Right, that's it! Fabulous Forty Somethings ttc want our bfp's and we want them now! We have waited long enough!

[hopefulgum]

Here's our shiney new thread. The one where I finally get upduffed with everyone else!

Hello everyone.
I've been lurking whilst dealing with work related problems, poorly children etc etc.
I feel emotionally exhausted and I'm only in my first 2ww. We have been through so much already with the reversal etc and having just gone through a week of bd'ing every night (even when you don't feel like it and Dp thinks you don't make love to him anymore
you just want his sperm) I wonder if I've got the energy to keep doing this.
I have cramps and 'montgomerys tubercles' on my breasts (which I have never had) but even I know there is more chance of winning the lottery than getting a BFP on the first go.
My mother hasn't spoken to me for at least 3 weeks as she doesn't approve as I'm too old ( she actually said that she would tolerate me being pregnant!!! )
I'd love somebody to say something nice to me (and tell me to stop looking at symptoms on the net and looking at my breasts in the kitchen in the middle of cooking dinner )
Love to you all x

Littlepink...I agree...my af was due on the 3/4 february. Normally I am pretty regular with variation of a day at most.
We dtd on yhe 26th January and I ovulated on the 31st January...
That meant I only had a proper bfp on the 14th february and the dates were confirmed on the 9 week scan and 12 week scan.

Notcarrie I eill not say anything about symptom spotting but credit ssed my everything during your 2ww...xxxxx

It is nice to hear things are going well for the pregnant ladies. It seems that time is flying, but I am sure it doesn't feel that way to you.

Deige it is wonderful news that your cervix is behaving. Will you find out the sex of the baby at the 20 week scan. WHat a wonderful exciting time for you.

Notsoold - not long and you too will see your little one at the 20 week scan.

Isabeller, I hope you are able to relax a bit (I know how hard that will be), any chance of getting a massage to help you relax? I can't wait to hear your news. I have a good feeling about it

As for me, I am very sure that AF will be here tomorrow or the next day, and I'm not taking it very well. I suppose the reality of not having a baby is clearer than ever. I just can't understand why I have such strong symptoms, then at 11 dpo they all disappear, although that isn't entirely true. Yesterday I still had the yucky taste in my mouth and very sore boobs. But today, at 12 dpo, the temperature is dropping and boobs are less sore, and another bfn. So now I just wait to bleed. I do wonder if things get started, but don't implant. Which is probably a good thing if it is due to faulty,old eggs and sperm. My DH is no spring chicken, and fertility declines for men too.

I am sorry to be a downer. I am sat here in tears as I just don't know how to get over this longing. Which must seem a bit crazy to many of you as I already have children. If I could, I'd through this desire into the sea so I could just get on with my life without all this sadness thrown in.

I know as soon as AF is here I will actually feel better, but til then, I'm feeling sorry for myself!

P.S. I went over my medical notes yesterday ( I have copies of all the tests done in 2011 after my second miscarriage) and I didn't see anything about HLA mutations, Jass, but they did do a whole lot of different antibody and autoimmune tests which didn't show anything except a raised C-ANCA protein, whatever that is, which can indicate an autoimmune disease. I haven't been diagnosed with one, but there's a chance it could have shown because I may be celiac (though tests weren't conclusive, and I just stay away from gluten) or it may be that I'll develop an auto immune condition later. My doctor (who clearly isn't an expert in this field) didn't seem to think it would affect my ability to carry a baby, but who knows?

At this stage I am not prepared to do more testing or see a fertility specialist because I don't have a supportive husband. Our ttc efforts are all down to me, and he is not prepared to do anything other than what we are doing now (he hopes we won't get pregnant, but if we do, will be okay).

I'll go to acupuncture next week, and keep that up, but other than that, it's just me hoping and praying that it will happen.

So sorry you are feeling down gum. It is heart-breaking when you want something so much and try so hard to make it happen. I really hope it happens for you ? it should.

Fingers and toes crossed isabeller I am very excited for you ? I too have a very good feeling about it, it must be the world?s most excruciating 2WW. Hope you are managing to stay vaguely zen about it? .

littlepinkfizz sorry AF got you ? here?s to your next cycle of opportunity!
carrie good luck in your first 2WW ? sounds like it has been a bit stressful for you already with all that going on and as we all know the TTC journey can be hard. I am sure it will settle down soon and and DH can feel more relaxed about it all (this is from me who temped, OPK?d, CBFM?d, used Conceive Plus, lots of sex, consumed more vitamins than Holland & Barrat, acupuncture??obviously was really chilled in my approach)
I am now 8 weeks and still spotting brown sludge. It has slowed down this week and the cramping has stopped. I have another week to go until my next scan to check what is occurring. I am hoping that the spotting is the haematoma bleeding itself out and will be much smaller or gone by the scan next week. Have to have full pelvic rest (so no sex, no orgasms, no high impact exercise and no swimming due spotting) so am going a bit nuts! Started having sexy dreams ? I appear to be turning into a teenage boy with me (allegedly) groaning and whimpering in my sleep (do you think this might be hormones?).

I have started to feel a bit dodgy in the afternoon evenings. Not full blown morning sickness - more like feeling really hungover. Am knackered and by 15:00 I am sitting at my desk yawning, feeling sick and starving hungry at the same time . By 21:00 I am ready for bed?.I like to sleep on my front but can?t do that as my boobs are killing me so every time I roll over it wakes me up. Between that, needing to go for a pee in the night and my sexy dreams ? no wonder I feel tired

We have decided to get the Harmony Test (if we make it that far) and have booked in for my blood tests at Week 10 and have to go back for results and scan at week 12. diege I am going to the Fetal Medicine Centre as you did. Seems to have a very good reputation and they are still doing the offer of £180 including the Nuchal Scan ? so seems like a bargain to me.
calibee - very excited that you are nearly getting married ? any symptoms of a wedding baby yet? I had a good feeling about you this month too?

I haven?t strayed far and am still lurking and reading your posts everyday . I want everyone to get pregnant very soon?my pom-poms are shaking for you all.

Welcome to all the new ladies ? lovely to see so many joining the 40-thread. Hope you not be here very long !

gum so sorry to hear you sounding so down...chin up , your not out quite yet.

Lovely to have an update from all the lucky ones....do come back and tell us how the scans are.

I noticed a girl at work sporting a bump yesterday and when I asked when she was due it turns out her due date is the same as mine would have been. Felt a pang of sadness. When I mentioned to DF last night he admitted to often thinking about it but not mentioning it to me for fear of making me sad.....he also went on to say "our time will come". I so hope I don't let him down.

8dpo today...no symptoms whatsoever, but thats nothing, the month I did get BFP I had less symptoms than in previous cycles with BFN's. I have noticed since the miscarriage, or maybe its the clomid (I'm not too sure) I have less boob soreness, which was my only symptom previously of af's iminent arrival.

notcarrie ....just noticed your post. Keep going, remember your goal. Mothers can be so insensitive can't they? Its as if it's an embarrasment to them. Everything you say you are doing I can bet everyone of us reading will smile knowing that they too, at some point and in some way have done similar. My latest thing is to be viewing photos of others tests done on the same dpo as I am...it kind of stops me doing the test myself when I know its far to early, if you understand what I mean?

I'm turning into a nutcase.

I'm pretty sure it's not normal to spend hours in the shower checking for any new Montgomery Tubercle things on my boobs and then check my entire body for any promising new blue veins.

And then march into the bedroom and demand that my poor Dp, already late for work, looks at my boobs and not let him go until he agrees that the blue veins under my nipples have never been there before.

Halle Berry had the right idea assuming she had kidney stones.

On the plus side I'm squeaky clean

Calibee. I know what you mean about knowing it's too early to test. I still give in every other day and do a test though. I told my Dp to hide them so I couldn't do any and then panicked and asked him to give them me back!

NotCarrie, if its of any consolation I frankly see no reason to shag daily. Stop harassing that poor hubby, dear. Every other day is fine and even every third day should be relatively ok, you might shag every other day when OV is imminent and then go back to shagging every third day to make sure you do not miss OV in case you are somewhat late. After some experience and with some opks you can limit the obligatory sex to 2-3 times a month. Ad I hope you get you bfp soon, or else you risk calming a bit down about the whole thing - I think it does calm down after a couple of months of trying, only to reach new highs at the unpredictable points in this journey. Lets hope you get it before that stage of calming own arrives.

Green, I so hope everything will be fine in your next scan. You must have nerves of steal, I would be so freaking out. Ok, I know we take it as it is handed out and what can you do but persevere, but wow it takes courage. And feeling sleepy is a good sign - your symptoms are getting more serious.

hopeful, without hubby supporting your wish its difficult indeed. Maybe a quick sneaky consult with dr shehata to get a clomid and pred regime established is possible without much of his participation? And I get you on wanting to not want. - I often regret not quitting while I was ahead

I agree with Jass about the "calming down" bit. At first I was so wrapped up in it all. I used to imagine how I would tell him about a BFP and would get a lovely warm feeling. Now I confess that I would probably drop it casually into a conversation (I so hope I get that chance again). For the most part I dont even think too much about it all. I do my temps and take notice of my body but thats really about it. Truthfully ...just now I feel damn despondent about the whole journey.

I caved and bought another test today. My excuse -'if things are not going right, I need to know to stops taking my meds, as prednisolone isn't any old aspirin. Will,retest,tomorrow. Already good I did not retest the moment I got home. Was probably protected by the fact that these tests cost here 6,6 euros per a low sensitivity blue-line test. These are the only supermarket kind you get here, am so envious of your wide variety and relatively cheap hpt options. Pharmacies mostly do expensive staff as well and no one is stocking up on more than one brand, no one asks you nicely which type of test you want as is done in native country. Their logic seems to be you only need one or two tests in lifetime, and testing a week or two after your missed period is ok for any test. Plus, you would obviously want to pay a lot for that memorable experience of peeing on your all-important single stick, which will simply announce that a baby will be here in 9 months time. Never mind an occasional repetitive miscarrier....sorry ladies if that sounds stupidly bitter. Just afraid of the news of tomorrow, and then afraid that if they are good then in week's time they will be bad nevertheless.
Happy dreams

I've been reading but not posting, and the thread's been so busy the last few days that every time I come and read I decide I can't possibly post as I haven't got time to react to everyone, so I come back to do it later, by which time you've all posted again, and so it goes on... So here I am, and I'm sorry for anyone I miss.

Wonderful to hear from all you pg ladies; am so pleased things are going well for you all. green how long are you off sex on full pelvic rest?

notcarrie it is possible to get a BFP first time, even at our age - I did, last year. I then miscarried at 11 weeks but that's beside the point. Fingers crossed for you!

gum so sorry you're feeling down

cali that wedding's getting very close! You are presumably rather closer to being organised than we are. Anyway, I've finally got all my documents, and sworn translations of them where necessary, so off we toddled to the town hall last week to hand it all over and check we (I) had everything...and what was missing but DP's birth certificate!!! I managed not to say anything, but all the hoops I've had to jump through, and he couldn't even get hold of one miserable little bit of paper!

Welcome to all the newbies - hope you find as much support from the lovely ladies on here as I have done.

As for me, CD31 here so if this cycle is anything like the last (35 days), AF is due this weekend. This afternoon I've ordered a load of OPKs off the internet (I've never used them before) so will be all set up for my next cycle, while I wait to do the IUI.

Hello to everyone else !

Hi every one ! I love to hear from the pregnant ladies, it makes my dream seem possible ! I'm going to try the egg meets sperm plan this month, what have I got to lose ? I have enquired about acupuncture , bit expensive , but not nearly as much of ivf ! Does acupuncture calm you? the thought is terrifying ! Did anyone read the MN kate & Zita interview ?

Hi Morien, haven't seen you for a while. The thread does seem to be moving quickly.

mumalah, acupuncture is great for calming a person. It certainly works for me. I was supposed to have it today, but we have SIL visiting from interstate, so I had to change it. I could really use it, feeling so shit about TTC. But coming round to feeling better. In RL noone would know how I am feeling. I put on a happy face and just get on with it.It is only when I am alone or talking to you lot that I am able to let go.

Anyway, I am a BIG fan of acupuncture, and if it helps, it would be a lot cheaper than IVF. Speaking of which (acupuncture), how did you consultation go jbrd, I would love to hear the details?

Jass I am not in the UK. I am an Aussie, so seeing the Dr you mention isn't possible. I've talked to my GP about clomid and she won't prescribe it for me. SHe thinks it can't help because I am ovulating on my own, and I already have light periods, so thinning the lining wouldn't be a good thing. My dr doesn't want to start getting into prescribing estrogen to thicken the lining, etc as she doesn't feel she knows enough. At one point she referred me to a fertility specialist, but my DH wouldn't support that, so I cancelled the appointment. I know now a fertility specialist wouldn't want to see me unless I was doing a donor cycle IVF because of my age. So that's that. It has to be natural or not at all. I am seeing my doctor next Thursday and will probably talk to her about it all again, and see if she would prescribe clomid, just as a "one last shot at it" thing. At least then I would have her support if anything went wrong. I have clomid that I bought online, but i just don't feel safe taking it on my own. That was a silly waste of $50!

It is only 6 1/2 weeks til we go on our holiday to Asia, and I am starting to think maybe I should skip ttc this month so that I don't have to worry about being 6 weeks pregnant in a third world country. On the other hand I don't think I could willingly give up one chance for pregnancy when the clock is ticking so loudly in my ear It seems we may need to take anti-malarials, but that might mean not ttc for three months afterwards. To me that seems mad and I think we may just give it a miss and get vigilant with the DEET mossie repellent. It's a tricky one, and I'll also discuss that with my GP.

So, I woke at 4:45 am this morning. Geeze, now I will be tired all day. Took my temperature at 5 am and it was quite reasonable at 36.69. And last night I had that yucky taste in my mouth and very sore 's again. Of course I was momentarily hopeful again (grr). But it is a clear BFN this morning at 13 DPO and boob soreness is completely gone (though it does seem to build up as the day goes on). So it really does look like the RTD will be here soon enough...

If you have read this far you deserve a gold star. Sorry for the ramblings, but as I said, this thread is my lifeline as I just can't talk about this in RL. Everyone thinks I am a happy balanced human being, getting on with life, entering a new phase with kids growing up, etc,etc. If only they knew, 'eh? They'd all think I was a loony

BTW, does anyone have any reasonable argument I can give my GP for trying clomid? I might be able to talk her into it...

Long time since I posted I know, sorry! I have been very busy and a little overwhelmed by life. Just want to send gum a big (((()))) it is not easy I know.

Calibee not long now till your big day - how exciting!i'm sure dp would not want you to worry about letting him down though I totally understand you feeling that way.

Pregnant ladies - great to hear how well you're all doing.

Notcarrie - obsessing is normal at the beginning I remember - looking for any signs. it took me three months to get pregnant at 42. You don't need to DTD all the time. We actually did it the Sunday and I used my first ever opk and found out I was going ov on wed. His motorbike broke down so he couldn't come round and I thought it was game over... I am not going to say relax but jass is right with what she says.

Special message for Irish - sorry to see you leave but hope everything is going well for your family.

We're not really trying at the mo - not preventing either so we'll see... I am not sure how I feel about it. Well, you never know though I am cd5 today so lots of time yet.

gum I know exactly how you feel , having children already doesn't seem to stop the longing for another baby. It is good to have an outlet like this thread to express things you can't in RL.
I know I need to come to terms with stopping ttc but it's so hard.
However I'm currently miscarrying again at 5.5 weeks(though I don't know what defines a chemical pregnancy and when it becomes an early miscarriage, to me when conception has occurred and HCG is being produced it feels like the start of a little human life). I had conceived before the conversation with DH when he said he really didn't want me to be pregnant again. I did a test after my last post which was positive, a few days later did a clearblue that was 2-3 weeks since conception. I decided to wait a week and do another test to see if things were progressing before I told DH or went to doctor but when I tested again yesterday it had dropped to 1-2 weeks since conception and I started bleeding last night. Today has been very painful and I've definitely lost pregnancy type material.(sorry if tmi). I've still not told DH as it will only be more upsetting for him, this is exactly the scenario he wanted to avoid me going through.The midwife at the EPU (who recognised me over the phone without me giving my name due to my frequent visits over the last year!) said it's fine to manage it at home ,contact them if bleeding gets heavy but if everything seems to pass to do another hpt in a few weeks, if it's still positive I need to go for a scan but not otherwise. I'm unfortunately becoming quite expert at miscarrying.
Emotionally I feel drained . Of course, I wanted this baby as soon as that line showed, though I was worried about the effect on DH. I feel disloyal about not telling him as we're usually very open but I know when I had my last early miscarriage he said he wished he hadn't even known I was pregnant rather than feel the hope and then the loss.
Realistically I think my chances of having a baby in the future are remote, I'm getting pregnant but not staying that way, I assume my eggs are just too old. After four consecutive miscarriages in just over a year I think I have to face facts, but my heart is still longing and my arms are aching for a little one. I wish I could make that feeling go away but I just have to try to come to terms with my losses and focus on the family I have.
Sorry this post is all about me as gum said, sometimes it's good to have a ramble!

Hi isadorable crossed posts, thanks for the good wishes x

X posted with you Irish - I am so terribly sorry to hear that. Look after and be kind to yourself. And I guess your dh would want to know to be able to support you and not let you be alone with this. Another hug flying your way too from across the channel.

Oh Irish, I am so sorry to hear this. I know exactly how you feel. You may remember I didn't tell my DH about the last pregnancy which I miscarried around 5-6 weeks. It really is so hard to go through it alone, but you know we are here for you ((hugs)). Like you, I feel the embie is a baby as soon as I know.

I know it is more likely that we'll miscarry as we get older, but I still hold out hope that one of the eggs will be golden and won't miscarry.

I hope this miscarriage is over quickly. When I miscarried early, it was like a heavy period and was easy to manage.

I am so sorry, Irish.It just isn't fair.

Irish I'm so sorry to hear about your mc. Life just isn't fair. Really hope your getting some support in RL, take care of yourself. Thinking of you and sending hugs x

Irish so sorry to hear your news... I understand why our haven't told your DH but it must be so hard going through it alone. We are here to support if we can.

Take care. Xxx

So sorry Irish.....take care of yourself x

I join you, Irish, and so sorry you have to go through it alone.
My test line had all but disappeared, so I had a chemical. Chemical for me means no chance anything would have been visible in ultrasound, I.e no risk of real tissue in uterus, hence miscarrying at home like having normal period and never turning to doctors. I get you on being expert on miscaririage - if I have no doubts that my beta never got to 1000, I just will not inform anyone. And my hubby - This time only learned today, as I blurted it all out to him. Regret I did it, because I am also starting to get the message we should give up. So I feel the least I trouble him, the best the chance we can continue. Horrible, but worth it, for me. So no dramas at home, all drama has to be on here. And I am sorry there are many of us facing it.

I also know this feeling that you are acting a happy middle aged mum seeing the children growing up and ready to enjoy the freedom. I would tell my colleagues it was an accident, if I finally get a staying bfp. and I do not feel ashamed to lie, cause the prejudice is stupid, not me wanting this baby.
And both your's and Gum's rambling a sported me very well this morning, so thank you to your both. This is about this forum - you never know who else feels helped by your self-help exercise of writing it out.

Gum, can you not sort the Aussie infertility forums for some reproductive immunology doctor around there? I know a yahoo group, open group, which you can easily find by googling immunology support yahoo. Maybe join hat and ask, there are ladies all over the world, even if majority is American. But I have to warn you - I read a lot of that forum and came to conclusion that most of that stuff I would not even want to try. It can be really detrimental to our general health. Your GP is right about clomid thinning the lining, but the minimum you could do is to get your doubts about it being related to immunolgy sorted out. For that you need a reproductive immunolgy expert. I would call also repro medicine clinics and see which ones support also immunology treatments and ask the tests to be done. You do not have to tell them you would never consider IVF, I guess.

Myself I am done with analyzing what might be wrong, and am sticking to trying with the support of progesterone in the second half of the cycle and then pred from bfp only. All stronger stuff I just leave. Not for me. My boys need their mum more or less in good shape.

irish I'm so sorry to hear that. Thinking of you - take care.