Have 2 boys and want a girl to balance my family.

[draggedthrooabush]

Have 2 little boys ds1 (nearly 3) and ds2 (7months) Husband and I cant agree on whether to have a third or not.

I would love to have a little girl. I love my boys to bits and wouldnt swap them for a million girls but I grew up very close to my mum and sister and would love to have that relationship with a daughter of my own.

If we had a third baby and it was another boy then I definately would stop at 3. Don't want to keep going indefinately./ By the way I would not be unhappy to have a third son as I love my boys so much I'm sure another one would be just as loved and wanted. My husband is delighted to have 2 sons but would also dearly love a daughter. He cannot understand, however, how much I would really love to have a girl though and keeps telling me that 3 children is a zoo!(Said this in jest after a visit from my cousin with her 3 under the age of 6)

I think if you already have 2 children of the same sex you should be allowed gender selection in this country, not necessarily on the NHS but privately if you can afford it. Is this playing god? What does anyone else think about this?

You say on the one hand that you would be happy, love and want another boy if you had a boy - and yet in the next paragraph you are talking about gender selection. I just can’t quite reconcile the two ideas. Maybe my view on gender selection is harsh as I view it as selection killing rather selectively choosing which embryo can live, but even so - how can someone who is totally happy with whatever they get, even if they have a preference, then go on and talk about something so intrusive and medically extreme as playing God??
I would have a long hard think about how honest you are being with yourself re: the "I’m sure another one would be just as love.." As I wonder if you are kidding yourself?

A neighbour has 3 boys. All the way through the 3rd pregnancy she told the whole world how she would be happy if it is a boy but was also "desperate" for a little girl. At the time, we thought the strength of her desperation for a girl a little extreme despite the comments about happy if it were a boy - and felt sorry for her 4 yr old who could hear everything she was saying and possibly putting the idea that he wouldn’t be as loved as the new baby if it were a girl etc.
She had a boy, suffered PND (not necessarily linked I know) and has had a terrible time bonding with him. She just can’t get over her dissapointment. Her DH is refusing to try for a 4th as he knows the same might happen again. It is really really sad. She tells me all the time "how lucky" I am to have two lovely girls - in front of her sons :(
My gran did the same to my mum and her brother. My uncle has grown up his whole life feeling inferior and resented my mum for being a girl and more loved etc etc - massive impact on the family dynamics, even now.

So , from personal experience and watching my friend’s experience - please heed the posts on here and think very carefully before having a 3rd about your real motives and the impact on the rest of your family. Imagine how you would feel if you ever found out that your parents went on to have another baby, just because you were the "wrong" gender of choice and so they needed to "try again"....

I also agree w/gender selection for those who carry a disease that is X-linked, for example.

But otherwise, yeah, it really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

My dad's sister and her husband adopted a baby girl from India who was found in the street - a newborn baby left to die.

All b/c she was a girl.

What a sad state of humanity! What a loss it would have been, had she not been found. She's now a resident obstetrician who is already dedicating her life to helping other women and done work for Doctors w/o Borders.

people have too much choice these days

i would love a boy to balance my family, and me and DH have said we will try for number 3 when the girls are older (only 22months and 7months) but if I dont get my little boy, it wont be the end of the world.

What will be will be, we are family of mainly girls, and the youngest male is now 13 so not lookign likely! My SIL also has 2 girls, but they are stopping where they are!

I wouldnt interfere with mother nature - things happen for a reason.

'balancing the family'
'me time'

both phrases that should be banned forthwith

I think if you already have 2 children of the same sex you should be allowed gender selection in this country, not necessarily on the NHS but privately if you can afford it.

WTF? Sick, sick, sick

How sad that the stereotyping of children happens before birth.

My Mum desperately wants a granddaughter this time but we know we're having another boy....just haven't told her yet. The only reason she wants a girl is because she had a difficult relationship with my brother....why? because she never bothered to try to do stuff with him and was always doing girls stuff with me. Can't remember ever seeing her play with my brother. Personally I love playing trains/wrestling and the hugs and affection I get from DS1 and I'm looking forward to meeting my next little chap very soon.

No wonder many men turn out to be so incapable of emotion and affection...that's what their families breed them to be.

After reading some of the posts I think I may have changed my mind a bit - especially the one about being careful what you wish for!

Love both my children to pieces they really are the centre of my world and would never dream of discussing 'wanting a girl' in front of them.

Liked the comments made by Jessicaandrebeccasmummy. Don't know if we will have a third child or not I'm only 32 so have lots of time to think about it. Cannot stress enough that wanting a girl is not an obsession or some sort of tantrum (I want it now lets go shopping - ridiculous and insulting) Just would like a girl - I'm not going to wish my life away If I never have one as I said before I an very happy with my 2 boys and I've never felt that they're the wrong sex!

Enid - would "me time" sound better if it was "MN time"????!!

Right - have had my "me time". Off to tidy house and make a count-down chart of DS - back for more "me time later"

whats with the 'balance' bit? I can see that with an equal number of girls and boys but 2 boys and a girl still isn't 'balanced' is it?
Don't agree with gender selection on the grounds mentioned at all.

I was lucky I suppose, I got a girl and then a boy but even if I'd got another girl we would still have stopped at 2 children as that for us made our family complete regardless of what sex it was.

I don't understand balance either (although I only have one child, so not really qualified). Is gender the only measurement of balance, what if you wanted one scienfically-minded child, and one artistic one? Or one who was sports-mad and one who liked reading (not that you couldn't be both).

MY MIL had a 3rd child (my dp) as she wanted a girl. She dressed him in pink girl things for the 1st 3 yrs of his life, until his Dad said to stop it.
She is a terrific grandma to our kids, she does overply dd with very frilly pink things though but I indulge here.
On the flip side my aunt on my dads side, had 3 sets of identical twin girls in 5 yr! Searching for her boy.
The girls (5 as youngest died as a a toddler) all got married wiithin 18 mths of each other - it nearly ruined them.

Enid - Me Time is a phrase I picked up on the 'Am I selfish?' thread not one I usually use.

Balancing my family is a phrase I picked up from the media. Do you want to post a selection of more suitable phrases for mumsnetters to use? Surely its enough for all your opinions to be the same without wanting to ban peoples termonology?

Surely I am not the only mum honest enough to admit that they would like to be a parent to children of both sexes.

Many men are honest enought to admit that they would love a son. Cant see many other men shooting them down in flames for admitting this far less practically accusing them of being mentally ill!!!!!

draggedthr... I'm sure most parents would love to have children of both sexes, I too would have loved to have a daughter just for the experience of it and when I imagined myself with kids it was always with a daughter. No-one is objecting to your desire for a daughter.

But you are asking about gender selection, which is a completely different issue. My feeling is that in a happy and balanced family scenario parents are so happy with the kids they have that they do not need to dwell on the ones they don't have.

Can't see the problem myself with gender selection as long as it's paid for by the parents. I don't see the difference between that and IVF from a "moral" point of view - it's all tampering with nature after all.

Choosing gender selection is by no means an easy decision. There are many ethical and legal concerns surrounding the treatments, which can make it very difficult to decide on sex selection or to find clinics that provide these services. Many opponents of gender selection argue that the procedures are morally and ethically wrong. Some see gender selection as promoting sexual stereotypes and sexual discrimination. Others see it as the beginning of a slippery slope, possibly leading to procedures which could allow parents to choose the physical and psychological characteristics of their children.

If you are interested in sex selection, it is important that you first investigate the laws in your area. Sex selection is illegal in some countries, and in others it is only allowed for medical reasons. In the United States, there is no governing body that has ruled on sex selection procedures. Instead, it is up to fertility clinics to offer the procedures at their own discretion. However, these techniques are typically only performed to prevent genetic diseases or defects. Gender selection based on non-medical reasons is also illegal in Canada and Great Britain, however it is available in some countries in Europe, the Middle East, and Asia.

I also have 2 boys and wanted a 3rd child. I bought a book on natural gender selection and the timing method and just found out at my scan yesterday that I am having a girl! This would have been my last child, boy or girl, and I agree any child is a blessing. However, I do not think there is anything wrong is tipping the balance naturally. Sex selection where unwanted embryos are destroyed is another matter. I hope you get the girl you want and I do not think it is wrong of you to hope for a girl.

Personally I would never in a million years use gender selection to balance our family the fact that dw and I are able to concieve without going through gruelling and emotonal procedures makes us very grateful and to go through any procedure to "choose " a type of child just to balance a family seems crazy to me. [I am speaking as a man who is currently awaiting the arrival of a third daughter]

I have two boys and at times would really like a third. I cannot deny that at times living in this all male household I find myself wistfully thinking of a third child being a daughter but in many ways a third boy would be much easier and TBH DH and I wouldn't really know what to do with a girl (although I'm sure we would learn ).

Gender selection is something I would never entertain, even natural gender selection. It took me 6 months to conceive DS1 and 9 months to conceive DS2 (not huge amounts of time I know), each time I was delighted to be pg and happy to accept whatever sex of child I was given.

There are huge differences in my DS1 and DS2, they are very different characters and it is fantastic to enjoy their different personalities, although I secretly hope I may have a shopper in one of them.

Draggedthroabush, I am in the exactly the same position as you. I would dearly love a daughter, I think it will be one of my greatest regrets in life if (which is likely) that I never be able to have one.
I know how precious all children/babies are. I lost my second son to a miscarriage last year, so I thank the heavens that I was able to go on to have a another child. That is really the most important thing. However I still feel like I have missed out on a particular type of relationship.
If gender selection were available in this country I would definitely try it.

I have two boys 5 years and 22 months and am pregnant with a girl. DH wanted a third but I wasn't sure, but feel delighted now.

cori, genuinely interested - why would you like a girl so much, and why regret it so much if you didn't have one? Hope I'm not too nosey, I am really just interested in where you are coming from; I have a boy btw and was one of these people who really didn't mind what they got. our ds is an only, and will stay that way, so it was one sex only for us, either way...

I have 3 boys, and have to be honest and say that I was very upset that no. 2 was a boy. We decided to try for no. 3 because i was broody, not especially because I wanted a girl, although I would have loved one, because i would have liked the closeness that i share with my mum. I had another boy, and really can honestly say that it hasn't bothered me at all, not a bit (which did surprise me!)I feel 3 of the same is special. They are each an individual person, and very loving. I see each of them as my child, not as 'a boy'. It really makes no difference.Have to add though, the younger 2 are very noisy! I didn't think about gender selection or special diets at all.