TTC 10+ months part 16

[Buzzybee123]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

Wow, euro. That's so fast, very exciting. Is it the one egg this time? I'm sure they have their reason for insisting on Friday, did they give an explanation? I think I'm a bit like you in that I hate handing over control to the doctors. In a way I'd rather tell them what to do and I have to remind myself that they are the experts.

mrsd I feel the same. I also feel that they are not the experts on how my body works. I've been having periods for 25 years and closely monitoring my cycles for the past 33 cycles. They have notes on my two previous IVF cycles, so I feel that I am the expert on me.

The thing that bothers me is the inconsistency. On my last natural cycle they were insistent that EC should be as close to natural ov as possible, so they collected one day before I would have expected to ov naturally. This time they are saying they want to get the egg as soon as the follie reaches the minimum size from which they can expect a mature egg and have opted for 2-3 days before I would expect to ovulate. Not helpful!

You're so right that you know your body better than they do. I know I'm a slow egg grower, I never ovulate on day 14 and I knew that my ec was going to be too soon but I never said anything because I thought they knew better. This time around I'm going to be more assertive. The culture here is very much that dr knows best, they do no encourage you to have an opinion or to question anything, I hate that.

Sea, I really like your thinking. I think my difficulty at the moment is accepting there's really something wrong for which we need help. Both of us having had perfectly normal tests so far just makes it really hard to believe that there is something wrong and that we should need help, even though, clearly after 3 years, something must be, and we do. I need to shift my perspective to one more of acceptance, like you've done. And yes, ultimately I am incredibly grateful to be able to get my shot at IVF!

Eurgh, euro, that inconsistency would be hard to stomach. Have they at least explained their thinking behind why they want to try a different approach this time? At any rate, I'm egging on (haha) your egg to be as mature as possible when collected.

rum that is something I have really struggled with. We are also unexplained and no one can tell you why or how IVF might help. I was stunned when our first round gave me a BFP. Absolutely stunned. I had no faith in it at all.

Euro - are you at a different clinic to you 2 previous IVF rounds? I agree that we do know our bodies best and it's difficult to give up control. I don't have any words of wisdom. I am just wishing and hoping this is the one for you.

Rum - I was at exactly the same place you were around this time last year. Just coming up to 3 years of TTC and no sign of a BFP. I too thought being unexplained meant there is no reason why I can't get pregnant on my own especially as all our tests came back well. Like Euro said, there's no reason that the docs can tell you why IVF might work but it can and in many many cases do. I have a doc in the family who specialises in OBGNY and she tells me some people are just not compatible that way (even if you have good eggs, ovulate, tube are fine and sperm is good etc) and I can only assume that is sometimes the case. In my case I was so desperate for answers I headed down the immune route which provided the only abnormal test I have had in almost 4 years of endless tests and ops. So I'm going with that. I really feel for you and I understand it's hard to come to terms with needing IVF but know that you haven't failed and sometimes the potential of a good outcome is more important than the why and most of all you are in good company. x

Euro ? i can?t believe another round has come round for you. I?m sorry the day they are doing it is stressing you out. When they do EC, do they give you a trigger to align things up?

Sea ? I am very sorry to hear how painful the Humira injection was. How long does the pain last? You are not wimpy at all ? it really doesn?t sound very pleasant but i hope this was your last one. I went to the Argy yesterday. Although I knew I wasn?t having any tests , my heart was beating nineteen to the dozen. I was incredibly emotional especially when I walked out ? was desperately trying to hold back the tears. I think it?s just a mixture of bad memories, the fear of taking all those drugs and the fear that fertility has got a lot worse or I have scarring in my womb or something. So much for my hypno sessions, I am already trying to predict the worst to self protect!. Anyway, i signed myself up to the argy and i know it is intense so i need to man up.
I do think for some reason or other some people aren?t compatible. I keep telling Roy that we seem to make aliens rather than humans.

Rum ? totally understand that feeling. I always said pre-ttc that i would never do something like ivf. To then go through it was pretty surreal to say the least. In fact sometimes i cannot believe i went htrough it. But i totally hear you about feeling bruised. I?ve always considered myself fairly emotionally resilient but I feel like i have been pretty battered by all of this.

Sweet ? what an awfully rude comment from that person! You did very well not pouring a glass of water over her. And yippee to a boy!

Meeting some friends later. I am absolutely convinced at least one is pregnant. Both have been trying for a while. I have got that nervous feeling in my stomach. But I must embrace it!. Best fake genuine smile at the ready.... but god forbid if they both are with child.

euro Oh flippin' hell at the EC worries. Just what you don't need. I must say that I am usually in the camp of the doctors know best but even so having a niggle in the back of your brain isn't a great feeling to say the least. Take heart that you have had BFPs (I know the outcome wasn't what you deserved and don't want to put my foot in it) and they obviously know their stuff. If they are going on follie measurements then they must be confident that you are developing at the right rate. Can they scan you before the EC to be sure?

sweet Congratulations on finding out you are going to have a lovely little boy I am shocked by that "friend's" comment to you. What is it with all this competitive fertility? I am also aghast and what she muttered under her breath. Bloody bitch!

sea Yay for the hols helping lift MrSea's spirits. MrP is scarily okay, he hasn't reacted at all since he found out his dad died. He is usually pretty emotionally silent so I honestly struggle to know what goes on his brain or heart TBH.
It is really very interesting the Chinese take on cold and periods.

rum I'm sorry that your first appointment sent you into a bit of a spin. I found it all surreal and couldn't believe that we had got to that point. I always kept hoping for the ironic pre treatment BFP.

joy I always felt a bit sorry for Jennifer Aniston especially when Brad Pitt dumped her and went on to have loads of babies with Ange Jolie.

mrsd It is the failure that is the difficult thing to swallow I think. I am a massive control freak and anything that I can't control or plan freaks me out. I have always said to MrP that the unexplained thing has been really difficult for me because if I was told that I had X, Y and Z wrong with me then I could begin to process that and build in control mechanisms. The vague hope that it might happen but most likely won't each month has been soul destroying. I really feel for you knowing that your SIL is TTC. That must feel like some horrible time bomb. A baby in the family is something that can't be easily ignored or avoided and you have to act happy. As an aside, kind of related but not really, my mum has been incessantly inviting me to various get togethers with her and her boyfriend & his family which I had declined because MrP and I are annoyed with her about the telling everyone our business. Anyway, I have since found out that the boyfriend's grand daughter is heavily pregnant, fit to drop. I am so angry with my mum that she would've had me turn up to these events especially given the fact that we were invited to two dos when she knew that our IVF had failed. I know that normal people wouldn't understand why I find that so blardy insensitive but I was really hurt that my mum didn't even consider how hard I would've found that.
I am so touched that bluebottles make you think of me Rather apt probably! Following on in the same vein, Little Dog yelped and shot up last night. I went over to check on him and he seemed agitated but I wasn't clear on what was wrong. I finished cooking & dished up the dinner during which time I kept feeling a tickling on my leg. By the time I had dished up the tickling was much higher up so I thought I'd take a look. Anyway, I looked down my pyjama bottoms and there was a wasp nestling in my lady garden. I couldn't have been more terrified if I had Beelzebub himself peering up from under my trouser band. Cue frozen panic and, according to MrP, lots of strange, tortured noises. Fortunately and miraculously I wasn't stung but looks like Little Dog was & the evil wasp had climbed up my trouser leg when I had been checking on him. No wonder Little Dog kept backing away from me when I kept seeing if he was alright, I imagine he was thinking how he didn't much like the new pet I keep down my trouser leg

X-posted joy sorry about how sad you felt at your appointment. You don't need to man up at all, you just need to catch a fecking break. You and all the ladies on here have been more than brave enough and if a baby was the prize for dignity and strength then we'd all have a clutch of them

Hoping that your friends don't drop any bombs on you.

Joy I'm so sorry going back to the argy was such a horrible experience. You went through a lot there so it's not a surprise. A big handhold. I'm sure you and Roy will make beautiful babies soon. No aliens for you at all.

Pout. I hope mrP is okay. Everyone deals with things differently. Still it might hit him at some point. I hope that's not the case.

I just got an A plus announcement. I'm not going to lie. This one has hit me hard. It's the one person I really didn't want to get a BFP before us for reasons I don't really go into on a public forum. I know im a bitch for feeling this way but in the case the feelings of jealousy and unfairness is consuming. This one really hurts. I feel quite devastated.

Euro good luck for EC tomorrow. Hope they have got it right.

Will do a catch up tomorrow.

Sea - big hand hold. I have had an a* tonight too. Off to have a little woe be me sob.

Cos - I hope you are ok x

joy I completely understand about going back. I had a bit of a "gulp" moment before going back into the scan room. Same room, same dr, same dildo cam as when I got the bad news. It was tough. And you had an even rockier ride.

sea this is the perfect place to share that stuff. I would guess many of us have felt the same.

pout at the wasp/fanjo interface! Those are two things that should really be kept separate.

sea it's the same clinic - that is why the lack of consistency really grates. If this one doesn't work, I might change though! pout they always scan before they put you under to make sure that you haven't ovulated but even if the follie hasn't grown they won't be able to change the egg collection time because I have had a trigger shot. Hopefully the trigger shot will have finished off the maturation anyway.

I think the hypno has helped. The night before my last EC I was completely panicked. Tonight I feel fine. Although I am in a bit of grump because I just had my hair highlighted and it has come out too dark. Booo. But the fact that I'm even focussing on something else is a good sign.

Euro - i can see why the inconsistency grates. All the best for tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. I think it's great that you are concern about the highlights. Good sign that hypno worked.

Joy - I'm sorry you also had an A*. It's not easy is it. I kind of had another one at dinner after the late afternoon one but the second was v different. A friend who ttc for 10 yrs just got approval for adoption and will get her baby v soon. I hope you are okay. I have been quite tearful myself tonight.

Love to everyone else.

Euro Doh, I hadn't thought about the trigger shot. I'm sure that you & your follie will be just fine tomorrow (and your highlights!) Good luck, I will be thinking of you.

Sorry that you joy and sea too are down tonight. Shakes fists at A* announcements

Thank you so much, ladies. What you said was really helpful to hear today.

euro best of luck for tomorrow! And so glad the hypno is helping. Everything crossed this is your cycle.

sea and joy so sorry about the painful announcements. But your friend whose adoption is finally coming through is amazing, sea.

pout! Oh my word! How hilariously horrible!

I have so much to say on here but currently up to my eyes in a busy/sad thing and am not getting a second to post. Ill be back home next week. I am reading and wanted to do some feather tail preening for everyone.

I think sar summed up a plus announcements perfectly as 'stabby in the heart'. Huge love to sea and joy.

Rum I feel incessantly angry that I'm going to have ivf (start of October was confirmed on weds cue wailing tantrum rather than happiness). As no one can tell me HOW it will help me I'm going in all meh. I've been told off about this. I think these are normal feelings for us to have.

Euro good look with finding that select and juicy egg, sorry for the stress.

Pout - a WASP IN YOUR PUBES?! You are some kind of insect whisperer

Congrats sweet on your boy news.

Masses of love to all missed, I'm here in the background, I just keep waiting to do mega catch up and fail. Will do mini posts instead.

Good luck today euro. I'll be thinking of you.

Rabbit, nice to see you. Sorry to hear of the sad stuff. We will be Ivf buddies in October I think. I really do need to go for my follow up and confirm that though. I'm avoiding it becuause like joy and euro the place fills me with sad thoughts which is pathetic considering I never had the trauma that joy and euro had.

Sweet, yay for a boy.

Pout OMG at wasp and pubes.

Joy and sea, so sorry for a star. I hope the news was announced sensitively to you. It hurts so much I know. I found out yesterday my bosses boss is starting paternity leave, I didn't even know his wife was pregnant so I have a new found respect for him that he didn't go on and on about it like other colleagues do. There is only an 18 month age gap between his two though so must have been an insta duff.

Pout - at wasp nesting down there. No No no that is terrifying! I am so surprised you didn't get stung.

Rabbit - sounds like you are having a bit of a bad time. Sending you a lot of love.

Euro - very best of luck today. Let us know how things go. Will be interested to hear if hypno has helped.

Sorry things have been sad, rabbit, and it's so reassuring to hear these feelings are normal. You start to think you're even more broken than you were just by being infertile for also not only being wholly over the moon at the prospect of treatment. I'm starting to feel slightly less of a nutter again hearing all your perspectives, which is great.

Rooting for you today, euro!

Pre-menstrual spotting today. AGAIN. I thought it had disappeared. ARGH with the bloody spotting! Sometimes I think my uterus can kiss my ass. Which would at least be interesting, anatomically speaking.

Just a quick one to say good luck euro. Pls let us know how you get on today. I will be thinking of you. X

Just popping in quickly to say GOOD LUCK euro! I hope EC is better for you this time. Will be thinking of you today.

Rabbit hope you're ok with the busy / sad thing. Big hugs.

Sea I'm really sorry about the A*. Completely understand and have felt the same way many times so don't feel bad about the way you're feeling you're not alone.

Pout omg at the insensitive behaviour of your mum. That would have really riled me. My mum lately has taken to telling me I'm 'isolating myself ' and building things up in my head to be more than they are. Er no. It just really fecking hurts. Grr at the one person who is meant to understand and sympathise the most not getting it.

Joy how was the friends meeting, hope it was ok. I'm sorry your visit to the argy brought back so many horrible feelings. I'm so impressed at you starting again though, I have everything possible crossed that this will be your turn. Did they say anything about treatment wise what the plan is or is it more just go with the flow as they say on each day?

Rum yes I feel exactly the same as you. Even after 6 years and 3 failed Ivfs and numerous other attempts at things I still feel like that. The fact that I don't know for sure what's wrong is so hard to deal with. The one thing that does keep me going is that each time I've been a 2 ww after some treatment and had moments of thinking it had worked, I haven't given a fig what I'd gone through I was just so hoping that something, anything had worked.

Sweet what a very blunt question. And my take these days is that blunt questions deserve blunt answers. How about another time saying 'wow that's an incredibly personal question, whatever made you ask that'.

Mrsden I feel like that. I've always felt different and I've never wanted to be average more in my life before! I never thought of myself as a perfectionist before all this, but the failure thing I just can't deal with, I really hate it.

Lemon thinking of you if you're reading.

Euro hope it all goes well today.

Lovely critter thanks for the prompt about keeping calm, have gone back to doing my JKZ meditations and is helping. Omg about your poor friend, that is just the most awfully awkward social moment I've ever heard of! I wouldn't blame her for trying to avoid family dos in the future!

Doll your take on that made me laugh. Hope the move goes well and baby arrives safely, not long now!

Afm had a scan earlier this week and now taking progynova to help thicken the lining. ET is likely to be after the bank holiday. The hormones are making me feel slightly odd. I had a couple of quite manic days - I was trying to persuade DH to get up at 4am to go and sit on the downs and watch the meteor shower, plus very nearly offered to arrange a friends baby shower for the week after my likely test date - at work I was a bit like if you've seen the film what happens in Vegas, when Cameron Diaz gets drugged by Ashton kutcher?! I seem to have calmed down slightly now though really lost my cool a couple of times yesterday once at work and once with DH, but both completely justifiable
Hilarious anecdote from work. We were all chatting about tattoos. One girl pipes up (completely seriously) 'My friend's got a tattoo of a camel. On her toe.' [shocked]

That last one should have bee and

euro hope all goes well today for you