An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.
Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!
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Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.
999 replies
Little9 · 31/01/2013 20:17
OP posts:
Little9 ·
17/02/2013 21:11
Angel - so sorry my lovely. What a rollercoaster! Wish the dips would go away permanently for all of us, but I guess that ain't gonna happen. Hope you feel a bit better for ranting. Big hugs.
Rainbox - glad all went well in the end. As everyone else has said you have been so brave. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Not feeling too bad at the moment. Did some baking today for the first time since I was a teenager!!! Tried some chocolate cupcakes which didn't turn out too bad. I start exercising again next week. Gonna do streetdance on tues, ballet on weds, and dog agility on thurs. I'd better take it easy in all of them so I don't end up injuring myself as haven't exercised for quite a few months. Was really looking forward to them until today when I tried to decide what to where to them. Gonna look like a right unfit chuffer 
but hey.....gotta start somewhere.
Big hugs to everyone. xxx
OP posts:
snowdrop2012 ·
18/02/2013 18:06
Thank you all so much for your warm welcome. Although no one wants to be on this thread, it is a comfort to know others understand.
Isla was a honeymoon baby - we got married last March- and my pregnancy was pretty straightforward. The usual morning sickness, back pain etc but nothing to worry about really. I had a growth scan at 32 weeks and a breach scan at 36 weeks (she wasn't breach) and the day before it all happened, I had my 38 week scan and heard her heartbeat perfectly as all the previous times. The MW spoke about booking in for a sweep on 2 January (Isla was due on Christmas Day) and all was fine. The following day I went about my day as usual. She was never very active in the morning so it wasn't until mid afternoon that I noticed I hadn't felt her moving, I tried having a rest and drinking cold water like they suggested but nothing happened so we went to the hospital but they couldn't find a heartbeat. Then the world stopped as we tried to come to terms with it. We decided to go home and come back on the Saturday (it was Thursday night when we found out) to be induced. My labour was quite straightforward really and although I thought I'd never be able to get through it, we managed with my mum's support and the labour wasn't too bad pain wise. I was so pleased in the end that I gave birth to her naturally, one final thing I could do really. She was born at 11.10pm on 15th December. We were convinced that she was going to be a boy so were really surprised when the MW said she was a girl! She was so beautiful with lovely long fingers and legs. She looked so peaceful and I am so grateful we got to spend time with her, and my mum, dad, and mother in law all got to see her and hold her too which was special. We still don't know what happened to our angel but we are due to meet the consultant about her PM results on 28th.
And now I can't quite believe this is my life. Sometimes I wonder if this really happened, if I was actually pregnant or have I imagined everything? It just seems so strange that you can be 9 months pregnant and then not be pregnant any more but not have a baby to hold either.
I have had some ok days recently, but then this weekend I felt bereft like the early days all over again. I guess it is to be expected.
Thank you so much for reading, and sorry for such a long post. I think you are all so incredibly brave, what you have been through and trying again. I hope someday soon I will gain your strength to try for a rainbow.
I hope you are all ok and today has been gentle on you all. Sending lots of hope and wishes to all of you but especially those carrying Rainbows and waiting for BFPs 
xxx
ps Angel have just read your post - I am sorry that you are having to deal with such insensitivity from family, I cannot believe they have said/done that! I sometimes think we would be better off without mobile phones - I think people just send off text messages without giving a second thought to how they might be hurting people.
KleinePoppet ·
19/02/2013 21:30
As the others have said, thank you snowdrop for telling us about your beautiful daughter. I do love hearing about everyone's babies, though it's so sad to hear your story... I'm so sorry she's not with you now. It's the worst thing in the world.
A few months ago, I wrote the same sentence as you: 'I can't quite believe this is my life'. I remember it all so well - the physical, overwhelming, utterly shattering grief. Sadly, you are right, that having terrible days (when you feel exactly as you did in the beginning) are to be expected. I'm glad that you do know that, though - it would be even more terrifying, if you didn't, wouldn't it?
For me, eight months on, I DO mostly believe that this is my life, and it is easier to live it now. Not easy! But easier. We'll be here to help you through xx
angel I am so furious with your family. And just gutted for you, that they're not supporting you. Argh!!! I'm so sorry. How are you feeling - physically, emotionally, mentally? And how are you and Ant doing? This is a lot to deal with anyway, but obviously you guys are having a tough time at the moment as well. I really feel for you. Wish I lived nearby and could come and chat and listen and look after you. Lots of love xxx
little well done on the baking and all the exercising plans and for doing all that you can to keep going and stay positive. You're truly doing wonderfully. I think of you so often xx
blizy I've been thinking of you with Zoe's birthday coming up next week. I will, of course, be thinking of her, my birthday-twin, on the day - and of you and your DH too. I hope you're 'managing', just getting through these days, until it's passed and you can think about what to do about ADs, and everything else. Huge hugs to you xxxxx
Also a delayed happy birthday elly! You deserved a great day... hope you feel a little less tired soon. It's very exhausting, growing a little person, isn't it?! And how are you doing, anxiety-wise - and are the hospital helping you deal with it all? I hope so, so very much xx
I'm not going to write much more just now, but big waves to mias, green, fan, and esp to babyh - it's lovely to see you back, my dear.
Also waves to everyone else and rainbox, I hope you're recovering.
Early night for me. I shall go and read my book and enjoy having my big bed to myself - DH has been away for work for a couple of days again. (But v much looking forward to having him home again. If for no other reason than that the house is so QUIET without him. I mean, it's much too quiet anyway, but when it's just me... it's more noticeable. Luckily he's on his way home already and will be back in the middle of the night!)
Sleep well everyone xx
KleinePoppet ·
21/02/2013 10:13
Hi all. Difficult times all round, it seems... sending so, so, SO much love to fan, angel, green, little, amy, blizy and absolutely anyone else who needs it.
fan bringing my own anger issues to the table, perhaps, but I'm just SO fed up and cross on your behalf. ARGH! Wondering if you're pg, when you know you're not, but you're still wondering... oh it's so destructive and just bloody awful. I'm so sorry xx
green thinking of you on your epic day at the hospital. It sounds completely exhausting, in every way. At least you can say you're being well monitored! Hope the scan is wonderful and that the little wriggler behaves well... Sorry about your bad dream 
angel hope your nightmares soon pass, too. What time is your scan tomorrow? Thinking of you xx
I'm pleased your DH's van is fixed little, but HOW frustrating. Being kicked when you're down is so tough to take. Glad that the exercising helped! Makes me wonder if I should start exercising again... I walk a bit, but that's about it, these days.
amy sorry to hear you're struggling so much - I hope weekly monitoring helps a little bit. You're right, there's light at the end of your tunnel, and I'm sure it's got a rainbow in it, in a just a few weeks' time
DH safely home the other night, and we are ok. After some discussion we're probably going to start IVF quite soon, in order to do one cycle before June (E's birthday, when we'd rather not be going through any extra stress). It's a big decision, but our chances of conceiving naturally are really quite small, and although the m/c in November gave us hope, of course, it doesn't increase those chances. And we just want to do everything we can do, to try to have our second baby; even if the first cycle is unsuccessful or has to be abandoned, at least we'll have tried, and then we can re-evaluate after June and think about subsequent cycles.
So... we shall see. Our doctor is away this week but we'll discuss our final questions with him next week, and then make a final decision. We're pretty unlikely to tell anyone in RL - we want to minimise the stress, and don't want lots of people knowing exactly what stage of the treatment we're at, etc. Last time we did this, lots of people knew, which wasn't ideal really! But I shall keep you lot updated
Waves to all and, again, just sending my love to those of us who are really struggling xx
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