TTC 10+ months part 16

[Buzzybee123]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

Gin if I'd known you were awake I'd have said hello, I have back to school insomnia. Boo. Totally empathise with the worrying nature but it will all be ok lovely.

Euro joy and gin are so right, whilst you've had three rounds of ivf the natural way is different and this has been chance rather than anything more systematic. A consultation somewhere new will no doubt give you a renewed sense of going forward.

Thanks for the non menopause reassurance. It has become almost a constant source of anxiety. Bloody fsh.

Love the Jordan case study cos. and nice to think of ourselves as exotic species

Sea I have an apt on the 23rd. From what I've read here I'm confused as to whether that means I could potentially cycle in October or if that will be a testing month. But as all this is dependent on me being cyst and lump free I'm trying not to get too attached to it actually happening!

It's pissing it down with rain. Morning everyone!

Apologies for being a shitty 10+er. Life is busy with work and social life and stuff. It's a year ago today we had our scan without a heart beat at 6+4. But I bought myself some sun flowers and taking it easy today.

Thinking of you all a lot, but holiday weaning of MN worked like a treat and I am just less online, which I think is good for me!

lemon sorry about today, big hugs

pout have you ovulated yet, when are you going to pick Colin up??

rabbit its not menopause, it will be the mc that has mucked things up

Oh lemons sorry for the date. The sunflowers are a lovely idea. Hope you have been kind to yourself today.

lemons tightly.

That is a good point about it being a numbers game (although actually they have had 7 eggs out of me, 6 mature over the 3 rounds as the middle one involved some drugs). That's precisely why I am going to give myself over to stimms next time.

The Jordan thing is really interesting. Does it mean I need to sh@g a Peter Andre-a-like to win my baybee?

Lemons - so sorry about the date. Must feel v raw. Hugs

Rabbit - I see. Have they given you all the forms to fill in yet? If not, maybe it will be a monitoring cycle. How do you feel about getting on with IVF? Hope your mind is at ease that it was CM that messed up cycle and not menopause..you are no where near!

Joy - How's was the hysteroscopy? Did you have it today or maybe you are having it tomorrow. Hope it went okay and you are not in too much discomfort.

Euro - LOL at dtd with Peter Andre. If that was the only way to get a baybee... I may give it a miss. Makes me shiver just thinking about it..

Rabbit and Gin - sorry about the insomnia. That's miserable.

Gin - random question, is it just really weird having a bump? Do you look at yours in wonder? I am so fascinated by how long termers react to their bump. I really wish I imagine having one.

Euro - sounds like we all need to have some affairs and shag some other people!

Lemon - big hug. I am sorry about the horrible anniversary.

So I am having a hysteo at 6.30am tomorrow. Brilliant timing that it is on the weekend. There is no cyst this time but wonder whether I do have scarring now. . I had my first injection earlier so officially off .

Lemon, big big hug to you.

Euro ha ha think of the fake tan and hair gelled sheets! Cos I have been thinking about this permutation and it is odd. Maybe older sperm and older eggs like younger counterparts? The mind boggles.

Joy your bosses should know how lucky they are to have someone that regards a hysteo on a Saturday as lucky! I'm sure there is no scarring. No one has suggested that have they?Hope it goes ok.

Sea that is a good question. I feel scared I think. I am nervous about the whole physical side but my big op was atrocious so I'm thinking it can't be as bad as that. Mostly I feel like right now, I'm borderline unexplained with a borderline fsh. This time next year ill be more explained and either pregnant/a mum or with a few failed cycles behind me. Being on this side of the fence, nothing is happening but it's all ahead of me with promise. On the other side of the fence I could feel like my options are diminished. Being a biological mum would be lovely. But I am determined to be a mum whatever happens. BUT if it doesn't happen naturally I will have to grieve and that's like glimpsing those scary thoughts of someone you love not being here anymore. You are vulnerably aware this could happen but would far far rather it never ever does. I think that it is how I feel. I wish I could bumble into it optimistic it will get me my bump. Optimism is not my forte. Enough of me! How do you feel?

Lol at the Peter Andre jokes.

Joy hope it goes well tomorrow will be thinking of you.

Rabbit that's very poetic and soulful - you'll make a lovely mum.

Hi guys

Realising that I'm never going to get a quiet moment to post and missing you all. Lots and lots to catch up on, I have been reading and cheering you on.

euro I'm so sorry you've had such a crappy time of things honey, you really have got the shitty end of the stick. I was furious about your friend's comment. buzzy put it very succinctly... she sounds like someone you don't need in your life, what a cow. I do feel hopeful for you lovely - it is a numbers game and you haven't had high numbers to work with because of the natural approach. You're going to get there! You are, you are, you are.

lemon aw I am so sorry about the anniversary. I remember that post. I know today must have been really really hard for you. Glad you're being kind to yourself today.

joy good luck with the next round. You had an absolutely shocking time of it last time and I know this must be really scary. Open heart, as sar would say. You're a brave lady and you're going to get your baby. I am sure of it.

cos and mad - good luck lovely PUPOs. I have everything crossed for you both and will be wishing you both masses and masses of luck on Sunday. This has to be the lucky golden ticket for you two! Come on universe!

gin - sorry about the insomnia, I have been waking up in the night too, it's a bugger.

rabbit that's great that things are moving forward - I know this is scary but it's progress towards you being a mum. I'm glad everyone else has been able to reassure you about the shortened cycles - I do think mcs and cps balls everything up hormone-wise. There's a lovely girl at my work who's had a mc recently and has been having two periods a month since, she is mega stressed about it but the doctor told her it's just her body settling down hormonally from the trauma of the mc.

pout am rooting for you and Colin soon, hope the OPKs are going ok.

sea I'm so pleased you're done with the Humira. Did you say what the next step is and when it's happening? I think we're going to have a bunch of lovely autumnal bfps with so many 10 plussers doing IVF this autumn.

mrsd hope all's well with you lovely.

Waves to all I've missed - I loved the ways to manage TTC woe chat last weekend. I basically started my masters in poetry in the summer because I wanted something else in my life other than ttc misery, and I'm so glad I'm doing it, it's massively enriched my life.

All's well here, am wrangling a bit over maternity leave as our HR woman wants to give me 8 weeks full pay with 6 weeks 70% short term disability (which is actually 'good' for the US) instead of the 14 weeks full pay 6 weeks 70% I was originally told I'd get when they hired me two years ago. But never mind. It will work out, I am just so pathetically grateful to be here.

Joy - How did it go? I hope you have your feet up and MrJoy is looking after you. Thinking of you.

Cos & Mad - Not long now. I am nervous for you and willing this to be the one for you both!

Rabbit - Very poignant insight about being a mother. Natural to be scared I think. I wake up somedays and don't know how I got here. I am hanging in there. Spent an evening with some pregnant ladies. Felt genuinely happy for them as I wouldn't want anyone to have to deal with long term ttc but couldn't help but shed a few tears when I got home.

Lovely to hear from Critter. Your HR lady is being unreasonable. That's not on! I'm cross on your behalf. Poetry course does sound enriching. And more importantly you sound so happy which is lovely to hear.

All the Peter Andre chat has got me thinking about Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. They struggled to have a baby and then he later had on with Katie Holmes... maybe it is just a compatibility thing.

Lovely to hear from critter. Hope you are doing well.

Sea- all was fine. No adhesions or scarring. They had a lot of trouble getting through the cervix apparently as that can happen after an erpc. Feeling pretty groggy and have a party to go to shortly. Can't believe you spent an evening with pregnant ladies. Hats off to you.
I think Nicole ended up having a lot of fertility treatment.

Mad and cos - keep thinking about you both.

Thanks for all the support lovelies. I just hope I won't go nosediving next week again (second bad scan+actual mc). I am okay in many respects, just keep in being shocked at the snails pace of the whole TTC-shit. It's been SOOOOO long. GRRR.

just read back to find the Jordan case study and it made me snigger. Somebody in the family has been doing a lot of genealogy recently and I got sent part of it yesterday. The number of childless marrieds was a worry... Clearly I am of Speshul Stock.

Euro I hear you about the unexplainedness. My sister pointed out to me I get diffed on new treatments, so I pointed the obvious out to her, after IVF there are no new treatments...

Thinking of the PUPOs, when is OTD cos and mad?

Hurrah for a girl buzz.

Good luck with getting maternity leave sorted critter, it sounds very unfair.

When is Colin coming home, poutster?

Well done for another hysteo joy. What protocol are you on this round? I am impressed you're ready to face it all again cannot bear to think of a full second round, SB is not keen anyhow, so we'll see how we fare with the frosties first.

Joy yey that's great news, glad all is looking good ready for this round. Are you stimming now and going in every day? What meds are you on? Impressed at you still going partying.

Lemons I hear you on the snails pace time and it being so long. You're lovely frosties will be back with you soon.

Sea that's true about Tom and Nicole. If only these famous people who attempt the multiple breeding would share more particulars we might glean some insights.

Lovely poetic critter! Can't you emphasise the verbal contract of the original offer etcetera?

Had a very tough moment yesterday. I'll spare the details but I came into contact with a baby that has been born to a druggie mum and taken away to be put up for adoption. Baby is probably on some methodone withdrawal programme. It felt unbelievably poignant and wrong and unfair and really struggled to hold it together.

Yes test day is tomorrow. Gulp. Don't feel any different. Hope is still alive too though so is going to be hard. I have plan in place which is cinema booked for tomorrow afternoon, plus working from different office on mon to be away from fat preggo in her last week.

Oops pressed post too quick. Mad how are you doing?

Anyone else around this w/e?

joy glad you are recovering from the hysteo, and going to a party as well, and yay to starting the next cycle,I think you asked gin this but on the bump front, I gained alot of weight from the drugs eating as if there was no tomorrow so I just looked fat for ages, it just extends from you slowly so you get used to it as you go along, maybe in the second half it might be different/strange, I also can't tell if I can feel the baby or if its my bowels moving/ trapped gas I think that will be telling moment, I don't feel particularly pregnant just unwell all the time even half way through it doesn't real yet, I still fret about it all going wrong, the last two days have tough and I'm just hanging out for my next scan at the moment I'm having them every two weeks as I constantly need the reassurance. For me pregnancy is not what I thought it would be, its been a long hellish worry so far and I'm only half way through.

critter that is a crap mat leave package, why have they changed it, mine is actually better than I thought which means I can have a bit more time off if Barry doesn't find a job and if need be I can go back to work and he can stay home with the baby.

cosmos and mad fingers crossed for tomorrow for you both

lemon fingers crossed for your frostie, fair point you made to your sister

well we are in the middle of cleaning the carpet, Kayla is not impressed, i'm also sorting through the crap in hope we don't put half of it back again, MIL has just called to say she will pop round tomorrow I have the shite of two bedrooms in my livingroom, I hope she isn't planning on sitting down anywhere

lemon I am so sorry about the anniversary. It must be a tough time indeed and I am thinking of you. I did giggle at you being of speshul stock. That is how I have been thinking lately. I'm not odd, I'm just not like the rest of the great unwashed masses!

joy Well done you for getting through your procedure. Are you really going out tonight? You are one tough old bird I would be laying on the couch milking it for all it's worth!

cosmos Oh gosh at that poor baby, how heartbreaking. So it's D-day tomorrow. Massive good luck to you.

buzz So sorry that you are still so worried about everything & feeling unwell too. I've said it before but I am so thrilled that you are expecting a girl.

critter Oh God at the backtracking over your maternity package. That is a bit off. A masters in poetry is very impressive. Wow!

Sorry about the general downness, despondency and fear sea and rabbit. It is bloody frightening the thought of things not working out. I've never been so fearful about the future.

euro Your friend's comment was so incredibly thoughtless. In my mind that type of comment is the worst. For one it is, as I said above, utterly ill thought out and pretty much just a sound bite. Also, despite it being a pretty meaningless comment to throw at someone TTC for a long time I personally take massive umbrage to what that kind of comment really means if you do sit down and analyse it. Why do we have to accept our lot? Why isn't a baby mean't to be for us but it is mean't to be for practically everybody else? Are we somehow not worthy? Grrrr, as you can tell I have had that type of comment a few times myself and it fucks me off massively. If somebody can't think of anything useful to say then just bloody say something like "how awful" or "how unfair, you don't deserve this".

Got my smiley face last night. Those sticks are a revelation. How the other half live indeed! I am a bit because I bought a bumper lot and only used 2. Called the clinic today and they never bothered calling me back & then they closed super early so I am bit worried that it might bugger things up. How much notice do they need to defrost an embie?

I am laughing at the Peter Andre stuff. I have one of those embarrassing crushes on him actually & record his mind numbing series to watch in mammoth Andre sessions I know that he is a plank and perma tanned and shallow and a bit stoopid but I just can't help it. I just think that he is sweet and I do like the way he loves his kids I will get my coat now and leave....

Ha ha ha at Pout outing her P.A. crush . I think defrosting takes an hour or two? I know my 2 clinics had 2 possible 'go's for defrosting on a day of a transfer. So which day should you be having Colin put back? Very exciting, hope you're ok.

....so which of his dance moves is your favourite?

pout yay for a smiley face! Hurrah, that's great news, progress! Also, at your crush on Peter Andre, he does seem like a nice person, although I can't imagine him being particularly wild in the sack!

joy you are amazing - so glad the hysteo went ok and that you're feeling well enough to manage a party tonight, what a legend! I too would be ensconced with crisps and a box set I think. It's fantastic that you've been writing too. It really does help to have an outlet. Good luck honey, we are all rooting for you.

cos hope you're managing ok, this is the stage when I started going slightly mental during my pupo wait. I am SO hoping for good news for you tomorrow, you so deserve it.

buzz your flat sounds like mine, I have crap everywhere. We had a lodger for a couple of months in the summer who helpfully washed her sheets with some darks and I'm currently trying to bleach them white again from their grey state by festooning the sunny spots with them in the hope the sunshine will help. I'm so sorry you're not enjoying the pregnancy, after everything you've been through, it must be really hard still.

lemon one of those frosties is going to be your baby, I just know it. You've just had shit luck. It is bloody endless, the whole TTC thing, and draining. It's an emotional marathon. I seriously think people who deal with long-term TTC are the strongest people I know - strong because they have to be - but it's an unbelievably horrible and knackering thing to have to deal with. Hence the rage at people who say stuff about it being not 'meant to be' etc. Women who manage to cope with this are if anything likely to be better mums IMO because they've had to cope with so much already. Hang in there sweetpea.

We had our 20 week scan yesterday. We didn't find out if it was a boy or a girl but I'm guessing girl or as MrC put it an "effeminate boy" (perhaps it will be our gay son, ) as its face looked more on the girly side, and we didn't spot any stray testicles in the pic they showed us of its legs and bum. I am still in disbelief about all this and feel like I'm going to wake up from this dream at some stage. Doesn't feel real at all. Masses of love to all.

mysterious girl I wanna get close to you come on pout YOU know the words, Colin is fine and waiting for you, so transfer day will be Wednesday ??? I am numerically challenged

critter I don't know how all this crap fits in here, we have 3 big bags full of bubble wrap what am I going to do with it , wrap myself up then roll down a steep hill, maybe a bit of sumo wrestling with Barry, anyway thankfully MIL has a loft which is where most of our stuff will go, if my 20 week scan is ok then I shall get out my baby box.

Barry has been reading a book about assertiveness and how to deal with children, I happily went round Tesco with my judgypants hoiked up nice and high its honestly mortifying when you see some people with their kids who I feel don't deserve them as they are so rude an appalling to them. I shall now find an implement to hep remove my judgypants from so far up my arse

Critter great news at the likely girl! So lovely, so I take it all went well then, that's the big one isn't it at 20 weeks? There's no waiting for any kind of results with that one us there, just what they tell you at the scan?

...insania... actually am watching strictly and the hollyoaks guy is looking strangely attractive in his tight purple top....

Can you tell I'm nervous from the cluster posting?

Also I read a quote recently which I thought was really sweet and have been meaning to post:

'Life is like photography. It develops from the negatives.'

Evening all,

cos I'm here and, like critter did I have started to go mental at this stage. Last night I sneezed, followed by a sharp pain in my lower left hand side. Of course my first thought was - something was trying to happen and by sneezing I have ruined it - followed by googling and seeing loads of people say that this is an early pregnancy symptom. I should know by now that absolutely f**king everything is an early pregnancy symptom and walk away from the internet. Bought a test for tomorrow and am dreading it. Blood test Monday morning. Fingers crossed for us both. Your plan for the day sounds good. We have a flat to deep clean before visitors arrive next week which doesn't sound quite as good.

pout your crush confession made me laugh. Thanks - I needed that! Good luck with the clinic. I'm sure they'll have time to warm Colin up in preparation for putting him back where he belongs.

joy I am really impressed by your party going. Glad that all looked good and you are off and running. You are one brave woman!

lemons I think dates and anniversaries are awful partly because they do remind us of how much time has passed. I haven't had to go through a miscarriage but I think that you and all of the lovely ladies here have dealt with them so admirably. Try to be good to yourself this week.

rabbit having quilter's block this week. If only we were all closer together I think we would have enough people to start our own ten plus sewing circle .

buzz I think fortnightly scans, if it helps you, is a great idea. It is no wonder that you are finding pregnancy so hard. So pleased to hear that you're having a girl.

sea well done for the pregnant lady socialising. I feel the same. Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a really lovely pregnant colleague. I was fine when I was with her but I did feel pretty overwhelmed on the way home and had a private cry.

Okay. I have missed loads but need to go for dinner. MrM has made a roast chicken with the trimmings . Big waves to all!

Busy for a Saturday!

Cos post all you need. Sending you a MASSIVE hopeful hopeful hug.

Critter, yay for a 20 week scan with clues I was heartened to hear that this short cycle thing sounds normal, sorry for your colleague though.

Pout ha ha ha ha ha at PA. I love that you have a crush of shame. I like Michel Roux. I'm not sure him and Peter would hit it off! So glad you got your smiley. Keep us posted.

Lemon good to see you. Keep going, there's a lot of promise in your frosties. And you are ver speshul.

Rum - come out come out wherever you are!

Buzzy are you at the stage where you wished you never started tidying? I'm sorry you are fretting. I know I'll be the same should I get there.

Joycep you are amazing lady. Glad all is ok in there. I too would be in bed waiting for my tea!

I'm off to watch the tellybox and drink a glass of contraband wine.

Mad - big love to you too.

Cross post mad. Thinking of you. I'd love to be in a sewing circle! Good luck lovely, we are all here to hold your hand. I'm actually nervous for you and cos. It is time for you both x