TTC 10 + months, part 14 (eek)

[GinSoaked]

A friendly, supportive thread for lovely ladies taking waaay longer than they ever expected to win their babies

joy and buzz I think a lot of people just don't know how to react. When a friend mc'd in the past, I admit I left her alone because I thought that anything else would be intrusive (I was not massively close to her - I was friends with her husband first) but now I am not so sure.

sar I agree with the others - your past IVF round give you no reason to suspect there is anything up with your AMH.

In other news, I appear to have finally stopped bleeding. Hurrah! Now I just need to stop comfort eating... I'm developing a cake baby belly. Being in the US is not helping with this.

Pout, you know it's too early to tell yet. Hold on in there.

The going lighter thing might not really be a solution. I should ask my hairdresser, I just figured the greys would be less easy to see then. But the rest of my hair is dark so I'd just have dark roots all the time no doubt. Infertility and grey hair, meh life is so unfair!

Afternoon.

I am on holiday!!!!! Wish I was going somewhere but two weeks off work is good whether I'm home or away .

Good to see you back mrsd. Have you had any more clinic appointments in preparation for starting your cycle? I had a pregnancy announcement today as well and am now picturing myself still not pregnant by the time this baby is born. It is the second child for the couple that started trying for their first the same month that we started .

joy and euro and buzzy i think it would be so much nicer if friends just got in touch to say that they are there if you need them/want them/fancy going out and getting hammered/and so on. In the era of texting surely that isn't too hard? After the trauma of a miscarriage is definitely a time when you should feel loved and supported, not excluded from the parents' club. I have never felt so lonely as I have standing in play parks with my friends and their kids looking foolish when someone asks me which one is mine. The alternative to going to the park is only seeing my friends once in a blue moon of course......

On a positive note, I followed your example pout and bought flowers on the way home. They are bright yellow and beautiful and remind me of spring when it is flipping Baltic outside. Snow and sleet on the way tonight so planning on pyjamas and a fire for sure. Perhaps trying to rescue the knitting which was abandoned when I mucked up the shaping for the neck of a jumper .

pout I am still cheering on your poutlet. Please don't give up hope. No symptoms does not mean no pregnancy!!! but I am sure I will be feeling exactly the same when my turn comes

I hope you're alright free.

Hi ladies, just a swift train post...

joy you are v much allowed to feel angry and sad after everything you have been through. As sar said, it's part of the healing process and I'm sure anyone who's been through what you have would feel the same.

euro I too got near EC when a preggo got a seat and I didn't with my swollen ovaries! I bet I hurt more than she did! and I was jealous of her baybee. Wohoo for san pro free days! Do you have a follow up at the clinic?

So sorry to hear about the crapness of some friends buzzy, joy and euro. I think some people just don't know how to react and can't deal with it. As someone mentioned, I've seen friends ignore other friends when they've had terribly bad non-ttc news. Doesn't excuse it though, it is shit! madness I too have stood in the park with friends and their kids, feeling like a barren freak or a paedo, loitering sans child. I try to avoid en masse baby gatherings.

madness and buzz hope you are both ok. The weeks before ivf really are incredibly stressful and you are bound to have a few wobbles. You'll feel better once you start treatment, promise.

sar you are doing amazingly well. I would so have cried in the clinic. I'm sure Care asks everyone to do the amh and that it's not specific to your situation. Hope you have a nice weekend planned. You totally deserve it after last weekend.

As others have said, your prognosis sounds v treatable grouch and like you may well win your baybee with a little medical intervention, rather than needing the big guns ivf

Hello mrsd! Try not to worry bout the cyst if you can. I don't know that they actually have much bearing on ivf?! I too tend to be pessimistic as a self- protection thang, but also acknowledge that AC cycles mean I have an actual chance of getting pregnant, unlike other cycles and that is exciting. Mind you, seeing that ovulation has been so precisely tracked this month, I will be demanding some sechs from Dave, just in case. I was a bit tempted to ask the clinic if they could shove up some DS too, as a back up in case the frostie doesn't defrost ok....

free how you doing lady?

Hope the lucky ladies off in hols enjoy em!

I had another scan this morning. The follie is still growing. It's about 17mm, I an such a slow grower! He said I could trigger, but I declined as am pretty sure the surge will arrive tomoz. He asked again if I normally ovulate, ffs. Dave reckons it's cos he's used to dealing with ladies with ishoos. I have my Valium prescription for ET. I've had a low dose version to get me on planes before (I hate flying, urgh metal box in the sky), so am looking forward to the stronger version, although no g&t with it this time. I have to fess up that I've been a bit naughty with the wines this cycle. I haven't got hammered and can't see what difference it would make at this point. if when the embryo goes back in, I'll totally cut it out [wine soak face]

Friday luffs to all.

Oh and pout! You are doing so well and seem so calm. A little cry is v much allowed. I've decided that my boobs do lie and I'm sure it's far far too early for any symptoms. Hope you have a weekend of nice, distracting things planned.

never trust your boobs ladies !!! They most certainly do tell outrageous lies

gin wahoo, when will FET take place then?? I am feeling ok for now, I did have a little chat about things and told her we are doing IVF, she is somebody who would help if I needed support.

pout not long now, you are very calm, ha grey, I bloody wish, my hair is literally going white

madness some people do find it difficult to know what to say, others are just idiots, I fell out with a friend after my second miscarriage when she texted me saying 'oh sorry, where do buy your wool from' we have not spoken since. I certainly learnt who are real friends and who are not, it can be quite surprising :)

free thinking of you

Hi everyone

At home in my pyjamas already... Was shirking from home this afternoon, after a really busy and stressful week at work, only enlivened by my lovely date with euro.

joy I can totally understand feeling . It's really not ok for people not to look after you. The only thing I can imagine is that what you've been through is so far beyond the realm of experience for the majority of the population that they can't understand and don't know how to handle it. I remember art saying that after her father passed away some people avoided her. Some people are made uncomfortable by grief. I am sorry that you aren't getting the support that you give other people. It's not fair and it's not on.

euro I am so glad that the bleeding has stopped - I bet that was just adding to your exhaustion and a constant reminder of your loss. As I said to joy, people can be crap and it's disappointing when they don't at least ask if you are ok and try to empathise. I'm so sorry hon, it's just crap. It really is. The whole thing is unfair and stinks. Also, I'm sure you don't have a cake belly yet, but if you'd like to work on getting one, give me a text and we can pop out for a fancy American cupcake before you fly home.

gin Slow growers unite! How exciting that you're so close to FET - I am sure you're nervous, but it's great that things are moving forward to another chance for a little gin (a ginlet? a gimlet?). I definitely wouldn't worry about the wine, we need our small pleasures at this stage. The process is stressful enough as it is.

madness snap at the pyjama night, and yay that you're getting a little holiday! Sorry you've had such a crap week - I agree that the weeks before IVF are really stressful. What with the abscess and downregging for so long, you've had a really rough time of things, so you should never feel you can't vent. The cheery yellow flowers sound like just the ticket - I hear the weather's been unbelievably cold in the UK.

pout What you are dealing with now is unbelievably pressured - a 2ww after IVF sounds like hell (and I am not looking forward to doing it myself in six weeks) but it's still too early to know whether it's worked. I am so sorry for the torture. I hope you can do nice things with MrP, curl up with your lovely dogs and let them look after you and show you lots of love and kindness during this anxious time.

sar Oh dear, I am sorry about the AMH request throwing you for another loop. I can imagine the prospect of it would be really scary but as has been said before, it's such a tiny part of the puzzle. You are amazing for making plans and moving forward. Deep breaths, just keep putting one step in front of the other. You are going to get there, you will.

mrsd hello, hello - we missed you! I'm sorry you're feeling downcast ahead of your cycle, and sorry about the announcements too. I understand the self-preservation instinct, it's normal for us I think with all the ttc woes that we've undergone. Mid April will be here in a moment and I have really high hopes for you.

midnight feel free to lurk, it's hard to keep up with this board, but do come and update us and let us know how you're doing every now and again - and let us know when you get your BFP too of course!

sweet it's great that things are moving ahead. There is so much waiting in this business. If you can, try to find something creative you can do to take your mind off it (hollow laugh) - it does help a little.

buzz it sounds like you've had a rotten week too. Sorry about stressful patients, you are nearly there, but I know the feeling of the cycle looming over one, it really does, doesn't it.

lemon hope you're feeling better and sorry about the screwy cycle.

I can attest to highlights being a good way of covering up grey hairs. I have loads of greys coming through now and so far noone (apart from sister critter, who loves to spot them and then yank them out dramatically ) notices (I hope!) because I went the highlight route. Thank goodness for hair dye! I am seeing my doctor on Tuesday morning to start the three weeks of the pill ahead of my cycle. I'm 12dpo but I had a massive temp drop this morning and pink CM so I'm 99.9% sure that I'm not going to be an au naturel panda instadiff. Bought giant sanitary towels this afternoon to be prepared. Waves to everyone. TGIF!

gin - yay dominant follicle. thanks for your thoughts everyone
buzzy sorry for teary days and joycep 2 WEEKS? hope it stops soon and that you feel better. anger and frustration is ok I think is ok as you recognise it. it's good you're are self aware. it took me a long time to be able to calmly express how i feel and why and i dont manage it now all the time

exciting about IVF starting mrsden
happy holidays madness hope you are somewhere lovely lovely lovely

the lining was still in place yesteday but HCG climbing had slowed to 92 so that is good. apparently i should start to bleed properly soon, not this black brown gunk. i was quite frightened yesterday due to shoulder pain and too much googling. i rang the clinic where I have been for ERPC before and they said - are you doubled over in pain and feeling like you are being stabbed? No? Stay at home then. Then I went to bed and set the alarm to wake me every two hours in case something bad happened in my sleep

today the woo doctor said lets wait until this is over then take a couple of cycles to get you warm and ready for your next treatments. in his opinion, ploughing on with IVF now after this without a break would be unwise for me. I asked what a couple of cycles meant and he said 3-6 months. I dont feel like I have 3-6 months to lose. I will think about it. DH is for it. Maybe a little break .would be ok to get healthy and ready for IVF- what did everyone else do to prepare - anything?

free what a terrifying experience, you poor thing. It's so awful that something that ought to be happy news is instead dangerous and scary and putting you through this stress. I hope you're getting good care and that this nightmare is over soon.

In terms of waiting, it depends on how you feel. I totally recognise the feeling of urgency and panic. But I don't think you should feel like you don't have time to wait, if that's what feels right for you and your DH. Maybe you could ask your doctors what they usually advise? I haven't done anything special to prepare for my soon-to-begin IVF cycle... I haven't drunk much but that's just because it's Lent and I gave up booze, and I've been exercising more because I got a cheap one month deal at a gym. But nothing else. I think it's more mental preparation, and even then, it's hard to feel totally 'prepared'.

free critter is right it totally depends on how you feel as to how long to wait. A lot of people feel preparing your body is important, and I certainly tried to take on advice before my first round. My second, and the one that worked of course, was decided the day before the first injection after a massively boozy post-IVF Christmas. So there you go. I send you my very best wishes and hope you heal well from this horrid experience.

I'm sorry to hear the stories here of being let down by friends when in the middle of this crap. It really will not do. euro you are right, of course, people don't know how to react, but still turning away from the situation is no way to go.

euro I'm glad the bleeding is stopping, it must be a relief. You still the other side of the pond?

pout I think a lot of people get mixed messages about the test day, I certainly did. Hang in there and test when it is right for you. There is no correct answer. I'm cheering you on.

Nice to see you here after a while mrsden I'm finding all the talk of hair dye here. I have never so much as touched a box on henna as a teenager. I'm very dull like that.

madness pj home holiday, now that's my kind of holiday.

lovely gin please see above for a clue as to my opinion of booze and AC

critter six weeks to go? Your work seems tough at the moment, how will you deal with it through the cycle, press on or a bit of time off?

alice welcome

loves and knobs with multi-coloured lights to all sweet buzzy lemon sar rabbitnelly sea and special loves to joy x

mrsden I mean I'm finding the hair dye talk interesting not that I read. rabbit and nelly you are now a combo it seems.

I forgot to update...relative calm has descended over the doll house. Drum roll please....our next place of abode is announced and confirmed. It's totally unexpected and left field, nothing to do with any of the places we have had on the cards over the past months. But it's done and an exciting option. No leave date, but sometime in the summer. The bean is still in place with a second scan last week. I have an infection of some kind but I'm sure it's not a big deal. I noticed it on a lab test result (yes yes me not my doctor) so did a culture this week. Just pushing on through the 1st tri hoping for the best. Ken has been great, really pulling his weight and more to ease things for me a bit. I admit to finding work and child care heavy going at the moment but hopefully it should pass. Ken's hours and responsibilities are more than mine so there are limits to how much he can be around. Right now looking ahead and hoping for some good screening results in a few weeks so I can tell family etc.

Joy - Sorry about the recent angry bout. I think that the TTC process is hard on everyone and it?s only human to have gloomy, angry moments. The whole process is completely unfair and it?s made worse by people who make you feel more isolated because you have not been able to join their special club.

Euro and Joy - I think a lot of people don?t know how to react to sad or difficult news. My aunt ended up having a much smaller pool of friends after her son was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. Nobody wanted to be the one to ask a question to make things worse or to somehow ?rub it in?, which I imagine is similar to your situation. Regardless of their motivation it still is the wrong thing to do, but I guess as crappy as it is because it's like being kicked when you're down it?s in difficult times that we get to know who our real friends are.

Euro - Yay! A break from the sanitary napkins.

MrsD - The longer this goes on, the more I move into self-preservation mode. I think that if positive thinking had everything to do with a BFP we all would have been preggo or gone crazy ages ago. I guess I'm saying I understand the need to protect yourself and I don't think it will negatively impact on your chances of success. I?m hoping that your IVF will be in the future bursts of positivity/bfps this thread needs.

Sar - I think you?re doing so well. I hope the test is just a formality that they make everyone go through and that your results come out in the clear.

Critter - Sorry you had an exhausting week. Hopefully you have a relaxing weekend planned.

Pout - I think a bit of anger is normal. I am still cheering for the little poutlet. I think symptom spotting during the tww is hard, it is nearly impossible to know what the outcome will be.

Madness - Enjoy the holiday. I completely agree with you, time off is time off. Sorry about the second pregnancy announcement, I actually winced when I read about it. Good on you for getting flowers for yourself, they sound lovely.

Gin - Yay for the follicle! It won?t be long now; I would keep enjoying the wine while I could too.

Free - I agree with everyone else. I think you should talk to your doctor and take a small break if you feel you can. I?m really sorry you?re having such a terrifying experience.

Buzz - Sorry for the rotten week ? I hope you have a nice weekend planned.

Doll - How exciting about the new place of abode! I am being incredibly nosey right now and trying to imagine where in the world it will be. Good luck with the upcoming scans, I?m really hoping you get some happy news.

You all made be laugh. My hair is graying at an alarming rate ? DH has fewer grays than I do and he is 5 years older . I will have to try Critters advice and start highlights. My hairdresser promised to tell me when it became too noticeable; apparently my mirror lies and my lightish coloured hair doesn?t look too grey yet.

Big waves and hello to anyone I've missed.

gin I drunk until a few days post-ET (before any implantation could have taken place). Not loads, just the odd one. I'm glad your slow grower is getting there!

You have a dominant follie. Why would he think you wouldn't ov? Stoopid dr.

critter pink CM you say? I've only had that once - when I had my weirdy chem preg thinummy. I'd love you to get a FCFU pre-IVF win.

BTW, I am going to be stuck in the office all weekend, so I will have to save the cupcake eating for our next meet up, next month. :( Thanks so much for the offer though - I know where I would rather be tomorrow!

doll I'm glad you have a plan for the next move. I hope the infection is nothing bothersome.

I'm another one in the greying gang. I got my first couple when I took my A-levels and added a few each year since then. So I am greying slowly. I go down the highlights route too, partly because I like my natural colour(s) - I have kind of natural highlights anyway - and partly because I haven't found a dye yet that doesn't set my scalp on fire as it's so sensitive.

Right, i'd better leave the office. I'm shattered. I have dinner with a colleague tonight. I'm flying back tomorrow and straight into a week of work. I'm not sure how I am going to manage that. I am still pretty whacked from the mc.

Morning

Critter - sorry you think AF is on her way. But I am delighted that your IVF cycle is just around the corner (if you do still need it that is). Ladies sush as yourself with reduced ovulation have so much hope - all those beautiful eggs just waiting to be fertilised when they don't normally get a chance. I am very excited for you. I was thinking this morning too about how patient you have been in the run up to this. Your determination to focus on creative things and get on with life is awesome. Don't listen to your very silly FIL!

Joy, Euro and Buzz - all this talk about being ignored is making me sad. It shouldn't be this way. Unfortunatly I can also add to this trend as I was avoided by people during the miscarriage and failed IVF cycles who I thought would want to give me a big hug. I know its not personal but it does hurt doesn't it. That is why these threads are such a lifeline.

Pout - how are you getting on chick? I find the last 4-5 days the hardest.

Madness - I am sorry for the prego announcement. It always stings more during these times. I do hope you are feeling better after the afc this week. I maintain that counting them when someone is in downreg is the height of stupidity. They are supposed to be counted from cycle day 4-9. During downregging, your body is more like cycle day -100.

Gin - hooray for the follie and well done for refusing the trigger shot. You don't need it. What is wrong with these morons who are supposed to be overseeing our medical and health care. You will ovulate on your own perfectly well thank you very much as that has never been your specific issue. Grrrr. I think a few cheeky glasses in a natural cycle (especially when you are more experienced in these things like you and I) is fine. A glass of vino was never going to be a contributory factor for us. I did the same you know and certainly don't regret it.

Free - I am sorry that this episode is still dragging on for you. I understand your dilema over the Woo Dr's advice. I like to crack on with a plan as does Euro. But I think if I felt I had the luxury of time, I would have 2-3 months off. But I can't remember off the top of my head your reasons for assisted conception. The other thing that I have found is that even if you do put yourself forward for the next step quickly there is an inevitable wait anyway. I have applied to a new IVF clinic but in reality I have no intention of doing IVF for 5- 6 months. I am just aware that by the time the paperwork is processed, the old notes are copied, the appointment arrives, the bloods are taken and then I stall a bit, well it might be the summer by then anyway. I hope you reach a decision soon. Somewhere deep inside there will be a voice of instrinct that does know what to do for the best.

Doll - I am so pleased to hear your pregnancy is progressing well and you have your next home lined up. But sorry for the infection. What an amazing year 2013 is going to be for you and your family. I couldn't wish you more luck and happiness.

Euro - things do sound full on. Well done for coping with an overseas work trip so soon post mc. You have certianly earnt your Italian holiday.

Den - I understand the fear that another cyst will be found. It is very very unlikely after your spring clean lap and sparkly womble. You go girl - go in to this cycle full of hope. You have excellent chances.

Thank you for the hand holding over the upcoming AMH test. You girls are right, a previous cycle where eggs were fertilised supercedes (sp?) whatever an AMH test says I suppose. I just don't like it.....don't like it..... and have never wanted to know what it is.

This week I have suprised myself with how well I am coping with the failed cycle. I have grieved deeply and now I am ok. But I have been reading far too many papers about tubal infertility and chances after surgery. I read some scary statistics that said women with tubal disease can get pregnant easily but that figure reduces massivley for every year they don't get pregnant. Bloody hell. But on the bright side I got totally trollied on a bottle of prosecco last night at a good mates house.

Afternoon ladies, I have finally risen from the bed dead I had an amazing night out with friends for my big 40. I got so drunk that I manged to chunder twice I also seem to become a five finger discounter when under the influence as I seem to have a shot glass and salt and pepper shaker in my hand bag. Poor Barry seems to be in a worse state than me. Preggy friend came for a drink and it was actually nice to see her and talked top her, she was supportive too. I felt a little sad but realised that it has nothing to do with her.

free my dr woo told me to wait 3 months, I still tried anyway

gin so when will you have FET

rabbit and lemon hope you are enjoying your holibobs

sar I was first upset about my AMH but it helped me plan my next step. It does help to give you a bigger overall picture and most certainly doesn't mean that it is the end if it was not good.

euro boo to working on the weekends

madness you are 10/10 so should buy yourself little things like flowers more often :)

pout thinking of you my lovely

well I suppose I need to get on with things now I am finally awake

buzzy happy birthday and welcome to the other side
And good work on the prosecco sar I love nights in with friends

Thanks for the good wishes sar euro and sweet it's lovely of you. euro yuk to walking straight back into the working week in blighty, I hate it when it works out like that, you must be beat. I'm planning my own trip stateside for May now we have the bigger question of the next big move out of the way.

buzz happy birthday! love that you had such a wild and crazy night out to celebrate. You are strong and focused and this is going to be a wonderful year for you, I just know it.

doll I am so glad that all seems to be going well with your boys and the new bean. Whenever I think about you and your successful cowboy IVF I smile. I'm so pleased that everything is calmer - exciting news about the move. A new chapter is opening up. Hurrah! Thanks for asking about work - I think I'll probably just plough on - my lovely HR manager knows and almost the entire office and says it should be fine to take sick days if I need to. I'll see how the cycle shakes out. What I do is not rocket science so there's no need for me to be going hell for leather.

sar thank you for your lovely words. You have such a gift of empathy. I wish I was half as good at knowing what the right thing is to say. It makes me sad that you haven't been supported, as you support others. The AMH test is scary but you are moving forward with a plan. I really think that you need a fresh pair of eyes looking at your case notes - it's great that you're going to see another clinic. You are right to be proud of how you have dealt with the grief of your recent cycle. You've really been through the mill and you have shown such courage and determination and grace throughout. And I really think it will pay off, I really do.

euro hope you are not completely shattered after your trip. It sounded like you were scheduled up to your eyes - I think a duvet day if possible could be a good way to get over the jetlag and the emotional and physical exhaustion.

Waves to everyone else - pout good luck my lovely, joy thinking of you, and free hope you are ok. I've had a lovely calm weekend, lots of exercise and wonderful time with MrC, cooking a big lamb curry that turned out really well, meditation and hot baths and reading. I am aware that even though I long for a baby, this time with my DH is special and I may look back one day and think about how nice it was to have all that time alone just the two of us. However things turn out, I am so lucky to have a kind man who looks after me and who I love being around.

Also - doll if your May trip brings you to my neck of the woods let me know... would love to say hello.

what a lovely post as always critter
ok your work/IVF plan sounds excellent, if they know then popping out for scans shouldn't be too difficult. My two rounds panned out differently and if you have some scope for a day off here and there, this might be useful to know - on the orders of the lovely 10 + ers I took the EC day off on round one, yes you need it, ET is nothing really and I spend to rest of the afternoon rushing around doing my normal stuff. On round two a work emergency caught me out in the afternoon of EC, I didn't have to leave home but I spend a lot of time shouting on the phone etc and not resting, was busy between EC and ET and felt completely buggered. Lucky for me that the ET fell on the Saturday and I got to sit on the terrace in the sun and read for the weekend. So my advice is avoid getting overworked after EC but also consider a lovely peaceful day for ET if you have that option. It's not necessary but nice if you can get it.
I'm so excited about our next move, I'm sure I won't be able to avoid telling you where (it's kind of bloody brilliant). I'd loooove to see you in the States, unfortunately the tight schedule doesn't include your town

Morning ladies! It being Monday morning, I am soooo jealous of those of you on hollibubs. Ah well, not long til Easter.

So lovely to hear from you doll and I'm thrilled that everything is going well with your pregnancy. Your story is just amazing. Do you have a bump yet?! I too am v intrigued bout your next move. I'm so pleased everything has worked out so well for you.

Happy birthday buzz! Sounds like you had a great time and parrrrrtied in style Hope it isn't a 2 day hangover.

critter I agree with doll about your post being lovely. Mr C is a lucky man. I made a big roast dinner yesterday, including bread sauce, mmmm. I do find cooking is a great distraction. Re time off, I took a fair bit after EC. My commute is pretty tiring, work can sometimes be a little physical, and I knew I wouldn't be able to focus . I did find it easier having a full 2 weeks off, but my boss was great and gave me a week's special leave and I took a week's annual leave. 2nd ivf cycle it wasn't necessary physically though, 1st it was but I did have a particularly unusual, shitty experience. So exciting you are getting so near!

Blimey euro, I don't know how you are still standing! I hope you are someone who's able to kip on the plane. Do you have a relaxing Easter planned?

sar I agree that you should be proud of your swift recovery and proactive approach. 2nd failed cycle I found I was initially more upset but got over it more quickly. Maybe multiple cycles give us some perspective?

free hope you are ok today. I vaguely cut down booze and caffeine pre ivf, but during the actual cycles totally cut then out and ate loads of protein and drank lots of water, on my clinic's advice. This time I've done nothing different, but a FET is much easier on the body and I dont have the worry of over stimmed ovaries/feeling like I 'm poisoning myself with the drugs. I think it's important to try to keep things as normal as poss in the run up, as it can be totally consuming.

pout not long until otd now? Hope you are doing ok.

Waves to grouch and everyone else.

I'd taken to peeing on ov sticks 3 times a day and got my :) at 11ish on Saturday. DAY 16, as I bloody told you I would mr dr! Thanks for the tip sar about when to use the pee sticks. I tested again that evening and it was still a :) So we were finally able to book ET and it's going to be on Good Friday, gulp. Seems a bit ominous and my first horrific EC was over Easter weekend too, last year. Interestingly they are putting a day 6 embryo back in on day 5. I have started the arse bullets and am now starving. I'm blaming them for my ivf weight gains. Now I've ovulated, my big fear is the defrosting of the embryo. Must not be too disappointed if it doesn't survive the thaw.

Btw did anyone see cuntryfile last night . They had some 40 year old frozen cow sperm and the farmer shoved the straw of sperm down his trousers to help it defrost! Hopefully the embryologists at the clinic use slightly more sophisticated methods...

pout I'm thinking of you.

Gin I did manage to sleep a bit, but landing at what felt like 5am to my body was hard work.

I'm laughing at the Cuntryfile comment. Some bits of IVF/IUI really are rather low tech (but hopefully not that low tech in most cases)!

doll it's great that you are really excited about your next move.

Critter that sounds lovely, and you are so right about appreciating the time we have with our other halves.

buzz your celebrations sound brilliant.

sar that sounds great - the positive attitude and the prosecco!

buzzy Happy birthday lovely. It sounds like you had a good time. How's the hangover

euro It just hit me when I read your recent posts about how amazing you are to have done such a long trip right now. I'm not surprised that you are flagging a bit now. Roll on the Easter weekend and and a rest for you

critter your curry sounded lovely.

gin I am so pleased that you have a scheduled ET date. Good Friday is a positive sign I'm sure of it!
Can I ask what happens on a FET cycle. Are they always unmedicated?
at Countryfile.

sar I'm glad that you had a good time with your friend. Please don't torture yourself with Google. I am also full of admiration at how you are dealing with your failed cycle.

doll I'm glad that you are well and have got confirmation of your next move. Exciting times ahead!

I am pretty much despondent today about the cycle. Stupidly I did an OPK test this morning with some phoney reasoning that after a weekend of fever pitch mentalling it would prepare me for HPT disappointment. It was totally stark white and now I just feel so flat and sad. So much for it helping me to accept things...what a crock and what a dumbass I am. I haven't told MrP and now feel bad that I have info that he doesn't. I also have a rotten headache of the type that usually precedes AF wails

Oh pout is it not still too early?? I don't remember your official dates. As we know on this thread, the roller coaster usually takes people up and down a few times before settling on a result. I don't want to fuel hope if it's not warranted but please don't give up yet. Wail away if you need too though. I am sending loads of virtual flowers to brighten this ridiculously cold day xx

doll so nice to see you feeling so positive and optimistic about the next big move. I am intrigued to discover where you are heading .

Happy birthday buzzy!!!!! Sounds like a very good time was had. Hopefully the hangover has abated and you are feeling calm and collected about imminent trips.

sar prosecco sounds a good plan. We have quite a few bottles here thanks to my dry Xmas and new year that I was thinking we should maybe crack into before ivf mark I gets going in earnest .

critter you have the right idea trying to focus on the positives of this time alone with our lovely partners. MrM and I had a fantastic meal together last night with candles and coffee and a really good chat instead of the usual in front of the telly and I really must be ever so thankful for that. We've been through loads together over the last ten years and we will get through infertility and AC and adoption if that is what is next for us. Not everyone is so lucky.

euro jet lag is the pits. I really hope that you can get some rest soon and are able to ate some time off over Easter to recharge. You most definitely deserve it.

gin yay for ovulating when you knew you would. It must be very satisfying to be proved right in the face of nay saying doctors I have everything crossed for your frostie's successful defrosting.

Not much new around here. I am calming down on the irrational worrying front which is a relief. Blaming everything on the downregging drugs now minus hrt and planning to spend time with lovely friends who know what's happening and are pretty supportive. Off to snuggle up with some knitting. Big waves to everyone that I've missed!

Pout ? oh no . I know opks aren?t suppose to be accurate way of testing hcg levels so i hope this doesn?t have any reflection on the true result. When is your official hpt day? I know it?s just a crappy situation and it?s very difficult to have any hope but i just hope you get a massive surprise on otd. Oh and I don?t think it?s petty to expect a phone call from your sister since EC. People can be generally crap. I just don?t think they understand.

Gin ? good Friday sounds like a very lucky day to me . And of course you know your body better than the doctors ...! So did the 40 year old sperm get the cow preggo?! I was watching it but i don?t remember any of that.

Euro ? glad you are back ok and glad that bleeding has stopped now. I think gunkgate is petering out for me too. Pad free now. Celebration time.

Doll ? you lead a very exciting life and I so want to know where you are being posted. So thrilled that little bean has nestled in. Your story is just amazing.

Critter ? what lovely posts you posted over the weekend. It sounds like you had a great weekend and wonderful that you appreciate what you have with MrC. It?s so easy to forget sometimes.

Buzz ? belated happy birthday wishes. Glad to hear you got suitably drunk. Pleased the pregnant friend didn?t ruin birthday shenanigans.

Sar ? i?m pleased that you have coped well over the past week. We rely too much on statistics when really it has no baring on our own situation so try not to take too much from what you read.

Sweetgrouch ? i think you are right. Now i?m in a better frame of mind , i realise that people don?t really know how to handle sad news. Plus everyone is different and it?s difficult to know whether you should contact people or leave them alone. I am actually one of the offenders who often ignore, worried about intruding when someone may just need privacy.

Free ? any news this week??

Mad ? i am often in play parks too. I make sure it?s always one on one though. I don?t meet a group of friends in play parks that would just be too much.

Mrsd ? you?re getting so close now. I was told to keep positive the whole time. It even said it on the pieces of paper i was given. I couldn?t have been more negative. It wasn?t until i dared to be positive and i finally had hope and believed i had a fighter that it went pear shaped for good. So i honestly don?t believe in the positivity thing. For me it was a jolly good thing I had prepared myself for the worst initially for when the final nail hit, it was a shock but not nearly as bad as it could have been. I?m not advocating pessimism (it doesn?t work for everyone) but it certainly prepares you for the worst even though you probably suffer a lot more emotionally during the process if you?re pessimistic. I also don?t think you can change your personality so don?t beat yourself up for feeling negative. It?s self preservation at the end of the day.

Well I think i am going through some hormonal thing at the moment. I?ve shed the anger thank god, i?ve just been a bit teary lately. I think we?ve come up with a plan though. We?ll probably do one more round of ivf and that will be it. Probably try Summer time, perhaps abroad. And that all depends on our karotyping etc. After that i hope it?ll be closure and we?ll take a break before going down the adoption route. I just cannot see ivf working for us though but feel we need to try. I like the idea of adopting but I feel so terribly sad that my parents family tree will just stop. I don?t know why i have such a problem with this.

Just re-read that and realise I need to go back to school to learn grammar and sentence structure. Apologies.