TTC 10+ months part 16

[Buzzybee123]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

Good luck lovely euro today - sending you lots of positive thoughts.

Yikes at wasp in lady garden pout! Maybe he thought it was a flower?!

Sorry about stabby heart A plus announcements, painful injections, pre IVF fear and annoying relatives. Love to all. Totally sympathise with all not wanting to do IVF. It is not a fun process.

Quick post-holiday hello from me and good luck to Euro.

I'm different from most of you. I don't really care that I have to do IVF as I'm not that freaked out by it. I just want it to work .

Scary wasp and spider stories while I was away!! Not going to do a catch up as it takes too long but love and hugs and tail feather fluffs all round. AFM it's CD3 here and I'm now into my 4th year of TTC

Thanks all. I'm home. That went so much better than the last 2. The hypno helped to calm me in the lead up, and then when I got there, I had the same anaesthetist as last time and he actually suggested keeping me conscious given how I had come round the past two times. So I had some IV pain killers and something that gave me a floaty feeling for about the first five minutes. It wore off pretty quickly and I was able to ask for more (or to be knocked out if it was unbearable), but I didn't feel the need. It was uncomfortable (they are a bit rough with your ladygarden- I guess as they are used to working on unconscious women) and there were a couple of short bursts of pain, but it was fine.

The only hitch was that I had a bleed. And I suspect the gynae wished I was out rather than listening to everything going wrong! When he took the probe out I actually felt a load of blood spill out of my vagina. And then they had to mop it up, and then check for internal bleeding. But it seemed to have stopped so that was fine.

I didn't try to run away and I wasn't horribly grumpy. If I have to have it again, I want it this way! The sedation really doesn't agree with me.

Love the tattoo story, cosmos!

That sounds much better then euro, and they got the egg ok? Was it sedation you had last time or full blown GA?

Heavy sedation before, so it did the same to me as GA-I went to sleep and then came round.

This time they used a light sedative (I think that was what made me feel floaty for a couple of minutes) but it wore off quickly. From that point on I think it was just painkillers.

They did get the egg but had to flush several times (I really do think it was too early). I haven't heard yet if it is mature.

Euro ? quite extraordinary that you can go through that awake and find it easier than being knocked out! I was wincing whilst reading that ? it actually sounded incredibly unpleasant. You are incredibly brave! Now 3rd time lucky Euro..

Nelly ? i hope you are ok. Isn?t it quite astonishing and depressing how much time has ticked on and we are still here at it. one day nelly, one day.

Cos ? this has been a very long wait for you. Is this normal for a down reg cycle? It seems to be well over a month of things isn?t it? Now what drugs are these that make you want to organise a baby shower? It seems we all need to be on them! NO seriously you are doing really well. Losing your cool is totally normal and actually so is psychotic behaviour i believe. It has to be your time now. Friends meet up was lovely. Neither of them were pregnant but i did find out through a random grapevine yesterday one of my best friends is 20 weeks and hadn?t told me. To say i?m peeved is an understatement. I saw said friend when she must have been 15weeks. Everyone else knew too and I feel a bit like a leper that people don?t want to tell us their news. Announcements are hard enough to take but to find out that a good friend has purposefully kept it from us is a bit upsetting. AIBU/? Thankfully I am not on any drugs or hormones which may have made me more cross ? although my hangover has probably made me more upset about it than I should be.

euro so pleased it felt like it went much better! Although I think that hypno must have done a marvellous number on you, cause like joy I do think it sounds a bit to have been awake for bleeding & whatnot. But you had a better experience, which is what matters. Fingers crossed for good news re the egg itself.

Blimey, joy I don't think you're being unreasonable. That sounds really upsetting. Why would she keep the news from you for such a long time?! Surely it would only feel worse to share it the longer she left it? I'd be really hurt if a good friend did that to me.

nelly, I really bloody want it to work as well. Here's hoping for all of us.

cosmos, can I have some of what you're having?! Manic productivity sounds an ace side effect. Haha at the camel/toe tattoo! Most unfortunate.

Euro I second Joy that made me wince too. Well done and I'm glad the hypno helped. When are they likely to hear next how things are getting on?

Joy you are def not BU. it's especially painful when its someone close who I assume you would have shared most of your experiences with her? Maybe she felt like she was waiting for the right time or something but that's awful to find out through someone else. One of my best friends didn't tell me till she was 14 wks, and during that time we'd had a few conversations where I was very open as i usually was with her and she deliberately mislead me. Then finding out actually she was pg and had lied I think the lying part hurt far more. I now don't really know how to be with her and how much to share or keep to myself. I think when it's a close friend it's always going to hurt but I think the best way is via text, very early on, as at least that way you're sharing in their uncertainty and can play a role in supporting them a bit. It's all so hard isn't it and if tables were turned and I was pg and heartbroken on behalf of a beloved friend I'd probably find it hard to do the right thing but still silence on the matter doesn't help. I read on one of these threads someone saying they'd managed to have a really frank conversation with their friend and managed to both say what they needed and kept the friendship in tact that way. I've found my friends tend to want not to hear about my troubles once they'r pg, maybe it's a self protection thing. Anyway, sorry that was long winded rant! But no you're not BU and sorry, big hugs. I just hope that in many years time when this is all over and we've all got our families this will have faded so as not to affect things like friendships permanently if that makes sense.

Rum and Euromglad you liked the tattoo anecdote. Just goes to show, we've all got our own problems.

Euro Well done you on getting through the EC. It sounded a bit grim TBH but glad that you felt it was okay. Hope that you are putting your feet up now. FX for the next stage!

rabbit sorry to read that you are having a rough ride right now. Thinking of you. Also sorry that you feel rattled by the prospect of imminent IVF. I am sure that you will get swept along by things once you get on the IVF train and things won't feel quite so shocking.

joy How blardy horrid to find out something like that through the grapevine. Of course you would be upset. I had similar with my cousin and felt like an utter tool, like everyone had a secret that they couldn't tell poor barren, freakoid me. Why? In case I had a meltdown or an epi or ruined their good news? It hurts like hell and I am sorry that your friend couldn't have been more honest with you. Geez I remember reading on here how many times you have been off buying your friends baby presents even when you have been through some real dark times yourself. Sod 'em!

cosmos I think that you are absolutely right when you said that once you get to the 2ww after IVF you really don't care anymore how you got there.
Nearly volunteering to organise a baby shower? Joins the queue to get me some of those there drugs
Yikes at the erm, interesting tattoo muses about how whether people actually realise that tattoos are permanent

nelly hugs at CD3 and your fourth year of TTC. Not a happy time for you right now I'm sure. Hope that MrNelly is pampering you a bit

Waves to rum, critter , buzzy and mrsd

Euro - I agree with others... that sounds really urm "eventful" but I am glad you preferred it over the last 2 ECs and felt much calmer being awake. Sorry about the bleed but glad it was nothing serious. Hope you are resting. Fingers crossed.

Joy - I really feel for you re hearing through the grapevine. I really think there is a "correct" way to tell people your good news - even to us barrens. You friend should have told you herself in a sensitive and thoughtful way. Despite our lack of ability in this area, I know we can be happy for other people's BFP. So far only one of my friends have done it in what I would call a sensitive way. She was aware of our issues and told me at 12 weeks and said the only thing that would make her happier would be if I was diffed as well. Love her. A good example of how not to do it is yesterday's A. Said couple called up said she was diffed and it must be down to how well he "performs" - I kid you not! They know we have been trying for years and I actually gave her a lot of advice about what to get checked out and getting on the wait list for ivf etc less than a year into their TTC when they were concerned. This is the second time friends I have counselled and given advice to and put in contact with doctors to speak to have got that magic BFP just before IVF and when they make their A didn't think it would be thoughtful to say something nice, just a thank you for the advice and suggestion (which they took) and that I hope it will happen for you very soon too - is that too much to ask? Instead my barreness probably just emabrasses them and they are glad they are not the one left behind. Sorry this is turning into an angry rant.

Cosmos - I loved your tattoo story. It's the only thing that' s put a smile on my face all day so far.

And the joint first prize, shared with joy's friend, for twatty ways to announce a pregnancy is awarded to Sea's friend. Her BFP must be down to how well her hubby "performs", really? What is he some kind of performing sea lion? Rant away sea, rant away.

Er ladies, we have cake

Holy smokes! A wasp in your pubes, how terrifying!

Euro- I?m glad you felt the EC went much better this time. I have everything crossed that this egg was mature. I think the gynae is just human and has a bit of added pressure when the patient is awake.

Joy ? I?m sorry about the A*, I think some people just don?t know what to do, stay silent and then don?t know how to go back to make things right. I still think it was a very shitty thing for a friend to do to you and I hope she knows this.

Sea ? How well he freaking performs? really?!? That is so ridiculous I don?t know even what to say about it. Especially after she was worried and took your advice. Ugh? just reading that made me frustrated with the world. You definitely have every right to rant!

Rabbit ? It?s nice to see you?re back. I think it?s normal to be a bit angry about the IVF and everything else, just because it is unfair and they cannot guarantee that it will fix anything.

Rum ? Sorry about the spotting. I had started that about 14 months TTC. I have no idea what brought it on.

Cosmos ? your response would have been warranted - I just wish I had been less taken aback, which leaves me frozen in place, and thought of it. The person who asked is not a friend, just the mother of my SIL, which explains a lot about her. Good luck with the upcoming ET!

Nelly ? big hugs. I hope you guys are taking it a bit easy and pampering yourselves.

Back to work and onto a weekend in the garden. Mr. Grouch and I cancelled all our weekend plans to spend our time together tending to our overgrown garden ? and possibly attempting a romantic dinner in.

Thanks ladies. I do love the support we give one another here - I have certainly taken my fair share of it lately. It was really fine. I'm not at all squeamish. The only things that freak me out are drugs making me feel strange and being unconscious. I guess I'm an odd one. I'm pretty ok with pain and needles and blood, but can't cope with the other stuff that most people take in their stride. Oh well, the world would be a dull place if we were all the same!

The clinic has called to say that the sperm sample is fine for IVF (no ICSI needed) so now we just have to wait until tomorrow to find out if there has been fertilisation.

Sorry for the A+ announcements and the mind altering drugs (they must be good shit if they make you think organising a baby shower is a good idea!). Sea and joy in particular seem to have suffered from some insensitive friends recently. The performance comment was grim. Eugh.

I've just had the call from the clinic - we have fertilisation.

They have suggested a day 3 transfer rather than day 2 this time, so they can see what is happening with the embie for a bit longer. I'm ok with that - it gives my poor sore fanny an extra day to recover before it is messed with again!

Yay Euro. That's great news. You will be pupo before you know it. :-)

Brilliant news euro. Sending you and embie lots of luck!

Its been busy here.

Sea, ouch, sorry for the painful injections. Would an icecube before help?

Rabbit - gosh im sorry you are dealing with sad things. roll on October.

Euro - crikey thar is some ec you had but glad to hear it was a better experience overall. That's great about fertilisation. Heres hoping for a good embryo development and ec and rooting that this is your turn.

Joy - I would be hurt too about your 20 week friend, not helpful and even more insensative than a clumsy annoucement. Sorry going back to clinic made you feel a bit rubbish. Don't hold back any tears, but do acknowledge why they happen and why you feel sad and allow yourself that sadness. But then also allow yourself to do something fun.

Sea -that performance announcement was hideous, eeeuughh. I hope she looks back at the comment with mortification.

Rum - sorry for the spotting.

Den - I understand how you feel 100 % about the threat of a close family bfp. I spent alot of time worrying about this. These are the things which helped me....... try to totally and utterly accept that this is very likely to happen rather than cling on to hope through false signs that it might not have happened yet. remember that if it werent for your long-term ttc and they got there before you, you wouldn't give a fig because in reality its not a race. The idea of a bfp announcement is always far far worse than the actual presence of a real life baby. From the outside in, noone else notices the tension you feel inside when a family member is expecting ( which can be a good or bad thing). Try to be fully happy (doesn't matter if its put on) if you do get that news. Its much harder to live with a bad reaction which you cant put right than to grit your teeth for an hour or two then go home and cry. Just try and embrace that this is a real possibility and you will find peace. In the end this exact scenario didn't happen to me......but easily could have.

Sweet - woohoo for a bouncing baby boy. How exciting.

Nelly - hope you are well. Looks like you had fun on your jols.

Rum and any others - the acceptance of needing ivf is such a difficult one. It is a very typical response and you should take comfort from that. Like others here have said it is a form of medical assistance like any other. And remember there is nothing unnatural about ivf. Conception of a baby takes 1 egg and 1 sperm which are human cells. They cant make a baby without these vital ingredients and no baby comes from a science lab or made up as a robot. It is purley the transportation of these cells which needs a little help. The way an embryo comes about (or not) is exactly the same inside or outside the body. Nobody here has failed. Everyone here ought to be mighty proud of themselves for activly seeking a solution to a problem which is so difficult to do. When you are an old lady with grandchildren at your side you wont remember the interventions, you will be very proud of your own initiative and strength which enabled a baby to be born. My pregnancy is not an ivf one but im sure the ladies who have assisted conceptions will come here and tell you that once pregnant, the rest is no longer important. Hold on.

Cos - Sorry the drugs made you feel odd. Not long until et, keep doing nice things. Ha ha at camel toe!

Critter that prayer womb story is hideous. Yukety yuk! Ha ha at the penile exofcism comment.

Pout - bloody hell, wasps in your knickers. But I take this as a sigh of pending fertile things...... when you said you postponed your cycle I was secretly pleased as that is what gin did just before her bfp, and the rest is history...

Going back to the crones conversation, I went to see a patient who has this condition (not why I was there). the nurses were telling me about this condition and commented that in some cases it can have really awful implications, I said, what do you mean, death? They said no but miscarriage and infertility ( said with serious grave faces). It was so uncanny to have this conversation this week. Firstly it backs up some concerns of the ladies here. And secondly it shows that other people do view mc and fertility problems as awfully serious (which they are of course) but when you deal with long term ttc and feel its pain it becomes a normal part of life rather than one of those awful things that happens to other people. Im probably not making much sense but just trying to demonstrate the burden we do carry.

I am fine, not as sicky this week. Going to start looking at hypnobirthing a la princess.

Sar - I'm glad to hear that you're starting to feel better.

Euro - Woohoo for the fertilization! That is fantastic news.

I can't believe you did it awake euro and am so pleased to hear you found it better and that you have fertilisation, wohoo. Hope your foof isn't too sore. I was ver ver sore after my EC big bleed, but also had some tears from the foof tea towel vaginal packs, they inserted to stop the bleeding. I have everything crossed for you! ET is tomorrow then?

I'm so sorry to hear about all the a announcements coming thick and fast. joy* I'm disgusted that your friend didn't tell you. Imagine if you'd met up with her and been confronted with the bump, with no prior warning. I still find instadiff (ie within a year, which counts as instant in my books!) announcements stabby.

pout I was sorry to hear that you delayed the FET and how shitty it made you feel, but sounds like it was for the best. You need to give Colin the best possible chance! Like sar said, I delayed mine. Next cycle do use the piss sticks twice a day - I was told to do so- and start quite early with em. I'd also recommend the smiley faces although they are frigging expensive but cheaper than ivf at pubes wasp!

grouch yay for a boy! V exciting. I hope you are still feeling well. I too had someone I know vaguely at work first ask a colleague if I'd been trying a long time and then ask me! I was vague with my answer and she said oh you were just waiting until the right time then. WTF? I'm not that ancient to be having my first baby at 35 and also why would I go into my ttc hell with people I don't know? Some people are just odd about it!

nellie hope you had a good holiday! Looked amazing in the other interweb place.

joy I totally understand how hard it must have been going back to the clinic. I found it really hard going back to mine after failed cycles and I didn't get through half of what you did.

cosmos not long until ET now! Blimey at the baby shower. A few people have asked me if we're having a baby shower and my answer has been no fecking way!

Welcome back rum. Ivf always felt like something I only read about and not something that happened to real people. Even mid cycle it felt totally surreal. But it can and does work!

sea pleased to hear your hols were good. Sorry for the ouchy injection. I promise that the ivf ones really don't hurt that much.

sar so sorry to hear about mr S health scare. I hope all is ok now? I think I'm going to avoid hypnobirthing as the courses are bloody expensive, and I suspect I'll be screaming for drugs.

Waves to mrsd, rabbits and everyone else. Rabbits hope the hard situation you are in is ok. You've had a right tough time recently.

All ok here. Am counting down the until the baby could be viable... Like a mental, I've bought a home blood pressure monitor and protein measuring piss sticks not happy unless I'm pissing on something! With my blood flow issue thing, I may be at slightly higher risk of pre eclampsia, so finding the 'home clinic' comforting!

gin I love the home clinic. You should get some other customers in!

I had been wondering how you felt after your bleed. Didn't you end up at St George's? I don't think I've torn, but they did rather rapidly shove a speculum up me and then twist is all the way round a few times while they looked for the source of the bleed, and then shove every bit of available wadding up there. It's starting to feel a bit better, but I still have perma horn as they have bruised my clit and it's all swollen and rubbing on my clothes!

Thanks for the good wishes all. I'm waiting for a call from the embryologist - he said he would let me know how they are doing on day 2.

Gin - so nice to hear you. Sorry to hear about pre-eclampsia risk. Good that you have home clinic in place. at more peeing on sticks. I hope it all become v uneventful and start to look forward to birth.

Euro - Reading your post made me cross my legs. Ouchy ouch! Hope you are not in too much discomfortable. I am hoping this is the one for you..

Euro - that's great about fertilisation and a day 3 transfer. Have everything crossed for you.

Thanks for all your support about that diff announcement. Roy mentioned how rude and weird he thought it was at which point I got really wound up about it once again. I had to go and sit in quietness for an hour to 'deal' with it!
Cos - it was interesting to hear your experience. I think deliberately misleading is awful. But then you wonder why they have done that. Is it cowardness? Are they afraid of hurting your feelings and they just don't know how to tell you? I would like to think that's why my friend didn't tell us but part of me keeps thinking it was quite malicious. She is well aware of what has being going on and to leave it so late that i found out via other sources is actually appallingly rude. I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't for the fact everyone else knew. But I think you are right, I don't think people do want to hear about our troubles either. I only ever bring it up if someone asks though. I do think that in fact it is best that from now on I just don't talk about it with friends. It's fairly pointless anyway because no one ever knows what to say because they haven't been through it. I certainly don't want to jeopardise a friendship over what someone says or does because I know i'll be the one who gets clobbered and I will be the one who loses out. And all it will really will be down to is my anger and frustration of going through this.

Pout - I remember you were the only one who didn't know about your cousin. Shocking. I can't bear it how people have to apologise to us before they announce their pregnancy. (again I'm never happy how anyone announces things!)

Sea - wow at your A* announcement. I felt my blood boil just reading that. I just cannot believe you were so helpful towards them and she repays you like that. You are so right, there is a "correct" way of doing it. But it was like my BF's announcement last month. She started saying how clever her body was and just went on and on about it. This girl has known every single thing about what we have been through yet there just wasn't an ounce of emotional intelligence there.

Again, I need to learn how to have a sense of humour about all this. I'm normally good at seeing the funny side of things but some days are harder than others.

Sar - so pleased you are feeling much better. Hurrah at hypno birthing.

Gin - what's your blood flow issue? I still can't believe preggo announcements are stabby even when you are so far along. I was so hoping this would melt away with a pregnancy at least. Also at nosey colleagues wanting to know how long it has taken you to conceive. I think that's where miscarriages can come in use because people can understand them and sympathise even if they haven't had one. But as I have said in the past I have actually found infertility harder than m/c's yet people can't seem to sympathise or grasp the enormity and toll it takes. So if i'm ever properly updiffed and someone has the gall to be so nosey or come out with some comment, I will use my m/c's to make sure they feel rather embarrassed by their nosiness...plus will tell them to use their nonce before questioning .