The Elderberry & Sausage Pavlovas in 'Battle Royale 3: Shag Tiara Death Match' - the search for the immaculate conception!

[Bunnygirlie]

Entrant criteria: TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 3+months, OPK & EWCM obsession, NO instadiffers. (Thread 6)

On a side note mother (non instadiffer grad of whom we are v proud) has a thread re baby names and not getting a good response. Can all awake berries come and help please

just finished dinner with family and about to go to bed but I just wanted to say a huge thank you for your comforting and lovely words. I will do my best to not TTC for another cycle (hell, what's 1 more?) and try not to send you mad with my anguished outrages as more of my friends reproduce.
night all

8dpo today and my temp has dropped below the cover line. LP is always 14 days. How annoying! . Not sure if temps are all over the place his month because I've been ill or if I haven't actually OVd? Wtf is going on! Rant over

Will have a look at baby names thread Merkin. Hope Mother is ok?

cherry I rarely get CM as a sign. I'd probably believe the stick and expect it to be positive perhaps one more day, with your temp drop coming in the next 12 to 48 hours.. Incidentally my pattern is normally small dip, small rise, then O dip... FX

cherry oh dear not another with mojo issues, pants innit! Don't get much CM signs here either!

Didn't get a third time lucky DTD this morn, too tired and feel like crap , at least we managed something at the weekend though as its made me feel slightly more positive about the whole thing. Still planning to take April off and then start May in full force!

Just catching up after a v early night with DP. Nothing exciting - he's just got man flu so the EOD plan failed in the first week of cycle.

Glad I'm forgiven Raining.

Sid hope you're feeling better today. Weirdly I don't actually equate my SS with any kind of baby feelings as he is too old to be cute & sometimes makes me wonder why on earth I want children at all when he is being particularly horrific. I do resent it when we cannot have weekend lie-ins DTD cos he is with us but I like the fact that I get a sneak preview of what kind of father DP is. I do feel irrationally angry about DP's 18 year old niece getting accidentally pg though (20 wks now & clueless). His other niece even tactlessly suggested that me & DP should have a baby so we could do baby stuff together. I pointed out that wouldn't be happening as I am twice her age so we were unlikely to be hanging out even if I did (& glossed over fact that i can't seem to get upduffed). Families can be so clueless sometimes so the cousin thing is just horrible for you.

Am getting v excited about my first POAS tmrw to see if it's the big O yet (& it is POAS I think rather than PIMP as I've got some Boots ones to use before the cheapies). I am actually noticing CM changes too which I've just been oblivious to the meaning of before. Berry ways rule!!!

Morning, young-ladies-due-to-be-upduffed-in-the-not-too-distant-future. Cherry, my DP has issues in the erectile department caused by acute stress around ovulation. Last night he was too tired for his birthday blowjob. I told him this was worrying to me as ovulation is at weekend and does this mean we are going to struggle? He assured me he is simply knackered (he is, he looks awful) and that I have nothing to worry about re the weekend. I am going to have to calm down, methinks. It's hard, though, when they have a track record of struggling at the essential times.

In other news, I have badgered my fertility clinic to let me have an AMH test (the most reliable way of ascertaining the state of the ovarian reserve; especially helpful for the over-forties like me) and they have agreed. I am really pleased as this test is very expensive if arranged by the IVF clinic further down the line (I want every test I can think of on the NHS before I go private). So..in a few weeks I will have a clear idea of the amount of eggs I have left and what their quality is likely to be or

Happy, a dip below coverline at 8DPO is thrilling news for some women: it is often interpreted as an implantation dip. Even if it isn't implantation it is absolutely nothing to fret about - it means nothing

Thanks for all your support, ladies. Today I feel slightly better. What gets to me is that this TTC thing is totally inescapable for me, whereas DH can (and does) set it aside quite easily. His mantra is "it will happen," so he gets quite frustrated with me when it all seems so bleak sometimes. It doesn't help that he takes personal offense when I point out that at the end of the day, he already has two children, whereas I have none, so I can't really point to personal experience to help me through the tough days bc I can't remind myself that it'll happen - I have no track record.

I love my DH and bc of that, I love my SKs, but the constant presence of his ex, either by her or through my SKs, is very, very hard to swallow sometimes. Before my ultrasound appointment was assigned, I was told it'd likely be set for a week this month that DH is to be away, leaving me in charge of the SKs. I said his ex would have to have them if the appt was assigned during school dropoff/pickup. His response was that I'd just have to reschedule it. He genuinely couldn't see how this appt outranked my commitment to help with his children. Luckily it was assigned for a Saturday so the SKs wont be involved at all, but that discussion didn't do much to make me feel like he truly understands just how important this is, to me (ought to be "to us," but as he doesn't think there's anything wrong, he thinks all these tests aren't that big a deal)

So it's stuff like that that makes me have mixed emotions about being a stepmother. The guilt that comes with those mixed emotions doesn't help either.

Sid, that's a toughie. The example you've given us points to your fella taking you for granted; you have it tough being a step-mum to his kids when you are desperate for one of your own. I can only suggest that you somehow get it through to him how difficult you are finding it sometimes being a mother to his children when he seems indifferent to the urgency you feel around ttc. Talk to him and make sure he hears you. Keep talking to us, too, 'cos we understand.

For your part, though, you will have to find a way of dealing with your frustrations if you are going to stay sane. You have fallen in love with this man and you have taken on his baggage (sorry to put it like that, you know what I mean) so you need to find a way of coping with resentment whilst yearning for your baby. What are your outlets away from him and them? Do you have mates without kids?

Sid, how often do you have his kids at your house and what ages are they?

Raining your SS's mother sounds like a nut. Is she really that clueless, or was it some sort of passive-aggressive dig? Thank goodness you were able to minimize her presence in your life.

Congrats on the job Merkin! Maybe the new gig will = less stress in your life which will then = easier conception? Fx!

Frog what an immature thing to say, that you ought to get preg so your LO would have a built-in playmate. Gag me. My cousin's wife is a complete loon and I could easily see her saying something like that. My brain knows her being pg doesn't affect my odds at all, but it just seems so unfair; we're doing all the right things to no result, she has sex once immediately after her period and blammo. What I wouldn't give for the joy of an unexpected pregnancy, one without TTC shag dates, or pee sticks, or the dread of wondering whether the next few days would bring AF or a BFP. That's aside from the joy of having two actual babies; I can barely imagine one, this numpty is going to have two. Grr. Aaaaand the pity party continues.

Bunny yay on your DH feeling frisky again. Very positive sign. Remind me again, why you're taking April off? GP's advice, or just for a break? I wish I could afford a month or two (or five) off. This is all much more draining than I ever thought possible, and it's only on cycle 9. I'm in awe of you ladies who are further along and can still keep a positive outlook. Afraid I'm not nearly as strong as I ought to be, and it shows

Correct me if I'm wrong, Buns, but you're taking April off so you don't have a Christmas baby, right?

Sid, cycle 9 has been proved to be the bastard month, for all kinds of reasons. Cycles 7-9 were hellish for me; it just felt too long to be trying to get pregnant. The good news is the one-year mark is liberating in a really weird way. Honest. You just lose that mind-numbing heartache when AF arrives. Still tough though.

They're 9 and 7, with us half the time, in and out like our house is a train station. Nothing I can do about the schedule unfortunately. The main prob is that DH is much more prone to do as his ex demands, in an effort to minimize agita from her, than he is to put my needs/demands first. He knows she takes things nuclear, whereas I'll stew about something for a few days and then drop it. He truly thinks it's just a matter of time before I'm pg, and so rescheduling an appt, to him, would be the logical thing to do. To me, I'm terrified that there's something badly wrong, and the sooner we find out, the sooner I can stop having mini breakdowns every month.

I know he wants babies with me, but the laidback "it'll all work out" attitude is sometimes so very irksome. I'm sure every person with a fatal illness was at some point told "you'll be OK"; to be relentlessly optimistic about it all just seems kind of immature, to me, and in turn makes me more negative than I'd otherwise be. At the end of the day, he's seen that things actually did "work out," bc his first wife went through the same delays. For me, I've never even had a pregnancy scare, so it's harder to trust that it will happen, since I have no history to fall back on. I don't resent my SKs per se; I resent the awkwardness of their mom and the stress that brings me from all sides, but I will admit that lately I've skipped buying them things I might've done a year ago, bc now I'm thinking my money might wind up having to go towards IVF, since their existence blocks me from having it on the NHS. Not their fault, but a fact I have to live with nonetheless.

It's tough. But yes I do have some good personal support, both here and back home, and usually DH is extremely supportive - but this past week he's dropped the ball big time. There's no way in hell I would've rescheduled that appt just to avoid inconveniencing my SKs mum. I can't actually grasp that he would've wanted me to; it just seems too bizarre.

Sid my DP has exactly the same attitude & thinks I am worrying over nothing. I know he wants another (he only has 1 DS) but I question his commitment sometimes when he tells me to not to worry about it - cue argument. We are only supposed to have SS half the week (tho ex just got a new bf so we seem to be having him more at the moment ) & I only ever look after him as an absolute last resort so I am lucky in that respect.

SS is also v keen to have a little brother or sister & keeps asking for one .

I just ignore all comments from DP's family generally. His mum, sisters & nieces have all sprogged with ease it would seem from ages of 18 to 40 but that is pretty much all they have done with their lives so ironically I know that they envy me my life too.

Am very excited by the thought of an implantation dip Happy - can we symptom spot yet?!!

Raining great news on the scan front. Certainty on something has to be good. FX that you & Cherry get frisky OHs back soon.

I think it's really odd that a mother willingly gives up her kids for half a week.

Sid, you need to find an outlet for your frustrations; half a week is a fucking huge portion of time you're having to sacrifice. You are , however, being irrational about never having your own or something serious being wrong with you. Nine months feels serious, but it resolutely is not. Keep making DH understand your fears.

Frog, it isn't a scan. The AMH test is blood work and takes four weeks to reveal the results as it has to go to Glasgow

Just cross-posted with you Sid. Shit - had no idea that IVF not available on NHS if one of you already has a child. I'd assumed that because it was my first time round we'd be eligible. That seems so unfair

A bloke too tired for a BJ?!? Crikey Raining - hope your he is feeling better for the weekend!

sidney, our menfolk really don't have clue do they! Mine also says it'll happen one day, but how does he know that? 9 months down the line and one day still isn't here (sorry to be a whingebag ladies who have been trying longer). The whole stepkids issue must be a nightmare

We decided to take April off TTC for a few reasons, because of the issues hubby is having with his mojo I just thought a rest with no pressure might do him and us good to work on our intimacy without the pressure of having to DTD. Also (and I know it sounds mental) but I just don't want a late dec/beginning of Jan baby, it?s a pants time to be in hospital and a crap time for a birthday. I know I should just want a healthy baby at any time of the year but it?s the crazy lady inside of me! yes i know I'm a nutter raining

Just been into town for lunch - only passed 3 fattys today, I'm sure pg ladies were all around before we started TTC but you just notice them more don't you!

Sid, DP's ex is a freaking lunatic. I hate to use the term 'personality disorder' but she's fucking mental: hysterical (and not in a ho-ho-ho kind of way); laughably dramatic (her entire life is a Greek tragedy if she is to be believed); vicious; and is on Methadone (yep, she had a heroin problem last summer - reckons the language problem caused her to buy heroin instead of opium. Ah! That's okay, then ).

DP couldn't stand her even when they were together and he concurrs that they very rarely had sex. They were both alcoholics when she got pregnant at 45. She smoked all the way through pregnancy. I hate the bitch.

Ah ok Raining I am v ignorant about all these things as surrounded in RL by overly-fertile people it seems that don't mention such things. Rubbish that it takes 4 weeks to get results.

Frog, it's a shitter that we can't have NHS IVF because we are stepmums, innit?

Sorry barging in on a big discussion and running off again without joining in but I have weird achy/pain on the right hand side. I can't explain where other than saying its at the top of my pants but inside (ie womb like area i assume). Symptom #1 spotted!!!