TTC 10 + months, part 14 (eek)

[GinSoaked]

A friendly, supportive thread for lovely ladies taking waaay longer than they ever expected to win their babies

[MissAliceBand]

Hello.

I would like to join the thread. Been TTC no 2 for a little over a year now. It's not haaaappppeening. I am NOT handling it well.

DD is 5, have wanted a second since she was 2. Took nearly 2 years for DH to get on board. We are 33/34. I have a fear we have left it too late

[freedom2011]

hello missAlice Welcome.

Sorry about AF Lemon

Madness speculum sounds ouch - but it's only 1 egg and 1 sperm

The clinic just rang and let me know that the HCG is up again to 62. Still very low and in no way a normal pregnancy. They suspect an ectopic and I'm to go to the clinic again on Thursday morning for another check up, or immediately if I feel pain. What worried me is when I said - what clinic should I go to if I feel pain, and they said, any, go to any clinic immediately if you feel pain. So I've just looked up ectopic pregnancies and I am not feeling too happy at the moment.

[freedom2011]

madness needed I mean, only 1 egg and 1 sperm needed.

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Welcome missA. Our experience on fred has been so far that all secondary IF-ers have gone on to have another healthy pregnancy. So hopefully that will be the case for you too.

So sorry free. Ectopics are horrid and scary. Have a big hug and go to the clinic as soon as you feel anything untoward. Thinking of you!

[freedom2011]

thanks Lemon. Honestly, I'm a bit frightened.

[EuroShaggleton]

free how many days past ov are you? The HCG going up sounds like a good thing. I hope everything will be ok for you. At least the clinic are looking after you well. If it is an ectopic, it will have been spotted really early so hopefully they can deal with it before it can do any damage.

madness I'm glad everything looked ok, but ouch to the speculum!

I really need to do some work, so I'll have to namecheck everyone another time. I'm feeling much better now. I think my hormones are evening out. I'm still bleeding a bit, but quite lightly mostly now, so I am hoping the mc is tailing off.

[ThatWayMadnessLies]

Oh free that's rubbish. i would be tempted to just turn up at clinic to ask for a scan if i was really frightened. i thought i was having an topic pregnancy when i had the fallopian abscess which is obviously not your problem! but i did freak myself out with Google searches.

Sorry lemon about af. why can't everything just be predictable???

Welcome Alice. Have you been to your gp? My friend got iui (that worked) on the nhs for secondary infertility. I certainly hope you won't need it but might help to get the ball rolling?

Trying to remain calm. had never really understood what afc was and now Google has led to panic :( found some positive stories on ff but hard not to think about worst case scenarios no response to drugs and the ivf journey over before it has properly started

[Poutintrout]

sar I am so, so sorry that this cycle didn't work put for you. It isn't fair. I am so impressed that you managed to put a yummy dinner on and do some gardening I will be taking to my bed when this doesn't work out Lots of hugs to you and so glad that you have a plan to discuss things going forward with another doctor.

lemons Boo at the arrival of the red witch. How disappointing & crap. I too have boobs that lie always

free You are kidding. That's rotten. I can understand you being frightened but please don't be too afraid. Just don't ignore anything that doesn't feel right. Big hugs. I am thinking of you.

Is it your birthday buzz ? Oh my goodness it's all happening for you now. Getting the ET date is so exciting isn't it? Same for you madness Dates make it feel like finally things are happening. I am rooting for you both. I had a disappointing number of follies initially and many seemed too small. I got given an extra & high dose of stimulating drugs and it seemed to boost things alot. The hospital said that it is surprising how much difference that can make in a short space of time so don't give up hope!

rabbits enjoy your trip. Sounds lovely.

mrsd where are you? Hope you are okay.

critter I am jealous of your hair do. I dyed mine before the IVF and told MrP how I was now ready to go to war which he didn't understand at all Unfortunately I am so naturally grey that it is already growing out. Enjoy your meet up with euro

sweetgrouch any news on the appointment front?

gin any update on what is happening with you? I am keeping FX that this isn't a cancelled cycle

Hello Alice Sorry you are here but welcome. lemons makes a good point about the stats on here for secondary infertility.

I got updated about my left over embies. Not good. Seems like there was some kind of incubator armageddon and only one blasto has survived for freezing. Given the 70% thawing survival rate it makes me feel a bit meh about a possible FET cycle but who knows, I might feel desperate enough to take the chance. I am, as expected, having regular internal meltdowns and am truly afraid that I will be looking down the barrel of failure and really can't face that so much so that I don't want the 2ww to end. How messed up! I feel so unpregnant and feel like I always do on the 2ww. In fact I felt more preggers on the stimulating drugs! I am also confused by when to test. The hospital said 12 after transfer but the clinic said 10 days after. I want to test 13 days after because it will be Good Friday and MrP will be home BUT I also don't want the shock of AF just arriving. Buggeration. I am keeping busy and sound the trumpets have finally made our bedroom curtains. Me and the sewing machine came to blows - literally

Feel like I have missed loads. Sorry but much love to all.

[freedom2011]

thanks ladies - I am feeling a bit less panicked.
hi euro I am glad you are feeling better and coming out the other end of the horrid time you have had.
madness I also dont know what afc is, but I guess it is nor arsenal football club? maybe we should google less.
pout excellent curtains news. crap about the frozen eggs. 2ww isn't over. fingers crossed for you.

euro the clinic were clear, this is an abnormal pregnancy (due to low and slowly rising HCG, streaky dark blood and pain) and if my body doesn't expel it on it's own they will have to intervene. I have dark bleeding that is very light but and not a real period. I am 19DPO according to fertility friend and 21 dpIUI. With a HCG of just 62. clinic are excellent and do dildocam everytime.

[freedom2011]

madness not meaning to be flippant there. obviously, I hope you are not feeling panicked. As that is awful. Trying to think positive thoughts.

[EuroShaggleton]

free I'm sorry to hear that. When I got my low HCG result I scoured the internet for good outcomes from low HCG tests and there were some, which is why I was holding out some hope, but it sounds like the clinic is sure. I'm really sorry.

(PS AFC = antral follicle count, a count of the follicles on each ovary close to the beginning of your cycle, which gives an indication of how you are likely to respond to the stimming drugs)

[joycep]

Lots going on with people.
 
Free ? argh, i am sorry you are having to deal with this. I am glad they have given you a heads up and are looking after you so if it is ectopic they can react immediately. I really really hope that this is a false alarm though. How very worrying for you.
 
Lemon ? oh i am so sorry. What a cruel month you have had. I was desperately hoping you had done it this month. I hope you feel ok.
 
Madness ? i?m glad the scan was ok but i?m sorry you have been freaking yourself out about afc. What did they say yours was? It?s too easy to freak out but having more isn?t necessarily a good thing so try not to worry...if you can.
 
Pout ? they say that ivf is easy compared to this part. I would have to agree. There?s no avoiding the nasty wait. I would test in 10days. That will be equivalent to 15dpo and should show you a positive...although it didn?t for me but my body is weird. But obviously you have to do what feels right or how long you can hold out for. I don?t think anyone feels pregnant on their 2ww so try not to worry about that. I?m sorry there was just one embie left to freeze but at least there is one. I don?t know how many people get frosties but at my clinic it was only 10% of people who got to freeze anything. I remember feeling gutted not to have any. Mine all went in to self destruction mode as well. Don?t forget they?re designed to be inside. Anyway, i?m sorry about this wait. It truly is a shocking experience. I was a complete mess.
 
Euro ? i?m glad you are feeling better and hope you and Critter have a fab meet up.
 
Rabbit -  i?m sorry you are feeling so crap at the moment. You are right though, the next few months will shed some light and hopefully give you answers...not bad ones though Rabbit.
 
Critter ? i?m sorry MiL is being insensitive. People just don?t think and it really winds me up. Do they not know what is going on with you and MrC?
 
Buzz ? well done for telling some people at work. I hope they are understanding. I often go on the adoption thread and i like reading people?s adoption stories on FF although it all sounds quite scary.
Also out of interest did you bleed after your ERPC? I still having a lot of grossness coming out. It?s not blood but sorry tmi it?s brown gunk. It has no sign of stopping  and I wonder how long this can go on for??
 
Sar ? i?m glad you have moved swiftly to organise a meeting with someone private. I hope all this gives you some new hope. For what it?s worth , I?m terribly worried about moving forward and worried about what we might find out and what we might not find out. i think doing something is better than nothing though. 

[EuroShaggleton]

joy we are brown gunk twins. It's flipping vile.

[ThatWayMadnessLies]

Sacking off at work . joy She could see two follies on one side and one or two on the other. looking online it seems that people usually have loads more than that. i don't know if being on the downregging stuff for so long has made a difference? She said something about the endometriosis maybe thing up a lot of space before surgery. it is all a mystery to me and i don't like it.....

Sorry you and euro are still having to deal with unpleasantness

[ThatWayMadnessLies]

Stupid phone. slacking not sacking.

[sarlat]

Free -gosh sweetheart I am sorry to hear they suspect ectopic. This must be a confusing and scary thing to deal with. i agree with euro, early detection is key and it is likely to resolve with out much dram or pain. I have to be on the look out for ectopic due to my tubes and I know it is essential to go to a & e if you get shoulder pain or lots of prune juice type discharge. Sorry to those eating their tea. Oh lovely free, what a shitty thing to be going through. Please be gentle to yourself.

Pout - I agree with joy that not feeling pregnant is of no concern at all. One for the freezer is really great, honestly. The 2ww is a really tricky and shitty time. See if you can plan in some distractions for the next few days, anything to stop time standing still. I really feel for you, you have excellent chances.

Madness -, I know that awful panic filled feeling you are going through at the moment. They never get to see all the follies on scan and in your case the endo and downregging will have scewed the image. I would bet £ 1000 on you collecting more eggs than you have follies on todays scan. Egg quality is the important thing and you have every reason to believe this will be fine. Oh sweetheart what a nasty shock you have had. But look at doll, she didn't get loads of eggs and it wasnt necessary. Try and stay focused on your goal and look at ways to help you feel positive. All that healthy living will have helped you egg quality massively. Also, if you havent already and you fancy it, try reflexology or similar with someone who specialises in fertility. They have always met loads of people in our shoes and can offer reassuring stories and practical ideas.

Lemon - how are you today?

Gin - any news on the follie?

Joy - sorry you are worried about what will be found. I think we become programmed to fear the worst. In all honesty, you are very likely statistically to fall in to the unlucky miscarriage group than the rare something is very wrong group. Big hugs.

Buzz -how are things today?

Hello to all the lovely ladies and welcome alice,

[GinSoaked]

Oh free, how rubbish re the potential ectopic. It's bad enough that it's not a true bfp, let alone that it might be something scary. Sounds like they are taking great care of you and I'm sure will catch anything early.

madness I second joy re lots of follies not nec being good. You are far less likely to overstim or be at risk of ohss. And it only takes one - like the lovely doll.

Aww critter, what a shame your mil upset you. Could mr c have a word and make it clear you aren't happy talking about such stuff ie to mind their own business? I'm sure it was unintentional, but unless you've been through it, I think people have no idea how bad such questions can make us feel.

sar I'm super impressed at your day of booking things. It's good to use all that energy in a positive way. I hope you are feeling ok as you possibly can at the moment.

euro I hope you're taking it as easy as you can. You must be knackered after everything.

joy it's definitely not over for you yet. Like sar, you are still so young. I hope the follow up can give you some answers. Funny that we all lurk on adoption freds. I so admire those ladies. I think Dave sees adoption as the easy option

lemons sorry the red bitch turned up.

buzz hope you are feeling ok.

pout I think it's impossible to symptom spot in the ivf 2ww, although impossible not to do it! I was told I could do a hpt 16 days after a day 3 transfer. Obviously I cracked and did them much earlier... It's the not knowing that drove me nuts. Like I felt foolish for being tricked into thinking I might possibly be preggers. Well done on the curtains, I'm in awe of your craft skills!

rabbits enjoy your break from the ttc menkuling.

Welcome alice.

Luffs to all I've missed.

Well you were all right and the 1st scan was too early - I now have a dominant follicle, wohoo! It's still got a way to grow, so no date for ET. My lining is already fine and triple layered - she showed us the layers, which was quite weird! The dr is insisting I start the piss sticks tonight and another scan on fri. He still doesn't seem to believe that I'm a slow grower! I guess at least it's better value for money scan wise.
It is a bit scary that ov is just taken by the lh surge and that you're not scanned after it. Am also worrying about the embryo defrosting ok, but trying to take things one step at a time... I've just bought myself an expensive dress as a cycle present :)

[GinSoaked]

Oh free, how rubbish re the potential ectopic. It's bad enough that it's not a true bfp, let alone that it might be something scary. Sounds like they are taking great care of you and I'm sure will catch anything early.

madness I second joy re lots of follies not nec being good. You are far less likely to overstim or be at risk of ohss. And it only takes one - like the lovely doll.

Aww critter, what a shame your mil upset you. Could mr c have a word and make it clear you aren't happy talking about such stuff ie to mind their own business? I'm sure it was unintentional, but unless you've been through it, I think people have no idea how bad such questions can make us feel.

sar I'm super impressed at your day of booking things. It's good to use all that energy in a positive way. I hope you are feeling ok as you possibly can at the moment.

euro I hope you're taking it as easy as you can. You must be knackered after everything.

joy it's definitely not over for you yet. Like sar, you are still so young. I hope the follow up can give you some answers. Funny that we all lurk on adoption freds. I so admire those ladies. I think Dave sees adoption as the easy option

lemons sorry the red bitch turned up.

buzz hope you are feeling ok.

pout I think it's impossible to symptom spot in the ivf 2ww, although impossible not to do it! I was told I could do a hpt 16 days after a day 3 transfer. Obviously I cracked and did them much earlier... It's the not knowing that drove me nuts. Like I felt foolish for being tricked into thinking I might possibly be preggers. Well done on the curtains, I'm in awe of your craft skills!

rabbits enjoy your break from the ttc menkuling.

Welcome alice.

Luffs to all I've missed.

Well you were all right and the 1st scan was too early - I now have a dominant follicle, wohoo! It's still got a way to grow, so no date for ET. My lining is already fine and triple layered - she showed us the layers, which was quite weird! The dr is insisting I start the piss sticks tonight and another scan on fri. He still doesn't seem to believe that I'm a slow grower! I guess at least it's better value for money scan wise.

It is a bit scary that ov is just taken by the lh surge and that you're not scanned after it. Am also worrying about the embryo defrosting ok, but trying to take things one step at a time... I've just bought myself an expensive ie not primani dress as a cycle present :)

[GinSoaked]

Sorry for the double post! Stupid phone. 2nd post should have less typos...

[ThatWayMadnessLies]

Thank you lovely ladies,

joy and gin I know you're right about not necessarily wanting loads of follies. I just hadn't really known that they would be checking now - naively I thought that my amh was all that mattered and the follies wouldn't be counted until after I had started stimming. The result being that I didn't know to ask questions when I was at the clinic and just started panicking when I looked online at home. Shall try to calm myself and stop fretting.

And gin well done to the dominant follicle . I shall remember this as I move forward. Do not react to negative scanning people. Your body will do what it is supposed to do!

You are always so positive sar when it comes to all of us. I hope that you're feeling more optimistic for yourself tonight too.

I hope things are quiet and comfortable at your house free

Big waves to the rest of you. MrM is calling me to dinner.

[buzzybee123]

joy and euro according to extremely rather long TTC ledger I had 4 days of light discharge after the first miscarriage and ERPC and a little heavier for about 3 days the second time, probably no helped by the perforation. I don't recall there being too much gunk as such

alice welcome o the thread

free I am so sorry you are having to go through this, big hugs

madness I think it was nelly who didn't have many follies, I think they might have upped her stimms. As others have said its quality over quantity, yiou will get there

gin yay to dominant follie

pout 1 frostie is one sibling to the poutlet :)

well I shoot up on the 4th, have a bleed around the 10th to 15th then start on the estrogen on the 22nd. We should get on with booking flights and accommodation. Thankfully my boobs don't hurt, first time in about a month

rabbit I hope you have a fab trip :)

[EuroShaggleton]

Welcome alice.

Gin I knew it. (I love being right, particularly when it is in a good way!) Silly dr. Was it Dr DoomnGloom?

buzz it's really not very far off now!

madness I would have thought that so long downregging would have affected your count, but I don't really know about that. It just seems like common sense if you have been artificially thrown into menopause for a while.

[buzzybee123]

oops hit send too soon

I am now in two minds about how many to have put back. I'd like two but worry we might not have anything to freeze, so should I go with 1 and hope that anything left could be frozen, my worry is that if we put 2 in and it doesn't work then we don't have a second chance.

sar I hope you are ok

lemon have a great holiday

well off to bed now...............

[MuddyWellyNelly]

I'm way too tired to post much having been up since before 5 and travelled darn sarf and back today. So just a general hello and much luffs to everyone. Especially for those in the midst of mcs, teasing wretches of cycles, suspected ectopics, scary blood work, misleading scans, 2ww madness, insensitive families, limbo land, google land and every other horror in between. Which seems to cover pretty much all of us. The sheer volume and frequency of terrible events just now is making me so sad. Paw squeezes all round.

Madness yes I'm the low AFC/ poor responder. I didn't have my drugs upped, it just took me longer to get there and it was only 3 eggs, but they all fertilised. Next time they are going to give me a higher dose at the beginning to see if I can start a bit quicker but in all honesty I don't think I will end up with a much better response. Who just said it? Your body will do what your body will do. which is ironic as I'm doing IVF because my body bloody well won't do what it's meant to do.

Luffs all round.

[ThatWayMadnessLies]

Thanks nelly was just a bit of a shock. Hopefully they'll put me on a decent dose to start with but I shall focus on quality over quantity.

buzzy the numbers game is tricky isn't it? On the nhs you can only put two back under certain circumstances and on the advice of your clinic so that dilemma is out of my hands thankfully.

No snow day yesterday but on a three day countdown to the Easter hols