Have 2 boys and want a girl to balance my family.

[draggedthrooabush]

Have 2 little boys ds1 (nearly 3) and ds2 (7months) Husband and I cant agree on whether to have a third or not.

I would love to have a little girl. I love my boys to bits and wouldnt swap them for a million girls but I grew up very close to my mum and sister and would love to have that relationship with a daughter of my own.

If we had a third baby and it was another boy then I definately would stop at 3. Don't want to keep going indefinately./ By the way I would not be unhappy to have a third son as I love my boys so much I'm sure another one would be just as loved and wanted. My husband is delighted to have 2 sons but would also dearly love a daughter. He cannot understand, however, how much I would really love to have a girl though and keeps telling me that 3 children is a zoo!(Said this in jest after a visit from my cousin with her 3 under the age of 6)

I think if you already have 2 children of the same sex you should be allowed gender selection in this country, not necessarily on the NHS but privately if you can afford it. Is this playing god? What does anyone else think about this?

I would like to share my story with you I am one of TEN, I have 8 brothers and a sister!
1stchild me 25yrs girl,
2nd b1 (1st brother21yrs,
3rd b2 19yrs,
4th b3 17yrs,
5th b4 16yrs,
6th b5 14yrs,
7th b6 13yrs,
8th b7 12yrs,
9th b8 10yrs,
10th sister1 3yrs.

My last 7 brothers grow up knowing the reason why they were conceived was in hope for a girl, when they were born it was " oh it's a boy better luck next time" and because I wasn't my step dads (my step dad was my real dad in my eyes and you couldn't of got a closer pair than me and my dad) real child then I didn't count. MY mother was the green eyed monster because my dad's first wife had a little girl by my dad, she didn't like that, so she tried to give him a little girl too, mad I know, one of the many reasons I hate my mother and I do!
It tuck my mother 17 yrs to get her little girl and my dad died last year and never saw his little girl's 3rd birthday, my sister is never ever going to remember him, that hurts!

I have two little boys I would also love a little girl, but all I want is a very healthy baby that is all, girl, boy doesn't matter! I've been trying for 13 months now for a baby, just to be pg would be a God send for me, I'm not being picky!

If you want a baby then you want a baby fair do's, but if you want a girl then, be careful what you wish for God might only grant you one wish, it takes two wishes for a healthy baby girl!

Why not even adopted!

I have 3 boys. Ever since I was little I have wanted a daughter. We did try to "tip the balance" by using Hazel Chesterman Phillips book on ds3 but it obviously didn't work!
I would never talk about gender selection in front of my boys, even in jest.
I would not swap any of them for a girl. They are all fabulous and I love them to bits. They are all very different from each other and I am very proud of them.
But.... I do get a pang when walking past the little girls clothes in department stores. I do worry that when they all grow up I will be the MIL of the family and not let in on the granny action as much as my DIL's mothers will.
And I think that right or wrong, these feelings are very common, judging by people's comments, (often unwelcome!} Given my age and that I have had 3 CS's I would consider gender selection by sperm sorting but would never consider a method that "de-selected" an actual embryo.

Hi draggedtrooabush ,If it doesnt really bother you that much,why dont you try the diet where you are supposed to eat certain types of food,and even if you do end up with another boy would it really matter,but if you just wanted a girl i dont suppose it would be worth the risk.I had two boys and thought no 3 would be another boy,so was suprised to have a girl,but even if it was another boy it wouldnt have bothered me,i went on to have another boy.

I agree that you should never discuss gender selection in front of your children. Boys get a bad enough press as it is without adding that to the list. However, saying that, my older son is 9 and even he said that now that he had a little brother he would like a little sister, "because he didn't have one yet". So perhaps it is quite normal to just want the opposite of what you already have. The Hazel Chesterman-Phillips book did work for me. When I read it (a mother at my son's school suggested it), I just thought that I was a natural for conceiving sons if I took it seriously! However, I really concentrated on the timing, rather than the diet. I conceived both my sons within 2 months of trying and I have to say that it took patience to 'try' for a girl - it took a lot longer than that this time. However, it does seem to have worked. The problem is, you never know whether it is just coincidence or not. Either way, just enjoy your baby when he/she is conceived. But I agree that if you have problems conceiving then the method is not useful.

Don't agree with gender selection unless it's to avoid genetic diseases.

A child is a gift no matter what gender.

It seems that some people think that girls are the perfect little angels and boys are just boys.

I have a boy and 2 girls. I love them all to bits. However, the girls are by far the hardest work. (DS almost 7, DD1 5, DD2 2)

I'd love a 4th baby. I asked DS whether he would like another baby. He said he would like 2 more, a brother and another sister. DD2 said she'd like 3 more. 1 brother and 2 sisters. Their wishes will not be fulfilled. 4 is my limit.
I have no prefence.

I got very annoyed after I had DS and DD1 when people asked why I was having another baby when I already had one of each. DH and I didn't think of our children in those terms.

Only try for a third if you are prepared to love and live with another boy.

A collegue of mine is desperate for a girl after having 2 boys. It is obvious that it is not another baby but a GIRL that she wants.
I think in her situation she shouldn't have anymore. If she has another boy how will she feel. If she had a girl I would pity her sons.
Another friend just had her 3rd after having one of each. She had a boy. Her reaction was "oh well, at least I have my rose in the middle of 2 boys" Her daughter is totally spoiled and is favoured over the boys. If outsiders can see it surely the boys will.

Sorry I'm ranting now. I just find it very frustrating.

I am always slightly perplexed by these discussions, as they are based on all sorts of preconceived(!) ideas about gender and personality. what is it you think you are going to get by having a girl? What happens if it doesn't turn out that way? OK, I'll grant you that you'll get to buy pink babygros, but apart from that, its all a gamble isn't it?
(I have 2 boys btw who have UTTERLY different personalities!)

I agree with 3catstoo (and others probably - haven't had time to read through the whold thread) - I don't think gender selection should be available unless you're doing it to avoid genetic diseases.
I had two little girls when I got pregnant with my third, and while I was delighted when I had a boy, I would have been just as happy if 'he' had been a girl.
I think that parents who want a particular sex of child often have an idealised picture in their head of what their daughter or son or their relationship with them should be like. Children don't always fit into neat little stereotyped pigeonholes, so God help the little tomboy whose mum wants a pretty pink princess or the sensitive drama loving boy who's dad wants a future Rugby league captain.
Children are individuals should be loved and wanted for themselves. So, no I don't agree with it.
End of lecture now

chipmonkey, I worry about losing touch with my boys as they grow up too - mostly I think because I was closer to my mum than my brothers are. But then I remind myself of the following:

1. I might not live to see any grandchildren 2.My children might not have grandchildren (even if I had a daughter)
2. if I had a daughter, there's no guarantee our relationship/circumstances would be such that she would let me in on the 'granny action'
3. My sons might have children with women who don't have good relationships with their mothers, or their own mothers might not be alive.

So I conclude that it is an irrational and unhelpful thing to worry about!
btw, my own mum only lived for five years after she had grandchildren, and was closer to my brother's child than to mine. My children have no grannys, the nearest thing they have is dh's (childless) aunt. So you just don't know how it will turn out.

i worry too that my boys, as men do, will grow away from me. My brother and my brother in law both married hellish women, who hate my mum and MIL for no obvious reason, so it worries me that i too could have evil daughter in laws!
The way i see my m.i.l treated , and upset, makes me go out of my way to be a good Daughter in law to her!
daughters do, what i see anyway, have good relationships with their mums as they grow up. This is what i feel i will miss out on..........

I've got a boy (who I love dearly) and had always thought I wold love a wee girl to follow (I just love the girly dresses and I have a close "female" relationship with my mother, which I had always assumed I would be able to "pass on" to be on dd).

However, two miscarriages later I would just be happy with any baby! (and even before, I'd have been happy anyway) ... but the door is closing due to my age (45) and the fact that dh doesn't want to try any more.

Having said all of that, if I were younger and hadn't had the miscarriages, I would have tried the "old wives tales" (sex not rgiht at ovulation, particular foods, etc) and then been happy with whatever nature sent my way.

Message withdrawn

I have 2 ds who I love dearly. I am ttc number 3 and very broody for any baby. However I confess I would love a girl(would love a boy obviously BYKWIM). Not really to balance my family. I'm not sure why. Its irrational but I can't help it. I yearn to buy dresses. I am very girly and all my dolls are in my parents loft for 'my daughter'. Now I planned that as a child! I am scared by the 'dughters a daughter all your life sons a son till he takes a wife' comments. All too often it does seem to be true . I have frinds who won't let their in laws see their children. Apparently maternal grandpaents are the proper ones etc etc. Anyway there are many reasons for wanting a girl. I am not a horrid person and no I would not gender select but I think natural methods are fine. I and most of my frinds come from mixed families. Its just what I have always perceived as 'the norm'.

Magicsparkle and Cori, the longing for a girl is irrational, but can be a very strong longing. I've wanted a girl since I was a girl myself; I even had a name already; so I just couldnt imagine having a boy! We were so over the moon when we were having a girl as first baby; but so sad when she died a few days later....... Our second baby was a boy, and it has been sooo good to have him, and so happy he was healthy, but the longing for a girl will never go away, but who knows it's got stronger because of our little girl dying, and I still find it gutwrenching to buy girl's clothes for friends girls. If I will never have another girl again I think a little part of me will die, and there is no real reasoning for it!!
However, for my boy's sake, wont it be great to have a brother, a playmate for him?

Exactly dutchjammie and sorry to hear of your loss. These are feeling we can't help. It does seem to me as well that there is some sort of a biological drive for women to want a daughter. There are many more women with boys who still have a longing for a daughter than the other way round. Hazel CP says in her book that 90% of women seeking advise on gender are ttc a girl. I think with men its maybe a drive for a son? My mum is the closest person to me in the world (apert from DH) and I would so love that with my own daughter.

draggedthrooabush - don't have a 3rd just for a girl. You're just as likely to have a boy. I have 3 boys - it's a lot of work and can't be much fun if you're not sure you actually wanted one of them.

This might seem amazing, or I thought it was amazing anyway, but after ds3 (now 5 mo) was born dozens and dozens of people said to me 'oh you must be so disappointed' . How rude can you get?

I would like to have a little girl. I think part of the fun of having children is reliving the past and experiencing their enjoyment of things. I would have fun going to ballet lessons and plaiting hair into elaborate styles, and my boys aren't much interested . But they certainly aren't 'disappointing' for heavens sake, especially not my lovely little baby with fat thighs and a gummy grin.

Luckily I have 9 nieces so can buy all the frilly dresses I like.

draggedthroo - I could not disagree with you more and that's all I can really say or else I'll write an essay and get quite cross.

I have 3 boys and life could not be better.

'balance my family'

"Children don't always fit into neat little stereotyped pigeonholes, so God help the little tomboy whose mum wants a pretty pink princess or the sensitive drama loving boy who's dad wants a future Rugby league captain."

Well said Bogwobbit. That's what makes me uneasy about the whole idea of choosing a child's characteristics before birth. It's sinister.

i have a lovely little girl whos 17 months, and have just found out im pregnant again,so many people have said to me, oh i hope you get a boy, and, do it right this time, make a boy! i just dont know how some people think they can be so rude, i really couldnt care less what i have, i honestly dont care, in fact, from a practical point of view, another girl would be easier as she could have all her big sisters clothes! i dont intend to find out the sex later on either, as i think i might commit murder if somebody asked me if i was disappointed if its another girl

i used the Hazel Chesterman-phillips book because I thought I could get pg easily(DS was 18mnths early in our life plan!) I got to the point when I wasn't getting pg and I thought about whether I wanted a baby/sibling for my son or a daughter/sister.I begain to worry more about DS missing out on growing up with anyone!(boy or girl) I gave up on the book and got pg. I found out last week that my bump contains a cute little boy. I mourned the fact that this means I may never have a girl,rather than the fact that I'm having a boy. I understand the desire to have a girl. Now that I've created two little brothers, I may take my time and if in a few years time I end up with a girl,groovy. If I get a boy,groovy.
gender selection is an emotive subject as you can prob see from the responses. I will admit if there was a guaranteed natural way to do it, I'd give it a go!
I'm not expecting a pink fluffy girl(as I'm not one myself) but equally I'm prepared if I had a girl like that. My desire to have a girl stems from the fact that my brother is far more balanced and understanding of women than my DH and his brother are. Boys and girls,men and women are differant and I'm glad I got to see one grow up with me. I now am going to be honoured to see another two or three boys do the same.

I can understand you wanting a little girl. Obviously the most important thing is for a healthy baby, but if you are (naturally) able to swing the odds, have a good. So far as gender selection, well, I think there is always a price to pay...what if you had a little girl & there was something wrong as a result?

Check out Choose the Sex of Your Baby, the Natural Way - Hazel Chesterman-Phillips

I have three boys and would love to have had a girl. did consider a fourth pregnancy and the main motivation would have been to have a girl.
I understand peoples reservations about gender selection, and wouldn't go down that route myself
However, I think some of you are a bit unkind in your repsonse to the OP. Making a lot of assumptons about her.
I could cheerfully have strangled all the people who piled in when I was pregnant with twin boys and told me how lucky I was because they were healthy. FFS I knew that, but that didn't stop me feeling deeply saddened that I wouldn't have a daughter. You either really care about gender or you don't . It was usually people with one of each who would lecture me on this subject, it still makes me mad to think about it.

'I think if you already have 2 children of the same sex you should be allowed gender selection in this country, not necessarily on the NHS but privately if you can afford it. Is this playing god? What does anyone else think about this? '

I think the NHS is there to serve the medical needs of our society. Not their selfish, unnecessary desires.

I find the very idea of gender selection to 'balance' a family - or for any other reason other than medical necessity - utterly abhorent.

I wonder sometimes if some men produce boys because their male sperm are the strongest, healthiest ones. It may well be that their female sperm is not of good genetic quality therefore it's for the best that nature lets their male sperm 'win'.

I have one DS with another (sex as yet unknown)on the way. I can honestly say that I don't mind what we're given and I'm just looking forward to meeting a new and I'm sure very different personality.

Gender Selection because of medical reasons is okay by me, but not for other reasons.

We both really wanted a girl - we made sure we found out the sex at my 20 week scan so we had time to prepare ourselves - luckily we did as it was a boy! However having now got a lovely little toddling boy I have found that I actually love having a boy and if we ever had another (unlikely as DH has had the snip) i would want another boy!

What I'm trying to say is that your feelings chance and the reality of a child is always different from how you imagine it.
To those mums who say they want a girl so they can do all the 'girly things' why not take your son shopping or teach him about clothes and makeup? why be so gender biased in this day and age?