TTC 10+ months part 16

[Buzzybee123]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

pout woo hoo to a thick line on the way. What day is it - can you still go and collect Colin? You do realise that if Colin does end up being a boy his name is predetermined forever more in your head . Bit late to the party but never come across as needy. Hysterically funny and kind yes. There were three bluebottles in the bathroom yesterday and I though t of you, I thought you'd be touched by that thought!

Joycep please know that I am very glad to have you back, it feels like the whole team is bolstered by you being here. We have been in this for a long time together now haven't we?

Euro I think I did read that your clinic doesn't do local anaesthetic which sounds ideal for you, any way of requesting this? I have taken valium once after a traumatic thing and it just took the edge off things and made things still. I didn't feel woozy or anything, but it might have been a low dose. It might be worth seeing if you could have that beforehand whatever happens? I think gin talks lots of sense about going natural and then, if needs be (but I'm hoping not) you could explore trying some drugs. I am pretty worried about how the whole drug malarkey is going to effect me. If only there was another way. I would happily have my baby grown in a lab after donating a bit of saliva for my dna thank you very much.

ginster (not like the sausage roll!!!) I am so so so chuffed for you that you are having a girl and that you are the owner of a bump that makes people give up their seat. That is just ace. It seems like no time at all that you were on here not ever fancying your chances with Dave puking all over his toothbrush! Sorry that there is still thoughts to potentially mental over but broidy things are so common and an extra scan will just help you to know that all continues to be lovely in there. It cheers me no end that you are keeping in touch with us.

lemon step away from the google, it never brings happiness! Not that I can speak. I have a firm rule with myself now that if I am tempted to google, high fsh/trying for more than three years/low amh/ivf success/immune issues or any other doom fodder then I must go directly to pinterest and pin something. It seems to be working fairly well and I haven't broken it for almost three weeks. Go me! My acupuncturist asked, what are you hoping to find? I hear her saying it every time I drown myself in fertility friends. I am glad that you have been doing nice things with SB and that some of the fog is listing just a little. There is no way this can't end up with a baby for you, you make super embryos and respond very well. It is just a shitter that it has to take this long.

sea I am so glad you are having the laughing triumphing misery. I thought your words about tackling things sadly or with a smile on your face were wise and I have been trying to apply the same to myself. What always bamboozles me are period hormones. My tears barrier is removed. And it isn't always because I am sad my period came. I knew it would this month but I still felt tearful over other things. I hope you are still very much in holiday mode.

sweet I know exactly what you mean about pregnancies still stinging, I can picture feeling exactly the same if I ever get there.

I have been tackling the garden a lot this week in angry bursts and have achieved a lot. There is so much veg that we can't eat it all and are giving it away, I find this pleasing. The most abundant crop has been contraceptive laced peas. I cooked them in a griddle pan yesterday in their pods with oil and salt and ate them like edamame. They are clearly the reason that we have not conceived yet.

On Tuesday night after posting on here a horrible thing happened to me and if you eating or don't like gross things then READ NO MORE. I woke up at two in the morning with the most awful pain, beyond period pain I have ever had before and it was pretty much constant, not coming in waves like normal. I was curled up in a ball on the floor waiting for painkillers to kick in when I felt a horrible bearing down feeling and when I went to the loo I passed (sorry!) a huge clot, bigger than a tampon, it was gross! And then the pains stopped instantly. I have never had such a thing happen and am totally freaked out by it. I don't have clotty periods and if I do it is tiny bits. Is this normal for some of you? Do you get awful pains until they come out? What is it?! Maybe it was my phantom broid! I wondered if it could be something left over from last month. I tested with cheapy sticks last month and got on four tests very faint lines but do wonder if they are just shit tests. But, with a two week bleed and a 37 day cycle I really am starting to think that I was a bit pregnant. Do remnants sometimes come out the following month? Sorry for total oversharing. Hare is revolted by the whole thing and I dare not bring it up again! I think if I say but what do you think it was one more time he might actually divorce me. Also, the pains were so bad that I actually broke out in a sweat. Presuming labour is far worse than that I am now more confident than ever that I will be terrible at giving birth. Should that ever be on the cards.

Just found out there has been a birth. It has finally happened. Our baby girl name has been taken. That stings as much as a triple A plus

Hello all [peeks head round corner and tentatively rejoins thread]

My mini holiday turned into full blown family crisis with A&E visits, surgery, social work, nursing homes and a prolonged stay taking care of elderly relatives so have fallen hopelessly out of the loop. Thankfully we are both ok and everyone is now taken care of but will take me a while to catch up with all of you. We started cycle number 2 today, although no stimming until Monday and then I am back on my mega dose of 300units of menopur. AFC was about 8 compared to 2/3 last time so maybe more positive. Three small cysts but they are happy to continue so we are off and running.

Wanted to say lemon I am so sorry that this wasn't the one and I do hope that you are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel now. This is all so hard.

Oh and welcome back joy! My pessimistic self was imagining all sorts of terrible fates for you and roy so I am pleased to hear that you were just taking a break and working things out.

Have just seen your update rabbit and offering a hand to hold after your announcement.

I will be back for more of a catch up once I have read back properly. Big waves to you all.

Rabbit - I am so sorry to hear about the birth, big hug. Your clot sounds like my miscarriage experience - except the pain lasted longer while I lost multiple large clots in a row with bleeding lasting over a week. My doctor told me that if it ever happened again I was to go in immediately because some pieces can be left inside, which may be what happened to you?

Pout - It sounds like you're approaching a positive opk!

Euro - I would go with the valium, it should help to relax you. I had a friend who used to need them before dentist appointments. It's good that your clinic is focused on making this next one stick and that natural cycles work well for you.

lemon - Step away from the scary google of doom. I know I am just as guilty of it, but I do find myself much happier when I can resist the urge. You have plenty of frosties, which is very positive.

gin - Impressive that someone offered you a seat! I am not quite there yet.

I need to be more like rabbit and attack my gardens this week. Mr. grouch has been doing a great job bringing in the veg crops but I need to tackle the front walkway. I didn't realize peas were laced with contraceptives - they are my absolute favorite veggie.

Xpost madness - I am so sorry to hear about the family-related crises and lack of proper holiday time for you.

Yikes rabbit That sounds grim. I get the smallish and pin prick clots every cycle and a few cycles get larger clots. I had a couple of cycles where I felt myself passing something gee this is nice innit! and the clots were about an inch by 2 inches but flat and not solid or anything shaped like a tampon. Also I have never got the bearing down feeling or accompanied massive pains. It is curious and I do wonder whether it could be linked to the positive preg sticks. I would say that my period pain is worse before I pass a clot God it gets grimmer. Sorry Somehow afterwards the flow is heavier & easier, hence no need for the womb to contract I suppose. I am so sorry that you are having this headfuckery, not to mention such God awful period pains.
Oh God at the birth announcement and stealing your name. That would really upset me too. Try and think of it as you will come across a name that you like much better that will be far more suited to your special bundle when it arrives.
The name Colin cannot stick for various reasons not least because it makes me think of that advert "Coliiiiin, tidy your room"
Want MrP to come and nuke your bluebottles and cover your bathroom in gaffer tape for you? It can be arranged!
Your veg haul is impressive. I love peas in the pods. I love them in pasta. Do you eat the pea shoots? Tesco used to do them as a salad in a bag though I haven't seen them in ages. Those in a steak sandwich with horseradish was a real treat in this house.

Can I agree with what you said about joycep & her coming back has given the thread a real boost.

madness Hello, we have missed you! It sounds like you have had an awful time of it. I hope that you are okay.
How are you getting on with drugs?

x-posted with sweet
rabbit I think that sweet's advice is spot on and a doctors trip might be a good idea to er on the side of caution.

Thanks sweet I am aghast at how much it hurt more than anything else. I didn't know my body could do that to me!

mad welcome back into the 10 plus camp with open arms. I wondered where you had gone. It sounds as if you have truly been through the mill. Are things a little more settled now? I hope you are able to get a bit of resting time in as his all kicks off. Is August quiet for you work wise? It is brilliant that you have responded so much better than last time. I am thinking insanely positive thoughts on your behalf.

Thanks pout it all seems to have gone fairly back to normal now though it has been all a bit watery and bizarre (again with the grimness!). Thank you for doing similar sharing, these are the things you can never discuss anywhere else! Whatever it was, my body took great displeasure at it being there. I do wonder if I have a stupidly low pain threshold. But then I can hold hot stuff with far more nonchalance than hare so who knows. And this was the most pain I have ever had including broken bones. No doubt i will be scanned imminently. I live in fear of being told there is a huge baby blocking fibroid and my sanity exploding like a puff of smoke in the face of the sonographer.

And yes yes to peashoots. Though they toughen up pretty fast. Bastard pigeons have eaten my kale so the garden now has attractive hanging cds to frighten them. I have turned into my father.

Rabbit here goes again on the GRIM but my period blood is always very loose and watery after passing a large clot. That said I do think a trip to the GP might be prudent.
Don't stress about a baby blocking fibroid. sweet's explanation seems very sensible. Nothing is more insanity inducing than not knowing what the heck is going on
I'm sure you don't have a low pain threshold. What you went through with fibroidgate proves that.

Rabbit ? excuse my bad language but what the fecking hell? Have you done a test this month and did those faint lines ever disappear? I have heard of people passing large clots after miscarriages. I think things can get trapped inside. So has your period arrived yet? Is it worth you getting a scan of some sort? I?m sorry I?m not much help but it all sounds very distressing for you. Poor poor Rabbit. By the way, did you have an amh test in the end? So sorry about your name pinching. Grrrr. I actually think that we can all name our kids what we like after our adventures, even if our siblings or best friends have pilfered them.
Also thank you for your such generous thoughts. We have been chatting on here for ages now...more than 2 years eeeek!

Pout ? it sounds like something is happening with you which is great. I think it?s fine to change brand. I would always recommend the smiley ones as it just gives a clear yay or nay although they are extremely expensive. Somewhere, somebody is laughing in a great big house called Piss Stick Mansion.

Incidentally did anyone see that piss stick sales shot through the roof when Middy announced her pregnancy. Do people suddenly think ?argh yes, i want a baby too ?. Very odd!

Sea ? i?m pleased you are having a lovely time out there. Keep laughing and don?t let announcements make you cry because don?t you forget it will be your turn one day.

Gin ? awwww I?m so so thrilled you are having a little girl. It?s just wonderful news and people are now giving up their seats for you...and so they should! You certainly waited a long time for that to happen. Also fibroids shiboids. Pah! You?ve dealt with so much more , you?re a ten plusser, nothing will phase you now!

Lemon ? it doesn?t matter if you have 50 frosties - when you have had miscarriages, failed implantations and you don?t know what you are dealing with , nothing is of much comfort so please don?t apologise for ?moping?. It?s completely shit but I hope the clinic gives you some reassurance or at least more thoughts on what can be done today.

Euro- you have indeed had an amazing rate of going to blast. Natural and not changing plans seems a good idea.

Mad ? welcome back, I was wondering where you had got too. I am so sorry you have had a tough time. Why oh why does everyone go through so much sh*t on here. It seems so unjust. I am hoping this will be your round this time Mad. Best of luck.

You need my dogs to scare away the birds. The pigeons live in fear of them here but strangely the cats just sit on the shed roof silently mocking my mutleys while they go batshit

Pout the pigeons are stupid but good at cabbage wrecking. It could just be that to add to the delights of periods I'm now getting whopper clots. Which in turn is insanity inducing you are spot on, it's the NOT KNOWING. A written report on each cycle would be immensely helpful.

Sperm did not reach egg
Egg disintegrated.
Sperm met egg and gave up. And so on.

Joycep it is sad to say I can't remember the point at which we decided to try. It has been so bloody long! I try to justify that 2 years and 9 months is just a drop in the ocean. But who am I kidding. For all of my best friends it's been long enough to make an entire family. But I know for sure it wouldn't have been a royal baby that got me going. I think my biological clock was so loud other people could hear it.

joyI am laughing at piss stick mansion. I nearly fell over at the price of the smiley faced sticks. I am beginning to think that I ought to have invested in some better ones than the ones I bought because I just don't trust them. When I was getting no lines I was looking at the website of the company that makes the brand I bought & I was fantasising about making an effigy of "Marianna" the alleged ex barren "proprietor" who personally tests all her products blah blah and sticking pins in it.
I feel strangely stabby about people starting to TTC just because the Royals were diffed. Hope that still isn't going on because if we all get pregnant soon we won't get a bed on a maternity ward for love nor money.

rabbit You are so right about people completing their families in the time it has taken us lot to achieve the great sum of zero. How depressing.

Can I ask a question about OPKs please? If you get a second line of which a skinny vertical strip of it is as dark as the control line, does that count as a positive or does the whole width of the line have to be totally the same darkness? My second line starts of really dark and then fades to less dark the further towards the end of the stick you look. Normally I would class that as a positive but I really want to get this right esp given the confusion anyway this month.

Welcome back madness. Sorry you've had such a shit time! I really hope this will be The Cycle for you.

Rabbit that sounds very much like miscarriage to me. I would get scanned to check everything is gone. Last year after I passed the sac, there was still some debris left, the clinic let it be for a month, and I passed it the next AF. Clottiness and cramping is something I experience quite regularly, but never as bad as after mc/failed implantation.

The news here is that hcg is back to nothing, and as it was so low, the clinic are not counting it towards a multiple miscarriage situation, yet. There take on it, is that I've just been very unlucky. And as there is little to be done not keen on immunes myself it makes sense to move onto the frosties, after a bit more recovery. I thought the bleed was over and then my body had rabbit sympathies and I curled up for a while and now it is a lot better. I'll be off the internet for a while :) so I am just hoping to come back to some good news!

Joy I am so glad to have you back as well. poutster thanks for the period-sharing. I do love these boards... And it sounds like a positive - but I haven't used OPKs for 2,5 years.

PS everyone warning me of google was right, had a good chat with multiple mc, now multiple adorable kids, friend yesterday, that was a lot better for me!

Just a quickie, pout sounds like a positive to me, but do have a look at the pee on a stick website, as I think it has some info about ov sticks. If it's any comfort, I don't think ginster went back in on exactly the right day... I got a positive on the Sat, but futility friend thought I ov'd on the Monday and ginster (who was frozen on day 6) went back in on the Fri.

rabbits and mad sorry about the shitty times you've both been having and good luck with the cycle mad.

Argh gotta go.

Ah Lemon, hope you're ok. Your friend sounds lovely glad you've got someone in RL who is a good support. Am glad the worst of the bleeding is out of the way. Really hoping it works for you next time.

Pout sorry cant be much help re OPKs I never used them. I do have a CBFM which I have given up using at it gives me the same result every month which if anyone wants by the way let me know and you're welcome to it. Is this the month that you're having Colin put back on a natural cycle, do the clinic wait for you to ring to say you've o'vd? Pout I have definitely never read your posts and thought of you as needy, I was surprised to read that. I worry about whether my posts on here are 'right' or not, or supportive enough of other people. I think that's one of the nice things about this thread is that everyone is genuinely lovely. It's very hard to be 100% there for other people when you're going through something as hard as this (I tell myself!). And yes the thought of people going 'ooh royal baby, yes a baby is a good idea lets just pop one of those out' is very stingy. That some people can choose and control it so much is hard to bear.

Rabbit you poor love that sounds terrifying. I had something similar after my FET round, when I had a low hcg - about 2 weeks after AF I suddenly passed what I momentarily thought must be my liver it was so huge. Then a second one about an hour later. It really scared the life out of me. I think it must be to do with the lining thickening with implantation? I often get clots too, and similar to what you guys have said, that there's a lot of pain and then I pass a big clot then the rest of af comes more normally. That happened this month too, the clot was about 1 inch by 2 inches. If only a doctor could say what was happening but none of the ones I've spoke to seem interested in that kind of thing. Big hugs. And really sorry about the name stealing. Does it really mean you couldn't use it now? My nephew is my favourite boys name and that really stung so I understand.
I loved yr comment by the way that the whole team is bolstered by Joy being here. Are we a team? I like that thought!

Joy sorry about AF it never gets any easier and especially when it feels like this might be the month and then it gets snatched away. You will have your time I'm convinced of it. How are you feeling about starting Ivf again are you feeling ready or not?

Mad oh dear that doesn't sound like much of a holiday. Best of luck for this round.

Gin am thrilled for you that it's a girl and your scan all went well.

Euro and Lemon thanks for the heads up about delayed Af while downregging, it helped with the mentalling as my boobs were killing me this month, but anyway it came nearly 2 days late. Euro thanks for going back and checking your chart for me that was really sweet of you. And very lawyer like! Well m'lord, in the case of "Euro vs Downregging" the evidence was thus...... Your blast rate does seem very good, and isn't any natural cycle (am thinking without ivf) only meant to have 20% chance anyway so your numbers must come up soon I'm convinced. I would stick with what you want to do this time.

Sea holiday sounds great. Am thinking of leaving fb, I really hate it these days!

Mrsden don't despair about the lack of frosties. The more stories I read it just seems pot luck whether a cycle works be it fresh or frozen. Don't think of it as starting again, each go is a go, though I suppose some cycles are harder work than others.

Waves to anyone I missed.

I have to say since af has arrived my moods have thankfully gone back to normal. I had a very odd weekend with really sudden mood changes with some very black thoughts about everything. I'm used to getting a bit eyoreish but this was so swift and kind of instantly I'd be thinking it was all futile, and even that my marriage was doomed. Doing exercise definitely helped I think and now I've had AF I feel much more sane. I've had some changes at work this week too which has made me feel so relieved! I hate being responsible for loads of things on my own, being in a team is so much better. Like Rabbit said. Go team.

Pout I reckon that's a positive. Did you do another?

Lemon I think you have been unlucky. There is a lot of evidence to say fet can be better in some ways isn't there? And think of lovely gin.

Is it just me that felt total empathy with the panda who might be pregnant? I feel like I have more in common with that panda than any of my friends!

Cosmos gosh I feel sorry that anyone has to regularly have that happen. Shudder at liver - that is exactly what it was like bleughhh! Men have it easy in this respect!

Yes we are a team it is so helpful to me to know that any ten plusser will always understand how I feel, even if they've ended up with ten babies - they will know and say the right things. Glad your mood has lifted, are you stimming now? I still have no idea how ivf works in terms of day to day process. I guess that will shortly change!

Pout - eek I am really sorry I can't help on opk lines, I could never get to grips with them. Was it darker last night? -any news on it this morning?

Lemon - I hope you have a good break off Internet. It seems sensible to go for the frosties when you are ready and one will definitely take.

Cos - I am so pleased you feel better now down ragging is over. Dark moods are awful and very odd that they can happen so quickly. Hormones are so weird. Sorry about the punchy boobs too , it makes life very unconfortable.
I have begn to get pretty nervous about ivf again. I am not afraid of the injections, I am scared that things will have gone down hill again since last time. Will I have any eggs etc. the thought of the 2 week wait as well.

Big hug joycep. The poo thing is, no matter how things have been in the past we are compelled to think that things could have got worse, probably because of the passing of time and generally because we have had weathered a lot of storms most people never have to face. But, you just don't know. There is every much a chance that things could be better. You are incredibly strong and a fighter, believe me when I say this. You will get your baby.

Rabbit I was beginning to feel empathy with the panda until I heard they think she is pg - even bloody pandas can do it! Grrr!! . How are you feeling now after what happened last month has it given you any more hope you're getting there? I'm doing a medicated FET so need to go for scan on tues and then start taking progynova (sp?) which is an hrt drug to thicken the lining. Transfer will prob be end of the month.

Joy I agree with Rabbit there is every chance things could be better. How is the diet going, I bet that will have helped. And every cycle is just different anyway. I almost think the way lemon had it was best, just to know as little of the detail of numbers, fertilisation rates, gradings etc etc as possible. But I'm not surprised you're nervous you had a shocking experience last time. But you were so close and you will get there!

Thanks ladies for your input over the OPK. I am melting down over it and so bloody cross with myself for not buying the smiley faces. I went totally postal with MrP last night (not really deserved at all) because he kept saying that it is only half the colour of the control and the strip of dark doesn't count. Then he kept harping on about not keeping looking at it because it is past the 10 minute mark and how we probably ought to abandon the cycle because my "ovulation is all messed up anyway". What really made me want to rip his head off though was his helpful suggestion of reading the instructions for me (because obviously I don't understand how an OPK works after all these months of using them) Cosmos I am with you right now on the hormonal questioning my marriage
Anyway I still don't know what I am going to do beyond pissing on another stick at 2pm but need to call the hospital & clinic at some point today with some conclusion. gin Peeonatick has changed their website and I can't see all the usual helpful stuff. And breathe....

lemons I am sorry that you had a resurgence of pain, hopefully you are now over the worst of the ouchiness. Were you reassured by the clinic at all?

rabbit how are you feeling today?

joy I think rabbit is right about the fear being natural. I think it is part self protection and (for me anyway) partly the thought that if this whole shitty situation can happen to me then anything can. I'm sure that you will be fine and you are so strong. I'm reasonably sure that fertility and egg production (what a crappy word but can't think of a better one) can't suddenly drop off a cliff in a matter of months.

cosmos I'm glad that your period arrived and that your mood has lifted somewhat. Hormonal driven fugs are horrible. I laughed at euro's legal approach to your situation
I think that you hit the nail on the head when you said about worrying over whether your posts on here are "right". I think that is how I feel sometimes probably because when things are written down the subtleties can get lost in translation. Also our posts are such a snapshot that you can't possibly put entirely into their context (or provide loads of personal details to make it all seem clearer).

rabbit that bloody panda made me want to cry this morning & made me feel even more ovulatory challenged!!!