TTC 10 months + Part 17.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

For all the lovely 10+ers, and anyone else lurking, who has been trying for long enough to start worrying. This is a great place to rest until the elusive BFP shows up.

Just wanted to say hello to cos and joy, thinking of you both and sorry about the awfulness. It sucks that you're going through this. Lemon I am tightly squeezing your paw and hoping the next few days go quickly for you. Good luck to ten, mrsd, rabbit, and the other stabbers and soon to be downreggers. I really hope it goes smoothly. Euro am thinking of you honey. I know this month will be hard for you. Big peacock feathery tail display of encouragement to very one else, including lovely newbies.

Mrsd - I think it's good you aren't having side effects. It will all be doing what it is suppose to. Ah yes, my Greek escapade wasn't the highlight of my life! If I ever have a child I will be sure to tell him/her the lengths I went to have them.

GP didn't mention anything about losing my ivf round but she is pretty useless. I don't hold out much hope that this is going to happen. She told me to book an appt at reception for UCLH but reception couldn't do it as they could only book me in for all the blood tests and laparascopy again. a lot of confusion and receptionist ended up writing it down on a post it and said she would speak to my GP. Yeah right.
Roy waited 6 months for a scan on his back and got to the scan and the GP had told them it was for his chest so he had to have his chest scanned instead. This is what we have to deal with at my surgery!

Thanks critter. How are you feeling?

lemons I'm sorry the spotting is ongoing.

cos I'm thinking of you.

joy I can't believe you have such a useless my GP. Mine isn't stunning but is better than that!

rabbit 8 hrs' sleep sounds great!

I've just had my follow up at Create. They suggest a mild stimulation cycle + endo scratch next. We're now really undecided whether or not to stick there or change. We'll think on it for a few days.

A dilemma euro, I suppose there's something to be said for the devil you know but then you did sound very positive about what you heard the other day. How does what they say they're going to do differ from the other clinic?

Joy, your gp does sound rubbish. It sounds like you might have to keep on her back to make sure things get done. It shouldn't have to be like that.

Joy Sorry didn't mean to cause you any worry about funding here is the link to the HFEA website that has links so you can find out about funding, it all comes down to your PCT.

www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility-treatment-cost-nhs.html

Mrsd - Glad to hear you are not having any nasty symptoms. I have never been through it myself but I know many don't... maybe you are one of the lucky ones... as lucky as we can be to have to go through this...

Euro - Hard decision to make. I know you found it hard to go back to Create having had some bad memories with MC consult there etc. Maybe a new place is a good fresh start? what does MrE think?

Critter - How is it coming along? How far along are you now? Are you glowing yet?

Joy - Your GP sounds awful. Is it worth trying a different GP at your GP surgery? Mine is v similar. All the GP bar one is useless. I always wait to make appt with the one that is good and decent and surprise surpise there is a long wait to see him. Also I think you had cycle monitoring at St Marys previously. It was them that referred me to UCLH. Maybe you can get a referral from them instead?

Cos - How are you?

Also my GP has had absolutely nothing to do with my fertility stuff. They made one initial referral to a gynae unit but since then everything has been done through the gynae unit and the GP has had nothing to do with it.

Ten - I was the same. GP actually told me he know nothing about fertility and they have to refer you to gyne and then they take it from there.
I tried to call PCT a while ago to clarify the funding issue but was told they have been abolished as of Mar this year.

I spoke too soon about being symptom free. I have developed a foul mood this afternoon, you know that irrational anger when you wish you had a punch bag? I'm not sure where it's come from. Not helped by dh telling me his colleagues wife has had her second baby, for some reason news that she's had a daughter two years after their son filled me with rage. Not helped by dh finding it amusing that My character has changed from placid to this in the space of an hour, I might have just told him that all this is his fault so now feeling guilty too. He's hiding in his office.

mrsd as the self proclaimed queen of downregging I can assure you that the mood swings are usually fierce but short lived. We had a code word so MrM knew when not to bother trying to placate me or daring to argue with me. You only have to do this for a short time. I found the heavy duty symptoms took a while to ramp up. Hopefully you'll be on to the stimming phase by then. I am excited to see how this cycle develops for you.

joy sorry aboutc the rubbish GP. Mine usually admits when she doesn't know stuff (decapeptyl was a complete mystery to her) but when she says she'll refer she does it right away.

ten glad the stabbing isn't as bad as feared. Fingers crossed that the next scan goes well, but don't panic if things aren't perfect. My initial scans both looked pretty dire and then it sorted itself out by the next one.

rabbit how are you holding up?

cos still thinking of you xx

lemon hopefully you are alright and just hiding from mumsnet while this 3ww drags on.

sea I have lost track of things. When do they check your levels again?

euro I would be keen on a change but appreciate that you have gotten very close with create and there is comfort in familiarity. A dilemma indeed!

Big waves to the rest!

Sea that is very frustrating for you, I dont understand how the funding is allocated then.

den shortly before starting this cycle I might have told mrT that as I wasnt the one with the problem I was pretty pissed off at being the one having to do everything. I then obviously felt hideous about it, so you are not alone,although I didn't have the downregging excuse.

mad thanks for your wise words I will try and remember that tomorrow at the scan. It is embarrassing every time I go to create I spend my time not crying,and I am really not a cryer.

Cos hope you are as well as can be expected at this time.

Euro I like create as it is mist definitely a clinic and not a hospital, but I can see that a change might be an attractive option.

hello to the others I have missed, and I am very sorry for my horrific spelling on my new phone

I mean trying not to cry

ten good luck for the scan. I also do the trying not to cry thing. I'm sure my doctor thinks I'm a little bit unhinged.

cos I hope you're doing ok. I hate that you're having to go through all the awful physical pain and effects as well as the emotion of it all. Massive hug.

mad how are you feeling now?

lemons thinking of you.

doll you must be due around now. Can't wait to hear your news. Exciting :)

Peace is restored here, I felt fine again as quickly as I turned evil.

mrsd I don't envy you the moodswings. I'm glad you are feeling fine again now.

ten that's what I like too. I'm still no closer to a decision! We have a few hours in the car at the weekend, so we can talk about things then. We tend to be too tired/busy with chores in the evenings after work.

My GP has had nothing to do with my fertility stuff since running the initial blood tests and referring me on to a fertility clinic.

Mrsd / mood swings are normal. I had to go and kick a cupboard at work as I was in a rage and I was just stimming!

Euro - ah decisions. I am sure you will come to the right choice.

Sea - when is your next cytokines test? And have you decided to go via nhs first? I am not sure whether St Mary's will sort it out for me but perhaps it is worth asking. Thanks.

My GP is new and she doesn't look over 30 which I find disconcerting! I just don't think she has learnt how everything works. I am loathe to change as she is nice and approachable and I have had my fair share of horrid GPs on the past. Prefer nice and useless than horrid as the horrid ones aren't necessarily good either. I've been very spoilt going private for ivf , I will now just have to sit patiently and prepare to chase . I just hope I haven't lost the round!

AF is here so maybe it was just regular pmt last night. I've felt ok today.

joy do keep pestering your GP, I've learned you get nothing if you don't chase and chase. Anything women related is dealt with by a gynae here not a GP so at least you feel like the person has a bit of a clue. Where I'm having ivf is also a regular gyn clinic too and also does ante natal and birth care, not so nice when there are bumps in the waiting room though.

My neighbour has bought a cot, I can see it stood up waiting to be assembled in their front bedroom, not that I'm a curtain twitching neighbour of course.

Evening ladies had the first scan and blood done today and have to go back tomorrow for another scan.

Quick question.. Have any of you used and embrioscope? The consultant mentioned it to me today, but it is another £600 and I am not sure whether to go for it or not.. nah thoughts?

ten it is their snazzy new thing. It was mentioned about 5 times in our follow up and we got given a leaflet. One of the ladies on the egg buddies thread a few months ago had it and her cycle worked, so she is quite evangelical about it. I can see that it might be helpful but I'm not 100% convinced.

Ugh work on a Saturday

Lemon - how are you?

Ten if I get to egg collection I'm having embryoscope. I questioned the value of this if I only have one or two eggs but it was explained that they are noticing better success rates in all cases and are investigating how leaving the embryos at constant temp and not taking them out/moving them to check might be making the difference. It's a tenuous one but heck I thought I'd go for it anyway. The evidence for it making a difference seems good to me but this is from forum anecdote and my clinics literature - I've not read scientific papers. Maybe I will.

Luffs to all.

Afternoon, lovelies! I am ok, still spotting but a little less and less panicked... Just Popped in to tell my lembies were under an embryoscope, the top one became a chemical, this is number two, but v close... I think it's worth it if you have lots of embies, particularly. They recommended it for 5 or more good fertilisations, we had 10...

Hello all!

I'm booked in for my IVF cycle! Scan yesterday looked ace so we're finally all set to go. So I'll shortly be following mrsden and ten, and joining you rabbit in the sniffing & stabbing & scanning & whatnot. Feeling quite excited about it now. And just trying to keep hopeful that now we've got this far, we finally get cut a break & it works!

lemon, glad things are settling down & you're feeling less panicked. Scan soon come!

Hope you're OK, cos.

Good luck with deciding where to go with next euro. It sounds like they're both offering similar plans (if I remember correctly) so might be best to just go with your gut? Easier said than done I can imagine!

Interesting re embryoscope. Our clinic said it hadn't significantly improved their own odds yet, so we've opted against it. It's an NHS funded cycle, but we're adding on embryo glue & the endometrial scratch. Who knows if they'll really help, but Cochrane reviews sounded promising, so probably worth throwing some money at. Maybe I should do some research about the embryoscope too. It's a betting person's game though, this one. And I'm no gambler.

Now it's just to figure out how to keep zen from now till December! deep breaths

Luffs to everyone!

rabbit work on a Saturday sounds crap. Poor you! Interesting chat about embryoscopies, I've never heard of them. I am rooting for you so much with this round. How are you holding up?

ten I'm so sorry to hear about the trying not to cry, it's exhausting and miserable as IVF involves so much uncertainty despite putting you through the wringer. Good luck honey, hang in there.

den sorry you have been having a rough time with the downregging. Not long now, really really sending you masses of luck this round.

Waves to all - sea how is the treatment going?

Particular loves to cos and joy, and paw squeeze to lemon. euro it's a tough one, what does your gut tell you to do?

All fine here. Actually home for a week for my dad's 70th birthday party next sat, can't wait. Have been gorging on waitrose pork pies, Irish sofa bread, proper bacon and other uk treats. I wouldn't say I'm glowing - spotty and shiny of face, yes - but very happy at 25 and 3 and the longer road to get here means I've really appreciated this time. Pregnancy is a cinch compared to the shitty ttc journey. You guys are warriors. Oh incidentally I saw a lovely midwife who told me I was getting too heavy too fast, but also told me that both her children were IVF babies ( now teenagers) and that IVF patients were her favorite ones as the babies are so hard won and so wanted.

X post rum and lemon, rum that's brilliant news, you're off to the races now! Hurrah for progress. Lemon just sending you an extra hand hold, glad you're feeling a little better.

Lemons - I am glad to hear spotting has subsided. Not long till your scan now I hope.

Rabbit - Boo to working on Sat.

Cos - How are you lovely? I hope the worst is over now. Thinking of you.

Ten - I know nothing about that but it sounds like it might be worth doing.

Rum - How exciting! Will you be on LP? How do you feel about this cycle?

MrsD - Glad your AF has arrived and you are well on your well to stimms... I have a good feeling about this round for you. I am sure MrD understands it's the drugs

Joy - My Cytokine retest is week after next. I find the long waiting for the tests the hardest as it feels like I am in limbo. I understand why it might be better to stick with approachable but useless GP than the unkind ones. Maybe you can get referred to cycle monitoring again at St Marys and then get the latter to refer you for IVF. I have not made any decisions re IVF on the NHS yet. I am going to wait and see how the Cytokines are doing before making any decisions.

Critters - So so so nice to hear you and i am really happy it is going well. You are well on your way to becoming a mum. So lovely to hear what your midwife said about ivf patients being the best because their babes are hard won.

Mad - How are you doing?

Had a night out with some friends this evening. All the ladies in the couples were the same age as me and all have minimum 2 children already. One just gave birth to her 3rd 3 months ago and she is a year younger. It's impossible not to feel like a failure.

Hay ladies,

quick catch up to say I am thinking of everyone here who is going through hard times, the waiting game and difficult reminder months.

lemon -glad the spotting has subsided, roll on scan day.

sea - sorry about the long test waits, fingers crossed for the next cytokine results.

Mrs den - I too have really positive feelings for this cycle, there is so much they can learrn from last time.

rum - delighted to hear your round is nearly here.

Cos - thinking of you honey.

sorry if I missed anyone or anything big.

All is well here with 10 weeks to go. I am at the stage where i am going to quite a few antenatal and group based sessions. They are mostly good and useful but I always have this feeling of "you just dont get it" when I sit and listen to stories. Most women are lovely and share advice and experience for the benefit of others who are pregnant but some things really feel like ' non-issues' such as being cross certain drugs have affected first feeds or what snacks are best for labour. Im not saying these things don't matter or arent important but a little voice inside of me just thinks these things are not surmountable. Long term ttc must give this type of perspective.

I havent become neurotic and anxious after a hard won pregnancy, in fact the opposite. I have experienced that much shit getting here that I am ready to go with the flow. Just thought the above might make interesting reading as I know I always wondered how I would feel if I got pregnant.

Ttc is a harder battle than pregnancy and birth. I agree with critter that you are all soilders. The difficulty is knowing what the final outcome of the war will be. But babies do come along, sometimes not even as the result of treatment, just randomly. Keeping the balance of hope alongside other interests is the key, however I know I couldn't always achieve that myself. Keep going lovely ladies. Xx