TTC 10+ months part 16

[Buzzybee123]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

Just popping in quickly to say I'm so fecking sorry euro, I was so hoping this would be your cycle. Don't give up though! Don't they say natural ivf needs about 6 cycles to work, do you are far from done and dusted and have most probably just had bad luck do far. Hope you and Mr E are ok.

Good luck for tomorrow cosmos! Hope all goes smoothly.

mad, wow 8 embies, amazing! . Sounds like you may well end up with something for the freezer.

Waves and luffs to everyone else x

Oh no Euro, god there's nothing worse than seeing those stupid home tests, they are the work of the devil. I second Sea it's never over until its over. It's so crap, thinking of you.

Mad wowsers, great work - and I think gives us all hope that each cycle can be completely different.

Thanks for all the good wishes. Have calmed down since the weekend, and got through the dreaded wedding anniversary (yesterday) with a bottle of pink bubbly in the park with DH and a picnic - 2 fingers to this Ivf crap! Am now feeling ready and up for it.

Euro -so sorry honey. Gah its really not fair! Be kind to yourself today and the next few days. But this is not the end, i assure you.

madness - whooping for the massive batch of embryos. Ooooo I have a good feeling.

cosmos- fingers up to ivf too. Bring on et tomorrow, this is your time.

princess - delighted to hear your little on is doing well, you deserve these happy days. I agree this shit is worth it. Dont give up ladies.

euro I am sorry to hear about BFN. I hope you feel a bit better today and can enjoy doing something nice and a big wine for your anniversary.

madness 8 embies - wow!

seamermaid at 5 Euro a go I just can't justify POAS daily for something I will know eventually anyway. Anyway, CD1 here after a 47(!) day cycle. I chased IVF doc again yesterday. No reply as yet.

lovely to hear it is going well princess it's very motivating.

Oh euro I'm gutted for you and I'm sorry about the dates too.

Thanks folks. I'm feeling a little more upbeat today. I couldn't sleep so I have been mulling over a plan. We are going to switch clinics, probably to CRGH, and maybe try a full short protocol round. Well that's what I have decided. Now I just need to get mr euro on board.

Don't be sorry doll. I'm very glad that one of us will get a baby out of that IVF round. I think that date will always be stuck in my head.

I'm glad you have a plan for moving forward euro. Does a full short protocol mean all the stimming drugs without the downregging? I think dates are always hard. I no longer expect to be pregnant by Christmas, my birthday, somebody else's due date, etc. but it still stings a bit when you reach another milestone. Take care of yourself today.

Mad - whoopee at all your embies, that is great news. So odd how cycles can be so different.

Euro - I am glad you are feeling more upbeat. I have to say it is getting another plan in place that can help move forward. Really sorry you have your due date etched in your memory. I have my march 2011 etched and every march 17th it is a horrible reminder but this last one I never found out. I know it is September sometime but it really helps not having a particular day. I highly recommend to everyone not finding out until that 'safe' 12 week mark.

Met friend last night who had neglected to tell me about 20week pregnancy. She is a really good friend but I have to say has committed every faux pas in the book. Firstly nothing was said about way I found out. I didn't bring up as I didn't want to make an issue but still can't comprehend it. And then proceeded to tell me how tough her morning sickness has been. Gaah!

Euro - glad to hear you are feeling more upbeat. CRGH is a good place with good results. I had my first ivf consultation there and they were v informative I thought. I would have gone there if I didn't decide on immune investigations. How is Mr Euro?

Joy - you friend just seems v selfish and slightly self-obsessed if you don't mind me saying. Just brushing it under the carpet and complaining about morning sickness when she knows the tough times you have been through. I'm cross for you! My friend with the great performing hubby was also complaining to me this week about sickness. I just ignored her.

Forgot to add. Good luck to Mad and Cosmos. I think your ET is today. You will be PUPO soon.

Euro, I'm so sorry it didn't work this time. Are you totally sure, could it be still early? I do think you know when it's over though, I knew early on. Having a plan does help. I do think you will get a good result. It's just a numbers game as we always say and doing short protocol will hopefully mean you get a few embies. Short is really fine, physically it is easy.

Joy, your friend sounds annoying. Well done you in not losing your rag with her. At least when my friend say things I don't think they're trying to hurt me because they don't know so I can put it down to ignorance.

Thanks everyone for willing on the one sperm. It would be a miracle. There is low sperm count and then there is low. Sometimes I read threads when people say their partner has low count but then I read the numbers and think they sound high because mrdens are so low. Still while there is one there is always hope.

mrsd I was convinced it had worked until a couple of days ago. And then I knew it hadn't. I keep a treatment diary and was actually running out of space to write the symptoms down up to the end of Saturday. I had unusual cramps (I never get these apart from when my period is here), sore veiny boobs, quite bad nausea, lightheadedness and all sorts. Plus you know when women say they just knew they were pregnant? I just knew. I didn't feel like that on either of the other two IVF cycles. But I woke up on Sunday feeling absolutely normal, and have done ever since.

I tested again this morning and there was a ghost of a line, way outside the time limit. It's lighter than the one I got on my second cycle and that was a chem preg, so I reckon this is too.

That's good to know about CRGH, sea.

Mr euro seems to be ok. He's sad of course. It's our wedding anniversary tonight, so we will go out for dinner and try to find a topic of conversation other than the one that is foremost in both our minds.

mad yep, just stimms. I'm never downregging again. Although one of the reasons CRGH appeals is that it is one of the few clinics that does natural IVF, so we can discuss which to do and choose all at one place.

joy I got all excited and had downloaded a pregnancy app, so that told me.

Good luck to those having ET!

Euro I'm so sorry about the bfn, I felt really sad reading that. I'm glad you have a plan though and that there is anniversary dinner to indulge in. Interesting about the symptoms, it's so bloody frustrating for you that you aren't sure what's going on. Big hug.

Den how odd about your friend. I'm inclined to think you are getting a doctored version of that story, it doesn't ring true at all. Don't let it remotely make you reflect on your own choices negatively, just feel sad for her and her husband.

Joy I'm also cross with your friend in your behalf. How cowardly and rude! Now I'd like a date for that bonfire please baby making bible first on the pyre (read some things about Emma Cannon that's made me very cynical and frankly quite used by the infertility industry). Have you started the cycle now?

Mad that is AMAZING! What a difference. You have every right to be optimistic, please please let it be your turn.

Cosmos how goes it - are you pupo?

Nelly keep the kit. You WILL need it. I am desperate to start buying stuff. The only thing that stops me is not knowing the gender cos if this shizzle doesn't work out, we will be adopting, that decision is made.

Sea, I'm so glad your biotics are over. Mm I had something to say to you...it will come back to me!

Big wave to princess and mini princess! And thank you to you and sar for reminding us it's all worth it in the end. Here's hoping for the autumn bfp rush.

Pout I wonder if you tucked little dog into a pram if anyone would notice? Or say anything?!

Well I've been spotting for a week and now it's stopped entirely which in the past has heralded much implantation excitement only for my period to arrive in true style the minute I wee on a stick. A week of spotting is just stupid especially as this year it seemed to have got a lot better. What is it and why does it happen? I've felt like my period is seconds away for four days now. Boring.

Ps free sorry it's cd1, hope the whole thing hasn't been too mentally.

Euro sorry again for what seems like another chem pg. You so deserve it to happen I'm frustrated on your behalf. Glad you have a plan sounds like a good one.

Sea are they going to retest your immunes now you've finished biotics? The whole lot or just some?

Nelly that is a tough one - either keep it or don't whichever makes you feel better in the short term I say. Hide it in the loft?

Rabbit gah and fist waving to the spotting. Is this first cycle since last month still? Maybe some remaining weirdness?

Joy you are an absolute saint and a gem of a friend to put up with that. I think you can safely polish your gold star as a friend. Will you ever say something even after baby arrives or just forget it?

Afm had ET and apart from the complete lack of dignity that process is, all went smoothly. They defrosted 3 out of the 4 in the end, 1 didn't make it, have had 2 put back. Embryologist offered me pictures but took a leaf out of lemons cycle and said didn't want to see as would just drive me mad. She used the words 'good' and 'viable'. We shall see. At the moment feeling its nice to have more of a chance than a normal month.

Doll nice of you to pop in - I'd love to copy your approach to the 2ww you sounded very chilled and getting on with stuff - cant recall what you put exactly?

Mad what news?

Waves to anyone I missed, not feeling completely with it.

That is really good news cos. Wishing you all the luck in the world. I think my cycles are not on a good trajectory after cp gate. It's quite unsettling when things are off, rum summed it up very well. When I have a nice 29 day cycle and ov in the middle things feel better. Which is daft given I don't get pregnant either way!

Hurrah for being PUPO cosmos. G'luck!

rabbit I am always comforted when my cycle does what it should (apart from the getting pregnant part of course). It means at least something is working.

cosmos fingers crossed for you

mad hope all your embies are doing well

Thanks guys. Euro you're such a trooper to cheer me on when you're going through crap, thanks hon. And remember there are non drug things you can still try: the gluten thing, the scratch thing etc. ?

Just a quick survey - (after reading a blog called fertile healing) - what are the top 3 things that have kept you going during this ttc shitfest? Best 3 moments of the past few years which have nothing to do with ttc? I'm looking for inspiration for distractions for the next 10 days.

Hooray cosmos for being pupo . I have everything crossed. Tell me if you find out how to stay calm for the next little while. I was pretty chilled for the stimming but anxiety is ramping up now.

I don't know what's happening buzz. The clinic told me to ring at 9:30 tomorrow (day 3) so I resisted the urge to ring them today to ask how things are going. If there are still 5 tomorrow then we wait til Saturday. If not, then I need to cancel a work appointment and get my butt to the clinic for a day 3 transfer tomorrow. Nothing like a little bit more uncertainty to make me twitchy .

rabbit I am so frustrated for you with these dodgy cycles, and you too free I would have been so worked up with a cycle that long.

euro one clinic with both options sounds ideal. I think sometimes a change of venue is necessary psychologically. A fresh start and new opinions.

mrsd my icsi friend (whose dh had a minimal count thanks to radiotherapy) managed one natural pregnancy. Where there is a sperm, there is a way!

Stomach quite sore tonight. Taking paracetamol and chilling out while MrM cooks dinner.

Mm things that have been good for me whilst ttc.... This will be more than three!

Buying a sewing machine and learning to use it. I've discovered a worrying addiction to fabric and it absorbs me away from ttc thoughts. Prob not a two week waiter though. And gardening, my god I've grown a lot of stuff this year. Baking and experimenting with healthy ways to cook stuff. With all of these I also have to 'double bag' and be watching box sets or listening to audio books so there is no room for ttc thoughts to creep in. Seal them out! Yoga and meditating are part of me before this whole shite began. Sometimes it soothes and other times I can't stop thinking about ttc. I've stopped fighting it now and just go with it.

Quick fixes equal, uplifting films preferably with no pregnancy/infertility/adoption story lines or cute children. Same with books. Shopping and having a little treaty purchase can be good. Going on an angry stomp it out walk is good when I'm hormonally/anxiety ridden
but again, safety netted with an audio book/comedy podcast to drown out ttc maudlin thoughts.

Minor things include reading blogs (non ttc!) about books/gardens/make up/sewing/clothes on bloglovin and also building my Pinterest boards. Goodreads has been a good place to hide too.

Ummm. Rearranging my wardrobe to capsule perfection, learning to do new things (make cheese, crochet, basic Japanese, make a cut flower garden).

I've found I can't face beauty treats like facials/massage as I tend to get v anxious during it which is unfortunate as I used to like that as a treat. So I'd throw that into the mix. Also, journaling made me very upset though I know lots of people swear by it. Susannah Conway is a good person to have a peek at.

So I think my breakthrough has been distraction, distraction and double, triple distraction. Fertility friends and googling fsh are banned, mumsnet is my only ttc outlet.

Also, kalms seem to be doing me quite a bit of good. Though I'm sure they are banned when pupo

Sorry that was very long. It has been good to remind myself of all the things ttc has brought to me, I didn't really do very much of the above before. Now it can bring me a baby. Fertility god sort it out!

I've even bored myself now. Also, lets never speak of cheese making again

I'll give that a go:

1. Like rabbit I love my sewing machine and will seriously take up quilting as a cottage industry if I ever get made redundant. Has given me a lot of satisfaction to create things (even if my body hasn't managed to create a baby)

1. Planning a last minute holiday and staying in an absolutely beautiful converted farmhouse with incredible views over the countryside - sharing a bottle of wine and eating pasties and cake (low carb diets be damned).

1. Lazy weekends with breakfast in bed and a box set on the telly. We are addicted to The Wire and it totally takes my mind off everything else. I know these things will be harder with kids (if not impossible) so I tell myself to enjoy them now and do them loads so that when I am sleep deprived and covered in baby sick I will remember why MrM and I love each other and the sort of things that we will do when our children move out

So succinct madness! With you on the creating, that's been very important to me. And yes yes to cosy lie ins. We will miss those one day!

Rabbit - I am sorry about your cycle. This is just a nightmare for you. I hope you are ok. Also curious to know what you found out about Emma c - can you point me in the direction?

Cos - yippee you are pupo! Two on board is great. I will be keeping absolutely everything crossed for you. Just read your questions and seeing Rabbit's creative answers I am a bit ashamed how much TTC has taken over my life. I honestly think I have been wallowing for the last 3.5years! I think work and Roy and tennis/Zumba has kept me slightly sane but that is what I would do anyway. I write a bit (surprising considering how bad my English is on here!) which I find very therapeutic and I do daydream about having kids which surprisingly fills me with hope. Watching comedies was my life saver in 10day wait.
And best 3 moments....eeek and help. Struggling with that. I had a holiday this year. And honestly I can't think of anything that stands out. Really need to do something to improve my life and wellbeing. How about you Cos?

Mad - wishing you lots of luck. Could they do a split transfer if necessary?

Yes friend was being annoying and pretty insensitive.

Waves to all.

Joy it was on mn I read about someone sharing their acupuncture experiences with her and it sounded dire. You might find it if you do a hunt. It was just one persons experience but it felt genuine. You are not a wallower, whenever I think of how on earth I'm going to through ivf and work I think of your strength you know.