The Elderberry Pavlovas who occasionally sausage wang – a fabulous thread for 30+ ladies TTC #1 (Thread 8)

[Bunnygirlie]

Newbies very welcome provided they meet the strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 3+months, must have a special pot, NO instadiffers) and bring a bouquet of sausages when they join!

Sorry bunny, crossed posts. Poor girl, that must be crushing to hear, although like you say at least she can get to the front of the IVF queue now. Hearing things like that makes me so sad on behalf of all us poor longterm ttc-ers

Evening ladies and hello to new berries! Sorry for those of you with bad news/delays/crap appointments/migranes today. In my world I have accepted another job! Yes I only started my current job 5 weeks ago, however its a contract (not permanent) role. The deciding factor was that my boss in current role is a nutbar (she's female) and makes everybody miserable, and I don't want to be a part of that. Anyway job I had applied for before current job started asked me for some interviews and I accepted an offer today. Yey! It's with a very well known company that I'm very excited about. I now just have to figure out how long I need to wait to fall pg before I qualify for maternity pay as the wording is quite confusing!

In fact could do with your opinions on how you read the maternity leave but a bit concerned it might out me or the company!

Yay to the jobs/job interview!

peanut yep it's awful, she is only 29 but she has been TTC 18months so just as desperate as the rest of us

Oh woe is me went to doctor yesterday to talk about lack of pg and unusally long period and after a 60 second conversation she said come back in 6 months!! (ffs) back to pimping and temping like a maniac

didnt want to read and run, but have to go and cook dinner. Hello to you all. really glad to hear that berries are getting appointments/interviews and job offers!

CD14 and getting what I think are ov pains as I write. Trouble is, we tried to dtd earlier and it didn't come to a successful finish. which is exactly what happened last time I ov and we missed the egg. More than slightly concerned by this....dh isn't used to the regular sessions, he says! we dtd on Saturday and Monday (eod). May try again later, but feel even tomorrow morning would be too late...grrrr.

Many sausages to you. Will try and check in later, but otherwise, it'll be tomorrow. Thinking of you all.

Evening berries! Been a bit AWOL so no chance of catching up but sending hugs & to all those who need them. Nothing new here. Noticed rather disturbingly yesterday that the vet uses the same Babymad thermometer as i have to shove up the cats bottom. Something to do with needing the extra sensitive decimal place for animals I hope & not that she is TTC & brought it from home. Cried at work today after a v stressful few days tho nothing to do with TTC or AF as I'm only on CD9 FFS! Need to start shag fortnight soon. merk I trained as a lawyer in a former life if that helps on the maternity wording at all?

Welcome Vicky sounds like we might be IVF twins!

No news here really, I'm 7dpo today but I don't fancy my chances this month really. It sound like, if all goes well, that we should move house next Thursday. So I will have my diagnostic test at the IVF clinic on Tuesday, AF here on Wednesday and move house on Thursday. Argh.

Hello to all!!
Cate how long you been TTC for and how old are you? -suggest going to see another doc and ask for a referal to FC if you think you need one! i am 33, after 12 months TTc we went to docs together and they started the ball rolling strait away.
Had a lovely and rubbish evening all in one today -round to my sisters (step) who has a 3yr old and a 6 week old. Breastfeeding has not gone well either time and she is still struggling and not giving into the fact she needs to give more formula easily (avoiding appt etc). have loads of sympathy for how this makes her feel, but not to shout too!. was trying to have a serious conversation about some of it and her Mum (who has come up to stay for the week to help her out and has been trying to get her to accept things!) turned round and said "its diffilcult to take advise from someone who hasnt been through it and had children" F*** cheek! admittedly she does not know we are TTC, but as she has been trying to get me to talk some sense into my sister I thought it was bit much and made me want to scream!!.
I took a deep breath and said nothing of course, but am still fuming with the pair of them really.
AF due tomorrow, really hoping this isnot PMT, but bet it bloody is.

there all off my chest, sorry for the rant.

Trying that's rubbish. Just because you haven't had had yours yet doesn't mean you can't offer valid assistance. Drives me crazy when people say things like that, ok she doesn't know you're trying but it's still so judgemental! Popping a baby out doesn't make anyone the oracle on breastfeeding, knowing your stuff does! Grr. Anyway, I also hope you're mistaken about PMT and AF takes a hike. Fingers crossed..

Frog haha maybe the vet just got sick of temping and decided to stick her thermometer where the sun don't shine!

Charming it's so hard isn't it? I've got to the point where DH knows he's expected to get his romance on every couple of days during SW (and our shag week lasts up to two months, poor man - I don't know how he's still standing) but I don't tend to push it if he really feels he can't. I suppose it's easier for me because I really don't know if, let alone when I'm ovulating so it's just a stab in the dark (HA!! Oh no. Bad joke alert). Have you tried bribing him? I tend to find if he's not in the mood, a back massage on the bed tends to lead to other things...

Cate that's harsh. How long have you been trying? Maybe ask for a referral to the gynae clinic instead, that's who I'm seeing at the moment because I can't get referred to the fc until Aug (even though we've been trying almost a year now.. stupid rules ) Mind you, when I say 'seeing' I mean 'not seeing', it's been a month since they did the last blood test and nobody's been in touch to discuss the result with me despite constant chasing. Useless.

Thanks peanut and great news on the interview, good luck!
Know how you feel charming, our 2 week window was extended this month by another 4-5 days after LH on day 20! had some tough moments trying to "make it happen" had to give up and try again later a couple of times. Found catching him by surprise while waiting for dinner or something 'inventive' helped instead of waiting till we went to bed at night

Frog can I pm you re contract mat leave wording? Don't want to abuse your skills but would appreciate your view!

I'm 38!! married 4 years I thought she might have taken me a bit more seriously. She was quite dismissive with a 'you aren't sick what are you doing here attitude' I was hoping for at least blood tests. Anyway I've been looking up costs at a private clinic but they would have to start from scratch.

cate seriously, just go back and see someone else at the practice and tell them you would like a referal to your local FC clinic. Maybe get a joint appointment with your husband? we did and I think it makes them take you seriously. I had already had one hormone blood test done for something else that year, so they referd him to the fc first to get his swimmers checked. I am now waiting for my appt (his swimmers fine).
You should not have to go private, especialy at this early stage.
If you are not satisfied with this gp there is nothing stopping you changing to another practice - just go into one and ask to register.

Night berries x

charming I know how you feel, jan-march DH lost his mojo so we didn't even get started let alone finish, its so hard I mean difficult for men as its so mechanical for them, if their mind isn't in it then their body doesn't work, all we have to do is lie back and think of England! DH is very stressed with work at the mo so not sure how next shag week is going to go

Thanks Trying I think I will go back my husband's doctor seems much more understanding so maybe we can try him.

Evening all! I'm not really here as have a big pile of work that is still not finished, AND it's shag week. Just wanted to say that Barking, I'm glad FC went as well as it can do. Cate, go back and ask for the tests. If she still says no, new doctor; that is unacceptable.

Sorry, popping in before bed having spent all evening painting the bathroom and clearing up so can't catch up with everything!

Cate How long have you been trying? Surely at 38 they can refer you after only 6 months if there's something you're concerned about, ie cycle length?

Cate In that case she should be referring you to fc before your 12 months trying are up - the NICE guidelines say

A woman of reproductive age who has not conceived after 1 year of unprotected vaginal sexual intercourse, in the absence of any known cause of infertility, should be offered further clinical assessment and investigation along with her partner. [new 2013]
-Offer an earlier referral for specialist consultation to discuss the
options for attempting conception, further assessment and
appropriate treatment where:
? the woman is aged 36 years or over

Link here p18

So tell her to stick that in her pipe and smoke it. You have the right to a referral, beat her round the head with it until she gives you what you want. Or better yet, as the others have said find a doctor that actually cares because she sounds like a knobhead pretty insensitive.

Good luck!

Thanks Berries, you are all so knowledgable on theses things. I'm going to go back to my husbands doctor at the end of this cycle. My appointment was the last of the day think my doctor just wanted to get home. I'll make sure I don't do that again.

Morning all. I second that Cate, go back and stamp your feet. You should be taken seriously and that doctor sounds like an idiot.

Morning all. Thanks for the link boodle I'll be quoting that at the drs if nothing happens this month as it will be 6m for me & I'll be 37 in aug.
merkin feel free to PM me & I'll take a look. I'll just have to figure out how the Pm works first though. Do I have to open my profile at all?

Sorry peanut I've miscredited boodle. I'm always looking at this on my phone & missing stuff!

Cate that's ridiculous of your GP & really makes me angry on your behalf! She's just flat wrong and you aren't asking for anything that she shouldn't have offered you right away anyway. Last week my GP told me to come back in 4 mos; I'll be going back in 2 which will be the year mark for me; then again we've already had the blood/sperm/dildocam tests, so the next step for us I think has to come from a fert clinic, and she says she 'never' refers to one within 12 mos of trying, regardless of age. What's the point of guidelines if GPs are allowed to override them? [serious question here, remember I'm new to the NHS & just want to make sure my understanding is correct]

Merkin & Peanut congrats on the job offers!

V excited for everyone with upcoming IVF dates!

Heading into Shag week #10 here, and I've a question: How do you handle it when SW happens when there's an argument/'atmosphere' going on? Every cycle it seems like I get broody about how DH's exwife controls so much of our time and I get panicky about how it'll affect a pregnancy/early days of a new baby. It never really gets resolved bc my DH is stubborn as hell there might not actually be a resolution.

Is it sneaky to bear TTC in mind when choosing whether to open up that can of worms? Do you guys shelve things like this during ov week? or would you plow on anyway, knowing an argument could wreck the entire cycle, when you know you'll kiss & make up anyway, but maybe not til after it was too late?

Sorry for waffling - sometimes I feel a tiny bit manipulative bc I find myself weighing out whether it's worth bringing the ex up, against what CD we're on and it makes me feel v guilty