TTC 10+ months part 16

[Buzzybee123]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

mrsd I think that it is totally normal for infertility to make you feel unhappy even though all other aspects to your life are good. In some ways I find the fact that MrP and I are in a happy & healthy relationship, that we have a nice, clean & ordered home and generally are good decent people with lots to be grateful for makes not being able to have a family even more difficult! I think that it is so unfair because we would (probably) make such good parents and so many parents aren't. I had a massive judgey pants moment on Saturday when in Greggs disclaimer, we were buying a loaf of bread not a sausage roll! and there was a little girl in there with her Mum and her hair looked like it hadn't seen a comb in weeks. I felt really sad for the little girl and really angry with the world and the randomness of procreation.

euro I think you must do what you feel is right about the IVF protocol. You are no dummy and you have extensively researched it so go with your gut.
I am so pleased (in a weird way) that you mention your ovulation signs not being as clear as they used to be. Ditto & I hate it.

sea I am sorry that MrS is still finding things tough. That is only natural and I expect the shock of the reality of things are beginning to hit home. I don't think that it has hit MrP yet probably because he lives away from his family.
Awww I feel for you about the fear of the injections. I was the same and worried to death about it for weeks to the point of giving myself headaches. I found it helped for me to almost go into a detached state and I think it definitely helped to take myself off into the kitchen without MrP to inject myself. I didn't want any kind of well mean't cheering on or helpful interjections! Also try and control your breathing. I would take a deep long breath while I injected and then as I was plunging the syringe deeply exhale. Honestly it will be fine. I used to feel faint when I had blood tests so for me to say self injecting is okay means it really is!

cosmos You made me laugh when you said about thinking about your imminent death to calm you down but only if you had 6 months notice! I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who has wacky thoughts when trying to get off to sleep.

euro Your LC sounds ace. MrP and I were commenting on the fact that we had to sign forms saying how we had been offered counselling when the fact is it hasn't been mentioned at all. We anticipate that at the end of the FET cycle we will be sent off with a leaflet on adoption and a price list of their privately funded IVF treatments with still no mention of a counsellor.

gin Of course you can join our retirement home I did laugh at you trashing your Zita West CD. That is class

Waiting to start the OPKs on Wednesday and feeling a bit anxious about missing ovulation, it being an no ovulation month blah, blah. Sometimes I think I like to worry

Hi ladies, some interesting chat.

Cosmos ? sorry to hear about your crap Friday. I also think there is a lot to be said about focusing too much on oneself. I keep being told I need a puppy so I can think and care for something else. Do other people on here who have animals, found it has helped ??
IviG is a blood product and it is taken from about 50 different people. The chances of catching anything nasty is remote but still there is that possibility. The cost is also sickening (£1500 a go) and it takes 4 hours to administer. Intrallipds is basically eggs and olive oil i believe and it costs £350 a go but actually Buzz tells me you can source it from abroad and it costs less. But it only takes about an hour to administer it. The sheer stress of the cost of ivig left me in tears especially as I was having it yet there were signs that my hcg levels weren?t playing ball. At the time, no one could tell me whether that was my immune system perhaps attacking my pregnancy or whether it was a chromosome issue. The trouble was, I spoke to a couple of women whose hcg levels dropped but after having ivig the hcg rose again and it saved the pregnancy.

Lemon ? amazing that you got 6 frosties. That should fill you with a lot of confidence. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Mrsd ? the down periods come and go. Someone on here said I sounded sorted last week but I was having a particularly miserable day when i read that! I was full of panic and anxiety about the future , I couldn?t think of anything positive and for some reason that day it took a hold of me. The next day I was super chirpy. I honestly don?t remember having these emotional swings before ttc.

Pout ? as ever i found i started laughing at your post about before long being dead and so all this stuff will mean nothing and then subsequent abuse in an old people?s home It probably wasn?t meant to be funny but I think it was just relief as I think like that too...a lot! Pout ? we all like to worry, everything is a worry in this process but you won?t miss ovulation. Also, talking of bad parenting. I was curtain twitching yesterday and watching our grim neighbours, ?get your f?ing arse up here and watch the baby?...she shouted to her 12 year old son. This was the same mother who shouted out the window to the same kid several weeks ago and said, ?don?t forget your condoms!?. He?s 12 for crying out loud.

Sea ? have i missed something, what has happened to MrSea and why has he been crying? Also there were some injections that I was warned were supposed to be very stingy and I was terribly scared about doing them. I reckon the key is to ice the area first. Just keep an ice cube on the patch for 30 seconds so it goes numb. Honestly it works a treat and if humira is cold, it can?t be colder than an ice cube so perhaps you won?t notice.

Gin - I?ll send you details but I think you may have trashed her on one of your ZW cds so she probably won?t be for you! Is this your 21 week scan?? Can?t believe how quickly it has gone.

joy at the the cost of IVIG I din't realise it was that much, how often do they recommend it. YES pets do make a difference, there have been some interesting case studies on it, one involved children with serious disabilities, it was amazing to see the changes in the children, I wouldn't be with out my furry little princess she has made such a difference as she gave me something else to focus on no time to worry about me when she needs fussing feeding playing with brushing etc, she has been great company while Barry has been away. they are a great distraction and you can hold them done and listen to your worries

Trashing a zw cd sounds like excellent therapy. I can't believe you're half way through, I don't suppose it had gone quickly for you.

Joy, there was an article in the fail a few weeks ago about the intralipids. The up and down moods sounds familiar. I think it's probably hormone related for me, I feel much worse in the second half of my cycle. Your neighbours sound delightful.

Pout, I have become quite judgy about parenting. It's hard not to think that you would be doing a much better job. I know we'd be good parents and that makes it hard when you see such awful parents around.

Gin, you're spot on. We are all amazing. considering what we've each been going through we are doing just fine and manage to paint a smile on for the world.

Gin ? at thrashing the ZW CD? I am glad the counselling worked for you. Glad you are feeling better in the cooler weather. I am excited for your scan!

Euro ? thanks for that. I think contextualising the pain will definitely help me.

MrsD ? Thanks for the advice. I think I can only leave the injection out for 10 minutes max but letting it warm up will help I am sure. I am with you about poor parenting? I can?t help it but see it around me all the time ? junk food, smoking in front of kids etc etc.

Pout ? Not long now until you start your FET. I am sure ovulation will be fine. Thanks for the tips about injecting. As for MrP, at some point it will probably hit him. Death is tough to deal with but everyone does it differently. MrS also lives far from his folks. I think that?s what makes him worry about MIL all the more. He was v close to FIL and they spoke on the phone most days. It?s sad to watch him as he has always been a very happy and optimistic person. I can?t help but feel he?s lost his spark somewhat. I just hope he recovers. I feel a lot of pressure about the upcoming IVF. I feel it has to succeed, as our family needs some good news soon. Not sure thinking this way is healthy but it?s what I am feeling.

Joy ? I totally understand why the cost of IVIG would stress you out. It is so hard to know whether you should just take the docs advice or insist on alternatives. I have read about IVIG and Intralipids, the latter seems to have a good reputation and the lower cost definitely makes it more appealing. When I found out about my high cytokines I thought about insisting on intralipids instead of Humira (what was recommended) but MrSea told me to just listen to the clinic. It?s tough to know what to do when you know another option is also used in other clinics and is much cheaper. You have been through so much. You are so right about the up and down-ness of TTC. One day great. One day devastated. Re MrSea, My FIL fell on holiday and passed away v suddenly. It?s been a difficult month here at home.

Thank you all for your advice about injecting. I couldn?t sleep last night and send a late night email to my clinic. I basically said that I felt it was wrong that they expected me to inject without ever having done it before and just read the instructions myself. They have now agreed to do my first injection with me on Wednesday which I feel much better about. I am sure I will be fine once I have been shown!

Other than that it?s been quite a worrying time as MrS?s company is ?restructuring? again. MrS is worried about job which means I am also worrying about him. I really hope it?s nothing to be concerned about but it will be the last thing we need on top of FIL?s passing and the upcoming IVF.. Please please let it all be okay.

Sorry for the moan ladies. Just needed to let of f steam as it?s been a tense period. Thanks for listening and for the support lovely 10 plussers

Sea / I am just so sorry to hear about your FiL. How awful for you all and alongside everything else. I also hope the restructuring doesn't affect MrSea but what a worrying time. You are really being hit with a lot of bad luck right now and some tough times. I am sorry. I am pleased the clinic are going to help you with your injection.

Buzz - I must say I am always happy around my parents dogs and I think it would really help if we had one. I don't see it happening though whilst we are in a poky flat with no garden. The cost of ivig was awful and I was having my immunes tested every 3 weeks. It's difficult to know if there is any truth in it.

I really miss having pets. They give so much. As soon as we move to a more suitable house, we will definitely get one. Probably a cat as two owners who work full time would make dog ownership too tricky (plus not really fair on the dog).

Sea, I'm sorry you have had such a tough time.

A quick post from my burrow, I've fallen off mn and wanted to say hello. Particularly to joy - I missed you loads! Also thinking of lemon. And everyone, a catch up post will follow at some point. My family are here from overseas and there have been other non family things that have happened that have been very stressful and complicated but not for public forum, much as I'd like to outpour. In fertility news my clinic list our notes and we missed the pct funding approval meeting by one day. Horseshit. The waiting continues after 1000 phone calls trying to sort it. Day 30, no af, no idea if I've ovd, thermometer is lost. I don't think I did though and have no idea when I might get my period. Having babies around is leaving me no time to read or write but thinking of you all lots. It's also making me desperate for ivf to work, sea your post really resonated.

Bye for a bit.

*lost our notes. Muppets.

Oh not more admin shyte! This really is too much.

And sorry to hear about the things you can't talk about on a public forum. I hope it all gets a bit easier soon.

Helloooo lovely ladies,

Sorry not popped on here for a good week. Work stuff is getting crazy and other (non bad) stressful home stuff has been taking up every minute of my day.

It seems busy on here at the moment and I apologise in advance if I don't manage to fully catch up.

Joy -welcome back. I am in awe of all your new strategies and special diets and treatments. You go girl! Do not give up, be kind to yourself and allow space for other things, yes, but don't give up. Hooray for another round. But remember you have both natural and assisted conception options open to you. A pet is a wonderful idea. By the way I am a real advocate for taking time away from the thread for those of us who are long timers. It does give new perspective when it feels that you literally cant do any more and are getting beyond miserable. Everyone here should remember that there is nothing bad in taking a mental break sometimes.

Cosmos- good luck for fet and sorry for the stressy feelings. I do think you have good egg and embryo quality!! Lady luck just hasnt been on your side so far. Don't give up sweetie.

Gin - oh my goodness, more scary bleeding. i am sorry but it does sound like piles are the culpret. My glamerous new features incude massive thread veins and scabby skin.

Nelly - oh sweetheart, that recent consultation must have sent you in to the glooms. I am sorry. Try to remember the clinic want an outcome, a box to tick. Donor egg is a brilliant option a la buzz and can yeild fast and wonderful results but isn't necissarily the right option for you if you dont feel in your heart that is where you are at. So if you want to keep trying with your top grade embryos, knowing you have had a cp (showing implantation does work), then you go for it. I know finances will become a barrier but biologically speaking you can come up with the goods. is a change of clinic worth a shot? There is some research to show the change in itself can boost sucess rates. You will be a mum my lovely.

Sea - it is still such early days for mr s after his loss. The last thing you need is the stress of a possible restructure at work. Well done for being proactive about the injections. Not training you themselves is borderline negligent and looks like dodgy ground. So well done and tight hand squeeze for the next few weeks.

Rabbit - this admin cock up is not acceptable. Flaming norah, what is wrong with these people. But I know you will fight to get this corrected. Sorry for the other stressers. Im sorry for the awol ovulation too. I guess this is more proof that you did miscarry last month.

Euro - I am sorry that you felt a little sad just recently around the 6 month point. I think it took me a good 18 months at least to truely come to terms with my miscarriage. I don't think many women can identify with that as most other women do conceive again fairly quickly. So the ongoing grief that we feel post mc is not well known about if that makes sense. You do right to focus on your next round. Your chances are excellent.

Buzz and critter - hope you are both well and the nausea/indigestion is easing.

Den - aw sweetheart, I am truely sorry that you feel so fed up. I have 100% been in your shoes. There really isn't any magic remedy or words that make it feel alright. Yes, a happy relationship, a good home and job etc are all wonderful things but that doesn't make you any less entitled to deeply want a baby which is a normal need and want for so many women. You are allowed to feel hurt, distressed and frustrated as wanting a family is a huge deal. Right now you are grieving for what you have been through, are going through and still have to go through. This isn't a ship we can just jump off when we have had enough. We are stuck with it until it resolves itself, that is a heavy heavy burden. And one that most other people will never have a clue about. The level of stress and torment is akin to any huge life event (death, medical treatment, divorce) etc etc yet we are expected to soilder on with life. You do have hope. The fact that your stimming and ec treatment was badly managed means you can expect a better result next time. Is moving clinics an option for you? Be very very kind to yourself. Feel the pain in your heart, it wont go away overnight but distraction is very very important. Cinema, film at home, exercise, plan a dinner party, etc etc. Your time will come den.

So sorry if I missed anyone or anything big.

Nothing new here to report. Like gin just waiting for my 21 week scan very shortly, I still have no bump but have started wearing mat clothes as I am chubbier and have lost my waist so normal clothes do dig in.

Luffs to you all. Xxx

Euro I think it has made me lose my marbles a little bit.

Rabbit. Nice to hear you but sorry you have had a hard time of late. The admin delay is just unacceptable. As if you don't have enough to deal with. A big hug to you. Hope it gets resolved soon.

Thanks Joy and Euro. I'm keeping my chin up. Hoping for the best.

Sar. So good to hear from you. 21 weeks almost gone. That's excellent news. I bet you are glowing.

Waves to all. Rainy where I'm today. A shock to the system. Got so used to lovely weather.

X

Hi everyone

Sorry for spotty posting.

lemon this is the hardest bit. You are nearly there, keep going! I have high hopes for you and your six frosties must be a comfort - a family of Victorian proportions!

rabbit sorry that you're having a rough time. I hope the family visit is providing distraction in a good way, not a stressful way.

joy it is a rollercoaster and it's hard to be 'sorted' about something as exhausting as TTC. I felt like I had this massive unresolved thing hanging over me, and the only way to manage it was to distract myself from it. It's a horrible limbo. And it's awful that financial considerations come into play too. As if it wasn't bad enough just the emotional toll.

sea I am so sorry to hear that things have been so rough, poor MrS. What a pile of crap you've been through. It must be your turn for some good luck, come on universe! I'm shocked that the clinic didn't show you how to do the injections. Mine gave me a tutorial, which I didn't fully take in at the time, but at least it was something. Good for you for contacting them.

cosmos the scratch sounds ouchy but if it works, then it will totally be worth it. I have everything crossed for your FET.

sar sorry to hear about the thread veins, but yay, you're over half-way there! I can't believe it, when I think about how low you were in January. It's just wonderful.

euro a pet sounds like a great idea. I love cats but am allergic to them. One day, when we have a garden, I'd love a dog. Sorry that you aren't coming out to DC for a bit, but yay that it is for such a good reason. The more you can minimise work stress with everything else you're going through, the better.

buzzy hope you're feeling better and the nausea is settling. Mine is much better now apart from the odd dry retch at stinky smells or when I have to take my vitamins.

den I am so sorry you're having such a shitty time. I loved the sunset photo you posted on FB - how beautiful. I wish I could say something to make it better - other than that I am positive that you will get there. I just wish you hadn't had to suffer for so long.

nelly a big hug to you. sar has better words than me, you are going to be a mum. One step at a time and don't feel rushed into anything you aren't ready for. Your embies are top notch, quality not quantity!

Sorry to those I've missed. All's well here. Nothing to report - I am 15 weeks tomorrow and don't look much different, apart from a pot belly (which I had at the start thanks to IVF and OHSS bloating) and spots. Oh and a hairy belly, nice, which luckily noone but me can see. I can't feel anything yet and am just chugging along. It's actually cooled off here which is lovely - it's in the high 20s rather than the mid 30s, and the humidity seems to have gone - almost unheard of in late July. I've been travelling loads for the last six weeks and am looking forward to a calm August.

sea so sorry that you have got additional work worries, what crappy timing. I hope that it all resolves itself soon. I am sure that MrS will get his spark back. It will just take time to get to the other side of the tunnel he is in right now.
It's great that the clinic have finally agreed to give you some kind of instruction on your injections. That must make you feel a bit happier.

rabbit I am so angry on your behalf that you are dealing with yet more cock ups. Haven't they messed you about enough. I am sure it will be sorted but you so don't need the hassle.
I am sorry also to hear that you have other stresses too. Chin up!

sar Oh no at scabby and veiny. I can sympathise with the scabby business. I have a boily type spot on my chin that just wasn't going so in my wisdom I decided that it needed drying out. My preferred means to do this wasn't spot cream or toothpaste or anything sensible like that. No, I decided that the best course of action was to sit for half an hour with a cotton pad soaked in neat Dettol pressed against it. The result is now what was an unsightly canker is now a more unsightly canker surrounded by a ring of vivid purpley/grey, shiney, wrinkly skin akin to a chemical burn the size of a 50 pence piece. I have managed to simply signpost the original boil so that anybody within a 10 metre radius of me can spot it with absolute ease.
[excited face] at you being in maternity clothes

joy My dogs have been a major source of comfort and when I have been veering towards slumping into a full scale depression have given me the kick up the bum to keep going not least to make sure that they are walked and kept company. My only reservations are two fold. One I think that because of the barreness I am probably too attached to them and am absolutely terrified of when they die probably more so than if I had children. Second, as much as I adore them and wouldn't be without them for the world, MrP and I have pondered on the fact that not having children we would have so much more freedom (and cash!) if we had never got the dogs. Because of the dogs we don't seem to have the benefits of the infertility booby prize of "no ties", "freedom and Gucci handbags applenty" so often bandied about as comforting words (and we could live in a flat and pay less rent!). However that said I would NEVER swap them for anything whispers not even a babybee

x-post critter 15 weeks wow! at a hairy tum. No crop tops then for you!

pout sudocrem is your friend with spots - I'd try it on the burn... it seems to calm them down without massively drying them out, in a good way. The thought of me in a crop top right now is horrifying. It wasn't even a good look for me the last time I tried it, circa 1994. Thank goodness I'm in a conservative (read - stodgy) city where that look isn't in style!

Lemon - The six frosties sounds so promising. I really hope that this is your cycle.

Sea - Huge hug and a cup of tea. It really pours sometimes, I am so sorry things have been so hard lately.

Euro - I definitely don?t know what I would do without my kitty and dog. They make great company. I agree that a cat is best when you?re both working lots of hours.

Critter - 15 weeks already! I also had to at the hairy belly. I have only been a bit spotty with nails growing at an out of control speed (so far). Have you had a scan yet? They checked my ovaries (at nearly 13 weeks) during mine and didn?t find the cysts ? I was wondering if this had also happened to you.

Sar - I?m glad everything is progressing so well. Sorry you have been so busy, has the tiredness/exhaustion of early pregnancy worn off for you yet?

Gin - The bleeding sounds like it would be terrifying. I am a bit of a fool and freaked out when I had a little after wiping ? mine was from piles. 21 weeks! You?ve passed the halfway point - that is amazing!

Rabbit - I?m sorry about the recent stresses.

Sea - Good for you insisting that they help you with the first injections. I agree with you and do think it?s wrong to force someone with no experience to play with a needle at home if they are not comfortable with it.

Joy - Welcome back. I hope the time away gave you the time you needed to start healing - you have been through quite a lot in the past year. I find having pets has helped me enormously, they are always there for you and provide you with a ready made activity that you must accomplish (walking, playing fetch etc) ? I find these activities helped me shut off and focus on something other than my fertility ishoos.

Buzzy - I hope all the sickness you?ve been feeling has started to wear off.

Pout and MrsD - I understand being a bit judgy about other people?s parenting ? Mr.Grouch started being a bit angry about the randomness of procreation at some point during the infertility investigations. He just couldn?t believe how unfair it was that some people (namely a relative who was having children removed from their care) could procreate repeatedly.

I have been kept off of mn with family emergencies (someone in intensive care and another seems to be starting dementia), power outages and work craziness ? I?d like to apologize about the almost non-existent posting in recent weeks. Also to anyone I may have missed in my attempted catch up post.

AFM, other than the family stresses everything is going well. I am waiting for the call from the hospital for my 20 week scan, apparently they occasionally give as little as 24-hours notice (twiddles thumbs). Ironically, we received our fertility diagnosis during the last visit with the ob/gyn: low fertility due to male morphology issues and polycystic ovaries.

Just a quick one as you've dropped off my convos. Lots to say and hugs aplenty but for now I am . It's so silly but just got a + on an OPK (cheapy version, I have squinted at it to try to decide I colours match) but it was backed up by smiley digital face.

Ok so not a BFP but the only other times I've tried to use them they have been stubbornly blank. I'm pleased because a) I'm not stupidly broken and b) I read my body properly.
The downside is MrNelly is currently out then away at stupid o'clock tomorrow for 36 hours. FFS!

Anyway I've had a clinic thought too. Will post later x

Euro - sounds like a good plan to me. Like you say, you know it worked before so makes sense to think along those lines again. It sounds like overall you've been quite happy with the clinic apart from admin nightmares?

Sea hope the first injection went ok. Sorry to here of MrS being so upset, that must be really hard.

Hi Gin and Sar, good luck for your next scans. Are you a bit tempted to book a private one every week money no object just to keep staring at him / her? Gin, loved the therapy recommendation of trashing Zita west DVD!

Critter I did laugh at the hairy belly. Glad things still going well. I like that success story people hang around still, makes it still seem possible!

MrsD re the doing EC too early, you're with ARGC aren't you? I read of someone on another thread who was with them and she had EC really early and ended up with 2 eggs rather than the predicted 7 or 8 - is it their policy do you think to try to get the leading ones at the right time? It has crossed my mind (and quickly pushed out again) that this FET will most likely be with eggs that i probably wouldn't have produced on my own as they were numbers 4 and 5 on that particular round. Who knows whats the best way round, glad i don't work in this field.

Pout I'm with you at the randomness of procreation and seeing kids who look like they're not being properly looked after.

Joy that's interesting about the intrallipids vs ivig. I had intrallipids with the last round and was wondering if ivig would help me any better. But when I saw MrS he said in his clinic he does mostly intrallipids now because of cost and comparable success rates. I have seen a quite convincing study online though about ivig giving increased pg rates. That cost is unbelievably high though.

Buzzy how did your organise your intrallipids? Through Mr S's clinic or elsewhere?

Rabbit hope you're ok?

Nelly, yah to ovulating all by yourself - see, your system still works and obvs thinks your eggs are still ace and worth pumping out!

I do wish I was a pet person sometimes, i like the idea of them. Shame i'm terrified of anything non-human (and quite a few humans too!). Dogs are good for my fitness though - when i go running i frequently have to sprint to get away from a stray dog! Isn't it funny how dogs go towards people who are scared of them? i'm a dog magnet. I have been bitten on a number of occasions if that justifies my phobia somewhat to you pet-lovers. Maybe i should try the hypnotism!

Anyway, I went and had my down-reg injection today - was all fine just 1 injection in my bum, now nothing until about day 3 or 4 of next cycle when i go in for scan. Sweet girl in the clinic called me 'young' and my embryos 'lovely'. I know she says it to everyone but i lapped it up all the same . I had a quick chat with a girl in the waiting room. No pleasantries, just straight to the point - what kind of cycle, where where we at with it all, number of years trying - just the kind of vital stats you share with a stranger, you know.

Cosmos - I hadn't quite registered you were down ragging for the FET. That is hard work. Anyway glad you are off and away. Will tou do intrallipds again? Oh and dogs smell fear. My mother is a dog lover but after a run in with am Alsatian when she was a kid she is terrified of them. And some how she can walk past one and they will always go for her. I remember this one chasing her down the street and pinning her by the throat up against a wall. It's quite weird!!

Cosmos - are you expecting a boy I wonder? Aren't hairy bellies an indication of more testosterone and hence a boy?

Sweet - wow 20weeks already . Goodness I find other people pregnancies go fast.

Nelly - yippee at the positive opk. I understand that feeling and have danced in the loo on several occasions when I have got a positive.

Pout /- dogs are special. I remember when our dog was sick and we were told there wasn't long left, such was my despair that i proclaimed if she went I was going with her. ( I was 18 as well Also I don't see a problem being attached to an animal. People can over indulge their kids so why not pets?

Rabbits lovely - so sorry to hear about tough time. I hope you are ok. Sorry for shocking admin as well, it's enough to drive one crazy and adds so juch stress. Roy waited 4 months for a hospital appt today. Took the whole morning off work. Got there and was told there was nothing they could do because he hadnt had am MRI scan. So he was sent away.

Sar - wow 21 weeks as well. Does it feel real yet?

I had a really really weird experience in hypno today. My eyes went in to this weird chronic fluttering mode and I was aware it was happening but I couldn't move my body or stop it. When the session was over she asked me what I thought of one of the stories she was telling me and I had no recollection of saying it . I didn't find it relaxing, it was like I had lost control. So bizarre!

Cosmos- I am sorry about para two, I meant Critter . Not good using a phone for this.

Lemon - meant to say big whoops for the frosties and the current one on board. Things are looking very positive for you indeed.

Joy - wow at the weird eye thing. I wonder what was going on there. Do you think she tapped in to something?

Pout - hope you are ok. I think you wil be following in gins footsteps very soon. Sorry for the scabby boil - oh dear.

Cosmos - well done for starting downregging. What a lovely lady at your clinic.

Nelly - hoorah for positive opk and knowing your mind and your body. You go girl. Dtd a good two or three times before he goes away???

Sweet - I am ok with the tiredmess. Its the nausea and indigestion that still gets me, but thats ok. I know its worth it.

Critter - snap at the hairy belly. Although they are blonde they are super obvious to me.

cosmos admin has actually been fine at my clinic. My admin nightmare was long ago when the NHS lost my referral from the GP to the fertility clinic not once but twice. Since then I have had regular rants about the admin adding to the overall shyteness of this process! rabbit I hope they will sort it out soon.

joy that sounds really odd. I have just signed up for my first hypno session later this week. I am really hoping that she can help me be less mental about EC.

At 18 or so I lay on the floor with my sick doggie (didn't realise it was terminal) and as I was hugging her I felt her heart slow and then stop beating. I remember it vividly. :( I loved her so much.

Hurrah for smiley faces nelly

Eek at the hairy tums.

sweet sorry to hear that you have had family emergencies, but it's great news that you are heading towards 20 weeks!

pout I am giggling (somewhat unkindly!) about your spot debacle. I have found a stick in boots with witch hazel at one end and tea tree on the other which seems to largely do the trick for me.

Right catch up here goes....

Sweet oh the irony of the low fertility diagnosis whilst at a pregnancy appointment. I think I'd have had a wry smile to myself at that one. It seems to be going so quickly! Nearly 20 weeks already, wow. Family emergencies not allowed though.

Euro Hypno can do wonders and I hope it works for you. For me I don't think I ever felt it did good. She maybe gave me a few conscious coping mechanisms but not much else; but then I never felt entirely sure about her as a person and I think it's key that you believe in them. I gave her enough money though . Oh and she also told me that 90% of her clients have successful IVF on their first round. HA!

Joy sounds like your hypno was better than mine! I am glad you understand the Happy OPK moment (today it was lighter again so surge must have passed and OV around about now, I think?)

Sar - we managed last night, his 5am alarm put paid to anything more. Oh well, now I know they work I might use them again. Eek to hairy bellys to you and Critter. Sorry you are still suffering a little bit with the nausea. As always thanks for your lovely words

Pout there is no such thing as being too attached to pets. Those of you on FB will know I am fond of posting cute pics . Sorry the thought of FET is worrying you; there is every reason to be optimistic though. I've had really bad spots recently too. I finally found something that helps (Elemis SOS emergency cream) but to be honest I bet sudacreme is just as good; it's just that mine lives outside, don't ask!)

Ooh cosmos good luck for the DR. I hope it all goes ok. Everyone is here for the hand holding. Oh and MrsD is overseas so I presume not at ARGC. Don't worry about not being a pet person, I think we outed a couple of those before . We let them stay... I have to say I don't even look the other couples in the eye at the clinic. It never occurred to me to talk to them.

Critter wow at being 15 weeks. I am glad your travelling is going to calm down now. Your weather chat makes me jealous though! I made a point of not working out dates related to my IVF cycle and I have to stop myself comparing to you and Art, who I co-cycled with; so when I read 15 weeks my heart skips a beat. But it's only briefly and then I move on and go back to being for you . On that note, if and when I go again I am thinking about not telling anyone. Including the 10+ers. That might fall by the wayside if I need the "ooh there isn't much going on in here" support; but I think that I want to try to keep it to ourselves? Last time a couple of people knew, but even though it wasn't meant to, in a strange way it adds a layer of pressure? Anyway I reserve the right to change my mind

Rabbit you know where I am lovely . FFS at more admin disasters.

MrsD back up-thread a bit but I had a fair funk after this round. It was initially fine and then a massive tent dwelling period. I think I'm only ok because I have holidays etc planned; and despite not a great clinic appointment it's good to have another round on the horizon. But I need the break in between cycles mentally. I always feel like I want to be on the other side of the fence. When cycling, I get fed up with the monitoring, mainly because it's never a very upbeat process in my case; but then when I'm not in the midst of it I feel a bit abandoned . Anyway this too shall pass; and for what it's worth a stern talking to at the clinic and a bit more care on their part will be all it takes, I'm sure.

Lemon did I already comment on your amazing frosties?? That is stuff of dreams for me, it must take the pressure off somewhat! How are you doing, is tomorrow OTD?

Sea I am sorry you and MrSea have more worries. There should definitely be a law that anyone suffering from infertility is not allowed any other crap; sadly it seems to be quite the opposite sometimes. I am glad the process is moving on a bit for you though.

Gin - wow at being 21 weeks! Haha at the ZW trashing!

So going back to my clinic appointment. They didn't tell me outright that DE was my only chance, but just pointed out the numbers game. Really between MN and general googling I didn't expect them to have some kind of magic solution, I'm aware my AMH and AFC and poor responses previously don't bode well. I was however left feeling that they didn't really get what I was trying to say about why I wanted to try LP (in summary, last time I had a few smaller follicles that grew more slowly and the lead one was ready way before they were; I want to try DR to see if I can get those follies up to speed). The irritating thing is the inconsistency. The other clinic we were going to go to initially only do LP and in fact told me I'd get more eggs that way . Someone asked about other clinics, and I guess in that respect we've already had a second opinion. There isn't much more choice; but something dawned on me the other day. So current plan would be to done one more Flare protocol at current clinic, using scratching, heparin and (maybe) assisted hatching. Then if it doesn't work I think we will pay for a private round at our NHS clinic. That works out a bit cheaper than full private and I think they will do LP as standard, so that gets me my final thing to try. If all that hasn't worked, that will have been 4 rounds and quite enough money gambling on my poorly ovaries, and DE it will be.

Going to post now then see what I missed!!