Fish, I almost wept when I read of your husband's support and how grateful you are for it. Just lovely. No way did you come across as smug and nor was your post to Still in any way harsh.
I think there are some wonderful husbands/partners on here and it's so good to see. If I'm honest, th'usband did everything I asked of him in the run-up to IVF (except quit smoking), however, if I had left choice of donor to him, or choice of clinic/country; borrowing the money to fund it all, I don't think I would be pregnant right now. he moaned a lot about the amount of time I spent on mumsnet (still does) but I quickly rebuff him by stating my admiration and need for the women on these threads who got me through it all, day-by-day, emotion-by-emotion.
The forums and friends on here and FF did far more for me than any man could have done. I agree, Fish, that this process is marginalising and emasculating for men by its very nature and I was okay with that. I simply sought information and real empathy from you lot. Th'usbnad did all he could, but it doesn't add-up to much in the grand scheme of things.
Still, I'm glad you're still here - and sharing - after what must have seemed like an onslaught yesterday. I think Fish's post was spot-on. I don't want to pulverise your husband, either, but bloody hell! his values are so skewed. To have 40k in the bank and to push you for IVF you are unsure about and then to attest that you ought to go to work to fund it is bullshit. It's a great idea to put all this in a thread on Relationships. This isn't about IVF; it is about two people without common goals or equal values. I hope you get clarity and find strength to deal with whatever you decide is right.
I'm sorry for a lengthy post when I don't even belong here any more, but you all mean a lot to me. But I will shut up now.
Strength and love to all x