TTC 10+ months part 16

[Buzzybee123]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

Oh there is so much sadness on here just now. I wish I could magic up the answer for us all. MrsD I've been there many times, though I have to say no-one has ever had the guts cheek to actually comment on my grey hair. What a cow! I hate that FTC turns us into these people with low self esteem and such a lack of confidence. We are all more than our reproductive organs. We are all here putting up a fight, many many people wouldn't do all we've done. Love to everyone.

And Joy hang on in there. Hopefully Gin's story gives you hope? I am keeping everything tightly crossed for you xxx

rabbit Offering you a handhold & lots of love. What a shitty and shocking consultation. I too am appalled that a non functioning ovary could have been missed for all this time. Surely checking the ovaries is very basic & primary stuff. I can understand that this will have floored you but agree with others who say that stimming will boost follicle output and also that follies do hide. my consultant said that during one of my many scans. Also it really does just take one egg to fertilise and implant. Another way to look at it is that this is the worst of it now. You know the worst, things can only look up. They can see finally what the problems are and they can and will tailor your treatment accordingly. Nevertheless it is cold comfort right now I know. rabbits I wish I could make this better for you X

joy I am sorry that you are worried about slow growing embies and doubting the clinic's decision to go to blasto stage. I found that bit the hardest and most stressful. I think that gin has a good point about slow growers being girls. Massive handhold for you right now.

mrsd You too being so sad is heartbreaking. I was talking to MrP about the shameful feelings at the weekend so I get why you feel like that. It is irrational though! Not one of us on here is in this predicament because of something we have done. It is just dumb (bad) luck.
FWIW I too am horribly grey, accelerated since all this TTC bullshit. It does make you feel like crap, old and shrivelled. I too have bemoaned that if I am barren why can't I be young looking and hot!

Well ladies thank you so much for your lovely, lovely words. It is such a comfort. I feel a bit better today, the crying has stopped I just feel numb. MrP and I were saying that we both feel similar to how we have felt when bereaved which is odd, kind of numb and in shock but hugely sad. Life goes on though. We have decided to give the gluten free diet a go as a last ditch, stranger things have happened thing. Big Dog has his op next week and his preliminary x-rays have revealed that his other leg is fucked too so it is a double op. Joy! Sometimes life just keeps giving and giving. Maybe focussing on Big Dog won't be such a bad thing. Well I really am going to go cold turkey for a bit with TTC and this lovely thread. Once again thank you for being so lovely and see you soon. X

Mrsd - what a horrible woman you work with. What a cow. Ignore her. Sorry you are feeling so down. You musnt blame yourself about the way you responded, that is completely in the doctors hands. That was his responsibility to get it right so don't knock yourself for that. But it is so easy how it makes us feel like a failure.

Pout - I know you won't read this but we will miss you on here. Please look after yourself.

I can't believe this , I am not having ET today. They are waiting to day6 to see if they make it to blasto. I can't stop crying because something tells me they arent going to make it to blast. I know LittleGin is a day6 blast but it is different when it goes back as a FET . Chances are much slimmer when it is a fresh cycle because you miss the window for implantation - generally they don't like to do day6 fresh transfers. I feel so messed around. We spent our life savings on treatment and our final shot was with donated money and I feel like they are doing everything to kill them off. Plus am suppose to be back at work tomorrow so now trying to think what I can do to get out of work which stresses me. Blubbing like a baby.

Joy how many are left can they still not choose? Do they really think this is for the best? Massive hand holding. Xxx

joy I am so sorry that they are mucking you about, just call in sick with a migraine or something, big hugs

Joy so sorry to read this. A big hug and hand hold. Call in work and tell them you got sick with a temp while you were off and don't want to come in and infect people.
I know it must be so hard for you. I'm still hopeful they can make it and the clinic know what they are doing. Sending you lots of positive thoughts.
Hugs

Sorry about the messing about! I really hope there is a little Girl embie waiting to inplant for you tomorrow. As for work, I totally support calling in sick! Thinking if you, hand hold!

Sneaky squeeze, if you're lurking, pout!

Thinking of the others too, esp rabbit!

joy hang in there and call in sick tomorrow as everyone says, or send work an email now saying you're feeling awful and will be back in the office on Friday so you don't have to talk to people on the phone. You just need to get through the next 24 hours. Incidentally of my embryos (and we had six in the end at blasto) only 2 were at blasto on day 5. I have heard of lots of women here in the US who have day 6 transfers successfully. It is going to be ok, I reckon there is a little joylet in this batch waiting for you. Massive massive hand hold.

rabbit my love I am so sorry you had such a horrible time at the doctor. I think this may be the consultant being an arse. You only need one good egg, and you've had CPs in the past so you are clearly still producing them. I wasn't ovulating on Clomid or on my own and still produced eggs, you will too once you're on the drugs. We are all here for support. I feel very strongly that you are going to be a mum.

lemon hope the mentalling is staying at bay. Not long now.

Oh and mrsd what a f*cking bitch. Sounds like the sort of thing girls would do in my secondary school. You do realise that you have full dispensation now to ask her why she looks fat after Christmas now. I have greys too, who gives a shit, you've got a gorgeous husband and you're a beautiful girl inside as well as out, the odd stray hair isn't going to change that. I'd be tempted to tell her that you can dye your hair but you can't change an ugly personality.

pout I am thinking of you, your last post made me so sad, I am so sorry you're going through this pain.

Den - ignore the silly, rude cow bag. Grrrrrrrr. Do not allow her or anyone else to make you feel anything except the wonderful lady you are. You are not a failure. You are ffighting for your family. You have more strength in your little finger than most people have in a lifetime.

Joy - ok sweetheart, deep breath. Your feelings are totally valid and the tears are totally to be expected. Can you go sick from work for the rest of the week, seriously consider this if you can. Day 6 blasts do have a great chance. Fet cycles can be more successful as the embryos are clearly strong in the first place, but that doesnt mean that a strong 6 day blast wont be put back tomorrow that would also have been a good fet blast......if that makes sense. And quite a few are still growing??- they havent arrested which they surely would by now if they were struggling. I think you have a gaggle of girls! The waiting is horrid and sadly we can't predict what the next few days will bring. But right now, you still have the hope of a blast transfer tomorrow. Hang in there, keep talking on here.

rabbit - oh what a horrid day, I am so sorry for the feelings of shame and upset. But I 100% agree with what everyone else has said.........nothing in this world to be ashamed of. My goodness I would love to see other people cope with a big op, a medium op, 2 miscarriages and endless hopsital tests and fuck ups. You dealt with all that rabbit, you are the strong one! On a practical note, question and query everything. You are not the right day for follicle counting anyway as cos says and 2 or 3 follicles suggests 3-5 potential eggs for collection, maybe more. Why have these tests been neglected before? How good was the scanner person?? Dont lose hope. Keep going and be really realky kind to yourself.

Joy - I also remember my consultant saying the implantation window is a good 24 hours wide. In a natural cycle implantation time can vary too.

pout - I do think a failed cycle is as severe as grieving for someone close who passed away. It is a hard heavy ache with a feeling of trance like being in a bubble of not knowing where to put yourself. Time out is totally the right thing. We are here whenever you want us. Have some really nice wine, book a spa day, be ultra kind to yourself.

Joy - one last thing, if the clinic do fear the implantatio window is closing and that is a big if, can they all be frozen and you do fet on day 5 next month?

pout, I just wanted to say how very, very sorry I am. And that whatever your Plan B turns out to be, that it brings you & MrP a lot of joy.

Gosh, rabbit, that must have been some hard news to hear! At least there's a plan, and it only takes one, right?

joy, I hope you're OK. I'm sure the clinic would be doing the best they can for you, and I hope all goes well for ET tomorrow. Do look after yourself.

How's your cold, lemon? I've so far managed to stave off the one Mr Rum brought home with lots of Vit C and zinc.

Waves all round. I've been feeling rather fecked off with the world since the cyst news, and haven't taken this delay in starting IVF well. So I'm basically ignoring all things TTC this month, hence not being around here much. On the plus side, there have been copious amounts of . Win some, lose some!

Hope everyone is well, and I'll be back when I'm being less of Debbie Downer.

Joy how are you today? Hoping so much for good news from you. Sar's advice was good as always.

Pout we will miss you :(

Lemon how are you doing?

I have a sore neck, muscular I think. I want to take ibuprofen but try to avoid it these days. I'm fed up of TTC. I want to be normal again.

Good luck, joy! Thinking of you today.

AFM still a bit ill and busy at work, so head lodged in the sand although I am feeling quite sick, but it might just be this evil cold

Waves and luffs from the train!

joy tinking of you today

I'm also thinking of you today, joy.

I'm sad you're leaving us pout. But I understand. Perhaps you could pop back every now and again to tell us how you're getting on. It is like a grievance, it absolutely is. I hope big dog gets on ok with his op.

Lemons, interesting that you feel sick.

Thanks for all your kind words yesterday. Cow woman apologized, apparently another colleague had a go at her for being rude when I was out of the room. So, I don't think I was being overly sensitive if someone else thought it was out of order too. I'm doing my best to avoid her today.

A friends baby is overdue now, it's her second, first was born 15 months after we'd started ttc. Sigh.

Popping on to say good luck joy xx

Grievance?? I meant bereavement obviously.

Lemon - feeling sick you say? That's intriguing.

Mrsd - glad that woman apologised. Some people are unbelievable.

Rum - I am glad you are enjoying the wine. I will look forward to that next week.

Thanks ladies for continuous support. I have had 2 poor quality embryos put back. One still wasn't a blasto so pretty doomed and the other was only just but of poor quality. Nothing for freezing. I quote "they arent good quality on our scale". We are pretty downhearted about it after all the effort and after a special request for the big man to do the transfer, he told me he would, he never did it. got the feeling he didnt want to be associated with our little mites! Roy was like why did they even bother putting them back in. I think it's fair to say this is one of the reasons why we can't conceive. They can't tell us whether it is egg or sperm or just the combo of us both. Of course there is always a chance that a miracle will happen but miracles dodge Roy and I like the plague.
After mammoth reading yesterday i found much evidence that said "There is no validity to the often-stated opinion that an embryo would develop better and have a greater chance of propagating a baby by being inside the uterus earlier, than it would by being allowed to develop into a blastocyst in an incubator."
Therefore it doesn't matter that they took me this far. I guess they got the best out of a bad bunch and it is best that I know and not clinging on to hope for the next 9 days. I am feeling like we are coming to the end of the road with having a bio child. We went to the best clinic and kind of seems pointless pursuing this again. Anyway, I will wait for full confirmation that this was a no go next week.
Next big challenge is trying to do a gestone injection in my back tonight as Roy is away for rest of week. They are thick, 3" long ones and I quite frankly they terrify me!

joy I think the clinic have treated you appallingly but my fingers are crossed, aren't the injections supposed to go in your arse, just do them slowly, maybe ice the area first

mrsd glad the woman aplogised

lemon sick I hear you say :)

Joy I'm sorry you're feeling so downhearted. I will have everything triple crossed for you for the next 9 days - stranger things have happened. You got the best 2 embies and they're now back with you so you're PUPO. Keep going. I have the gestone injections - top outside quarter of arse cheek? They prick a bit to start with but not as bad as I was expecting - in DH's words 'there's enough padding'.

MrsD your colleague sounds a div, I'm glad the other woman had a go.

Lemons still have my fingers crossed for you.

Special wave and hug for Pout, Rabbit and MrsD

Euro hope your trial is going well - quickly scans daily mail for pap pictures of lawyers

Waves everyone else.

Joy I'm so sorry they weren't more positive. I will still keep everything crossed. Against all odds it could still happen for you, but I know how empty such platitudes can sound.

I started a new thread (hopefully with no spelling mistakes this time, but don't count on it). On phone so can't link I'm afraid. You'll all figure it out

Joy - been thinking really hard about what to say........I think the best advice/suggestion I have is 'sod the lot of them'. sod the unhelpful clinic, sod crappy work colleagues and sod anybody or anything else which has made your life difficult these last few months and years. I can totally see your frustration and disappointment. This is a cruel cruel road we travel. Do not think for one minute that I dont think you have every chance of a bfp this cycle - cos i do! And dont think for one minute I dont think you could achieve a natural spontaneous conception - cos I do! But right now you are drained and sad and have been let down and in your shoes I would just switch off from the embryo quality feedback and just live in the moment and allow yourself to be removed from the pain and heavy burden of this cycle. Because ultimately what will be will be. Continue to take your progesterone / various meds but try not to worry any more. You are more than the outcome of an ivf cycle. You have potential to conceive a baby, the timmings of when, where, how, we dont know. So feck the lot of them joy. Just allow yourself to breathe. Live in the moment only. Life is full of twists and turns. Good turns will come. And dont forget you can still get a bfp. But worry about that on test day. Sending mega amounts of love and hugs.

Sorry for crazy ramblings, just want to put a new spin on things.

New thread is here:
TTC-10-months-Part-17