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Conception

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Original poster

Have 2 boys and want a girl to balance my family.

123 replies

draggedthrooabush · 05/06/2006 22:29

Have 2 little boys ds1 (nearly 3) and ds2 (7months) Husband and I cant agree on whether to have a third or not.

I would love to have a little girl. I love my boys to bits and wouldnt swap them for a million girls but I grew up very close to my mum and sister and would love to have that relationship with a daughter of my own.

If we had a third baby and it was another boy then I definately would stop at 3. Don't want to keep going indefinately./ By the way I would not be unhappy to have a third son as I love my boys so much I'm sure another one would be just as loved and wanted. My husband is delighted to have 2 sons but would also dearly love a daughter. He cannot understand, however, how much I would really love to have a girl though and keeps telling me that 3 children is a zoo!(Said this in jest after a visit from my cousin with her 3 under the age of 6)

I think if you already have 2 children of the same sex you should be allowed gender selection in this country, not necessarily on the NHS but privately if you can afford it. Is this playing god? What does anyone else think about this?

OP posts:

wheresmyfroggy · 18/08/2006 14:08

Hi Pamina, no nothing yet. Three boys? go on I dare you , triplets would be great lol.

Pamina3 · 18/08/2006 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheresmyfroggy · 18/08/2006 14:13

You are on my list of people to inform [have had my instructions ] dd2 is sensing change definitely , she is really clinging to dw .
Has dh got his snip date through then? that wasn't too long to wait.

Pamina3 · 18/08/2006 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheresmyfroggy · 18/08/2006 14:20

pmsl, oh believe me the chocolate bribery here is pretty good at the moment.
have heard that frozen peas are needed to soothe post op

Joolstoo · 18/08/2006 14:22

and tight underpants

Pamina3 · 18/08/2006 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheresmyfroggy · 18/08/2006 14:29

Honestly you women don't appreciate the pain we will go to !!! only joking

mad4girls · 18/08/2006 19:32

just wonderd whether there were any others in my situation all the other parents on here seemed to have 1 or 2 of the same sex and longed for the opposite sex IYKWIM i already have 2 girls and have been longing for another child for some time with my partner(he is not the father of my 2dds and has 2 ds's of his own)

i would absolutely love another girl as a child i dreamt of having 3 girls and 2 boys and i already consider his 2 boys to be in my life so another girl would be like a fairy tale

on the other hand i would love a boy because i have never had one and people telll me they are much more loving than girls

so does it make me wrong/bad to want another girl even though i have 2 already

please dont have a go at me was just trying to get someone else perspective and all that matters to me is that i am making a healthy child with my partner because i want to share having and loving our child with him if this makes sense

opinions please

ps i am new so please dont scare me off

Overrun · 18/08/2006 20:02

mad4girls - I understand where you are coming from, unlike some people on this thread who just don't seem to have any strong feelings about gender, I too had my idea of what I wanted my ideal family to be,
Now I know that is doesn't always work out like that, and the family I have now is my ideal familiy IYSWIM
Still doesn't hurt to have an opinion on it, hope it works out for you. Boys are fab though, although you know that don't you, as he has two from previous relationship

expatinscotland · 18/08/2006 20:19

Spot on, wannabe.

FWIW, I'd love another girl, too, adopted from a region of India where boys are more desired than girls. One of my first cousins is from there. Her parents - my dad's sister and her husband, had 2 sons already.

Here are the results of gender selection there:
foranyonewhothinksgenderselectionisagoodidea

sparklemagic · 18/08/2006 20:44

It's occurred to me how little I think about DS being a boy! He's just my child and he is himself in all his uniqueness, he is his own person and I don't relate to him 'as' anything, just as a human being who is utterly wonderful.

If we all approached kids with NO preconceptions I think it would be better all round. My MIL has told me that naturally you are closer to girls...therefore doesn't make the effort with her son that she does with her daughter, thus making it a self-fulfilling prophesy!

I don't know if my DS will be close with me in the future or whether we will share 'bonding' shopping trips...but I wouldn't dare ASSUME this would happen with a girl, either!

No preconceptions, no pressure - it's got to be good for the child.

abacus · 18/08/2006 20:50

Goodness what a can of worms one can open!
I had 2 boys and was desperate for a girl, and we went for the timing method ie to summarise x carrying sperm are slower moving and last longer so have sex before ovulation, and the y carrying sperm which are quicker will dye off before the egg arrives (sorry very basic and I got a grade A at A-level biology but my science teacher recommended the method!!).

But be careful what you wish for - I got pregnant very quickly with my girl, ended up with 3 children in 3 and a half years and had severe PND. I love all my kids to bits but my dd is nothing how I imagined her to be - she is fiercely independent, strident in her views and has been told off more than once for being rude to peers because in her opinion they are not as clever as her
I wish you all best.

Overrun · 18/08/2006 21:14

Just because I would have liked a girl, doesn't mean that I wanted a girl to go shopping with me, or wear pink or any of that crap. i think a desire to have a child of your own gender can be a deep and powerful emotion/yearning without getting into what that female child migth be like.
Put it this way, i would like to have experienced what it is like to be a mother to a daughter as I have experienced it the other way round. This doesn't mean that I have a prescriptive view of what that girl might have been like.
Expatinscotland - there is a lot of evidence to suggest that girls are by far the favoured sex in western cultures, because of people buying into the demonisation of boys. In another thread I have talked about my strong feelings about boys being stigmatised at a very early age. This of course is a long way off, actually killing boy children at birth, but interesting nethertheless.
Lastly, I have met two women who have deliberately remainded childless because they felt they couldn't take the risk that they would have a boy. They were very strong feminists btw

expatinscotland · 18/08/2006 21:17

It's still gender selection, Overrun, no matter if the preferred gender is reversed in Western culture.

I fail to see what difference that makes.

Killing them at birth or when the mother is 7 months pregnant. Same thing, IMO.

The whole idea is sad.

expatinscotland · 18/08/2006 21:20

'how I hate hate hate that phrase 'balance your family'what does it MEAN!!! Nothing! '

Amen to that, Enid!

Overrun · 18/08/2006 21:22

I know original poster mentioned gender selection, but I have already said I am against this. but don't understand some of the vehemence from posters about whether people should have an idea of what they would like gender wise.

Overrun · 18/08/2006 21:23

Afterall you are talking to someone with three boys who has decided not to keep going to have that daugther that I originally wanted so much. It was a very hard decision to make though

2mum · 20/08/2006 19:03

In some ways i think its wrong but in another way i would love a daughter and i have 2 sons with special needs and theres less of a chance that if i had a daughter she would have sn also. Chances are if i were to have another son he could also have special needs. But aside from that i always wanted a daughter but i dont know if it will ever happen but i can always dream. I couldnt keep trying for a child in the hope it was a girl as i have a lot on my plate with looking after my boys.

NotAnOtter · 20/08/2006 19:10

ashamed to say i would gender select at the drop of a hat...
I already have a girl and four boys...
Will try again - just have unexplained yearning ...

nicnack2 · 20/08/2006 19:15

i have two boys and dh now has 3 boys. didnt find out whether ds2 was a boy or not. did not plan for a girl and now i have them i really dont think i could do the girl thing. Plus boys are sooo much easier to clean with a poopy nappy

jacsmum · 21/08/2006 21:04

I felt sad about not having a girl until I just had a look at some of the SN threads on mumsnet and decided to get a life.

Piffle · 21/08/2006 21:10

After ttc no 3 with loss after loss for over 3 years, quite frankly gender selection seems to me.
For many reasons with this 3rd pregnancy theoretically I'd prefer a girl again. But I truly do not care as more than anything I want another healthy happy child.

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