Good evening motherf*ers!!!
Heres the personals as a start off....
buzzy I absolutely 100% KNOW where you are coming from. Miscarriage is an awful awful thing to experience. It sucks the enjoyment and happiness out of being pregnant. Unfortunately, you are in limbo, which is the worst place to be. You need to gather as much information as possible. The scan and a clearblue digi is not enough evidence that you are going to miscarry. Those fucking clearblue digis are the work of satan. 4 days out on a scan at your stage is a matter of millimeteres and can make a huge difference or be negiligible- you wont know for 2 weeks. Just a suggestion but can you book a private scan for a weeks time? As a reassurance scan? HCG monitoring at this stage may be difficult but I honestly think that you are not asking to see the numbers double, you are asking them to check they arent dropping- so what is the issue??? Push for more info if you want it, you need to be able to prepare yourself mentally for the best or the worst. And none of us can tell you which way this will go. I wish we could but none of us really know. You dont know either. Its just a case of preparing and gathering the facts. Keep taking your meds though chick. I know when I miscarried, I want into self destruct mode and just stopped taking everything- not a good idea. Stay calm, relax and voice your worries to us. We are all listening and will try to reassure you. I KNOW that when the fear takes hold though, there is nothing anyone can say. You need to just be able to ride this out xxxxxxx
wish I am also evil on the pill. And on buserilin. I'm just all round nasty!!
Hello to everyone else xxxxxxxxxx
AFM, a very looooong day today. And not the best news. HCG is only 65.3 so too low for the stage I am at. The good news is that we managed to get pregnant so I wasnt imagining all those tests!! I really did get pregnant. Not for long, but I did 
Have to have another test on Monday but luckily for me, a fertility consultant at the hospital I work at loves me and is going to do it to save me plodding up to Notts. He is an angel. And he was very hopeful for me (he did my scratch) but I am bleeding properly into a pad now so I know the HCG is dropping and not holding off the flow anymore. Its worked out really nicely because my ferility doc at nurture is friends with the one from work so we have worked it out nicely for Monday to make it easy. Once again, I love my clinic.
I really really want to stop my pessaries because I feel as though they are holding off the inevitable but DH doesnt want me too. What would you do???
Had a fab conversation last night with Penny regarding DH, sperm and sperm DNA. We have an antibiotic protocol to start him on which has spurred me on. DH has entered my fertility bootcamp. He's fucking hating it and is guzzling wine at the mo to prove a point but he can piss off.
High sperm DNA fragmentation causes;
- arrest/slow growth and arrest of embryos after day 3 (US!!!)
- No blastocysts (fuck me!! its us again!!!)
-infertility and miscarriage (erm...yep...thats us!!)
So DH can piss off. He is having antibiotics, antioxidants, whatever it takes. No more miscarriages.
Penny also said no more treatment till we have the infection testing and treatment done. Suits me- a couple of months break will do us good.
She was really fascinating- talked a lot of sense about our situation and the whole infection thing. Definitely something we will be pursuing as it seems to really fit the issues we are having.
Here is a classic quote from our conversation that struck a chord with me;
"Great embryologists can make embryos out of dead or nearly dead sperm. However, they will not make a baby."
In other words, we need to improve our groundwork. No moving sperm is not something we should be going into treatment with.
xxxx