’t go on about it but god damn it. grrr. Funny how 6 months of ttc once felt like a life time but as time moves on & as the 4 year mark starts to approach, if someone told me they took 2-3 years
to conceive, i would think that was pretty quick!

Happy birthday Joy.
I know it's tough to celebrate bdays when ttc ing esp for us longer termers. So happy to hear you will still qualify for the Nhs rounds. From memory I think our area offers one fresh cycle and one frozen.
I think this will be an initial consultation so they can tell you about risks of ivf etc and find out about where you got to. There is a wait but it's not a year. I think it was 8 months. They told me a year to manage expectations I think. There are not suppose to offer you IUI if you are waiting for ivf but my consultant did. She said she could tell I was v desperate. Nice! Maybe it's worth doing while you are waiting. I'm really pleased the private goes won't count against the Nhs goes for you. CRGH is a good clinic from what I have seen.
I have pretty much decided to carry on with the argy either way. I just hope my cytokines have come down. I don't feel v positive about it. Just because I haven't been ill all year and my eczema is chronic at the moment so the signs aren't good.

Big hug for you euro, I can imagine how awful today feels. Perhaps you're right though and it might get easier with this milestone out of the way. It's in no way comparable but I'm dreading January because that's when I would have been due if the ivf had worked first round. To think that I still might not be pregnant is pretty crushing so I understand how you might be feeling today.

joy happy birthday! I've had 4 since ttc, it's crap isn't it? Each year I think maybe next one. The first one was only a 2 months after we started ttc and I remember AF arrived so that was probably an omen.

Waves to everyone, I'm sorry I'm so rubbish at catching up. I am thinking about you all. I'm wondering if baby doll has made an appearance yet?

Stimming is going ok. I'm a bit worried nothing is happening as no ovarian grumbles. The injections are still stingy, much more so than any other drug I've been on. I've been getting headaches so not sure if that's from the drugs or not. Other than that I'm fine. Scan is on Friday, I'm terrified it won't be good news.

Someone upthread asked if I had any symptoms from downregging. I can say it was totally fine. I had one day where I felt ragey and I was probably more tired and less patient that normal but other than that I was symptom free. oh, except for a break out of spots around my mouth which has given me the attractive look of a solvent abuser.

Oh euro, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how this date must be etched in your mind and how you must be feeling. Big big hugs. Like everyone else, I do believe you will get your baby, but that's probably little comfort today when you just want that baby. I hope you are Mr E have an evening together planned.

Like mrsd I worked out potential due date for my first ivf and then refused to do it on the 2nd cycle, as I found it too painful. Funnily, the ginster is due very near the dd from the first ivf cycle. Hope that gives you some hope mrsd.

joy sorry that yet another bloody birthday has passed. But happy birthday.

Luffs to you all. You are such a brave bunch and I wish I could wave a wand (not of the dildo cam variety!) and give everyone their baybees.

Mrsd - I have always considered failed ivfs like early miscarriages. You do work out in your head when this potential child could be due and So much has gone in to them and it can be emotional and galling when it doesn't work. Personally I have felt very attached to all my embies too which also doesn't help. I still often think i shoukd have a 3 year old child if i had conceived first month. not helpful either! Oh and birthdays are crap. Last year I was in hospital most the day waiting for my lap. I was so bloody scared and I remember wondering whether I would have a child by next birthday. Clearly not! Got to stop thinking like that.

Gin- you go wave that dildo wand girl! Anything!

Totally get what you are all talking about... not the same as m/cs and failed ivfs but MrSea said the other day when we were in the car... can you imagine if we had been instadiffers, we would have a 3 yr old child... how different our life would be now. I of course said - yes - sleepless nights and no lie ins at the weekends. The truth is I don't sleep most nights worrying if I will ever have a child and I never sleep in anyway as I have the typical stress related sleeplessness which means I wake up most days at 5am. Oh the joy of being a barren.

And MrsD - don't worry about not feeling anything ovarian... I am your headaches improve and I am sure it will all be just fine. Big hand hold.

And Lemons - when is the scan? It must be soon - no?

Morning lovelies! Scan is tomorrow, and yesterday was a sour milestone too, as it was the day I mc last pregnancy! I bought some flowers to mark our missing babies, euro. And was thinking of you loads!

I got bad headaches on lady wee, mrsd! No grumbles might mean nothing! Ovaries rake a while to wake up after DRing and mine were only uncimfortable for the last few days of stimming...

Handholds, hugs, cake and gin as requiered!

Belated happy birthday joy! I'm glad the NHS side of things is moving along for you.

Good luck for your scans tomorrow mrsd and drizz!

Thanks for all the support ladies. I needed to mention it among people who would understand. My bestie took me out last night and poured wine down me. It was good. I feel better now the date has passed, I think. I had been focussed on it for a long time.

Euro glad you go through it, and hurrah for besties and wine, that sounds much needed. I hope having got past the date gives you some closure and you can move onwards and upwards. Have you thought any more about the clinic choice?

Lemons good luck for the scan tomorrow, have everything crossed for you. Will that be 8 weeks? Sorry about yesterday's date.

MrsD I think the ovary pains can vary loads, especially as you're on a different protocol. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Joy / MrsD / Sea I agree that for me it's the fact that you know an embryo was created and developing and then didn't make it that us really upsetting, that potential for life.

Sea do you really sleep that little, you must be exhausted. Is there any link between sleep / stress / cytokine levels? What is the argy's take on that sort of thing? Hope the test went ok, when do you get the results?

Joy it's such great news about the appointment, it'll be really interesting to see what a different clinic has to say and fingers crossed the wait isn't too long, though you may need a bit of a gap to be ready again?

Rabbit lovely, how's things, what's happening with you?

Critter I went to a work thing last week and someone performed this amazing poem - I thought of you. I'd not seen one performed like that before with such enthusiasm / artistry, it was so good.

Gin, Buzzy and Sar so glad everything is still going well.

Waves to Princess, Mad, Coco, Absy and anyone else I missed.

Afm I also went out with my bestie and had lots of wine last night - so good. I feel a bit fixated at the moment on whether my cycle is going back to normal - I've started charting again and looks about right, any thoughts? I did poas again this morning just cos I'd like to see a -ve but I did a digi and it said pg 1-2. From what I've googled though you can ov/ have a normal cycle with low levels of hcg?
www.fertilityfriend.com/m/home.php/1d9483

Another snatched post. I'm having a bit of a mare as my period hasn't come, no hint of spotting, nothing. I'm cd29 now. I feel pre menstrual and like it will come at any second but it's dragging it out just to mess with my brain. I def ovd on cd 16 as I've tracked v carefully to try and work out dates and now I think they will all be thrown off. I am always spotting by now, how very typical. I know I have no real chance of being pregnant bit it's still stress inducing.

Sorry my posts are so tiny! And selfish!

Cos - I didn't realise you could ovulate with low levels of hcg. Well I hadn't thought about it before. Now are you sure the temp jump this morning wasn't because you drank last night? Also is it worth you getting a scan at your local epu to check all retained products (sorry to use medical to the point jargon) are gone? I guess if your hcg was very high it would take a long time to get out of your system. Perhaps your body is just being very clever and getting back in to the swing of thing which is great.

Rabbit - what a head mess. Hand hold . I wish so much that sth exciting has happened. Keep us posted.

Lemon- best if luck tomorrow

Cos lovely can you back to the gp? It seems quite a long time that you have been getting positives and it could need checking out? I'm so sorry you are in a position where you are hoping for a negative, that all seems upside down and totally unfair.

Mad - lovely to see you on here. Thank you for the spotting comfort.

I will just have to keep in sporadic posting.

Oh den remind me are you my Menopur friend?

I might be, rabbit. I'm not totally sure. Drugs have different names here, it's called pergoveris. I have to mix the powder and water each time. I thinks it's basically LH and FSH.

I've just looked up pergoveris. You'd think I'd have done that before injecting it for 6 days. Anyway, I don't think it's the same as menopur. It's a synthetic version of LH and FSH and is used for women who have infertility because they have low levels of these or in Ivf where the woman has had a previous cycle where she was a poor responder. That's me, a poor responder. I have a big fear that I'm just not suited to stimulation and that I'll never respond well. On paper I should respond well. So much of this is a mystery, but the good news is that they do seem able to switch drugs around.

I didn't think you were a poor responder den didn't you have quite a few eggs? I always thought your drugs were just not tweaked in the right way/at the right time? Poor responder is a shit term. Relaxed ovaries is much nicer

Relaxed ovaries I don't know what I am! They got seven eggs but only two were mature. I didn't respond in the expected way so that probably makes me a poor responder, who knows? I've been worrying about me that I've sort of forgotten that the reason for us needing Ivf is because of very low sperm count.

I wonder where your af is, hmmm. Is it worth poas? Or is that a silly suggestion? Will your first jab be on day 2?

Joy, it's great that you still get an nhs round, I do think it's going to work for you and that maybe the super intensive Ivf you've been through just wasn't right for your body. I hope you get somewhere at the first appointment, I wonder if they'll do all the tests again,

Lemons – Yay for scan tomorrow. I’m sorry that you too had a difficult milestone to deal with yesterday. Hoping tomorrow’s scan will put your mind at rest.

Euro – Glad you had fun with your bestie. It’s so important to have good friends to support you through these times. I am happy the date has passed for you. Are you and Mr E any closer to picking a clinic?

Cosmos – I don’t know anything about ovulation and HCG unfortunately. I am sorry you had to see that result on the stick thing. I hope it wasn’t upsetting. It sounds like it could me. I have to say you seem v together and v strong. I am sure things will go back to normal soon. Glad you had fun with your bestie too. Do you have an appt with a doc to ensure everything is okay after the m/c? Re sleep… I have always been a bad sleeper but it gets worst when I am v busy or v stressed. Stress is definitely bad for Cytokines. And they always tell you to get more sleep. I go to bed every night by 10/1030pm but I don’t usually fall asleep until much later. There’s not much I can do. I use to take a lot of metatonin but these days I try not to because I don’t know what that does to cytokines or ttc etc.

Rabbit – sorry for the headfuck. Doesn’t help at all does it? Have you thought about doing a test? It wouldn’t be the first time someone has got a BFP while DRing. And isn’t it possible that DR drugs can delay your period? A big handhold to you.

MrsD – Don’t worry about being a poor responder. As long as you lay some eggs which you clearly do, you are within a good chance.

Joy – I meant to ask. Did you ever go back to your clinic for a follow up. I know you said they weren’t much use the 1st time round but maybe you could get a different doc this time and they might offer some useful insight?

Not much to report here. Waiting (again!) for results. AF is due tomorrow and it’s unlikely I will get my results till next week so even if Cytokines are down and I can cycle, looks like I will miss this month and have to wait for another month. There is a lot of waiting in this TTC game isn’t there?