FAO all BESH - SNF for those who frequently CBATM and occasionally SADAW after G&T. LOLs and BD will not be tolerated. IDs will WTP.

[CaptainMoll]

AYBESAAH? DYHIDWAP? DBDMYV? CYLTEPPC? DYLG? TTITFFY!

Anyone who can correctly translate the above messages wins a baybee.

(Or at the very least, the respect of the BESH).

draf, remind me: are you using Cambridge IVF?

Yes, Frank, Cambridge IVF but the really invasive stuff will (probably) be done in Oxford, as Cambridge doesn't have the NHS contract because it's too new.

I assume group seminar will just be death by powerpoint with a whole load of other depressed couples trying to stave off tears. If I actually have to do group stuff other than sitting and listening I will not be responsible for my actions.

They are a lovely bunch there, they've put up with sobbing down the phone many a time.

"Group" activities are never fun

I'm leaning towards plumbers for the new fred, junkies could be a bit much for the outsiders.

We did ours at Oxford. There was free tea and coffee. And a group session, but we will gloss over that. The anaesthetist was a bit of a tit though.

I could totally dildocam myself!

Oh God, I wasn't really serious about a junkies thread! God! I'm not that tasteless .

I wonder what an actual groups session would be like? I wonder if the men would exchange rueful anecdotes about jizzing in the tossing off room, while the women compare dildocam tips. Would we be as frank, bitter and humorous as we are here, or would everyone be a little more circumspect?

Apologies for the blasphemy, anyone who may be bothered. It wasn't really polite.

A group session? What on earth do they have to put us through that for? This whole process is horrifying enough without being shoved in a room and lectured with a bunch of other people who feel exactly the same. I'd rather have a fact sheet and read it on my own :( We've not had any mention of a group session yet. Fingers crossed we wont get one.

I felt a bit sad yesterday too sat in the clinic on my own waiting for MATV while he spaffed in a pot, for the same reasons as you draf this isn't how it's meant to be. But then MATV came out about 5 minutes later looking all pleased with himself and pink of cheek and made me smile. I know the appointment that will hit me hardest will be the one where we both go back to discuss a plan of action. This whole thing is rather shite. All that said, I've just visited my instadiffer friend and her brand spanking new baby who was rather gorgeous and snuffly and very very well behaved and I came away thinking that if this is what I could end up with it might well be worth all this shitness. Life aint never simple.

wooooo pizza tracker has advised pizza is ON ITs WAY!! wooooooooo

I know I've said it before, but when MrHest went in for his fist JIAP session at the clinic, the receptionist said to me "Are you going in with him?" I shuffled my feet a little, and she roared "Not bloody likely eh!" and actually dug him in the ribs. Thank actual fuck there was no one else around. The most recent time I was getting concerned as he took some time, much slower than last time. It got me thinking actually - what do they do if a poor chap goes in there and is so crippled by nerves or embarrassment or something, he can't produce? Or some bloke who has been raised as a strict Catholic or something and been told that masturbating is "self abuse" and a sin. It must happen. I wonder what they do?

Arf at "fist".

I think there is a procedure for non-ejaculators.

It probably involves prostate massage.

On a similarly tasteless note, HOTB and I were thinking up comedic jizz-room situations today. Mostly along the lines of:

"Here's the room, HOTB, you'll find plenty of materials in there."

"Oh, that's not necessary, I've brought my own."

And then us thinking of what that could entail. We thought a big bag with a riding crop and feathers poking out of the top, and a clear outline of a massive dildo at the bottom could be rather entertaining. And a lot of leather straps and buckles.

Fist JIAP?

Kinky kinda chap is he Hest?

draf

I have made ham-in-coke aka Christmas ham and Slimming World chips for dinner. Bloody delicious. HWCA will do anything I ask while the memory lingers.

MATV said there was a good 'reading' selection, flicked through the first mag but had finished before he got to the good bits apparently. He even timed himself. I said three minutes was nothing to be proud of. He also said there was a sign on the wall saying that if you hadn't finished within 30 minutes to call the nurse

HWCA has only had to JIAP once. He had to do it at home because the lab had no 'facilities' then whisk it to the hospital in the top box of his motorbike. I told him to make damn sure he didn't get stopped.

What kind of nurse is this, Rasp?

?

Hahahahaha, brilliant. I guess so, I did ask if they briefed him on what to do if he couldn't manage it but nope, nothing. He did say the nurses were outside the room talking about the weather though! Not sure i believe him though

Though though though

if you hadn't finished within 30 minutes to call the nurse
How offputting!

At least we don't have to get our rocks off doing all this IVF shit.

Imagine wanking to order.

I think though that men and women are very different in that respect - men are simple creatures and generally, if certain procedures are followed, it will produce a result, let's say :).

Hello. I've been feeling pretty miserable the last few days for reasons similar to draf and rasp, and we haven't even been for our first appointment yet but reading this has really perked me up. Cheers fellas. Wanking to order, questionable reading material and dildocams; all in a day's work for the BESH.