Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.

[Little9]

An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.

Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!

Good news on the scan - Greengoose!!!!

Fab news Green xx

Hello All. Been quiet here over the weekend, hope it is because we are all busy doing good things.

Sorry to have been absent, and not to name check properly, am a bit all over the place. Had my cervical scan today, and I am booked in for a stitch now on Thursday. I knew this was a likely outcome, but I am a bit shocked at how quickly things are going and feeling a bit scared.

Love and good wishes to all x

Hi Rainbox. Sorry you are feeling scared love. Did the scan show that this was the best thing to do? I don't know anything about it, but I imagine they are being very very careful with you and what they advise will be for the best, for you and babybox. Im not surprised you are a bit all over the place though. Please use us all to sound off on/ worry / rant through this, if it helps?
Meanwhile, do you have things to keep you busy until Thursday? You will be in my thoughts through the week. X

No news here, been in bed with horrible cold, which is strangely comforting as it means my immune system is less strong, which in my mind is a positive sign that the auto-immune disease might not be fighting as hard, and possibly not fighting baby? I had a lovely night out on Friday.... Must take better care of my friends, they take such good care of me!

Sending hugs to rainbox today, and giggling at green's comments about her attempts at make-up. (Wow, typing that sentence with auto-correct took several tries!)

Very quiet on here recently, but I know that lots is going on. I hope that the thread isn't going quiet because people feel that they can't share their fears - or their joys.

Me, I have spent the last week trying to sort out all kinds of documentation about Mia's Wood - converting to a charity, applying for a charity bank account, trying to figure out the proper wording for the charity objectives... all the different applications seemed to want the same things all at the same time, it was very confusing. But feeling hopeful that I have seen my way through, and we will soon get the result we were originally aiming for - an online donation facility for MrMia to do fundraising in a local half marathon in March. Who knew that this simple ask would cause so much paperwork?!? But also have received a grant from the Woodland Trust for trees, which we have chosen, and we will be planting in the next few weeks. So a feeling of virtue right now, that is, until I find out that I have missed something out!!

Finn is very cute, and spends a lot of his time chatting to our lights and riding a bicycle - his little legs spin furiously most of the time. We have decided he is riding a chopper, as he clenches his fists out wide, like he is holding very wide handlebars. He is sleeping from 9pm to around 4am, which is a very decent night of sleep, and even that feed is generally very easy. But his poo-namis are quite an experience, he literally makes people jump when they happen!

Hi everyone,
I have been lurking here for a little while and thought it only polite to say hello. I lost my little angel at the end of December, I went for my scan at 12+ weeks and we found out that the baby had anencephaly (a very severe neural tube defect), and that there was no chance of survival. I had a medical termination a couple of days later. It was devastating, and I am slowly starting to feel better, but I know I will never forget my little baby. I am desperate to have another baby now though, and feel like I need to be pregnant as soon as possible, not to replace my baby, but because I really want another baby (I already have a 2 year old boy) and it?s almost like my body thinks it should still be pregnant. Anyway DH wasn?t keen to start with, mainly due to the grief of losing our baby, and also because of our higher risk of a neural tube defect now. I have managed to talk him around now though, and I?m taking the 5mg folic acid to reduce the risk of NTD. Also I finally got AF yesterday, not usually something to be happy about, but at least I know my body is ready now, and I have a start date for my cycle, so in a way that has made me feel happier, that I know we can start TTC properly this month, whereas before I got AF I didn?t know how long it would take to arrive.
Anyway, I?m rambling a bit now! Thanks for reading, I have been lurking around here and know that you are all lovely ladies and that this is the place to talk about things that are difficult to talk about in RL. It?s awful that we are all here, but comforting to know that we?re not alone when going through a horrible time.

Well, went back to work yesterday and today. Everyone was really supportive. Got the rest of the week off so breaking myself in gently. It's my birthday on Thursday, not going to really celebrate it this year - can't seem to summon any excitement up for it.

Welcome owainsmum. Sorry you find yourself here but good luck with the ttc. Hopefully we'll be joining you in a few months time (not literally of course cos that would be weird ).

Mias - glad Finn is doing well. Lol at the poo-namis, nice!

Green - so pleased scan went well. Have also got a cold but not feeling too bad with it.

Rainbox - hope all goes well with the stitch on Thursday.

Count - 35 weeks! Blimey not long now.

Waves and big hugs to everyone else. Xxx

Hi LITTLE... Glad your first days at work went ok, and that people are being supportive. Birthdays are hard, and it's all so fresh for you, but I hope you feel the love and well wishes of those close even if you don't feel up to marking it.

Sorry not to read back, just wanted to say my girl would have been ten months old today. So big, squashed banana everywhere, chubby hands. And the spring is almost here again, all 'her' flowers starting to poke through... A time of hope and beginnings perhaps. A year almost turned. Merryn comes with us, always. I love the spring.

Hi lovely ladies, I'm so sorry I've not been on much recently - I'm always thinking of you all. We've had a bout of illnesses (nothing serious) and I'm trying to get the house up as straight as possible before going back to work in March - still dreading it but we will make it work. My lovely girls are both doing well. Taking them to butlins on Friday to say well done and thank you to K for adjusting so wonderfully to H and for just generally being a fabulous girl Never been before - should be an experience! H is developing so fast - sitting up and rolling over and loving weaning. We've just started on finger foods - she's v.enthusiastic and v.v.messy! Been missing Erin a lot recently - she would have been 18 months old in a few days

Rainbox did you have your scan yesterday? Loved your Fb announcement

Green I'm so glad things are progressing well. Also glad you have lovely friends who are taking care of you xx

27 weeks Elly What's the plan for birth?

Boo to the flu Fan I've just had a bad cold but its been lingering. Lots of love xx

Still thinking of you lots little xx

Mias and Blue sounds like Finn and Lotta are going great guns

Blizy hope the increased ad's help my lovely xx

Angel yay for Ants perm job. Fx your luck is changing xx

Kleine sorry you've been having a tough time my friend. Hear with an ear if you need it xx

Babyh sorry AF got you and boo to your body playing tricks. Sounds like you've been having a tough time - anything we can help with?

Waves to everyone I've missed. Off to bed now while the goings good - H being v.unpredictable with her sleeping!

Hi all sorry I ve been quiet. Having a bit of a shitty time. Ant & I are currently seperated. ( he's staying at his mums) long & short story; 6 weeks ago he went out with his mates, they were involved in a fight( not normal for them at all), ended up at this woman's house his mate knew ( all of them), she asked for his mobile number even though he was wearing his wedding ring!!! As he was pissed he gave to her & they ve been texting up to this weekend. He told me he never wanted her & repeatingly told her to leave him alone. But, upon reviewing his phone bill ( I pay for both our phones) he s texted her at silly o clock when I ve been in bed next to her... I do think it was a case of her flattering him & him being a superficial , fickle man he's loved it!!!
I ve ring her & her response " who's you re hubby?" She's also changed her number 3x in 6 weeks so it appears it's a regular thing she does. She's irrelevant to me. What hurts are the lies & deceit. We re both heartbroken & don t want to divorce. So we agreed he needed to leave for a few days to make him realise what's he ll loose.
We re going to try relate. As he seems to constantly seek some excitement , flattery externally instead of just manning up & realising his priorities. I know he loves us desperatley & wants us to remain as a family but....
I ve given him a list of conditions he's happy to adhere to.i miss him .
However ;
Wtw glad you re girls are well. Enjoy your break xxx
Little9 well done on returning to work. Hope you re birthday passes quietly .xxx
Green xxx still is incredibly raw at times isn t it? Still miss my Georgie terribly nearly 2.5 years on. Xx
Welcome Owainsmum sorry xx
Miasmum :Finn sounds delightful .well done on Mia's wood. Sounds fabulous xxx
Fan ; hope you re feeling better? Xx
Blizty have your ad's being increased yet? Hope you re ok? Xx
Hi spilt, babyH, blue,kleine& everyone I ve missed xxxxx
FX no more snow ... Xxx

Hi all, sorry I've been AWOL recently. Finding things quite difficult, especially the closer I get to to due date etc.

Haven't read back properly, so I hope you are all doing ok.

Rainbox, I hope that your appointment for the stitch goes ok tomorrow.

Got health visitor coming shortly - am not looking forward to it, and I'm hoping that she doesn't ask to see where the baby is going to be sleeping or anything, because we aren't sorting anything like that our until the baby is actually safely here.

Thinking of you all xxx

Oh angel, I am so sorry. I have no words of advice just gentle hugs some and lots of hope that you can both sort things out. X

Rainbox, hope you are ok and the appointment goes well tomorrow.

Elly, hugs for you too my lovely.

Big waves to everyone, sorry notice to namecheck you all. X

ELLY... I think, unless you have a rubbish HV (and then you should just ignore), they will completely understand why you are leaving things until you have your baby safe with you. Nothing else matters. I hope the days pass quickly for you.

ANGEL... Grrrr at your 'D'H. I hope youve given him a fright by making him move out for a bit? Perhaps he will see how much he has to loose. Men can be such children sometimes. I hope you can sort it out, you sound very strong, but I imagine it's up and down.

BLIZY, did you get your script upped? I hope you have a sympathetic doctor. Take care lovey.

WTW... It sounds like H is doing really well! Can't believe enough time has passed for her to be sitting and eating! I went to Butlins with my aunt and uncle once when I was little, had the best time, lots of dancing and bright lights... Your girls will love it.

Hi to everyone else. Wet and yuck in Devon, and ate too many pancakes yesterday, but house is cosy and have it to myself as DP in London, so going to have sneaky nap before school run!

I haven't been back to the dr, I
Think I'm feeling so down because Z's birthday is at the end of the month. I will wait it out and see how I go.

Green, lucky you with the house to yourself! I'm having a cosy day with mindees, I only have the 1 and 2 yr old. I'm not driving in the snow and don't fancy pushing/pulling them through it in the double buggy. The littlest is sleeping and the 2yr old is having snuggles with me on the couch. I really love my job (and half term) !

Hello lovely ladies, I am another one who has been a bit AWOL - I do think of you all so much - I'm just trying to figure my life out a bit, although with very little success so far I must say, and am not online as often at the moment. We'll probably be starting some fertility treatment in a couple of months, if another miracle doesn't happen before then, so everything feels very up in the air and strange.

angel I'm so sorry to hear what a VERY hard time you are having, and am joining green in being VERY cross with Ant... I'm so sorry, lovie. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Life shouldn't be such hard work, should it? Obviously you know you can always rant away on here - but I hope you have some good friends/relatives in RL too, who are there for you and Phebs at the moment. How long does it take to get an appt at Relate? Thinking of you xx

little, as ever, also thinking of you.. Well done for going back to work, and for taking the sensible route and doing it slowly. I will be thinking of you tomorrow on your birthday and hope you get through it ok. How is your DH doing? This is also so terribly difficult for him, I know. Lots of love.

rainbox I will be thinking of you tomorrow too. I don't know anything about cervical stitches - is it a purely preventative measure in your case, or have they seen anything that makes them think it might be necessary? Anyway, no need for you to answer, I just hope it's all incredibly straightforward.

blizy a huuuuge hug for you. I agree it makes sense to try to get through Feb and Zoe's birthday, then see how you feel... but it's so tough in the meantime. Have you got any plans for the 28th? Btw your working afternoon sounds so lovely

green enjoy your nap! How's your cold? A ten month old Merryn would have been so gorgeous. Wish she could have come to play with my eight month old E. It would have been so messy, and so fun...! Ah well. Lots of love to you and the growing bump.

fan are you all better now? So sorry you had to miss your ttc chance this month - SO frustrating; one chance a month is so little, isn't it? How are you feeling in general, at the moment?

elly hope the HV was sensible. They aren't always, though, are they...
I'm so sorry that you're struggling - but, of COURSE you are, really. It's just the most stressful thing. You must be having extra scans and checks, as you get closer to baby's arrival date (was it planned for 37 weeks??). Are you still coping ok with work?

mias Finn sounds so so so cute... (I like to think we'd've had poo-namis with E - even though she was so poorly when she was with us, she still managed to fill her nappy, bless her ). I'm so glad you have him. And, lots going on with Mia's Wood - I'm so glad, and also, very admiring of how much you're managing to do with a small baby in the house! Is your DH going to be fundraising via FB?

babyh just to say I'm thinking of you xxxxx

wtw how fab a mum are you, giving K a holiday to say thank you for being such a lovely girl!! Bless her - and her two little sisters as well - H sounds like she's being wonderful. I wish Erin were with you all too. Her 18 month milestone will be a hard one, I'd imagine, esp as you are coming up to going back to work and dealing with all the emotions of that as well.

owainsmum I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely little baby. You're most welcome here, of course... and we will be hoping you soon fall pregnant again with a wonderful rainbow baby.

I'm so sorry if I've missed anyone!! This is very very very long now, so I'm going to stop, but am sending you all lots of love and hoping that today is good day for as many of us as possible.

Oh Angel I am very cross with Ant and his total lack of control in falling for flattery! I hope you can work through it together if that is what you want xxx

Kleine hugs for you lovely. It's so hard when life picks you up and throws you about and dumps you down feeling all at sea I so hope you get another miracle very soon xx

Thanks all very much. Been ok today at work. But missed him terribly last night so we ve talked & he's back at home with a LONG list of conditions. In 1 way I feel a bit weak , like I should have made him stay away longer but on the other hand we ve been through so much , too much to let something like this destroy us. He knows I don t trust him one iota & he's got to re-earn that. I ve warned him this is his absolute last chance & 1 more poor judgement, cock up it ll be over. Just chasing Relate to get an appt.
I , too, am still angry but I don g want to be divorced or a single mum I want my family to work. So , the balls in his court. We ll see...,
Hope everyone's escaped the snow. We ve had a couple of inches , hopefully be gone tomorrow. Off to uni for an update.
Love to all xxx
Thanks again... Xxx

Hello ladies, I am all better now, was really bad flu and so annoying as I had had flu six weeks ago aswell. I guess it had not left my system properly. Though it was very annoying that it fell on ov days, but nothing I can do about it, roll on next cycle. (this also means the really bad psychic was wrong because if I had been pregnant this month then October would have been the month!) Anyway

angel how fucking annoying for you, Ant I am so dissapointed! I really hope you can work through this, for everyone sake.

wtw glad you are better now, Butlins sounds ideal for K, she will love it! I cant beleive H is weaning? this does not make sense shes still little! Been along time since I had hugs obviously!

blizy I have been thinking of you and Z alot these past days, Feb is Z's month. Two years is far to long to be without her.When I think of our girls, both at a similar age, what they should be doing, what we should be doing it really makes me sad.

count wow 35 weeks, very exciting. Please come back and tell us the news.

elly when are you due? Ive lost track of time I feel. Im sure the health visitor will understand and tough if she doesnt, shes only a health visitor.

poppet you are so thoughtful to everyone else. To everything that has happened to you this past year you are intitled to feel down, I have everything crossed for you that the fertility treatment works and that you find the right one for you.

owain so sorry that you find yourself here, your precious little baby is always with you, it is very hard the choice you had to make. My DH's sister died of anencephaly, she was 17 weeks her name was Heidi. I wish you a rainbow very soon.

rainbox fx for tomorrow, Im sure it will all be fine as it was for the other ladies on this thread who have had the stitch.

Right Im off to bed, Im on a union course this week and Ive been getting in late for work and having to get up earlier than usual, its a killer really.

love to all xxxx

Just feeling devastated today! Need to pick myself up but can't. Bleurgh!

little you have a right to a black day, let the grief take you today. It will feel like hell but sometimes we have to have that to be able to function. Hugs to you lovely.

little I'm so sorry. Fwiw, I completely agree with fan. Although it's hideous, you really don't 'need' to pick yourself up - you should and must grieve. There's no way around it, unfortunately, although I so deeply wish it were otherwise for you. Lots of love and thinking of you, xx

LITTLE... Another one sitting by your here... I wish I could make you a cup of tea. (my mum thinks tea makes the world turn). This day will pass, this time will pass, and you won't always feel so bad, but it's ok to roll with it when you do, nobody should have to go through what you have, it's just wrong. Ill be thinking of you and your girls today.

KLEINE, I had a lovely daydream about our babies playing together after your post, it's so bittersweet, isn't it? I hope you are finding a way through, and feeling possitive about IVF. I'm sorry it can't be simple. (although you have managed twice without help, so fingers tightly crossed too)...

FAN...I'm glad youre feeling a bit better, but work sounds tough... Almost Friday though!

ANGEL... I hope your man knows how lucky he is... If not we'd all be happy to shout at him for a bit??!

RAINBOX.. I hope today's going quickly and straightforwardly for you.

I had a nightmare for the first time since Merryn last night, not sure why now, but it was nasty, and DP in London... Hope it's a one off. Other than that all fine here, cold on its way out!

Thanks for the lovely messages everyone, I hope you're all feeling better after flu, bad days etc. Does it get any easier to be around babies and pregnant women? I took DS to playgroup yesterday and had to leave early because there were so many young babies there, and then I overheard someone I know telling a friend that she is pregnant, and I knew I just had to get out of there or end up in tears in front of everyone. My DS was so sweet though, before we left it was like he knew I was feeling upset and he came over to me and gave me a big cuddle He has actually really helped me during this tough time, I think if I didn't have him it would have been even harder losing the baby. Having a small person to cuddle and to cheer me up has been a big comfort.
Big hugs and for you all, I've just had a very healthy salad for lunch, now I'm off to find some chocolate

Hello there, I have been lurking on this and your previous threads for the past 8 weeks or so... My beautiful daughter, Isla, was born sleeping at 38 and half weeks, two months ago tomorrow. She was our first child. We are not quite ready to ttc yet - I am too petrified I think, but you all seem to be such a wonderful support to one another that I thought I would finally build up the courage to post on here! I am feeling ok today - only one grief stricken moment this morning. I still struggle to get my head around it all, life feels so surreal. I know you have all had such a horrid time of it all, and I hope that the little bit of sunshine today is helping - especially Little - I hope that this afternoon is a bit gentler for you.

Just wanted to say hello to snowdrop, and that I'm so very sorry to hear about your beautiful Isla. Do tell us more about her, if you want to. We'd love to hear.
My little girl died at the age of two days last June - she was also our first child - and tbh I still feel like life's quite surreal... so I understand a bit of what you mean. I'm glad that you are having an ok day today; things are so up and down in those horrid, terrible first months. This thread really helped me enormously in the early times (I also joined it before we were ttc again), and although it's always sad to find a new mum here, you are truly welcome.

owainsmum in answer to your question about being around babies and pregnancy - my experience is that it has got a bit easier, not much, but a bit. I find that I now look at other babies and think 'well, you're ok, but you're not a patch on mine' - that helps! But mostly, yes, it's hard, just hard. Please just do whatever you can to make it easy for yourself, in these early months (although I know you can't avoid toddler groups etc - do your friends there know about the loss of your baby? If so, I very much hope they're being sensitive around you).

green sorry to hear about your nightmare. Glad you've forgotten the details, though. Your daydreams sound MUCH nicer. Bittersweet is right, my dear lots of love! xxx

Ok I have been procrastinating for nearly an hour but now I really have to go and clean my house............