Elderberry Pavlovas Unite - the over 30s TTC number 1 (thread 3)

[Bunnygirlie]

Hey ladies, we're over here!

bunnygirlie, 32, TTC since June, AF coming around New Year!
Twinklestar 2, TTC1, cycle 16, BFP was due 19/12
BraveLilBear,TTC
Lolcbcb,TTC
Aquarius,TTC
Happylass 34 cycle 4 BFP due Jan 1st
Navis176, 35, TTC #1, cycle 3 (this time around), bfp due around 19 Jan (I think?)
Neshie, 31, TTC #1, on cycle 9, after stopping the pill 18 months ago (took 10 months for AF to return!) BPF due 12th January Fx
MotherOfCleo TTC#1, cycle 3, 5dpo, BFP due New Years Day.
Viviennewestwould, 41, childless hag, TTC one year (mmc in March), on Clomid, ovulating today!
Pipbin 37 cycle 16 BFP due 26/12

Zombies, 32, almost 3 wks pg (by my calculation)- per standard
measurement from LMP, 6 weeks pg, PCOS.
MeanMrsMustard 31, 5 weeks pregnant.
Quod,33, PG
Purplemonster, PG
Janey 38, 12 week scan on Christmas Eve
HazleNutt, due June 21st
Rach, 34, 13+4 pg, due 26th June

Apologies if I've missed you or got something wrong

Thanks pip I did try in November and think I got a positive, first wee after getting home from work 5.30ish so fingers crossed I get one again this month, just not yet lol

I bet I get it tonight now and as we haven't DTD it'll be wasted

retro feeling any better?

viv how are things?

Had a meltdown last night after watching OBEM. Thought I was strong enough to handle it but I'm not. Spent about half and hour crying :(

Means we didn't dtd so will have to do it tomorrow and Friday instead. Not to worried about missing a day as we dtd on Saturday and Monday so there are swimmers up there.

I want this so much, why is it so hard?

twinkle I can't watch it, I want it so much too. It hurts doesn't it!! We will get their I just know it!

I have a question, can anyone help me? I went to the docs yesterday for my bloods results, he said everything was normal, including my progesterone levels...phew. He sees no reason why I shouldn't conceive fairly easily, he suggested using OPKs as I have slightly irregular periods normally somewhere better 26-29 days, which I started using last month. I usually have very light periods though, usually 2 - 4 days, with (sorry for TMI) very few clots, I think they seem light to me as I am used the heavy withdrawal bleeds you get when on the pill. Do any of you ladies know if light periods can be a negative sign?

Hey mother I know I said I was off... But this is something I kind of know a bit about as I was in the same boat! My cycles were irregular and often very short (24-29 days), and my periods really light (as in only needed tampons for two days, then a day with nothing, then one day with a liner). I was worried it was a sign of something bad, but obviously managed to get knocked up. So no, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing at all. I even mentioned to my doctor last year when I had my mmc, as I was worried I had a short luteal phase, or that maybe there wasn't enough 'stuff' in the lining to support a baby. Anyway he completely dismissed it and said not to worry about luteal phase and that how heavy your periods are is irrelevant, totally irrelevant.

I used OPK's and got pregnant second month of using them (I know I was VERY lucky), and sure enough my ovulation the second time wasn't exactly when I expected it, because I was irregular in my ovulation. So I'd recommend them, even if only for a few months to get an idea of when your fertile phase is..

Will disappear now and revert to stalking you all in secret

I used to love watching obem but gave up a few months back as I couldn't face it.

Mother I wondered that about light periods too. I'm normally a bit on the heavy side but after I came off the depo, when my periods eventually returned they were v short and light and not too painful (those were the days!) and i didnt know if was ovulating (wasn't checking at that stage) Now I'm back to 5 days and heavier and v painful, but I think that's normal for me. If you've always had them short and light, and if youre getting positive opks, I doubt it's a problem, but worth a chat with a Gp if you're concerned....

Ooh just saw janeys post - that's heartening to hear janey.

Janey it's official, I love you lol. Lets hope I have a good month 2 with OPKs, I'm using conceive plus too, so FX! xx

mother -
don't forget to drink lots of full fat milk to help with EWCM - made a noticeable difference for me. That and OPK and conceive plus was a winning combo for me - Fx it is for you too.

I really am off, am beginning to sound attention seeking and bonkers now

Interestingly, well I thought so anyway, I haven't taken any preconception vits this month and I've had very little EWCM and I normally get loads.

Interesting about the full fat milk. I normally drink skimmed and don't see a lot of EWCM - full fat really grosses me out though. Perhaps I should conduct a scientific experiment with ice cream, butter, cheese, and other delicious dairy fat products.

Pip, sorry about the disappearing bitch. Hope you get even better offers

Bunny, I really can empathise with your husband's 'issues'. Strangely enough, since Michael's relapse and our subsequent reconciliation, his libido has returned (hooray!) but mine has taken even more or a nose-dive (boo!) So much so that, last night, when he was randy, I asked him to 'utilise my embonpoint' as I simply could not be arsed taking my knickers off Hope things improve for your man and you.

I've pretty much decided that, if I am going to be kind to myself for the rest of this ttc journey, I will avoid OBEM. It has always been a huge favourite of mine but I simply cannot indulge myself this series after I spent most of the last one pregnant, rubbing my belly, excitedly drinking in all the stories and looking forward to my own labour. Just don't do it to yourselves, ladies. It's not kind.

Mother, I would begin charting my temperatures if I were pretty new to this game, like yourself - especially if your ovulation day differs. It's a revelation, honestly. On the subject of blood flow, you would have to be very, very light (and a certain age) for any health professional to be worried. 'Very few clots' does not sound like a light period to me. You may think this is an intrusive question, but how is your weight? Are you in the healthy BMI range? Women can be massively reluctant to face their weight issues when ttc (it's the most difficult thing to 'fix') but I strongly believe it's the tipping point for some women's fertility.

Retro sounds good. I'm going to try eating (even more) Ben & Jerry's- purely to aid my fertility

just dropping in to say that mother, I also used to have heavy painful periods as teenagers but since coming off pill several years ago, had very light periods.
It's actually interesting that when i was struggling with my thyroid, the periods got a lot heavier with cramping and clots when I was hypothyroid, and almost disappeared when I was hyper. Being hypothyroid is one of the main reasons people have trouble ttc though and I got knocked up when i was borderline hyper so no, I dont' think just light periods would not be an obstacle if everything else seems fine.

Ahh hi Viv pleased to see you! Of course I don't mind, my BMI is currently 24.7 I'm pretty healthy, I walk for at least half and hour a day I do one manic BOKWA class a week which I love, DTD lots which I figure counts eat healthy, lots of fresh fruit and veg, I've been on WW and SW before and try to keep to the eating clean, although I do give into crisps which are my vice but I certainly don't have a pack a day, maybe 3 or 4 a week.

I am going to try not temping this month and see what happens, I think it will lead me to obsess. I kind of know when I ovulate I picked it up easily with my OPKs last month and I get quite bad OV cramps as well which help to pin point it for me, my cycles since coming off the pill have been 35, 24, 26, 29 makes life a little tricky but now I know when I OV at least I can track when the witch is due from that.

Ohh Janey I don't drink milk never have since it came out of a bottle but I like the sound of the ben and jerrys obv for medicinal purposes only thanks for the tip

I must be psychic, got my positive on the ov stick today but no chance of DTD so maybe missed our chance again this month. Anybody know how accurate these things are?
Guess I will just enjoy our weekend away tomorrow with no pressure as I shall assume we've missed it again

Bunny the positive OPK means you will OV in the next 12-36 hours so don't give up hope. Enjoy your lovely weekend away and get DTD!!
OV due for me tomorrow too. DTD 3 times this week but fear may have peaked too soon! DP not due in from work til after 10 - gonna struggle to stay awake until then

Bunny if you get a positive today then you will ov in the next 48 hours. So tomorrow might not be too late. When did you last dtd?

Bunny, the best advice I was given was that to wait for a positive OPK is, for some women, leaving it a bit late. There needs to be plenty of sperm in situ when the egg is released. Very few women ovulate on the same day as their positive surge (although, anecdotally, it happens) so I would suggest you will ov some time tomorrow. Sex tonight and tomorrow morning would be perfect. I also tend not to believe the anecdotal 'evidence' that sperm can live for up to five days. Who's going to be that cavalier when they're trying for a baby? Can you get going tonight, Bunny? You don't want to waste another cycle - a month is such a fecking long time

Thanks ladies, I think we're screwed then (not in a good way).

We haven't managed to DTD at all this cycle, we only managed once last month too. I think we may have to just put all this aside until hubby works out what is up, whether it's just leftover lurghy, thyroid problems, stress or something else.

He keeps saying how I'm putting too much pressure on him, but I don't know how to do this without doing so, it'll be obvious coz i'll want to DTD because we don't do it very often normally.

Oh gosh I think I'm going to cry again, thank goodness hubby is out.

Bunny, it's horrid, horrid, horrid when our fellas aren't up to it for whatever reason. Your man sounds particularly agitated. Do you think it is illness or psychological. Do not underestimate the power of ttc for turning a normal man into a quivering wreck. This kind of thing is not spoken of freely enough on mumsnet threads but my DP has confessed to half his badminton team how his performance is sometimes diabolical and quite a few of the other blokes gave very knowing looks and nods. It is a hundred times more difficult to DTD around ovulation if your sex life isn't already robust. I would suggest first ruling out any medical issues. Then I would try to work on being more intimate in general. You know what I mean...not necessarily full sex - try to get back that loving feeling (cue shit song). I've had to introduce lots more sexy time when we're nowhere near ovulation. This gives DP the impression that I actually desire him (which, of course, I do. It's just that ttc can smudge all of that natural longing for one another and before you know it the poor bastards are terrified when they have to come up with the goods).

My advice is to keep talking and asking questions of each other. He needs to know you're hearing him and understanding. Take time to make each other feel special in the smallest of ways. I hope you can both figure this out. I would also like to say, Bunny, that these men of ours started on this ttc journey with us. They were not pushed. Us women have also got seemingly insurmountable problems and pressures tied up in all this ttc madness. Our men need to know that they have to give us their very best shot at the best time of the month - every month, and if they are struggling they need to do their utmost to sort out whatever issues are weighing them (and us) down. After all, this could be a very long journey...

Bunny we are here to hold your hand.
I think that you need to sit down and talk to him about this. I understand how he, and all our chaps, are going to feel under pressure. For us ovulation and the rest of it just happens whether we like it or not. And as for sex, well lets be honest, we've all done it and not really made an effort or been in the mood, thats why lube exists. But for the men, they have to be in the mood and also get to the end.
For us we had a talk about it and my DH said that for him it was all about angles. If we were just doing it for baby making then it would help him if I put my legs at a certain angle. I think for us we needed to both admit that we were both doing it as a means to an ends, not because we actually wanted to.

Too right, Pip. When DP and I began to be honest about the fact that this is now a job, a task - a mission to be accomplished - we could stop pretending we had to actually be enjoying it. There'll be time for foreplay and shared orgasm when I get fecking pregnant.

Hugs bunny, my hub used to get really down about me not getting pregnant and we'd have to stop halfway through.

Thank you ladies, you really are a lovely lovely bunch x

Just gonna enjoy our weekend away assuming we've missed our window of opportunity and see what happens, maybe we'll talk about it all too. I think we just need to chill out, we started trying in June but in september the building work started so probably wasn't the best time to be TTC with all that dust and stress. Sould all be done by end jan though fx.

Hubby had blood test today so will see if that shows any reasons for his troubles, of nothing shows up and things don't improve I guess we'll face it all then. I was pretty ill all December so maybe it's just the lurghy hanging around, we shall see.