TTC 10+ months part 16

[Buzzybee123]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

Thanks for all the kind words ladies.

sea I won't take pred again because it seems to make HPV attack my cervix. This is apparently a known risk (although one I wasn't made aware of when it was prescribed). TBH even if I had been I probably would have gone ahead as I had never had an abnormal smear before taking the pred and had no idea I had HPV. I won't do IVIG either, because the idea of taking blood products really freaks me out (I find putting drugs in my body hard enough). I have discussed intralipids though, and would go down that route.

Morning, ladies! Back from holiday, where I only went and climbed bloody Helvellyn! Without preparation (or warning, even ) I strode across Striding Edge! More like I gingerly bum-shuffled across Striding Edge, but whatever, I got from one side to the other, and I am well chuffed.

Hurrah to cosmos and mad being PUPO! Everything crossed for you both! Lots of good vibes coming your way.

Rubbish news, euro, I was feeling properly hopeful for you. I like the sound of your plan, though. It's good to have a plan. Onwards and upwards.

I got some crappy news yesterday about my pre-IVF bloods. My FSH has doubled since it was last done a couple years ago, and is now officially rather high, so I guess we're no longer "unexplained"! My overcooked eggs seem to be a good enough reason why we've not made a baby yet. Ah well.

cosmos I love the 3 things prompts, and everyone's answers as well. You lot are inspiring. I'll have a go.

My things that have got me through the last 3 years:

1. Mr. Rum. He has been a rock, and has kept me laughing even at my worst moments. Whatever happens, it'll be OK, once we're in it together.
2. My friends. The ones I've shared this stuff with have, for the most part, been amazing. And even the ones I haven't - it's just good to have wonderful people to be with.
3. Therapy. I started therapy for wholly other reasons, but my therapist has been brilliant, and it's gotten me through some very rough patches.
4. Work. My career is a complete vocation and I landed my dream job about a year ago, and it's both the hardest and the best thing ever. (At least, when I can lose myself in it, which has been a wee bit of a struggle lately, but I've got to remember that feeling and go with it again.)

Best moments that have nothing to do with TTC (it's hard to pick only 3!):

1. Carnival, carnival, carnival. Trinidad Carnival - partying for 2 days through the streets in a feathered sparkly bikini with my friends. I'm a total carnival obsessive and I love it.
2. A glorious holiday on the Amalfi Coast with Mr Rum. In fact, quite a few glorious holidays in various locations with Mr Rum.
3. Landing my dream job; my 30th birthday party; any one of hundreds of moments at the weekend when it's just me, Mr Rum and the cat, and I feel at peace with the world...

Like others, I've also taken up knitting (which I love! and am surprisingly not half bad at) and bought a sewing machine (I'm going on a beginner's course to teach me how to properly use the damn thing soon). I've written a blog through all of this, which has helped a lot as well, and also taken up film photography. I guess it's good to get some creative juices flowing! And I've also been brought back to yoga, which I fell in love with years ago, but then neglected, as part of trying to treat my body kindly.

Anyway, that was really self-centred, but I found thinking through that fascinating. And also helpful to distract myself from my slightly rubbish news of body betrayal! I'll catch up with the thread properly once all the dirty mountain-climbing laundry is done.

Whoops, I seem to have killed the thread with my post-holiday excesses.

Hope you & Mr Euro are managing to have a restorative weekend, euro. You've been through the mill. Here's hoping the docs come up with some brilliant ideas as a result of working through their puzzlement.

So glad you're feeling positive, joy, coming up to your IVF cycle. I hope that feeling stays with you right through it!

September. Time for that big autumn BFP bonanza...

Welcome back Rum. Sounds like you had a great holiday.

Euro - Hope you are doing as well as can be expected. It sounds like you have a good plan in place. Interesting that the pred can do that. Did you know you have HPV? I don't think I have ever been tested for it. Did your clinic test for it before you started cycling?

Rum am loving your list. Tis always quiet on here on a weekend - and now we know why after reading people's lists! Your ridge walk sounds epic.

Yawwwn. Tell me it isn't September! My teacher soul has just crumbled and died

Rum you didn't kill the the thread and I'm sorry to hear about the fsh. But come sit with me, another high fsh-er. Did the clinic suggest how this would effect your protocol?

Have to go but will be back. People on the book of faces will be able to see I needed to wear my barren suit of armour this weekend and have cried so much my face has aged.

Oh rabbit sorry the weekend was so hard. We survived christenings and kid filled weddings so I share your pain. Managed quite well at the time but quite tearful since. Scottish schools have been back for weeks and I am already shattered.....

Welcome back rum. I am in awe of your walk!

cosmos i am claiming pupo brain this morning. wasted a whole bowl of cereal by pouring cranberry juice into it instead of milk .

Must run. have a good day everyone!

Oh rabbits, big hugs. I did see the pics on the other place and my heart went out to you. I thought you looked amazing and like you were doing a great job. I can't imagine how hard it must have been. You deserve a 10+ers bravery medal for sure.

mad how are you doing? When is OTD. Pupo brain sounds fun!

euro I'm so sorry the blood test confirmed what you were thinking. Was there any hcg? Must be such a headfuck getting so near each time. Would it be worth investigating chromosome testing of the embryos before they go back? I know it's v expensive, but would mean you could rule that issue out. If you do a full SP cycle, don't let them give you super high doses of stims. With your great results from a couple of stim jabs, sounds like you won't need it. Anyway hope you and Mr E are doing ok.

cos hope you are doing ok and managing to stay sane in the 2ww.

Oh and mrsd, Mr G 's SA results were really truly awful, particularly the ones from the last ivf cycle, which ended up producing the ginster. You had great fertilisation rate, unlike us, which I think bodes really well for you.

Waves and luffs to everyone else I know I've missed.

I've been really enjoying reading your top 3 things and identify with what a lot of you have said. One thing that I'd add to the list of what has helped me through things is you lovely ladies! Your support has been amazing and it's been good to not feel so alone in the AC/ttc shitfest.

Morning lovelies!

I am so pissed of September is here. It is cold and grey and I am not ready for the close of another barren year. So GRRR. But on a happier note, we had a lovely weekend celebrating our third anniversary, which involved lots of food, wine, and AF, which signalled the start of our first frostie-round. The left-over lembies looked good and most of them have been frozen singly, so there is a number of rounds to go. For the first one, they're just taking one out of the freezer in a nearly natural round just triggering for timing and we'll take it from there. Strange thought.

Sorry about the doubliing FSH rum. That sounds stressful they haven't checked mine in 1,5yrs either, but I guess they won't until post-frosties now. Sorry the teachers are in a back-to-school slump too.

Huge sorry about the BFN euro. I am curious what the clinic has to suggestion. I am keeping my beady eye on you (as you're only 1 chem diffment ahead of me).

Waves to all the crafters and sewers etc!

sea I had no idea before I had investigations following my first abnormal smear. Apparently about 80% of sexually active women will have encountered it at some point in their lives as it is very common, but some strains are riskier than others and I have the high risk ones. Most people's immune system will put it into submission within 2 years. I don't know whether I had had it for years and it was laying dormant and the pred woke it up, or whether (because I had pretty much always used condoms due to my ishoos with hormonal contraception) I only picked it up when we started to ttc.

I don't think clinics test for it, although everyone I have seen has asked about my smear history as standard.

rum that walk sounds great. What an achievement.

rabbit that sounds really tough. I also spent some time crying my eyes out this weekend.

gin there was a tiny bit of HCG (less than 1), so they were quite surprised that I had had a positive test 2 days earlier, but it was mega faint. It was the same pattern as last time though (positive home test and then negative home test and then negative blood test on consecutive days and last time it was 1.something - I think my HCG just drops really quickly once it goes). Do you remember the stats from Mr Gin's SA? I do think we have some problems in that area, possibly compounded by some ishoos of my own. We want to have more tests including karotyping before trying again. And if they reveal a genetic problem, then we would test any future embryos.

drizz it's your 3rd anniversary too! We really are twinnies. How exciting that FET is not far off now.

I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. It was so hard spending the weekend seeing mr euro and his brother with his brother's very cute little girl. It coincided with the post-IVF hormone crash too, which didn't help. I drove 100 miles home choking back the tears all the way from Hampshire to SE London and making mr euro find the happiest, silliest stuff on his ipod to get me through. I nearly killed a few twatty drivers with my bare hands and almost threw the sat nav through the window on the way through London as it kept taking us on stupid routes. And then got home and bawled my eyes out. There was a lot to come out. I had never even had a proper good cry after the mc (I was just numb) or the other failed cycle. Droid arrived in the night, so I think my hormones are starting to level out now. I hope so. I have a headache today after all the crying.

Rum ? i am so sorry to hear about your fsh. I don?t believe high fsh can be the sole cause of issues unless it is exceptionally high. Considering you didn?t conceive when your fsh was half what it was, to me that suggests the fsh can?t be the whole reason...there must be small multi factorial issues. This is what I tell myself with my terribly low amh. I couldn?t conceive when it was satisfactory but now it is very low , i can#t really put all the blame on that. This is the hideousness of being unexplained. A fishy number comes up and we blame that. But I expect millions of women conceive with all sorts of fishy numbers. Anyway don?t forget next month your fsh could have halved.

Euro ? so sorry to hear that you have had an emotional weekend. The hormone crashes after ivf are horrible. I hope your BiL was sensitive. I think you were brave going. I hope you begin to feel better today. Also the sperm frag test is worth doing if you haven?t had that done. Out of interest what are the live birth success rates of completely natural ivf?

Rabbit ? am sorry to hear that you have had an emotional weekend too. Sounds like there should be some medals for bravery this weekend.

Lemon ? happy anniversary, I hope you had a lovely time.

I?m waiting for auntie. I had strong period pains 5 days ago ? a symptom in the past that would tell me that something was trying to implant but this is a new feature of my wacky cycles post ivf. And if I had got to CD29 pre-ivf, that would also tell me something was happening. The one day I don?t want Auntie to come is tomorrow and it will be typical if it does as that will mean a hysteroscopy on Thursday morning and i have a big meeting that day. I seem to remember being a bit woozy and cramping after the last hysteo and don?t fancy sitting in a long meeting!

Euro I too am so sorry that the blood test (and AF) confirmed what you already knew. It sounds like you had the day from hell yesterday and it's not surprising that you had a good cry in between some bouts of road rage! I hope that letting everything out a bit has made you feel a bit lighter.

rabbit Your weekend sounded pretty grim too. My mind is boggling but I can't go on FB because I get murderous impulses every time I log on and see all the twatty other peoples children posts.

Sorry for all of you back to school so to speak. The Summer seems to have flown by. I am sooooooo glad that I have only just got round to sanding and painting my ebay garden chairs Ah well, assuming I don't fall under a bus there is always next Summer to sit on the damned things!

lemons Happy anniversary. I can't believe that you are doing a frozen cycle already. I am jealous that you are triggering. I'm on CD9 here and start with the OPKs tonight.

cosmos and madness I have been thinking of you both and am rooting for you.

rum Glad that you had a good holiday. I am in awe of your hiking prowess!

Reading about all the good and interesting things you have all done/achieved during epic TTC'ing has put me to shame a bit. I really have put my life pretty much on hold. I agree with you gin that this thread has been one of the best things during the TTC shit fest. Really struggling to add much else other than I got married (which actually turned into one of the most stressful things I have done with epic fallout so not sure it counts as a great thing), we finally live in a house that I totally love where everything works (no random leaks, knackered electrics or dodgy ovens) and we are happy here and I suppose I have really embraced the crafting thing and am proud of some of the things I have made. Oh and on a really personal note I have taken control of some relationships in my life and started to put myself first which I think was a direct consequence of the TTC emotional overload.

Anyway, love and waves to you all.

Listen to joycep on the FSH front, she speaks much sense! Fingers crossed you won't have visits on the big meeting day. I hope she buggers off for a lot longer...

What is the score with you now pout, is this a monitoring cycle with OPKs or are they actually taking Colin out of the freezer? It sounds very stressful, I hated OPKs when I did them for two months, many, many moons ago so pleased the clinic do frosties by ultrasound and trigger.

Totally agree with gin and pout that the thread makes a big difference. Big smelly group-hug. I just went for my first run in three months. Proud, stinky and slow is how, I am best described!

Euro we even share the actual day. So yes, we're scarely twinned!

Running in to say that I just spoke to clinic and one embryo was frozen at day 5 so the pressure is kind of but not really off for this cycle. Feeling relieved and yet still in denial that my body could ever let one of them turn into a real baby.

And a parent asked me if i was pregnant today when i recounted yet another exam of pupo brain - i tried to drive to the wrong town for a visit on top of this morning's cereal debacle. I felt a bit .

I agree this thread is fab and am loving hearing nice things.

rabbit starting a version of an oh fransson quilt tonight

lemons hands out a medal for services to jogging. The only time I run is when being terrorised by wasps then I can run scarily fast. MrP says I do the whole head down and arms thing!
No monitoring, just the bloody OPKs but I bought loads of the things so will be pissing & dipping away to my hearts content. I don't think Colin gets defrosted until I make the call about getting a positive OPK...not really sure of the timings. I took the decision that ignorance was possibly better

joy I hope that AF stays away for you. I get the period cramps throughout my 2wws and have wondered what it means.

Rabbit ? So sorry you had a tough weekend dealing with other people?s babies. Sorry about the tears too. It is hard to deal with it when we have all our TTC woes to bear.

Madness & Cosmos ? How are our PUPOs? Not going to crazy in the 2ww I hope.

MrsD ? I agree with Gin re SA. You really only need one!

Lemons ? I can?t believe you are already on your FET round already. That was quick. Happy anniversary.

Euro ? I am sorry you had such a hard time at the weekend. You are awfully brave to visit family?s kids so soon after your cycle. A good cry can help and let it all out. I hope you are feeling better. Thanks for the knowledge re HPV. Makes sense.

Joy ? I am sorry AF is being wacky. I don't like that you have to go back to work on the same day as a hysteroscopy though. Is there no way you can take that day off and rest? It is an op and it's best to take the day off and the next if at all possible.

Pout ? I hope OPK-ing is going okay. It?s good to take control of relationships and put ourselves first. I have to admit I have done some of that since TTC-ing. It?s necessary.

On the FSH/AMH discussion that Joy, Rum etc was talking about. I really think it?s not helpful to over focus on these numbers. I have come across so many people who have vastly different results every time they test. I?m on a FF board where one lady?s AMH has gone from 40 to 23 to 10 to 63 ? in that order. I guess what I am trying to say is there are so many other variables really. Best not to think too much about these results. Plenty of ladies with less than ideal numbers get BFPs.

Not much to report here. Patiently awaiting for immune test on Wed. I should find out on our anniversary if we get to cycle in Oct.
Waves to all other ladies? x

joy I am willing her to stay away for another couple of days. It's really rubbish worrying about how to manage this stuff around work commitments. I had to cancel a meeting for Egg Collection and I still feel guilty about it.

Lemon that does seem really quick. How long does the clinic make you wait between a fresh cycle and a frozen?

pout did you get a few smiley OPK's to sanity check? I wasted a huge amount on the bloody things when I was just cycle monitoring myself because I just couldn't cope with the is it/isn't it debate with the cheapies. I am really excited for you with this cycle.

sea I'll be thinking of you on Wednesday. You've been through such a lot in the past few months, you deserve a bit of luck. Do you have anything nice planned for your anniversary? There seem to be a lot just now on the thread. It must be a popular time to get married .

Hurrah for having a frostie mad!

pout that is a very amusing mental image.

sea the visit wasn't planned that way. We should have been in the middle of our 2ww, but we had that odd 3 week cycle just beforehand which made everything happen a week earlier than expected.

That's really interesting about the AMH number. It would seem to make the test pretty meaningless if it can change to that extent.

joy BiL is lovely. He ended up in London, coincidentally, on the day of our first EC and popped over, so he knows what is going on.

DNA frag is on our planned list of tests. I've been trying to get mr euro to have it for a long time and he has finally agreed. I've long felt there is something going on there. his volume is tiny and it is very thick. But both clinics we have been at have just glanced at the results and moved back to me. Grrr.

Sea - hope all goes ok tomorrow.

Mad - great you have a frostie. Whoopie. Hope you are bearing up ok.

Euro - glad BiL is lovely. If you need a great place to get sperm tests then I highly recommend sheryl Homa at Andrology Solutions. She knows absokutely everything about sperm and was just so interested in Roy and me. I was quite surprised to read in the mail last week that she had ivf as well.

Thanks joy. I remember you mentioning her before. Interesting that she had IVF too.

Ah Rabbit I'm so sorry for the tears. You're very brave for going and putting on your best brave face. I bet nobody who doesn't know you really well would have guessed. Hope you're feeling bit better now, those sort of occasions can take me ages to get over. A good cry is good for the soul though, good to let it out.

And Euro sorry for all your tears too. I agree that was very brave of you to go so soon after the last round. I think I would have chickened out. I'm glad that BIL is lovely but doesn't make it any easier. Would you consider an appointment somewhere like ARGC just to hear their opinion on what they thought was likely to be the main issue even if you didn't actually have treatment with them. I only ask that as I have it now fixed in my mind that if this doesn't work that's what I want to do to see what other tests or treatment plan they would recommend. The other thing I wondered if would interest you is the nutritionist which princess saw, I went to see and DH and I both had hair analysis done - It sounded very woo but I think you would be impressed at the incredibly scientific explanations she gave about our respective digestive types and nutritional levels. Things I was surprised at included she told me to stop taking pregnacare as it was likely I wasn't absorbing it and the additional calcium was floating round my blood stopping absorption of other minerals (something like that anyway, her explanation was far superior!). I know you said you struggled with tiredness and stuff in the past. Anyway, sorry if that's not helpful.

Lovely Joy what news on AF front? Hope your hysteroscopy doesn't clash with work. It's hard enough juggling everything without work stress. But try not to worry too much. I bet in 6 months time if you look back the work thing won't seem as important - well that's what it always seems like to me anyway. Does apt he ARGC do a hysteroscopy before each Ivf round? Do you know what your protocol will be this time, any different? Or do they adjust as they go? I have such hope for you this round, it so is your time!

Lemon great news on getting going again. Fets do seem a lot easier after the stress of Ivf first time round. Happy anniversary and well done on the jogging!

Pout good luck with the opk stuff this month. Thanks for the rooting and I enjoyed reading your lovely list. Taking control of relationships is so difficult, good for you - I find I get ingrained in a pattern and then can't really break out of that.

Sea good luck for the tests tomorrow. They do seem very thorough doing this first before you even start. You must be dying to get cracking now though.

Mad you made me laugh with the stories from yesterday hope you're a bit more with it today.

Waves to Gin and others.

Afm am now 6 days past 5dt. I was feeling very calm until yesterday but finding it harder now. The very pregnant lady at work got some evil daggers from me yesterday. I keep repeating to myself that there's no way to know either way no matter how I feel and I just need to wait till Sunday to test. Easier said than done. It's not my every waking thought, much. Physically not much to report and I'm so full of drugs it doesn't make sense to trust feelings anyway. Mentally I still feel very hopeful. And before you ask no I'm definitely not testing before Sunday - home pg tests are the work of then devil and I will do as few as possible. I've already worked out 3 times that Sunday, which is when the clinic told me to test, is not too early. A couple of you asked what drugs I'm taking. I'm on progynova and cyclogest, for the usual hormones, then an extra progesterone injection gestone twice per week, clexane, prednisone and aspirin daily. 5 days to go.....

Mad - well done on the frostie! Hope the PUPO brain is subsiding! Thanks for the wishes. I keep telling myself it's not the end of the world if I don't get to cycle in Oct and I need to be prepared for it.

Cosmos - I think you are v good to wait until OTD. I'm willing this to be the round for you! Re Argy, Joy will have 1st hand experience. From what I know, they do make you do a hysteroscopy before every round. If you are on LP (which I will be), I believe you have the hystero on CD5 or 6. That's what I have been told anyway... Hopefully you won't need to know any of this as this will be the BFP round for you.

Euro & Joy - I am interested in your knowledge re sperm tests. All of MrSea's tests at NHS for IUI and Argy have always come back "good" or "fine". Did you ladies have any particular reasons for wanting additional tests? Joy - Did Argy suggest you go to Andrology Solutions or did you do this independently? I have read about DNA frag tests before but because MrSea's tests have always come back good or fine, he's been reluctant to do additional paid for tests... especially now it looks like the "problem" is with my cytokines but I do wonder if we should cover all bases... Going to IVF before figuring this out seems silly. Any advice from 10 plussers?

sea as I said a couple of posts ago, I've always had a bit of a concern about mr euro's contribution. The motility is good and the morphology is ok, but the volume and count are both really low. And it is "thick". TMI but when we dtd, it doesn't trickle out of me, it falls out in one "lump" when I go to the loo a while later. Much as I would like to think this is due to me having pelvic floor muscles of steel, I am unconvinced that there isn't a problem there. I've wanted mr euro to have further investigations for a while, and he did get an NHS urology check but it found nothing other than a small amount of volume retention in his bladder that was considered to be nothing to worry about.

Wow it looks like I have missed a lot in my short hiatus.

Euro - I am so sorry that this wasn't your round. I think your plan is very sensible.

Mad - A frostie! That's fantastic. I hope the PUPO brain is going away.

Joy - I do hope the hysteroscopy doesn't interfere with your work schedule.

Cosmos - I think that is incredibly restrained of you not to test until OTD a la critter. I really hope this is your round.

Sea - I really don't know enough about DNA frag to provide any useful advice, sorry.

Pout - I hope the opks are behaving for you and less stressful this time around.

Hugs, comfort and assorted chocolates to anyone who needs it.

Not much to update on my part - I have just been busy with weddings and funerals lately. Don't know why but me and DH were looking back and realized that we each have at least one family member pass away at this time of the year. How did we not recognize this before we got married 3 years ago around this time ?

Xpost Euro - TMI but we had a similar issue with Mr. Grouch (everything falls out in a lump) even though his volume is good. The Dr wanted him to get all that sorted with the urologist. He felt that his poor morphology and slight thickness issue could be improved with treatment.