Elderberry Pavlovas Unite - the over 30s TTC number 1 (thread 3)

[Bunnygirlie]

Hey ladies, we're over here!

bunnygirlie, 32, TTC since June, AF coming around New Year!
Twinklestar 2, TTC1, cycle 16, BFP was due 19/12
BraveLilBear,TTC
Lolcbcb,TTC
Aquarius,TTC
Happylass 34 cycle 4 BFP due Jan 1st
Navis176, 35, TTC #1, cycle 3 (this time around), bfp due around 19 Jan (I think?)
Neshie, 31, TTC #1, on cycle 9, after stopping the pill 18 months ago (took 10 months for AF to return!) BPF due 12th January Fx
MotherOfCleo TTC#1, cycle 3, 5dpo, BFP due New Years Day.
Viviennewestwould, 41, childless hag, TTC one year (mmc in March), on Clomid, ovulating today!
Pipbin 37 cycle 16 BFP due 26/12

Zombies, 32, almost 3 wks pg (by my calculation)- per standard
measurement from LMP, 6 weeks pg, PCOS.
MeanMrsMustard 31, 5 weeks pregnant.
Quod,33, PG
Purplemonster, PG
Janey 38, 12 week scan on Christmas Eve
HazleNutt, due June 21st
Rach, 34, 13+4 pg, due 26th June

Apologies if I've missed you or got something wrong

Wow, mother, that's impressive. I feel positively inadequate by comparison!

I have been thinking a bit more about the eating/not eating things when TTC and have decided to eat more yoghurt. Bit random, but I think I probably don't get enough calcium.

Good evening, everyone!

Hi Sidney!

Twinkle - well done on all the sex!

Captain - that's such a crap situation to be in - I can see why you're stewing and feeling like you don't know what to do. Of course some very wise words have already been said, and I'm rubbish at wise words so I won't try!

What I will say is that I have had problems similar to those of your husband, on a lesser scale though. You end up completely stuck on this idea that things will improve if you just do this meeting/finish that document/arrange that appointment/make that phone call etc. etc. I found myself feeling like I couldn't think ahead further than about 24 hours and always telling myself I just needed a bit more time even though deep down I knew that wasn't true. I improved things a bit my requesting a long overdue shift in my responsibilities, but realise it may not be an option for your DH. Sorry it's not actually helpful advice but maybe something you could use as part of discussion?

Hello all

Went to the docs today and cried. So embarrassing. He's referred us to the hospital now as they've done all they can at gp stage.

Came home and cried. Just feeling so down about it all.

Good job I don't have to dtd tonight.

twinkle

I'm sure it must happen loads. I'm awful at the doctors - I try so hard not to cry that I just sit there nodding mutely with my eyes brimming and completely unable to ask anything or say what I want to.

I know you won't be in the mood, but try to think about it as a step forward. I've got my first hospital appointment this week and I'm dreading it, but at least it's steps in the direction I want need, and it will be for you too. As you said yourself, after 17/18 cycles, we can pretty much accept it ain't happening on it's own and we just have to face the reality of assistance in whatever form it may take.

This is of course assuming that we don't go crazy first, by the way. I found myself gazing out of the window at the crescent moon tonight and feeling a bit jealous of the fact that it looked like a nice round pregnant tum.

Jealous of the moon, FFS.

Welcome Sidney !

Thanks for all the wise words everyone. Viv you're absolutely right about the symptoms - he's been on the brink of a proper breakdown for about 3 years now (since, within 12 months, his business started to collapse, his family home burnt to the ground and his wonderful dad passed away from cancer). He's never had time to properly grieve for his Dad, and all the pressures of work have really taken their toll. It's not helped by the fact that despite having massive work-experience and lots of impressive bits of paper, I can't get a proper job after months of trying.

He does want the therapy - he's not someone who thinks it's a sign of weakness. He was having private therapy for other issues when we met, but that was before the nightmare year that screwed him up.

I've thought about ultimatums, but I think they'll just make him panic and hate himself. I do think it might be time for a serious heart-to-heart though, if I can time it right when he's not too wound up.

The worst thing is that his two workaholic business partners now both have children and have really mellowed. Great for them, but not for DH. And I just know that if we could just have our baby, it would give him the perspective that he badly needs. He is actually now at the point of wanting the business to go under so he can escape, but that means a bunch of people lose their jobs, so he's stuck with living hand-to-mouth and expecting the worst each month, to find they've just scraped by. The meeting today that meant he missed his SA again was to try and secure the work that would get them through next the month.

Rumple I had a total meltdown around TTC cycle 9 where I asked him straight out if he just didn't want a baby, if it was just too much to ask of him with all else he's going through, but he was adamant that he does want children, and I think he also knows that it would force him to take time out and slow down. But I do still worry that I'm being selfish laying it on him when he isn't ready for it. I love your idea of a plan, but all our plans are always swept away by work commitments, to the point where I've mostly given up making any!

I know this isn't really TTC chat, but it affects our attempts to conceive so much, and I so appreciate your patience and good wishes.
Thanks!

Sorry, cross-post.

Twinkle I think it's good for them to be cried at sometimes, it reminds them we are humans inside these misbehaving bodies. I'm totally with Boodle -it's a positive step forward, not defeat, and it doesn't mean you won't get to make a baby the old-fashioned way. There are lots of fixable reasons for infertility that don't lead to IVF or other things. Good luck!

Aquarius, I would have stuffed fois gras down their smug throats

Why is everyone having utterly pointless sex nowhere near their fertile window? Are you quite mad? Are you actually enjoying all that boring huffing and puffing (can you tell my libido has fucked off to Fucksville, never to return)?

Retro, not so random upping the yoghurt stakes. I myself am seriously considering upping the giant Toblerones (I think I probably don't get enough nougat).

Twinkle, I make it my absolute business to cry when I am in the presence of health professionals, otherwise they simply assume you're a hard bitch who can cope at the back of the queue. Tomorrow I am meeting with my consultant whom I shall be begging for an HSG on the NHS. I have already got the image of my budgie lying dead at the bottom of his cage - legs akimbo from rogor mortis and covered in budgie shit - in my mental gallery, so I can blub at will.

Welcome Sid. I'm the same age as you and I've been trying for 18 months so far! We will get there.

Was it Viv who said that if we are serious then we will make the effort? I agree, when I wake at 6 and really don't want to go for a run I think, 'haul your fat lazy ass out of bed or you won't have a baby'. Similarly with dieting, 'do I want a chocolate biscuit, or a baby'.

All that said, I have only been for one run since xmas and put on two pounds in the last week.

Captain, when I said you should threaten your husband I didn't mean torment him with ultimatums. However, he is beyond seeing the damage he is now doing to himself - and to you. He needs to be told firmly that this cannot continue. You will not stand by and watch your family fall apart. Is this why you both married each other? Is this what you talked about when you were planning a life together? Is this a healthy environment in which to bring up a baby? Don't feel guilty for pointing these things out to him...he cannot and will not see it for himself. There is too much emphasis on career and the 'building of a life' sometimes, I feel, and so much can be lost along the way. I truly hope you find peace, the two of you x

Evening all, welcome sidney to a lovely bunch of ladies!

captain sorry to hear things are so pants at the mo, I feel bad whinging about what I'm going through when so many others are having it much tougher.

Having a mini-meltdown as a family friend has just messaged me to tell me she is pg, the little irrational crazy person inside shouts but she's not married very old fashioned I know but I was brought up thinking traditionally plus my mother would have killed me otherwise and why isn't it my turn!

The irrational crazy lady does pop up quite a bit, her new one is I don't want to get pg now coz I'll have a winter baby!?!? FFS I just want one who cares when it is born!!! Her other one is I need to get pg now so I will have baby this year whilst 33?!?!? Quiet down in there crazy!!!

I am just so fed up, why isn't this easier and why don't people talk about how difficult it is, we are just led to believe how easy it is to make babies?!?!? Or is it just easy for everyone else?!?

Are you mocking me, Pip, missus?

boodle you gave me the giggles - jealous of the moon - killing me!

viv sadly there was no foie gras - although when one of the husbands started rubbing his wife's tummy I did think about pouring my beer over them (classy me). sorry about your budgie by the way

hello crazy bunny lady - thanks for sharing your crazy thoughts for the day. i think boodle wins though... the moon... ppffffff

Viv, never.

Bunny - your crazy lady inner monologue made me chuckle! Quiet down in there! And viv stuffing fois gras down throats will become my 'go to fantasy' for all future pregnancy arrivals.

Hope those of you who indulged in pity party treats tonight enjoyed them - back on the wagon tomorrow though! (Stern teacher look.) I firmly believe in cutting right down on the bad stuff, but not completely. I know of too many massively obese unhealthy ladies who got pregnant for me to think it's all in the diet.

Now if you'll excuse me...

(Shuffles off to a corner muttering about what a bitch the moon is...)

Arrivals? Maybe announcements is what I meant there. (Wish there was a 'duh' smiley.)

Hi all, hoping you have space for 1 more here... I'm 31, TTC #1, currently on cycle 6... AF due on Sat (11dpo today) but bloated like a whale and therefore expect I'm out for this cycle. Have silent stalked my way through this thread, you all sound like you could keep me same through this damn difficult getting pregnant malarkey and I'd try and do the same!

*sane

Thx everyone and wellcome 2cats.

Bunny it dies feel like its so easy for everyone else doesn't it?

Aquarius, I'm sorry I spelled foie gras wrong (should've just put 'shite middle-class paté'). I am also sorry I led you to believe that I have ever owned a budgie.

Pip, don't shoot the messenger.

Welcome, 2cats.

Bunny, I'm sorry you're having a mental episode. I hate this ttc shit. Here, have some and then go for a run (or you'll get an arse like Pip's)

hi 2cats

I'm so torn between doing absolutely everything possible to make this happen as Viv et al suggest - but then as bunny says millions of other people seem to get pg with no effort at all [sigh] I'm trying to go for a middle ground - do lots of exercise and eat well, v little caffeine, no smoking, trying to cut down on alcohol...I think anything else and I would become way too obsessive and way too depressed when it didn't work...we're giving it another 4 months or so but then I think we'll need to start getting some help - we've got a referral we're waiting on (to check all the recurrent mc investigations have been done) and another ready to go to a fertility clinic...twinkle I know exactly what you mean about not really wanting to go down the medical route but it gets to a point where it seems like there?s no other choice

captain how are you doing today?

I believe you can only get pg if you're age 16 or younger, a virgin, having sex in the park after a bottle of cider

Welcome 2cats & hope the bloating isn't too uncomfortable- I know the feeling

viv didn't even notice the spelling & was being about your imaginary budgie - still a very tragic story though....

Hum, so I just did another OPK and it's positive again, is it usual to have a positive OPK two days running?

sssshhhh I'm not here, I left ages ago

Urm, mother, I did. Two days running. Not sure if it's 'normal' but def happened to me...

I always get them 2 days running mother