TTC 10 + months, part 14 (eek)

[GinSoaked]

A friendly, supportive thread for lovely ladies taking waaay longer than they ever expected to win their babies

Sorry about the announcement sea. I have been happy for friends -especially long term ttcers - but it still hurts.

nelly i don't know how you can stand the repeat testing! I would be going crazy. I have no tests in the house and am not buying any until next weekend. Want to wait until the day of my blood test but will be early on a Monday before work so might give Sunday a go so i have a day to get through the worst of the disappointment if that's what happens.

Oh mrsden I'm so sorry. Did the clinic say to test today? I hope against the odds, odd things happen for you over the next few days and the tables get turned. Your day of distraction sounds perfect. Being outside and getting a bit muddy always makes me feel quite peaceful. I bet your hanging baskets will be stunning

My heart really goes out to all you ivf'rs in your 2wws. It's just torturous, the uncertainty, the waiting, the time and sweat and tears invested. I have so much admiration for the way you are all dealing with it. Roll on some bfp's! You all deserve it so.
Nelly and mad when do you both officially test?

Thank you for everyone chiming in with their thoughts on the whole triplets quandary. I think yesterday when I saw my 3 eggs on the screen it seemed very real and possible that if I introduced some sperm into the equation that there was every chance of all getting fertilised. I mean that's what's supposed to happen hey? of course back to reality, after 6 years of on and off trying and one mc.... what are the chances? So we went for it. I felt really positive yesterday but today it all seems so unlikely. I think I'm with rabbit . I just want someone to take it off my hands and abracadabra me a baby. I'm sick of trying, not knowing what the problem is to fix, and all the wondering. Grr

Oh and Sar hurrah for vomiting too!! I mean not of course, it must be miserable but nonetheless hurrah

Rabbit - could spotting be [whispers] implantation bleed? My A+ announcement this weekend told me she had no symptoms except this....
I agree that after a while hopes for a natural BFP just dwindles away and you just want whatever AC treatment you plan to yield the desired result.
Im sure with all your healthy yoga, your eggs are very healthy indeed.

I agree with mad, nelly you are a brave woman for testing everyday.... Im excited and nervous for your lines. Keep us posted on the developments.

mrsden just checking in on you in the early hours (just arrived in the States) and I'm so sorry to hear. You sound like you are dealing with it well, being outside sounds like a plan. You are in my thoughts.

nelly' loving the test lab you have set up there. madness thoughts with you too, I never bothered with bloods but held off on the home testing like you. critter your news in amazing so far, being with nelly on the more limited production side with the drugs it just seems out of this world. Hope you are feeling ok.

Hope you are doing well buzzy and euro not so far behind.

sar battle on, you have soon weeks to go but it will pass.

rabbit lovely to see you here, sorry bout period. Hope you get AC moving soon.

zippy before I started IVF I had a scan to check on a cyst and a follie situation like yours was noted (on a natural cycle), I wasn't told to avoid sex and didn't, I didn't get pregnant either. I did mental that cycle though despite the fact I had never been pregnant in over a decade. It wasn't the triplet thing just the fact that, with this information, my chances seemed so much higher of one working out. Be good to yourself and watch out for the mental coming and biting you in the arse. You did the right thing though

Waves to all.

Sorry sea about the a plus. And at mr seas party too yes we can be happy for those who have tried but for me, I'm nearly always a bit sad for me at the same time. Sadly I spot nearly every month. This does not stop the implantation bleed mental! Well, I don't mental about it that much as it is normal for me. It doesn't help that my mum had five days of light brown spotting in all her pregnancies. Pah. My fsh suggests the eggs in the basket are not particularly fresh. I keep hoping a good one lies in there somewhere though.

Wave at doll do you have a little bump now?

So sorry mrsd. Look after yourself. There is tea, cake and sympathy on offer here if you want it. But being outside is good too. A treat never goes amiss either I have just bought myself a big bunch of flowers, SB is a wonderful man, but does not understand the importance of such things

Sorry about your A+++ announcement seaview. On your party feels extra cruel. It always gives a pang, even if you're happy for them.

Thinking of all those waiting and PUPO. Delighted to hear the vomming returned and yay for being with us still sar.

Everyone's going critter-wards. Can I come too? Hope you're feeling okay with the sloshy bloatedness!

Waves from a sticky been for a run too lemon!

Doll haha at test lab. Would it please you to know I've got all my "positives" taped to a white sheet of paper in date order

Nice to "see" you doll. I hope it's all going well and you are feeling well. How far along are you?

rabbit FSH can fluctuate from month to month and there are plenty of ladies with higher fsh with positive outcomes so don?t give up hope. I know you are a fellow Bikram fan. I have been told to stop and do iyegnar which is meant to be much better for fertility (something to do with less ?masculine? positions? maybe something to think about?) I was ok with the A+ announcement. I?m getting used to them. The only thorn was that we had been sharing our findings about IVF and tests by email as we had a chat last year about AC. I would have preferred if she had told me personally before the public announcement but I understand she was not really thinking specifically about me nor should she. Of that particular group of friends I am now the longest TTC-er and I have notice no one asks me when I am going to have babies anymore even the people who don?t know we are TTC-ing. I used to get slightly annoyed about being asked all the time. Now I see the omission as a sign that people are scared to ask the barren about kids. Oh the irony.

Just a quick phone post from me.

Mrsd, that sounds like a complete headfuck. I'll have everything crossed for your blood test.

Critter, I'm glad you are feeling a little better.

Zippy, we deliberately sought out a clinic that offered natural after an unpleasant encounter with downregging (I actually walked away from my Nhs cycle because I couldn't deal with feeling like that any more). Natural has no downregging or stimming, so you work with the egg you produce naturally. You still need a trigger shot and progesterone like in normal ivf but I'm ok on those. The downside is multiple egg collections to get the same number of eggs you would get from a conventional cycle.

I've missed loads of you but I can't read back on the phone. Hope you are all having lovely weekends.

I recognise the no longer being asked sea, as we've been married for 2,5 yrs and all the questions have dried up. I did mind for a bit. Then I started work at the new place (around my pregnancy and MC) and got asked by lots of people all over again and really, really hated it. So make the most of the blissful interval. And focus on springing the Good News on the all unexpectedly. In fact one of my favourite, now bitter sweet, moments of my short-lived pregnancy was telling my instadiff-but-now-well-trained sister.

Wave back rabbit I have a fat bump if that counts, most of it breaths back in if I try. I'm going to look more like a thick waisted bridesmaid than a pregnant bridemaid I think. sea I'm at aound 15 weeks, and by the way when you get pregnant and people express surprise and delight can look at them with an expression that says 'what? is it such a big deal? you think I'm a barren or something?'

doll 15 weeks is just fabulous news. I'm really delighted for you. I am so happy to see good outcomes on fred. LOL at your suggestion at telling the news (something I really hope I will get to do one day). Love to you doll and really happy you have a fat bump

lemon I agree that on balance it's better not to be asked than be asked.

Okay all, enjoy your Sundays. I'm off to see my A+ announcement friend for lunch. [Puts brave face on]

Hello doll. 15 weeks!! Hard to believe it. The whole process seems to move slowly but then it's as if you blink and whole months have passed. Are you en route to your new destination or taking a break in between?

nelly at your taped up stripey hob nobs.

lemon well done you for going for a run. If this cycle doesn't work my first call will be to the personal trainer to whip me back into shape. downregging and stimming have led to a fat bump of my own with no baby inside to justify it.

Good luck at your lunch sea. I find the anticipation usually the worst part. Yesterday we had a lovely visit with friends and MrM even helped build a swing in the garden while i sat inside playing trains and eating cake with a toddler . Twas nice.

Off for some retail therapy!

Oh den. I checked my phone as soon as I woke up and was hoping and wishing for better news. I agree with the other ladies, be gentle to yourself, it sounds like you have the perfect outdoorsy day planned. If you do get bad news at your blood test, you can focus on another cycle where they don't do ET so early. The stats are against us and the whole thing is just so incredibly unfair. Tight tight squeeze.

Love to mad and nelly and grr at sea's a+ announcement. Sorry for short post. Thinking of you all.

Popped in to check on Mrsden, am really sorry. 13dpo is early but I understand you not wanting to wait any longer. The IVF 2ww truly is awful. Hope your outdoorsy day helps and I'm still hoping for a turnaround when you have the blood test. Sending hugs and therapeutic chocolate brownies.

Love to all the IVFers, am rooting for mini-Mad, mini-McNelly and the Critterettes. You practically have a can-can troupe Critter , brilliant news on the fertilisation rate and that they are all still developing well. I hope you are feeling OK today, the OHSS risk sounds worrying but you will have just as good a chance if they freeze the embies and put them back at a later date. Nelly I'm in awe of all the testing. I didn't POAS at all, waited for the blood test, despite the horror of waiting I was too scared of bad news to dare to test at home first, think I was in denial of the whole thing massive coward.

I might be too late to wave Buzzy off but I hope you enjoy the holiday aspect & that all goes well with the donor. I'm in awe of anyone who can do that. Hope Kayla let you get away without too much drama unlikely .

Sorry to hear about the A++ announcements. Surprisingly they still make me annoyed even now. I had to go to a gathering of MrA's family last week. He comes from a line of prolific breeders feral so I was surrounded by women who are up the duff at the drop of a Primark thong. Virtually every single woman asked me 'was it planned?' and when I said yes for about five bloody years would roll their eyes and tell me about their numerous 'surprise' pregnancies. It's another world.

Doll at the fat bump. i still think at least 50% of mine is cake. I said that to the acu last week and she said 'yes, it probably is'

Zippy I also think you did the right thing with your clomid eggs. I'm as sceptical as you are about its use if you know you are ovulating. It still annoys me that my (nhs) clinic made me do 6 rounds of clomid, despite the fact I was already ovulating, before they would consider further treatment. They wouldn't do an HSG either until I had a massive strop. It feels like they just wasted 6 months of my time when we knew the next step would be IVF, with a 12-month waiting list, and I was already 38. The new NICE guidelines no longer recommend clomid for unexplained cases because there is no evidence it helps. Having said that, if it had worked for me I would have thought it the best thing ever. Fingers crossed you and Ramona are among the people it helps.

Sorry about the spotting Rabbit, it gets so tedious month after month. Yay for sewing success. I'm impressed. Of all my knitting/sewing/crochet adventures, a lot sits at the back of the wardrobe unworn or is scruffy at-home-wear only rather than going-out-in-public wear. I have had most success with things like scarves and shawls that don't actually have to fit.

Waves and more super-healthy fat-burning chocolate brownies to Lemon, Madness Joy, Euro, Sea, Gin, Sar, Ramona, pout, hope I haven't forgotten anyone (extra brownies for you if I have). I am meant to be working today, so had better get on with it. I basically forgot about the bank holiday idiot and promised a client I'd do something for Tuesday, and since the clouds are gathering, I might as well do it today.

Oh mrsd, I too logged on first thing to see your result and I don't really know what to say! In my experience, evap lines have no colour to them. There are egs on the pee on a stick website, if you want to check them out. I found with frer that the lines did get darker after 10 mins and I'd have thought any kind of pink would be a good sign. I did have a definite positive on one at 13dpo, but everyone is different and metabolises hcg at different rates and my clinic says 16dpo for a hpt. Will you test again tomoz?

nellie when is your otd? I'm so so hoping that the line will never disappear! I love your chart of pee sticks. V organised better than my stinky bedside cabinet of sticks

critter pleased to hear you are feeling a bit better and that they're going to properly check you out tomorrow. Putting one back rather than 2 is a v good idea if there is an ohss risk, as it gets worse if you are pregnant. It's totally amazing how many little 'bros you have and please don't feel guilty. I so wish we had some left in the freezer! Once you have completed your family, you could consider something like embryo donation?

mad the waiting is the absolute pits and the not knowing whether to be hopeful or despairing. I hate to tell you this, but it all just continues when it works! I veer between feeling happy and optimistic and then anxious and convinced we're doomed. Enjoy the shopping! I'm feeling a bit bereft, as feel I can't shop for anything - clothes for myself, house stuff etc- until we know what's going to happen. I've been sating the shopping beast by buying crates of biscuits from ikea and books.

sea so sorry bout the a announcement. Totally shitty it was at mr s's party and in public. Like sar*, I still find them stabby, esp instant differs. Hope lunch was ok.

doll I v much doubt you will look thick waisted! From the pic you posted, you looked skinny and beautiful and I'm sure they will tell it's a baybee. My clothes are already a bit tight, but it's probably the crates of biscuits...

sea and lemons, urgh the questions. I can just see people working it out when they ask how long we've been married (4.5 years) and then clocking that there's something up. lemons I'm pleased you are having a lovely weekend, after the last one.

rabbits can't believe they've still not sorted our the iui, ffs.

zippy I totes would've gone for the triplets shag too! More egglets to aim at, higher the chance of success!

sar I too had a day of mentalling on Friday, as apart from my usual first thing wretch, I had no nausea, but yesterday afternoon it came back with a vengeance. It must be normal and I guess we should try to enjoy the spew free days, but it is so hard, when I'm so worried about it working out

buzz I hope your journey went ok and you are now seeing some lovely sites/snuggled up in your hotel. All v exciting and I'm thinking of you.

Waves and luffs to everyone I've missed.

Hello art. Hope all's good with you? How many weeks are you now?

hi Gin. I'm 26 weeks now and feeling fine. It's literally taken this long for it to sink in... How are you doing? Do you get any more early scans or just the standard one at 12wks?

26 weeks art, blimey! Have you found out the sex?! Just the 12 week scan now, if I ever hear from the hospital... Alllll the waiting eh? I've never known time go so slowly!

On yes, more waiting... it feels like that's what the past five months have been about. Time seems to drag desperately slowly but then I look back and can't believe we have got to this point. We haven't found out the sex, which means that my mum is producing industrial quantities of small knitted cardigans in various shades of beige. I second your comment to Mad about the cycle of hope and despair. It does continue, and I have found it very odd after all the intervention over the previous year to be suddenly left to it and treated like a normal. Nobody has come at me with a fannycam for about 5 months now, most odd. I did the same as you regarding shopping, hence the cake bump . Still haven't bought any baby stuff. I'm not really pessimistic any more, but the mental adjustment from getting my head around planning a life without children to suddenly where we are now has been bigger than I thought.

26 weeks art, where did that go??? I had a snigger at was it planned. Nooo, I tripped when visiting the hospital and fell upon an embryo-filled catheter. (Though I realise people don't know you had ivf when they ask). But yes, another world.

Gin in my old thread reading, I loved reading the posts from you, Sar and Doll. You were all at various stages of misery, and I was glowing inside knowing what was in your futures. I wanted to edit post and say to the December version of yourself "it's ok you'll be pregnant very soon". Re my organised crazy piss-stick art. I'd feel better if the colours went the other way.

I don't know if I will definitely test every day now. But today still wasn't totally clear. Tomorrow is 12DPO so still early. Oh who am I kidding, I will test. I think for me if its negative early on I prepare myself for it to stay negative. And therefore I'm less surprised when its a proper bFN coinciding with a hormone crash. But I've lots of bloaty, pressure dull ache feelings that are not exactly like normal pre AF. On the other hand I've tons of months where I've thought, hello that feels different, only to find its my body being cruel. So who knows

Anyway back outside to try to re-pot a cactus. Wish me luck!

new thread here

Doing this on phone, hope it works!