TTC 10+ months part 16

[Buzzybee123]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

[Cosmos1]

Hi all,

Doll, lovely to hear how you're getting on. I love your laid back attitude, and your low key response to your bump! Hope the various arrangements go smoothly, or just go! I'm sure it will all work out, seems like things were meant to be if you believe in all that?

Lemons thinking of you and hope you're getting on ok.

Gin oh my gosh about you still checking the loo roll! I really hope you get to relax at some point, Buzzy too. What Euro said about the psychological scars of going through this seem so true, and an extra unfairness of it all. Old habits die hard I suppose, but you're both past major milestones now. Not long till they arrive!

Pout and Gin the scratch was done by inserting a plastic stick with a slightly jagged (but blunt) edge through a tube in the cervix - so like ET but rather than receiving embryos, getting a sharp short wince instead. The Dr that did it must have done similar procedures a million times, because the whole thing probably took 15 seconds!

Pout your take on Joys first hypno made me laugh. I'm jealous of you doing natural FET, they must rate your system! I'm doing a medicated one and start downregging next Tues. I'm nervous about it after all the talk on here about it sending people into black moods. I can't remember what I took last time.

Euro hope you had a fab holiday - i spent a couple of years in that country, one of my favourite places. So sorry about the significant date. It's so hard isn't it, and I agree about the next generation thing. I often feel like I've took a wrong turn and ended up on the wrong path and try as I might I just can't get back on track. It sometimes shocks me how much time has gone by. I haven't had an mc so can't understand completely but I too feel your time must surely nearly be here.

Rabbit big hugs, how frustrating - hopefully it won't affect the baseline tests too much.

Nelly so sorry for the wtf month - there's nothing worse. Hope you're ok. I agree there's every chance it will happen for you. Have you thought about trying another clinic for a consultation at least to get a second opinion? Opinions seem to vary hugely ime.

Lovely Joy! So great not just to hear from you but that you've been doing so many positive things - I'm very impressed you've turned it round from such a dark place to doing so much to help things along. You were so close,I really hope this just tips the scales in your favour. Great news about doing another round. Why are you keen on intrallipids instead of ivig out of interest? Your friend sounds thoughtless. I tend to think these days that blunt questions or comments deserve blunt responses, but it doesn't make me feel any better afterwards. Is it just because she's confident everything will work out for you therefore isn't worried about you? (clutches at straws)

Sea good news for getting started! Has someone told you to pinch a good bit of skin first between thumb and finger, either side of belly button?

Mrsden that's exactly how I feel about the being messed about with. I can deal with the drugs, the uncertainty, the thought of doing all this, but having to let strangers prod and poke my most private areas just feels emotionally like daggers in my heart. I hate hate hate it.

Welcome Absy, I agree that part where you go from normal person to one having to deal. With ishoos in this area, and accepting that its happening to you I found the hardest stage to deal with. The plus is that you know what you're dealing with relatively early on, and good on your DH for taking action! A lot of DH's need significant nagging to do stuff like that!

I too have had a shite day. A work thing didn't go we'll yesterday I don't think and have been brooding on it. Just in one of those 'I'm a failure at everything' moods. Think it is mostly fear and worry about starting next round next week.

On the subject of the royal baby, all I can say is my favourite coverage by far so far is Whoopi Goldberg
www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2378054/Whoopi-Goldberg-Barbara-Walters-clash-royal-baby-coverage-The-View.html

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Quiet on here this weekend! Thanks for all the thoughts. I am having a head in the sand approach to being PUPO although I have not drunk since ET, clearly not alcoholic I just got a letter from the clinic and apparantly we have 6 frosties a bit more than the 2 they told us might make it. So that is a relief as OTD looms this week. I will be ignoring the internet as much as I can, but had to share and google success rates of frosties manically

Welcome absy and come on universe, this thread does deserve a break.

[mrsden]

Wow, lemons, that's fantastic. Hopefully this round will work for you but if not you will have your frosties. I think that was what I was most upset about with my failed round, that I didn't have anything in the freezer so I've got to start again.

Is anyone else having a down period just now or is it just me? I'd picked myself up after the Ivf and was doing really well but the last week or so I feel quite sad and a little bit angry about it all. Everyone is pregnant or has children and I really do feel left out now. I'm fed up of all this and struggling to be positive. I think I've reached the limit if my patience.

I don't think my friend is pregnant so at least I can look forward to our weekend away. I didn't ask her outright but I had a lengthy conversation with her and nothing she said made me think she was. I think theres probably going to be a späte of Second Baby announcements Sohn.

[mrsden]

Sorry, damn autocorrect. Spate of second baby announcements soon!

[mrsden]

On the royal thing. The only thing that bothers me is that they managed the textbook married two years then give birth thing. It's a reminder that this is how it is for most people. That thread on did anyone have sex and get pregnant is another reminder of how it is for 'normal' people.

[Cosmos1]

It always makes me smile how much quieter the thread is on the weekend than during mon-fri.

Lemon that sounds like great news. Which clinic are you with again, I like their approach.

Mrsden yes I wonder if its something to do with the weather? Sunny days seems a reminder of times that should be happy. Imagine having a whole nation discussing your birth and belly though. Gah. I'm so thankful they didn't have problems, if the nation was suddenly awash with incessant conversations about the difficulties of conceiving I think it would drive me up the wall. Can remember who said they don't envy her position but I agree, the whole thing is not what I would want. I do know what you mean though.

In today's sunday times style magazine in the agony aunt column (anyone read it?) the advice she gives is about too much attention on yourself, and about the purpose of your existence causing significant unhappiness. Do you think that's part of what's hard, that you end up inevitably focusing on yourself and your place in the world? She recommends turning your gaze outwards and reminding yourself we are only specks in a universe to obtain more happiness. I might take up astronomy.

[mrsden]

I'm not sure thinking of myself as a tiny speck makes me feel any happier

Joy, I know your hypnotherapist is right in that the best thing would be to embrace other people's pregnancies but that's a very hard thing to do. I think If you haven't been suffering with infertility it seems like good advice but I'm not sure it's that easy to do.

[Buzzybee123]

lemon 6 frosties is great, fingers crossed for Thursday, is that your OTD or the clinics ??

cosmos I agree about the royal birth, I would hate to be constantly judged by the public for any decisions I made, names, clothing etc etc, there life might look perfect to the outside world but I bet they still argue about mundane stuff. Thank goodness it there were no problems as we the public would have to hear all about it so when does FET begin :)

mrsd you seem so down my lovely, have you thought about seeing someone, like a counsellor, just to talk things through, I know I feel like a totally different person since life coaching and I don't think I would have survived IVF without it, I found that IVF was more of an emotional and psychological drain than physical

comosI haven't read the article but I can see where she is coming from, I think we as humans put alot of pressure on ourselves to meet certain levels and to reach targets in life, we feel there are certain expectations of us, sometimes from other people too that are really not obtainable, I think its more about being realistic with yourself and what you want to achieve with your life and what will make you happy.
I certainly don't give a stuff about pleasing other people, the only person I need to please is myself I given on trying to please the cat

[CritterPants]

Hi everyone, hope you're all having lovely calm Sundays. I've been catching up on some sleep since traveling home last week.

lemon that is an amazing result with the frosties. I have everything crossed for you. When is OTD? This is an incredibly stressful time and you're managing brilliantly.

mrd it's natural to feel shit, there has been so much Royal baby stuff. It's bloody hard. October will be here before you know it, hang in there - and definitely talk to them about your cycle and concerns that they triggered you too early last time.

joy it's so nice to see you, and fantastic that you are able to do another cycle. You sound like you've been managing the aftermath of your horrible experience brilliantly. I will have everything crossed for your next round and be sending you and Roy lots of love and luck.

cosmos I was ok on downregging, I think it depends on how you react to hormones. To be honest the run up to IVF is stressful however you go about it. We'll be here for paw holding!

sea YouTube is your friend with the injections. One thing I did which helped me was to ice the area I was going to inject first with a cold pack from the freezer. And the pinching of the tummy area before you do the jab really helps, get it in the skin/fat.

pout where are you at with FET? Brilliant that you can do it with a natural cycle.

nelly don't let them push you into a step that isn't right for you yet. You are producing eggs, and it only takes one. You just haven't had the magic egg yet! Your experience last time with the chemical really makes me think it's just that you need the lucky golden egg. It's a numbers game.

Welcome absy, I hope you don't have to stay here too long. This is a wonderful safe place.

euro I am so sorry about the date. A lovely holiday sounds like a great idea, you need to have a break after the stress of your job and TTC crapness.

Sorry to everyone I've missed. Brain a bit slow today for some reason.

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

OTD is Thursday. Am going to continue the head in sand method, which has stood me in good stead so far. But thanks all for the good wishes. Sorry about the nice weather induced mehness. I had a tinge of that when we ended on a children-infested terrace, and the coffee was shit too, yesterday. Hand holds, lemon cake and love to you all!

[mrsden]

Hi critters are you back in the states? I heard that you're having a bit of a heat wave over there. How are you doing?

Head in the sand sounds like a good way to get through the 2ww lemons.

Buzzy, I'm down about ttc but not about life in general if that makes any sense? I just feel impatient and fed up with the ttc stuff, and its hard coping when everyone around you finds it so easy. I think I would have counselling at some point to help me come to terms with not having children at all. But currently I don't think it would help unless the counsellor is going to wave a wand and make me pregnant.

[Poutintrout]

lemons that is an amazing number of frosties, it must take the pressure off a lot. That is potentially another 3 (siblings to this successful cycle of course!) FETs.

mrsd I admit to the old feelings creeping back a bit over the last week. I was starting to process everything & feel a bit cross with myself over allowing the crap to creep back in. I think that it has been the royal baby and upcoming FET. I hate any threads that shine a light on how abnormal I am in the baby stakes. I was reading another thread and thinking how unfair it is that I will never have to think about contraception again and how abnormal that it.

cosmos I only read papers where the problem page is accompanied by a comic strip style problem scenario with photos where for some inexplicable reason all the laydees are pictured in their grundies. That or Dear Deirdre but I don't think that she would advocate pondering the Universe Seriously though I like the whole imagining we are just a speck. I do often think that I am inconsequential in the grand scheme of things and that before long I will be dead and all this infertility stuff won't mean toffee. Then I swing back into panicking that my imminent death is all very well but I will most likely die alone and perhaps not be discovered for weeks or will die in an old peoples home possibly being abused by the staff with nobody to visit and blow the whistle. I possibly think too much

buzz I did laugh at you giving up on pleasing Kayla

[mrsden]

Pout, perhaps we should set up a 10plussers retirement home. Gin on tap.
When is the fet?

[eurozammo]

LOL@ cosmos overthinking!

Drizz 6 frosties is brilliant. Almost makes me wish I had persevered with the downregging - almost. Not long now to OTD.

critter how are you bearing up in the heat? My lot are trying to get my out to your neck of the woods in late August but I am doing my best to wriggle out of it by refusing to go as it potentially clashes with EC and ET for IVF#3. Even if it narrowly misses it, the stress of worrying about the possibility of a clash will be unhelpful. So my next visit might be a while off - maybe I'll even get to meet mini critter then!

mrsd I agree that you do sound very unhappy recently. I don't know what the answer is. I didn't find my counselling session at my old fertility clinic helpful, but I do use acu as a sort of "downloading" session and that seems to be good for me.

[mrsden]

Euro, would you ever consider doing a full cycle of Ivf with downregging? Or will you stick with natural? I'm interested to see what my clinic suggests this time. Is your weight gain water retention? I found I was a little bloated after the cycle but I think it was water rather than fat. I'm back to my usual weight now.

I think it's pretty impossible not to feel unhappy about this all isn't it? Or am I unusual?

[Cosmos1]

MrsD when you say you're not down about life in general, would you say you're happy about most other areas of your life? I find it seeps into my view of everything. Gin on tap sounds great.

Pout lol with the over thinking! Glad it's not just me with the crazy thoughts. I sometimes find the only way to stop worrying and get some sleep is to imagine my imminent death (usually with 6 months notice so time to do some cool stuff first). eek. And yes what is it with the pictures of laydees in their grundees on problem pages?! Often while on the phone

Critter and Buzzy thanks lovelies for the advice. I start downregging on tues so ET should be end aug.

Lemon thurs isn't long. How are you feeling, or shouldn't I ask?

Euro would you stick to natural cycle no matter what the clinic say next time do you think?

[mrsden]

Cosmos, eek your cycle is almost here, wishing you loads of luck.

It does seep into other areas but I try to separate it. Work keeps me busy and when I'm working I rarely think about it, except when colleagues talk about singing contractions. I have a very happy marriage and I'm so grateful for that because I can see how ttc could tear couples apart. We have a very good lifestyle, partly because we have no real responsibilities. generally, Life is good. Except for the lack of baby part, and its when I think about that that I get down. Or when I think about the future.

[Buzzybee123]

pout there is no pleasing the furry one she has been very affectionate lately, if you die at home your dogs will be loyal and stay with you, if I die at home my cat will eat me when do you start with OPK's ??

euro I think clinics offer the one counselling session as its a requirement that they need to fill, I don't see the point in one session

mrsd I just don't like to think of you so sad, as critter said it will soon be October :) I was fed up with the whole TTC thing not so much life, but I found that it did affect other aspects of my life, what I got out of it was that even if IVF didn't work I had other plans in place and that I knew would be OK if I was childless as I had a very happy marriage and I wouldn't be without. It helped that my LC had been in my shoes, she chose to be childless in the end and didn't try IVF.

critter Glad you are home safe :)

[Cosmos1]

Thanks MrsD. That sounds very balanced to me, I'm glad you can appreciate other things. At least this way, we've still got it all to come. ?

[eurochick]

mrsd I am a "never say never" kind of person but I would say that a full short protocol cycle is more likely than trying downregging again. For now we will stick with natural.

I think I've said on here before, I didn't realise how empty and sad I had been feeling until those few short weeks of pregnancy before my mc. I feel the same as you that I have a lot to be grateful for (strong marriage, interesting job, stable finances, etc). But there is definitely something missing.

Mine is definitely chub rather than water retention, but it does seem to be shifting now, albeit very slowly. I hope to get back in the 9s before cycle 3 (which would mean losing 2 lbs in the next 2 weeks). Most of it was gained when preggo/during the mc when I was trying to eat well as I felt so week, plus comfort eating cos I was mizz.

cosmos we have a follow up consultation just as my next period will be due (marking the start of the next cycle). I could be persuaded to do a mild cycle. Mr euro is actually more anti than I am. I guess he is the one who has to live with me on the drugs. Also, the closest we have come was on the fully naturally cycle, so it seems logical to go back to that. We will see what they say though. I think they are unlikely to recommend a conventional cycle, as the clinic marks itself out by specialising in natural/mild.

buzz my counsellor was rubbish. She just sort of head-tilted and sympathised but said nothing useful at all. I might as well have spoken to Mrs Jones down the road. I suspect you are right, that the provision of the counsellor is just box-ticking.

[Buzzybee123]

euro the fact they only give you one free session shows how little clinics place emphasis on the emotional and psychological affects of the IVF process

[seaviewasia]

Nelly ? I am so sorry you didn?t feel you got the answers you wanted at your follow up. DE does sound like a very big step. How do you feel about it? Sounds like maybe there are other things you can do like the scratch and steroids before DE? I think it?s all very well to listening to the professionals but we have to be comfortable to take these steps. Your bits are not useless at all. Really none of us know why this is so difficult. A big hand hold to you and MrN.

Pout ? Yes only 1 more month of antibiotics to go. I can?t wait? Thanks for asking after MrSea. He is doing better. We spent a few days with MIL and when we were leaving it was v sad and there were tears all around. So hard to see MrSea crying so much as he isn?t really very emotional. He is v worried about mum for obvious reasons. How is MrP doing? I am the same re the royal baby. I am not jealous at all but really cannot handle the constant coverage. It?s too much. I feel for you re family members telling others about our private business. MIL is exactly the same.

Lemons ? Well done on the frosties. That?s excellent. I hope you won?t need them though? Fingers and toes crossed for Thursday

Cosmos ? totally agree with you about royal baby coverage. Who cares?

MrsD ? I totally understand how you feel. It?s normally to feel that way after what you have been through. It is hard to keep our spirits up after all this time but it really does come and go I find. I find myself like a yoyo ? up and down. Some days I feel really okay and then some small thing will trigger off feelings of sadness and angry. Be gentle on yourself. I can?t agree more with you about the royal baby news and people who haven?t been through long term TTC really think it is that easy ? ie you snap your fingers and you get preggers and you fit it in when it suits you. I am similar to you in that I am really quite happy with life outside of TTC. A big hug to you.

Absy ? welcome to the thread. Hope your stay is a short one and that you find it supportive and informative. I feel for you? I think the 1 year mark does make it difficult? however there stats of falling pregnant naturally is okay after 1 year. Keep trying! But you are doing the right thing getting tests done and kicking the AC ball rolling. Hopefully you won?t need it though.

Critter ? How are you? Nice to hear you. How?s it all going? When is the next scan and are you feeling good? Glowing?

Gin ? And you? Sorry you are still checking for AF? Hopefully as time goes on you will feel more confident that all is well. I really hope it becomes more stress free very soon.

Buzzy ? Totally agree that clinics don?t really take counselling seriously at all. Nothing more than a tick box exercise for them.

Euro ? It?s good to concentrate on the positive. You have had a terrible time of it and of course these dates don?t make things any easier.

Joy ? So nice to have you back on thread. Yes I was surprise clinic didn?t help at all about Humira injection. They basically told me I just have to read the instructions and figure it myself. I think they do teach sessions for IVF related injections but when you are still figuring out your immunes stage you are really not priority. Don?t get me wrong I think they are right but it has been difficult as I really have no clue about injecting anything. When do you plan to do your next cycle? Sept or Oct?

Not much going on here. I am fretting about my 1st humira injection on Tuesday. Was okay until I came across forum of people who use it all the time ? for crohns and arthritis. Seems like these injections really hurt ? mainly because they are very cold or something. I have watched a lot of Youtube videos and I guess I just have to go for it! I know how pathetic I sound by the way but just very nervous. Embarrass I am such a wimp.

[Ginestas]

Woohoo lemons! 6 frosties is amazing and bodes well for the quality of those onboard . Hope you're not going too nuts in the 2ww.

mrsd I think it's v normal to feel sad after a failed ivf. I know I certainly did. In fact, all last summer I felt crap about it and only started to feel better during autumn, until the pre ivf appointment plunged me back into ttc despair. The only advice I can give is to keep busy and plan lots of treats. And remember infertility is a very hard thing to deal with. I think the fact that we're all generally sane and carrying on with our normal lives, whilst dealing with all the ttc shite is amazing.

pout positive thoughts about Colin! You stand a v good chance of it working. And can I come to the gin laden old people's home?!

euro I doubt the clinic would recommend LP. And I do believe their propaganda about it not being necessary for most people, depending on your fertility issues. I got 12 eggs on the mild SP and am sure you would end up with similar no.s, having got 4 eggs with just a few day stims. I have to admit that I've never once regretted not doing conventional ivf - the mild def felt right for me and was as much as I was willing to put my body through.

nellie grrr at your bloody clinic. Do what is right for you. I felt I had to exhaust all options (or do as much as we could afford) before moving onto donor sperm. And you were so so close last time with the CP.

sea sorry the thought of the injections are scaring you. I am a massive massive wuss and I managed, so you will be fine. Could you take it out of the fridge an hour before you do it, so it warms up? I found using a non- fridged needle on refrigerated drugs helped. Would this be an option? You will be fine though!

critter and buzz are you both feeling a bit better now? I'm so relieved my nausea has buggered off!

Waves to cosmos, joy and everyone else. rabbits hope you are ok. And mad - you've not been here for a while. Hope you are enjoying your hols!

The counselling thing is interesting. We took up the clinic's 1 free session after our first failed ivf and the woman was bloody brilliant! She's totally separate from the clinic, based in Harley St, originally trained as a midwife and specialises in infertility counselling. She made me feel like everything I was feeling was totally normal (and pointed out what a traumatic atypical experience I'd had in ivf!) and like I wasn't going nuts. Mr G didn't find it so helpful... By the 2nd cycle I'd developed my own coping techniques (mostly trashing the Zita west DVD that made me stupidly attached to the embies), so didn't go again. However if we'd been looking at a totally child free future after everything had failed and if we couldn't have adopted, I'd have been banging on her doors again!

Speaking of me being mental, joy would you be able to PM me your hypno's details? I really would like to get over my claustrophobia! I too hate flying partly cos of the enclosed space and partly cos of the crashing and dying thing!

Just over a week until my next scan, eeek. Am much preferring this cooler weather, although I'm still struggling with insomnia, but think I feel more normal not quite so mental now I'm not bastard hot all the time!

[eurochick]

gin I'm glad you are feeling a little better now it's cooled down a bit.

You got a great result from a mild cycle. You're probably right that I'd produce a decent number of eggs too. I don't seem to have any issues on that front. Do you remember which day you started stimms on your mild cycle?

Interesting what you say about the counsellor. I don't feel the need for it at the moment, but maybe our clinic's person is much better than the last one I tried.

sea what I always tell myself with stuff like that is that the pain really isn't going to be that bad. Probably equivalent to catching your finger on a staple in a magazine or something. And with that you'd probably just swear, hold it/suck it for a second and not give it another thought. The only difference here is the anticipation - you know it's coming. But I find if I can contextualise the amount of pain, it bothers me much less.

AFM, I'm not sure what's going on. I think I might have ovulated on Friday, but the signs aren't as clear as they used to be.

[mrsden]

Sea, gin has good advice about taking the injection out the fridge a short time before so that its not super cold. I'm sure the worst it will be is a stinging sensation and it will only last a few seconds while the liquid goes in, a matter of seconds that is all. I counted to 5 and concentrated on that the it was over. The thought really is worse than the reality. Also, I'm sure people sometimes like to exaggerate on forums (not this one though!)

Euro, I'm not the best advert for mild because of my poor haul. But, I think this was only because I started on a lower dose than prescribed because of the mix up at the chemist and then ec was mistimed. I produced 7 eggs but only two were mature. My clinic prefers to do the short version because they think its easier on the body and higher egg quality. I must say that physically it was absolutely fine and it was so quick. I started swimming on day 3 but I think I probably should have started in day 2.