TTC 10+ months Part 13

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

I'm so sorry euro. I feel so desperately sad that it wasn't good news for you. Is there any hope at all? Could it just have implanted later? I hope the person doing the scan was sensitive and kind to you and mreuro. Don't go into work if you're not feeling up for it, although I know sometimes it's good to keep busy.

It's not fair that it can't just be an easy ride after getting a BFP. Goodness knows we've put in enough effort already.

I am so sorry euro. What a horrible shock. Like gin I was completely convinced of good news, so I am getting teary over breakfast. Take care of yourself. Wail, scream, yell and take to mrEuro. I cannot believe how so much good news can twist and turn into devastating news.

Good news about your womble though rabbit. It is a mixed bag here nowadays.

Still thinking of you joy. Hope you're sort of okay.

take to=talk to

joy I'm still thinking of you too. x

Euro - How are you feeling today? As well as can be expected I'm guess. It's so unfair. I don't really know what to say. I'm just really gutted for you. I can't imagine what you are going through and I can only hope that next week's scan will result in a pleasant surprise. Hope Mr Euro is taking good care of you. [hug & handhold]

Joy - How you doing? I hope okay. I'm thinking of you.

Doll - How is little doll? Doing better I hope.

Gin - I hope AF has showed up. Nothing more frustrating than a late AF when you need it to do something like start treatment. Been there myself so I can sympathise.

Sarlat - Good luck with it. You sound v optimistic which is lovely. I totally understand about not telling people. I opted not to say anything about getting fertility treatment. It has kind of backfired though as friends tell me I am not present and never have time for them. Not easy having to work full time, study and allow enough headspace for fertility stuff. I hope this is the round for you!

Rabbit - great to hear about the clear womb. I think it is important to take you time and do what you feel ready for.

Freedom - how did the IUI go? Are you also on the dreaded 2ww?

Mrsd - you are so right about the unfairness of it all and us having all put in the work already...

Hi to lemon, critter, midnight, muddy, madness, princess, buzzy and I am sure lots more I have missed. I hope you are all doing well.

AFM, I am slowing getting over my friend's death. Someone wrote earlier on thread that death really puts things in perspective. So true. He died v suddenly. He was having a nervous breakdown and in the process of being taken by medical people. Broke free and jumped off a cliff. I don't really know how to comprehend something like this. I am also lucky (touchwood) in that I have never experienced anyone close to me dying. This was the 1st time. .

I'm on dreaded 2ww wait at the moment but I have no faith that it's worked at all. Mr Sea and I decided we will skip the 3rd IUI and go straight to IVF. We are thinking of spending our hard earned savings and go for the 1st round at ARGC. I am really in two minds. The NHS wait is quite long and I kind of think if we have to spend the money it might be worth going to the place with the best results. I don't really know what to think. Want to start the process now as it's a 6 week wait to get an initial appointment. What do you ladies think? I feel a little lost with IVF as it's brand new to me but after almost 3 + half years I think maybe it's time.

Are you near ARGC sea ? It's a real consideration particularly for clinics that have a heavy monitoring schedule. I went to my local clinic and it was one of the things that made it doable.

Lost part of post, a real terrible deal with your friend, what a shock. I'm sure its very very difficult to process. Look after yourself.

Hello guys I was around a while back but needed a break as all the baby making took over too much. So many old names still on which I'm not sure makes me happy as we are still in the same boat.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you euro. I will also take some time to read back but could do with a catch up to see where you are all at.
For those that don't remember me it's been over two years ttc. One tube after ectopic and one child from a previous. We have low mobility as well with oh. I'm back as I have just had my laproscopy and found endometriosis which they knew I had and were expecting to treat. I've had it since I was 19. This time it's got my bladder and in a bad way. This also explains the constant uti's and kidney infections.

sea awful about your friend. It's very shocking and disturbing.

to answer your question, yes, testing on 12 March. And then every day after that until AF arrives.

sea I am so sorry about your friend, what an awful story. On the IVF question - how long is the wait for the NHS cycle? And if you do a private cycle, will that compromise your NHS go? It's a totally personal decision, but if it were me and the wait was longer than 6 months - and it didn't stop me from having an NHS 'go' - I would do the private cycle. It is so easy to let time slip past. But having said that, you have to be ready for IVF, and obviously it depends on personal and financial circumstances.

euro I hope you are being looked after by MrEuro and that you're ok. I am just so sorry that you have to go through this tortuous wait for the next scan. Be kind to yourself, and remember we are here if you want to talk.

joy I hope you are ok. Thinking of you lots and wishing you peace and strength through this awful time.

gin how infuriating about the missing period. I hope it turns up... I know full well how bloody irritating that is!

sweet pudding chomeur sounds divine, I looked it up - anything involving caramel syrup is a winner with me!

doll hope that you're getting some rest and that little doll is behaving his adorably naughty self.

pout how is the stabbing going? No more drugs on your slippers, I hope!

rabbit amazing news about the shiny womble. Onwards and upwards now.

lemon hope the cough is better. Maybe some hot lemon with honey drizzled into it? and cake, of course!

mrsd really good news that your cycle is back on track post op - that must be a relief.

sar you have an amazing attitude about your FET. You never cease to impress me. It's wonderful that your lining is so good, and I will be thinking of your little frostie over the weekend. Will the FET be on Tuesday if all goes well?

Sorry to have missed people. All ok here - glad it's March, and excited that I only have four weeks to go before starting the IVF process. It sounds like there will be a whole group of us together which is lovely.

I agree with doll. ARGC has a very heavy monitoring regime (as you might have seen from joy's posts). If you are not nearby it would be very onerous, so that is something to think about.

Thanks for all your kind words. I am cramping mildly. Just waiting for the inevitable now.

Welcome back bunny.

free good luck on the 2ww.

I am sorry euro. Are you still at work? Any chance you can sneak home? I am not going to raise your hopes if you feel it is inevitable. If you want to off-load elsewhere do let me know. It is all terrible :(

Seaview that is a horrible story. It does put stuff in perspective, but not a nice way. Have a sneaky squeeze.

Welcome back bunny. Did they get most the endo out then? I really hope it helps both with TTC and avoiding nasty infections. If you need it we can always do another catch up of where people are.

Keeping stuff crossed for fifth time lucky free. And for testing every day for about 8 months :)

How are you doing doll? Hoping for a relaxing weekend and some good news it is bloody well time for it on Monday.

As for me the cough is much better, ovulation has been and gone with some well-timed totally unsexy sechsing with intend. We had a bit of a sad conversation about it all last night. SB has lost all faith in it happening and wants to get IVF over and done with as soon as I feel ready for it, so we can start building our family in a different way. It made me very unhappy, but it is better to be on the same page, so it was useful. I sort of believe in IUI now, which he completely does not. So it is complicated...

euro I am so sorry again - like everyone else your news really gave me a lift and it's just so incredibly unfair that this scan didn't give you the reassurance you so deserve. I hope you can get some rest over the weekend. A big, big hug to you.

euro and joy thinking of you both,

sea that is terrible about your friend, I am sorry

bunny welcome back

sar you do sound alot happier and calmer about things, which is good yes I can understand not telling people, I hope this is the one for you :)

free and sea good luck for your 2ww

pout how is the stabbing going :)

critter are you doing LP or SP ??

gin any news or has AF turned up now

lemon glad the cough is clearing up, it sounds like a tough conversation but you are right it is best to be honest about where you both are.

doll hope all goes well on Monday for you

not much to report from my end, I need to email Reprofit and get my treatment plan and organise my drugs, I have felt emotional all week, such a drop in my hormones, I think when this is all over I will need to speak to my GP about it I really couldn't stop crying but wasn't sure why, my close work colleagues have been great and really supportive, I think they are bracing themselves for the down regging onslaught bless them

waves to everyone else

A quick one from work. ..
Free - good luck with the testing. Hopefully it worked.
Sea- that is absolutely terrifying and shocking about your friend. I cannot say how sorry I am that you?re dealing with this.
lemon - good luck. Being on the same page is a challenge through the ttc process...
critter - three weeks until IVF starts, how exciting
gin- the missing period is incredibly frustrating. I hope it shows up.
rabbit-great news about the womble.
pout- your story made me smile.
sar- good luck with the upcoming FET.
euro - giant transatlantic hug. I?m so sorry, please tell me you took a day.
joy-big hugs and I hope things are improving.
bunny - I am fairly new so we haven?t met. Welcome back.

Waves to everyone. I just screwed up an experiment. Looks like I will be in working all weekend.

buzzy-good luck. I also get super emotional when my horomones go nutty. It's so nice to hear that your work colleagues that you're close with are super supportive.

Sea - i?m so sorry to hear about your friend?s death. How terribly tragic. When things like that happen they certainly put things in perspective. I?m wishing you all the very best for this round & hope you get a lovely surprise. If you want any info on the ARGC, do PM me. I?ve practically been living there for the last 3 months. I couldn?t fault the place, it?s intense but I think you live fairly close as well which makes a hell of a difference. The last few weeks have been too much for me with all their monitoring though & I have begun to despise the place and their phone calls. And i?ve parked my nhs round which sounds terribly ungrateful but i suspected immune issues so wanted to be treated for that alongside ivf.

Bunny ? i?m sorry to hear about the endo. I hope you are ok and i hope they have managed to laser it.

Lemon ? what a difficult conversation with MrL. It?s often the woman who can?t imagine it happening but i find now it?s swings and roundabouts between MrJoy not believing it will happen to me. I?m sorry it?s complicated. As time goes on , it just beats confidence down.

Rabbit ? i?m so thrilled your scan revealed a healthy womble. What a complete relief after the hell you have been through over the last few years. See what your hormones levels are and make a decision when you feel ready.

Sar ? i think it?s a really good idea not telling people in RL about what you?re up to. It?s good not to look too far ahead and i think the key is, if possible, be neutral. You have been through such an awful time and i am hoping more than anything that this is the one.

Gin ? why does af goes awol when you want it to turn up? sod?s bloody law. Hopefully it will turn up soon and onwards to your fet.

Pout ? how are you getting on with the downregging?
Buzz - I am sorry that you are going through a hormonal dip. I hope it passes soon. You have been such a positive force on here for the last few months that it sucks you are going through this right now.

Freedom ? what a rude doc. What?s wrong with people?

Thank you all so much again for your kind words. I?ve had another emotional confusing rollercoaster of a week. Monday Roy and I were told it was totally over. 100% I was going to miscarry. When Roy asked whether there was any hope, we were told there was no point giving it to us as there was no hope. There was absolutely no way either twin could catch up in size & they would die. I stopped all my progesterone and clexane and we went to see the doc at the clinic the following day and said we had been advised this wasn?t a viable pregnancy. So the clinic doc scanned me and said he didn?t think we should give up yet because he felt one embryo had some growth since the last time he saw me plus it had a strong hb. But still too small. Roy and I walked out just battered with the different opinions. We just wanted closure but reluctantly i started up my drugs again. We still felt it was over because we couldn?t believe a consultant doctor who owns a leading birth clinic and scans thousands of women would get it so wrong. He even wrote us a letter to tell us it wasn?t viable. So I?ve kind of being going around, lying low and expecting things to take their natural course .
But today I had to go back in for another scan and expecting the worse as per usual. This time one twin had died but the other one has had some massive growth spurt. So at 7.5wks, I was measuring, 6.2wks. Monday i don?t know where it was but apparently it would never catch up. Friday today I?m measuring 8+4 and I?m 8+6. Only 2 days behind. I?ve been wandering around with my mouth wide open in shock.
I?ve decided to step away from here for a bit because i@m conscious that this is not only about the 2nd or maybe even 3rd time I?ve written on here that it?s absolutely over but I have for the last month been writing how things have been looking bad with small sizes, crap hcg, no symptoms and bleeding and it must be so tiresome to hear about it when i have come back and said ?well actually...?. I do feel like this bean has had a few lives though & I desperately want to believe it's a fighter but the consultant's words from Mon won't leave my head. Anyway, i will pop back on when I have 100% confirmation of whether it?s over or if it?s not and save you from hearing about my lengthy saga. Or if I can?t stay away, I won?t mention anything.

Thinking about Euro and the FET girls and Doll i hope everything is going ok.

loves to all.

My message to Euro at the top cut off. I am sorry about the cramping, I hope it means nothing. I am still holding hope that this is a slow grower but I like I said last night I know you want to protect yourself from false hope. I hope you are bearing up ok.

joy i'm sorry that one of the twins has died but it is promising that the other twin is doing well, I did wonder if the results were skewed due to one twin failing, i'm still rooting for mini 'royjoy' please don't feel that you can't post on here, that is what this place is for and we are here for you, you also need to remember that even the so called experts get it wrong :)

OMG Joy what an incredible rollercoaster. I'm sorry for your loss, but I will be cheering on mini royjoy like crazy. Please don't feel that you cannot post as much as you want. We are all here to support one another and it is through the emotionally tough times that the support is needed most.

From an entirely selfish perspectice, your story is giving me a smidgen of hope as there are several similarities - low HCG, no symptoms, too small, etc. I have to say, I've felt today like it is all over. My boobs aren't as sore and the shivery cramps and sort of sicky/spacey feeling I usually get in the run up to AF starting, but maybe the fat lady hasn't sung yet. It ain't over till it's over, right?

Sorry for the selfish posts today. I am reading all your posts. I just don't quite have the focus for namechecking. x

joy I can't believe how intense this week must have been for you. I don't know how you stand it - what a crazy mix of emotions. You are my hero for getting through this with your customary grace. I am so sorry that one twin has died, and you must allow yourself time to grieve for your little one. But how incredible that the other twin has grown so fast. Like buzz I did wonder whether your one poor little bean's woes were affecting your numbers. I also thought of my cousin's wife who had twins last year. One of them unfortunately didn't make it, but the other twin, who had been stronger and larger throughout her pregnancy, was born at just over 24 weeks - the youngest ever to be born in the hospital where he was delivered - and despite being born so early and spending months in the NICU - it's been a long and hard road - he is now a thriving little chap. I don't want to give you false hope and I'm worried this is the wrong thing to say - but I just want to say that miracles do happen, I've seen it myself. Please don't stop posting here. We want to support you - you have been amazing at supporting us and we are all willing your little bean on.

buzz I am so sorry you're having a dip. I hope you feel better after the weekend and some rest and fun time with Kayla. I'll be doing LP so will be downregging with you. Big hug.

Joy - I second everything Buzz said, please do come on here to offload. Joy what an incredible journey this is. I am stunned but delighted that one baby seems to be developing and very sorry that one baby died. You must be exhausted. Please keep us up to date. There is so much hope. Very tight hugs. Xx

Euro - oh sweetheart I am sorry for the cramping. I know you are strong but sometimes life is unfair and crap. Xx

Bunny -welcome back

Sea -hope things feel a little easier today. I am so sorry for what happened to your freind. Could you look in to attending some ivf clinic open evenings?

Buzz- the hormone blues are the pits, bigs hugs. Wont be long until you set off for more exciting times. Downregging could be ok, I felt quite relaxed / dopey on it.

Sweet -sorry you will be stuck at work, eugh.

Gin- did the elusive af show up? I got a negative smiley face on opk at 6 am this morning and positive at 10 am. As it is crucial to time ovulation perfectly for fet just thought I would share, if I hadnt checked again this morning and got a positive this evening that would have counted as a positive from tomorrow. Evening time positive opk isn't counted as a full day at my clinic. Hope that makes sense. Just test a lot I guess is the moral of the story. I have spent a fortune on digital opk but cheaper than drugs I guess.

Thank you for the cheering me on for fet. Im not feeling as positive as I perhaps should but not scared either. Trying to view it as one option and not last chance saloon ( which is what I do worry about deep down). I do feel better as don't have an audience and living one day at a time at the moment. That is all I can do I suppose but yes, am ok and going to give it my best shot.

Euro - nothing wrong with hope and things still may work out alright. , you wouldnt know how to be a selfish poster. Xx

thanks ladies I felt more sorry for my colleagues who kept having to give me tissues and hugs, I don't think the 'outburst' with my seniors helped much either I am feeling better today but that is because I am off until Tuesday

sea I work in a large team of about 40+ but I have moved into a different area so work with about 4 people on a daily basis, one tried IVF years ago so they have been great with their support

euro big hugs

critter ah we shall be cycle buddies then, although I know taht EC is on the 6th May and I don't have to stimm,

Shaky Internet where I am but just wanted to echo everyone. Joy I am shocked and amazed by this latest news, so very said about the poorly twin not making it, but wow oh wow about your healthy growing little bean. I know it's early days still but I'm so happy for you. Please please don't feel that you are bothering us. This is exactly when you need us, and we are here for you.

Lovely Euro I am praying for your own little miracle. This is so unfair. As someone else said, why after everything we have to get to for that second line, can it not just be easy. I hope the cramping means nothing. Big hand squeezes x

Hello to everyone else. Sorry for not name checking.