TTC 10+ months part 16

[Buzzybee123]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

Hello nelly! You are allowed to be as fickle as you want.

I will see what comes of hypno tomorrow. I'm keeping an open mind. I've never tried anything like it before, so we will see.

I feel like I am about to come down with a summer cold - boooooo.

Summer cold = repressed immune system = good, no??

Annoying. You can't see the < comments > on the phone. No wonder I get confused reading sometimes.

OFFS you still can't see them even though I put spaces. The sideways ^ symbol

Help: OTD is here, so we did a test at 5am, because I wake really early , which was interesting. A really, really feint line - although better when I pulled it out of the bin, long after the reading window - and now it is twiddling my thumbs until official bloods and results... I might become more sociable and involved after this is all over or I might go on holiday/in the tent of doom

Oh Lemon I will keep everything crossed for you. The odds are good I think! Good luck

lemons I have everything crossed for you too. My first positives were v faint, particularly those done with middle of the night wee! I agree with nellie about the odds being good and you have your family of Victorian proportions.

Quick post. Lemons. Looks interesting indeed. Fingers crossed it's good news. About time we had another BFP on thread. Sorry for the wait. When will you get blood test results.

Hi everyone

Lemons ? Any more news? Hope you will be following in the footsteps of the 10+ preggers.

Critter ? Wow you are already at 15 weeks. Glad travels are calming down. I hope you are feeling good and healthy

Pout ? no such thing as being too attached to pets. I love animals but where I live is not ideal for pets. Would love a cat though. Dogs are just a little too much work for my life right now but I do love them. As for your spot debacle?. Toothpaste is the best I find for the odd spot here and there. As for what you did with the neat Dettol. I have actually done the same before with TCP. Not nice. Hope it?s healing nicely.

Sweet ? So sorry to hear about family stresses. You poor thing. I hope it?s not too stressful. As I get older I realise bad things just do happen and we have to be ready to deal with it. . I am delighted you are almost at 20 weeks. Hope you get the scan scheduled soon.

Nelly ? I am so pleased you got a + on an OPK. That must be a weight off the mind. As for MrNelly being away? it?s always the way isn?t it?I think your plans sound very sensible. It?s so important to feel comfortable with it and not just along with what the clinic says. And absolutely you can be as fickle as you want!

Cosmos ? Hope the injections are doing okay. I am sure you are young and your embie are lovely too. It is funny how we end up talking to strangers about our vitals isn?t it? I have been reading about intralipids and IVIg too. I know what you mean about the cost of the latter. I really found it quite shocking but have read good things too. Good luck.

Joy ? That sounds like a very odd session indeed. I think you can ?forget? what was talked about. It?s happened to me before but not heard or experienced the fluttering mode.

Sar ? I am sure no one else can see the blonde hairy belly.

Euro ? belly laugh at you stroking furry 10_ preggers. LOL. I hope the cold subsides soon. Hope the hypno session goes well.

AFM, 1st Humira injection done. I managed to get the clinic to do it with me as have never self injected. It was much more painful than I thought it would be. What a wimp! O well. I guess I better get used to it!

Ladies, today I have a real bee in my bonnet about this horrific case that?s in the news about the poor little boy tortured by his mum and stepfather. I am working from home and have the radio on and every time I hear it I feel my blood boil. It?s unfathomable to me that someone can torture their child like that. Why o why can these scumbags get pregnant seemingly with no problems (this monster had 2 children)!! There is something really wrong with the universe!

Oh lemons that does sound like good news. A line is a line or so they say. I thought about you this morning. How long until you get the blood test results?

Sea, that story breaks my heart, I cant get his picture out of my head. Poor, poor little boy. I can't bear to think about how he suffered.

Cosmos, I'm not at argc. I think what happened with me is a little bit complicated. I had to take a slightly lower swimming dose for the first three days because of a mix up at the chemist. They also didn't start me stimming until day 3 because my Amh is very good and they were being cautious. Then my scan showed all was good, if they had continued growing at the expected rate then ec was scheduled for the right day bUt they think I responded too strongly to the cetrotide and basically had a reaction which halted any further growth rather than just preventing ovulation. So at ec only two eggs were mature the rest had prematurely stopped growing. For the next round I think they will use a different drug to cetrotide and I'm going to ask for a scan on the morning before I trigger.

Pout, your dettol story made me laugh. I hope the skin has recovered now!

Nelly, woo hoo for ovulation. I've never used opks, I did temp for a while but it stressed me out. I prefer not really knowing. I understand wanting to keep Ivf secret. I'm pleased we haven't told anyone in rl. The support on here is fantastic but I did find it a little difficult doing a cycle at the same time as you and critter. When you had symptoms and bfps, I selfishly felt sad for myself because I had no symptoms and knew I wasn't pregnant so reading that you were feeling something brought it home to me that my round had failed. When you got the negative my heart broke for you because I knew how devastating it was. It sort of felt like I was emotionally involved in your round too. I'm not sure I've expressed that very well.

lemon a second line you say mine was faint at the beginning, roll on blood test results

sea yay to first injection, the story is sad but not uncommon really, you do wonder why these people procreate but to be honest they have themselves have probably come from an unhappy and abusive background, if only people, he was such a lovely looking lad

nelly well done on the pos opk

poout how are you doing,

Sadly the line was too faint. HCGwas 29, which means it won't take and become a viable pregnancy. Stopping progesterone and crying are the order of the day.

Oh lemons I'm so, so sorry. Take some time and allow yourself to be miserable and cry as much as you need, it's the natural reaction. You will be ok, and you have all those wonderful frozen embryos. You will get there xx

sea I was saying the same about that story to mr euro this morning. There is no fairness to whom children are born.

Well done on getting through the first injection.

Drizz! A second line! Come on the kumquat (I was trying to think of a mini lemon and struggling - does it show?) I really hope this is it for you. How many days past EC are you?

pout I hope the spot has vamoosed by now.

I've had a weird day. I had my hypno session this morning. It brought out all kinds of unexpected stuff (including me crying, which I almost never do). I'm not sure it's a miracle cure, but I do feel better now. It became pretty clear that I have a deep rooted fear of both hospitals and pregnancy and hugely negative associations for both, which may explain why IVF is not an entirely happy experience for me...

Oh drizz what an awful time to cross posts. I'm so sorry. x

lemon my last preg my hcg was 28 and it got to 10 weeks, when they tested the remains the were no chromosone problems at all, I would ask for another hcg in 2 days, big hugs

Oh Lemon I can't bear to think that another 10+er has to deal with the trauma of the maybe yes/maybe no flipping HcG levels. This is so unfair :(. My heart breaks for you. Hold on to thoughts of those little frosties down the line, but for now here is some cake and a big broad shoulder.

MrsD you made total sense. I will reply later when I'm not stealth posting from the loo at work...

Oh lemons I'm so sorry. I don't have the right words to express how sad I am for you. Hugs and love to you X

Lemon ? i am so sorry to hear this new. I agree with Buzz that you should get tested in a few more days just in case it doesn?t leap up. It?s terribly terribly tough though and just so unfair. Look after yourself.

Sea ? sorry humira was so ouchy. Did the pain go away immediately though? How many humira injections to do you have to do? I saw that story on the news last night and I was completely appalled. I said to Roy that many people will just say to infertile ladies ?it is just nature?s way? yet if that is the case how has nature allowed those barbaric human beings to give birth? It is sickening.

Nelly ? you have a good plan so that all sounds great. I totally agree that if you can go LP at some point that will hopefully produce more follies for you but may be the next flare will do the trick. I totally understand you not wanting to let people know you are doing another round too. Several friends and family knew last time and I kept getting texts from very well meaning friends asking me how i was and that they were thinking of me. It was my own fault for letting them know but I found it put pressure on me and i found it really irritating. It?s such a strange bubble to be in that I just wanted everyone outside of that bubble to leave me alone. I will also be trying not to speak to anyone at the clinic this time round because I found myself comparing notes with people like after an exam. So i have learnt my lesson.

Eur0 ? it sounds like your hypno session was useful. I?m sorry you ended up crying though but perhaps that?s just everything coming out. Do you think she is going to eradicate these deep seated fears? Presumably a lot of it may stem from that bad scan you went off to with your mum when you were a kid?? When my hypno woman asked me whether I really wanted a baby, I said I wanted a baby but I didn?t want to do the pregnancy part. She then pointed out my body language when I said the word ?pregnancy?.. I recoiled and shook my head as I said it as if I feared it and i didn?t even notice I was doing it. I can only think that my first miscarriage came as such a shock that it put me off and now the second one has just rubbed more salt in the wounds! Anyway i hope this woman is able to help you.

My mind works in such a weird way. My colleague yesterday whispered to me that she was pregnant and I was so thrilled for her I smiled all the way home. She wasn?t even trying, it was a mistake and she has only been with her boyfriend a few months. I can only think that my ?strange? happy reaction was to do with her being 4 years older than me and perhaps that gives me confidence. I don?t know, sometimes I can?t work myself out!

Maybe it's the hypno working joy? Embracing other people's pregnancies? I surprise myself sometimes as to how I react. It's somehow worse when it's people I don't really know, like my neighbour for example which makes no sense at all.

Euro, I'm sorry that the hypno made you cry. I don't think it's surprising that we have negative feelings about pregnancy.

joy perhaps you should become a therapist! You are absolutely right that that issue came up and that is what we ended up focussing on. The crying came when she asked if I could have anything there in the room with me that would make it easier and suddenly I welled up and sobbed "a sister". I have no idea where that came from. I have always had very positive things to say about being an only.

Thanks lovelies, I called the clinic to ask if there was an outside chance of this coming right and they were firm and clear. This has no chance to become an on-going pregnancy. So I've stopped the progesterone-bullets (small mercies!) and am going for another HCG test next week. The lovely nurse (who was with us during embryo transfer as well) recommended a stiff drink. I really would prefer not to get to 10-weeks, if I had to still mc then

I think it is the hut of gloom for me, although the hypno adventures do sound really interesting. I am a bit overly emotional at the mo, but euro I welled up when what you needed in the room was a sister. I really hope hypno will give you a handle on EC. Scary and exciting you're starting again soon. Massive well done joycep for being delighted for the pregnant colleague. I don't think I'll be able to bear mine next week...

PS the kumquat made me smile, euro, I wasn't here to see it when the wounds were even more raw :)

Lemons, its ok to be in the tent of doom just now. I was incredibly sad and tearful for a few days, I cried more than I thought possible. Then I had a few days of feeling angry and frustrated. That was worse than the sadness because its such a destructive emotion and one that I've never really felt before. I know we're all different but you will feel brighter at some point and then you can do the fet.

What do hypnotherapist actually do? I assume they don't say look into my eyes, you feel verry sleepy,

Drizz I'm glad it made you smile.

I suspect the clinic are right. Mine was 45 on day 14 past EC and that all ended in tears. There's no point stopping a bleed with progesterone if the end is inevitable. It';ll just be more miserable. There is a research paper somewhere on the web about using HCG levels to predict pregnancy outcomes. I found it really interesting. I think they concluded that 70+ at day 14 was what you really wanted to have a good chance of a healthy pregnancy.

mrsd I was completely awake and aware of what was going on, but sort of drifting off, a bit like day dreaming. There was no danger of me impersonating a chicken or anything. The hypnotherapist kept asking questions and I was answering. The questions were aimed at delving into my subconscious. Basically I knew I had an ishoo with control and that is why I find EC so difficult. So she explored that and my fierce "no one looks out for you like you look out for you" stance. She took it back and back through various incidents to find when those feelings first started and my mind evenutally took me back to that. So even though it was a pregnancy-related incident, the starting point for getting there was about my need to control situations rather than anything pregnancy related. There was other stuff as well. Like she had me imagining a timeline from birth and asked me if I was in it or if it was in front of me. I was in it. But not at the present day! I was near the end but not at the end. We didn't go into that but I suspect it is linked to feeling like my life has been on hold for the last couple of years while we have been ttc. It's interesting that it came out in such a visual way.

It was actually fascinating.

Oh lemon I am so sorry about this, it seems so bloody unfair. I can only imagine that you must feel like a big ball of sad and cross at the moment but, when the dust has settled there are lembies waiting and in lots of ways this was a very positive cycle. I don't want to warble on as I'm sure none of it is very helpful today but we are here for you.

Euro and joyce I am interested in your hypno experiences. I had some way back in the prehistoric days pre lap as I was just so stressed with everything. I found some of it helpful but I didn't feel totally at ease with the woman or the room the hypno was in, it was scuzzy and there was a rain leak that fell on my head during the woo bit which kind of got in the way. I'd try it again though if I wasn't having acu and I could find a good person. I hope it helps with the stresses of tt f-ing c.

Pout I think I'll pass on the poutdettol spot cure next time I've got a spot! I did a similar thing once with a very strong acne cream that then got infected into cellulitis which made me face swell and blister. I can laugh about it now . I have very good feelings about Colin.

Nelly that sounds like a plan. The frustrating thing is that there are no absolutes in this game. People with AMH of zero get pregnant, people who don't respond so well on a cycle go on to respond better on a different protocol, people with failed ivf go on to conceive naturally, it seems so arbitrary. There is always hope that things will be different and this is good. Sar has ace words for you, you do make great embryos so who is to dare tell you to give up until you are ready. It still shocks me when I think that Sar could have had her tubes removed on one docs suggestion. Sar I do hope you are going to send him a baby photo! Keep going lovely nelly. Also I get the not wanting to share thing. My sibling was asking this morning around the breakfast table, quite kindly about when we would do ivf. Not so long back I would have been telling close people but I feel I've been living in a glass room with people staring in but not actually offering much in the way of support and I want to pull down the blinds and be private and mysterious. I don't fully know what changed. I think I'm fed up of being the infertility story.

Sea I too winced at that story. It seems so back to front that such a thing can happen. Well done on the jab and sorry it was ouch.

Den how are feeling? I think I have been feeling quite similar to you lately. Whilst I haven't had a 'proper' stint in the tent for ages I do feel I live in it's shadows most of the time. Cheery!

It is good to see 10 plus grads on here keeping us in the loop, I love you for that. Well done on the hairy belly Critter, I find this strangely endearing yippee sar to maternity clothes and one in the eye for fertility diagnoses sweet. Buzzy I'm glad things are OK with you too. Gin it feels as if your pregnancy is whizzing by though I'm sure it doesn't feel like that to you. I often think of doll and art (who must be nearly due?).

My family have left and a quiet has descended on my house, the babies fill up a lot of physical and heart space and I feel quite empty, overseas family is a heart wrencher. I'm a little melancholy at the moment for the following reasons:

In the past three months I have had 3 A plus announcements and a B announcement, all conceived in 1-5 months. Mostly one month. I cannot imagine that I will ever get a turn at IVF and beyond that, that there is any possibility of me being lucky enough for it to work. My parents are getting older and I feel like their prime grandparent age is passing me by. I am horribly broody. Which is a crap word but I can't think of a better one. Woe is me ha ha. I'm ok just meh at the whole business I think. CD32 now and no af but I have had sporadic ewcm over the past week. Whatever occurred last month has really messed things up. Tis a pity it isn't a normal cycle, I'd be getting all excited now.