Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.

[Little9]

An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.

Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!

[greengoose]

Fan... Im sorry your cycle isn't sticking to dates, when this happened to me my doc said 'well, being anxious doesn't help...'. I almost decked him. I hope the bitch arrives tomorrow, and that she buggers off soon for nine months at least. I know nothing I can say helps, and you probably don't feel very strong, but you fight so hard and you deserve it to be so much easier. Do you have anything to look forward to over the WE?

ANGEL... I hope tomorrow goes as gently as possible for you tomorrow. I am furious at your family, they should be by your side, don't they know what you have been through, are going through?? Is ANT there with you during scan or are you on your own? I am around tomorrow if you need a hand to hold, although I'd rather someone was there for you in RL. I think Phebs should have lots of extra mummy cuddles tomorrow!
Where are you thinking of booking a holiday to? I think it's a great idea, god knows you deserve it.

BLIZY.. This is such a tough time for you. I was thinking about Zoe yesterday, how big she'd be, how difficult it must be coming up to her birthday. I think some people expect it gets easier, that we get 'over' it, but all of us knows that can't happen, and are here for you in the pain of it all. I wish it was as it should be, and I'm so sorry it isn't. Xxx

MOONINS... J sounds lovely, and I can just imagine the 'hard pats' he gets from his brother!

KLEINE... Book the holiday woman!
I can't believe how brave you and DH are, and I'm 'pleased' for you ( although that words mixed with anger that you need to) that you are feeling close to ready for Ivf, I know it must be a difficult decission.
I'm glad that your DH is back with you.

LITTLE... How did you do at agility? I'm impressed at your dancing idea, sounds far more fun that the gym or running! Hope you have something to look forward to this WE?

AMY... Not so long now, although I'm sure it still feels like it. I can imagine the panic over movements... I'm almost dreading feeling this one move because of the panic that ill no doubt feel when he/she doesn't!

As for me, sorry for ranting earlier. I know I should be greatful for where I am, and of course, I am, I just wobble a bit.
All went well today, scan was good. A few weird bits, like my consultant was off, and nobody told us, so had to run through all again with yet another doc. (questions as blunt as 'and how many days alive before the death? (Merryn's notes were in front of her) I could feel DHs hand getting tighter and tighter...)grrrr.
Also in pm had the most ignorant MW I have come across so far. On the way out, after a comically ridiculous appt, she pulled me by the arm over to look in a buggy of a newborn baby, (3 days old) and stood saying 'isn't it exciting, you'll have one of these too soon?! If it hadn't been for the new mum who knew nothing about me, I would have had a few choice words!
Anyway, none of it important, and all got through. I held onto ANGELs words that none of it matters, it's all just a hurdle to be crossed, and it's done.
On another note, while my youngest was at our friends this morning he said ' my mummies having a baby'! We will have to think about when to say something. Was hoping to leave it until at least 20 (39 ideally)! Weeks...

[greengoose]

Sorry for slightly jumbled post... V tired!

[fanjodisfunction]

angel thinking of you today, still seething on your behalf about the fam.

green I can't believe the day you had, how did you hold your tongue?

Still no sign of AF, really fucking annoying me. I'm cramping a bit but other than that no signs, during the day I'm far to busy to think about it, but still she's not here. I had sex two days before ov which is why I have doubts, but I'm pretty certain that I'm not. I've been through this too many times. I'm so fed up and tired of all this, I thought having a break last month would help out but it hasn't.

[blizy]

Omg green! You deserve a medal for not punching the dr and midwife! I hope you managed to have a good sleep. X

Fan, I know what you mean. I.hope af shows up soon and stops messing around, our bodies can be so fecking cruel. X

Angel, hugs for you today. X

[AngelGeorgie]

Fan xxxx boo hoo for your body . Hope either AF or BFP appear very soon xxx
Blitzy sorry you re feeling crap. If possible maybe you & DH need a little pick me up to focus on??? A weekend away ??? Superbreaks do trips dead cheap??? Just an idea ; helps for me... Sending you love xxx
Green , well done. That's yesterday done. 1 step at a time . You did it xxx bless your son... Time to tell then??? Scan ok? Xx
Kleine xxxx thanks xxx
Hi all
As for me started spotting last night so expected full in bleeding over night but nothing . Still want surgery as last time I had medical management bled for 6 weeks. With surgery only a few days. Never had natural management ; my body's crap at getting rid of a fetus , seems to hols on to it/ those.
My mum texted last night & was lovely. When I feel better may still but at th address what she said but at the moment enoughy to get through. Right, better get going xxxc

[KleinePoppet]

I just wanted to pop on to send a huge amount of love to angel this morning xxx

Also to blizy and fan... you are both such heroes, although I wish you didn't have to be (iykwim!). I hope you are both able to have slightly better days today, and if not, just know that you have all my admiration just for getting out bed at the moment x

green... speechless... But so so glad scan was good


Wtf is WRONG with most people?!
I am, honestly, really struggling with how idiotically most people respond to the death of a baby. I haven't led a particularly sheltered life, but I truly used to believe that most people would try to be thoughtful if you were struggling. The fact that they don't has really unsettled me. I can cope with it - sort of - but I find it really, really sad.
DH came home last night with a face and said, he'd bumped into his former boss at work (who was his boss when we had E), who greeted him with 'So, any other babies on the way then?'. I mean, who on earth says that - let alone to parents who've just lost a child?!


Love to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[greengoose]

ANGEL, I have to agree with you on the ERPC, it's just easier to have it over sometimes. It always takes me ages naturally, I don't think my body knows what to do on its own.
Im relieved that your mum has woken up a bit, you need her right now I would think. I hope you're day is gentle on you, are you at work?

BLIZY, thanks, I find myself emotionally detaching in these situations, which gets me through, but DP was in tears this morning, which rarely happens, so I think I'll have to run defence between these idiots and him for a bit! He's usually the 'strong' one...

Fan... I hope you know what's going on by the end of today, the not knowing is horrible.

My son said he didn't say 'mummy's having a baby' to my friend, he said; 'mummy's HAD a baby.... Merryn, silly!'. So that puts things in place a bit! ( he does remind people about his sister very often). I think we will hold off telling the boys for as long as possible, at least until 16 weeks, as by that scan they should be able to see if this baby has same problems as Merryn, (not that I have a clue what we could do differently). I just know he'll be scared, so the later the better, six months is forever when you are 5!

Hello to everyone else. So many of you are having such a rough ride just now, I wish it was easier. X

[greengoose]

Angel, sorry, I left my brain behind, I would assume you are obviously not at work before appt.. Stupid. Will be thinking about you today. X

[greengoose]

KLEINE.. Just seen your post... Your DHs boss obviously has no idea, stupid man.

[KleinePoppet]

Thanks green - tbh my rant was far more influenced by the unbelievably idiotic midwife you had yesterday, than by DH's boss - I mentioned him more as yet another illustration of how people simply don't think. It wasn't a big deal, just made DH a bit sad, but people make him sad everyday... and that's my point, I suppose.
I am still at the midwife showing you a newborn baby and getting all excited. It's such appalling behaviour from someone whose profession is to work with all pregnant women. She sounds like the m/w we had, who discharged me from hospital in the evening after E had died that morning - she didn't mention her (even though her body was still with us in the room), just acted all cheery, gave me some nudge-nudge-wink-wink advice on contraception, took so long to arrange a wheelchair that eventually my dad just stole one from someone else (!) and we left, and then completely forgot to mention our daughter's death to the midwife to whom she referred me on, who came out to see me the following day... She was just not very bright and had no idea whatsoever how to act. Which I still find shocking - of all people, surely, midwives ought to be taught (if they don't already know) how to respond to a baby's death? And perhaps they ought to know not to pull you towards a teeny-tiny baby, if your own baby died last year?


it's too early in the day to get cross! I'll save it all up for the evening

[poglol]

Hi I'm new. Lost my Little girl due to complications during birth in September. How long has it taken you to get pregnant again? We are trying to be positive for the future

[fanjodisfunction]

poppet my DH has been asked numerous times about when we are going to get pregnant, his latest response is 'oh we've been pregnant three times in three years, thanks' it usually shuts them up. People are just stupid, they don't think before they speak, and especially men to men.

[fanjodisfunction]

poglol so sorry to hear about your little baby. Please tell us more if you wish.

My daughter stillborn due to a cord accident at 36 weeks, we fell pg three months later but miscarried at 5 weeks, then 9 months later we fell pg again only for us to miscarry again at 6 weeks.

Some ladies on this thread have fallen pg within three months others it has taken longer. There is always hope but never an answer.

[KleinePoppet]

Hi poglol I am also so sorry to hear about your little girl. It's a terrible, terrible thing to live with, isn't it? Do tell us more about her if you would like to.

We lost our little girl last June; she died at the age of two days, due to severe brain damage that was sustained just before she was born by EMCS. Since then I have had an early m/c (in November), but as it's not very easy for us to conceive naturally we will probably start fertility treatment soon, now that we feel strong enough to cope with it.
Sadly, as fan says, there is no answer... some ladies have fallen pg quickly and others have not. But for all of us on here, I believe, it is the hope of another child that keeps us going, even when it's incredibly tough to put one foot in front of the other. xxx

[poglol]

I'm sorry to hear you have miscarried. It's such a difficult time after losing a baby. Partly I think we should wait a while to make a better chance but I don't want to wait any longer.
Feels like everyone else in the world has a baby at times, I know we are not the only ones who have lost a baby but it is hard in a small community.
Hard to adjust back to being a childless couple too.

[KleinePoppet]

fan yes it does seem that men can say especially stupid things to each other. Although women often aren't that far behind - I know we all have 101 stories of 'the incredibly daft and hurtful things that have been said to us'!!

I am waiting in this morning for an insurance man to come and look at our car - DH had an accident a couple of weeks ago, when a steel pole rudely got in his way when he was reversing ...

[KleinePoppet]

poglol I cross-posted with you.
I absolutely empathise. Very, very, VERY tough to be without a baby when you're surrounded by other couples who have them. Our daughter was our first child, too - it truly is extraordinarily hard to go from being three to two, when you were so ready for the third member of your family to join you.

We started ttc again about three months after E died. It was about as long as we could wait...

[poglol]

poppet yes we are trying too, I'm finding it hard because it took us 19 months to get pregnant the first time. Was a few days late this month, but test says no.

[fanjodisfunction]

poglol I have been on this journey two years this april, when my daughter died, all I wanted to be was pg. And that's still the same now, but now I feel that I am totally ready to have a baby again, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have tried for the past two years. If you feel you should wait, then you should wait, do what you feel is best.

[fanjodisfunction]

Xpost with you poglol we tried for 18 months before I fell pg the first time, I totally get it. I am also a couple of days late this month, havnt tested yet as we didn't ttc around the ov time as I was ill with flu. What does your partner think about ttc now?

[poglol]

Thanks fan and poppet. It is good to talk to you.

Let's hope for good news for all of us! And hope the car doesn't cost too much. My DH smashed wing mirror off mine not so long ago :-)

[poglol]

fan He's very much for it, he's impatient like me! Tries not to count the days as too much pressure tho.

[KleinePoppet]

It does feel very unfair, doesn't it, when you've waited so long to conceive that baby... and then the baby dies, and never gets to have any of her life, and you don't get to bring her up... and then you have to start the whole ttc journey again, in far worse condition than you were in the first place...
I was 29 when we first started ttc, and am about to turn 33

I could not be more grateful for our beautiful little girl, she was perfect and I would never have wanted to 'swap' her for another baby, even if that baby had lived... but I am desperate for a sibling for her. Like you though, fan, my feelings about a subsequent pg have changed. It's still all I want - but now, I feel I can do it - and also all the things surrounding it (IVF here we come!).

My AF is also due. Lots of lovely cramps here.

Sorry about your car as well, poglol. What are these husbands of ours like?!

[fanjodisfunction]

poglol understandable. Fx for you, I hope you get your BFP soon. Or as soon as you start ttc.

[poglol]

poppet yes it is hard, if I knew it would be nearly 3 years later after starting to try and still no baby might have started earlier! But made right decision at the time.

My little one was perfect too, the cord was 3 times round her neck, and she was starved of oxygen. There is no reason why we shouldn't have another child, must be glad of that.

Will keep on ttc and stay positive. Good luck for your ivf