TTC 10+ months, Part 11

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Just a quicky from me as my puter has died :(

nelly good luck, I am a fan of twins personally

joy sorry about the thrush

sar there is still time to think and digest all the info, sorry I can't help with it

well Kayla seems to be confused and now jumps round like a spring lamb crossed with a kangaroo I aslo have to put a wedge under the hall cupboard door as she keeps opeing it and trying to open her food. Well cd22 and i'm having lots of cramps so maybe early AF, well off to watch the rugby....... Go you AB's

hope you all have a good weekend

Thanks again for the good luck. So.... Two embies on board . Who was I kidding??

They didn't give me grades but described where they were. One was 4 cell, one only three but that didn't seem to worry her. Doesn't look like the 3rd one will do anything but that's ok. There was one egg that might not have been fully mature anyway. MrN came in with me. It was interesting, not uncomfortable only that my legs were shaking. Not sure if that was just the position or the fact I was a bit cold. Anyway the staff were lovely. The lady who put them back said "right are you ready to welcome them home" . We both got to watch it on screen. I am finding this a bit surreal. I have no idea if I've ever had fertilised eggs before so this is probably the closest I've got. And you know how we say "I wish I could see inside my body"? Well I did! I am quite excited really, given this seemed such an impossible stage for us to ever get to.

Oh - no progesterone . Due to the flare protocol and the fact I haven't overstimulated, I take an ovitrelle shot which tells my body to do its thing as it would naturally. So no arse bullets or cystitis worries .

Hope you are all having a lovely weekend.

Thats great news *nelly

doll how are you, big hugs

nelly that's great, I'm excited for you I really am, and great that you don't get to fiddle three times a day with meds.

buzzy thanks for asking, I'm ok. And thanks for your comments everyone. The less than perfect care was definitely a challenge of my particular IVF story, but the writing was on the wall from the start to a degree and I choose to put myself in the situation. As I work with people who's circumstances are not of their own making (Syrian refugees in this case) I'm often reminded of that. I was rather hoping that is would be a case of 'well looks like a fucking disaster but man they know how to get someone pregnant' but it was not to be. 'Tis ok.

Just checking in to say yay nelly! Will they freeze embie number three?

Doll you have such a generous spirit to put yourself in others shoes. I am so sorry this didn't work. It is bloody unfair.

I am glad you have your hsg report sar. I'm sorry I can't offer helpful advice, but just hope that things look up for you. You truly deserve some good luck after everything you've been through.

Buzz interesting that you have cramps already. Any sign of af yet?

I just went to the loo and found a blob of cm with blood in it. Has anyone else had this? No more blood when I wiped. I think it's prob just one of those things. I'm still charting and haven't seen anything different on my chart, so I'm sure I'm not preg, but just wondering whether this means anything or not. It's probably nothing.

I haven't had that critter what cycle day are you?

Critter , I have had tiny streaks of blood in ewcm around ovulation occasionally. I agree we need 2 know what cycle day u r. It may b a good thing tho if its ovulatinon as shows it was strong or if in 2ww. Wil watch wi interest. Got 2 go. About 2 go on a hen night.

That's wonderful nelly and I think that you were absolutely right to go with two embies if that was the clinic's recommendation. My friend (with the 10 week old icsi baby) had just one pretty average embryo transferred and obviously it worked so you have every chance. Settled on names for the embies yet?

critter I have had cm and brown or red blood at just about every possible time in my cycle so have stopped seeing it as a sign. In fact, it's the months when nothing happens that I get my hopes up .

Ok have to rush. Cooking dinner for a jet lagged dh.......

sar enjoy your hen do :-)

critter I have in the past but again we need to know what day you are on before we can give you our professional opinions :-) well with my laptop gone I am unable to look things up on my ledger but last cycle I ovulated late and AF came a day early so had a shoerter lp which is what I think is happening this cycle, the cramps are quite bad right now or it could just be my insides complaining about too many mince pies

Interesting. I am on cd 149 (!) counting from my last (clomid induced) period. I guess it could be anything. I so hope it is my ovaries stirring themselves from sleep. Probably just a vague effort at movement with no actual ovulation though. I suppose I'll know in two weeks.

critter you better get seducing Mr C then

Oh critter yes that's very difficult to say then. Was it your mum that was mentioning pandas ? I loved that even though I can't imagine the craziness that these cycles must bring. I do hope for you some stirrings of a useful type. We all have our own character of pain with TTC don't we? The big finger is out there.... X

Thanks guys, if it's nothing then I still have ivf in a month. And if I have ovulated then that's great. It was my mum with the panda comment yes! I had a temp jump the day before yesterday but not enough to make ff think I'd ovulated. And some cm this week too. Well, nothing to do but wait. I am so glad I have this board because there is literally noone I could ask about this level of personal detail in real life!

Indeed critter wait and hope then IVF if this cycle doesn't work out. The lead up to IVF can be a bit tense regarding the ironic diff but a plan is it place and with your 'challenging' cycles I imagine it may be a good thing to put them in the hands of the docs for a round that might feel more 'under control'. My cycles are totally predictable in every way but I felt a 'release' by doing the IVF despite the very particular difficulties with it. I know what you mean about the thread though I do sometimes have visions of some poor soul searching 'Beirut' for some reason and getting our thread with embie hostages

I agree Doll. Knowing what is happening has been cathartic for me except when nothing was happening and I went a bit loopy. I'm always amazed critter by how upbeat you are. I think you will find IVF quite exciting in your circumstances. though of course that's not for me to presume .

The embies names? Well given I think I've got an egg from each side, and the welly connection, I want to call them Right and Left. But that's not very affectionate . Will take suggestions from you clever lot!

Off the bed to allow embie 1 and embie 2 to get comfy

Thanks doll, that is very thoughtful and astute of you re ivf build up. I am still really sad about the Beirut three and in awe of how you have dealt with things. A big hug.

Hope the hen night is huge fun sar and full of sparkly knob waving for real, and cocktails of course!

Buzz we have managed a couple of sffs over the past few days. Kayla sounds hilarious! Interesting about your cycle... Hmmm.

Xpost nelly, I would venture hamish and dougal. Or continuing with the alcohol theme, talisker and laphroaig. I think my general steadiness is due to not having hormones going apesh*t due to my lack of mentrual cycle, it makes it easier when you don't have to deal with periods in a weird way. Off for karaoke with MrC tonight, will be wishing the Scottish embies a soft landing in their new home!

nelly yes that part - when nothing much seemed to happening - was a difficult bit I agree, I remember you saying it was like an exam where you studied the wrong thing, that's exactly how I feel. My doctor set an unrealistic tabletable estimate and I wasn't educated enough to understand the degree of variation possible. critter I would say the two things I that were hard in my case were the total length (50 days) seemed endless to me due to the following combination of factors, I did LP and my period was a few days late, my stimming took a little extra time and my natural cycle is short (23 to 25 days) so that comparison was there. So for you none of these things may apply (certainly not the last one!). Doubts resulting from quality of care was my other issue which should not be applicable to you or anyone else here. I'm not saying that you will not have your own set of challenges, you will, but at least here are some you won't have. In all honesty, I could start the process again tomorrow assuming I could locate my doctor of course I'll not be doing so, of course. There are other things coming up like Chirstmas drinking

I will be attempting a follow up with my doctor tomorrow if only for a wtf regarding the fact that no one has followed up with me. I don't think this is his personal oversight and I don't even know if he is well again (he was seriously ill I think, when I did the fucked up, phone call inclusive ET) I should seek some closure I believe not least to look for reassurance with view to the worth of a second round. Ken purchased a second HPT yesterday which was negative this morning and I've stopped the drugs. We had a laugh about the HPT purchase as I revealed to him that I hate buying them because I always imagine the staff giving each other high fives when I leave while going 'yeh right, as if she's pregnant' and howling with laughter For this reason I can't go to the same pharmacy more than once (this would prove them right, you see). The Friday purchase was my third in this city done close to home but in a crap pharmacy run by some relatives of the Adams Family, I figured I could afford to cross it off my list

Sorry for lack of name checking despite reading everyone's posts. Happy Sunday to all. X

Oh doll, it's all so shitty. I still can't believe the phone call in ET. Your care was crap, but having said that even the best clinics in the world don't have 100% success rates. It's often just a numbers game. I know what you mean about buying hpts. I chuckled about confusing the hell outta the cashier, by buying a hpt and some extra super massive sanitary towels at the same time! Anyway big hugs and do be nice to yourself over the next few weeks drink lots of Xmas booze.

critter I've had ewcm with blood in it at 2 points in my cycle - around ovulation and also a day or 2 before af appears. Sounds like your hormones are onto something :) Hope the karaoke was fun. Do you have a tried and tested song??

doll yay for having tali and laph on board! I hope you are taking it easy and they are making themselves comfortable. That's amazing that all 4 fertilised without icsi. .

buzzy hope your migraine has finally gone, you poor thing. Am keeping my fingers crossed that the cramps are something good and not af trying to make an appearance. And well done on home iui. I contemplated that, back in the days before we knew about the sperms issues...

sar I hope the hen do was fun. The hsg report sounds pretty inconclusive? Hopefully your op will give you some real answers. It must be so frustrating not knowing what's really going on in there. Hang on in there chuck.

joy so sorry to hear about the evil thrush. As I know I'm highly unlikely to be preggers, I take the kill everything thrush tablets, which seem to work well.

princess awwww, I was sooo pleased to hear about your scan and the little baybee. It is such fab news and you so deserve it. I'm also please to hear you are feeling a bit less pukey!

euro I was sad reading about your empty womb moment, but you've had a hard time with the cp. Hope you are ok now. Are you off to Korea soon? I saw some article yesterday in which Korea was claiming to have unicorns!!

artemis I hope the good news has sunk in! I am sorry about the crash though. I've only recently learnt to drive and still find it bloody terrifying. Your poor car too.

What you said about the nurse saying there were 3 possible results from the blood test is interesting. It does make me wonder whether I should man up and do a blood test in future rounds. Sadly our friends abroad doing ivf at the same time as us had the 'possibly' result but the hcg had decreased by the time and the next test and it didn't work out. I think in a way that's worse than a straight bfn.

pout I am excited for you that you are at the top of the ivf list! That seems quick! Where's my bloody free ivf?! I wouldn't worry about stress and ivf. It will make it all less pleasant, but it may also give you something else to focus on? I had some really serious family shit going on with my first cycle and apart from the odd why is everything is shit moment, I didn't have time to worry about the injections etc. I hope you find another lovely house soon.

Waves to madness, rabbit, freedom, teu mrs d and everyone else.

I'm slightly hungover today! Urgh and I have to go shoe shopping for shoes for a wedding next weekend. We managed some sff yesterday, which was good, although I could feel the scars, or whatever they are from the EC. A rather odd feeling. I 've been having ovary pain too. I guess they're just waking up for this cycle and are still a bit tender. They didn't like the sff...

We're generally ok at the mo, with all the December distractions, but I know January is going to be hard. I do genuinely feel like I will never be pregnant now, but am currently not being devastated by that thought. I think we'll go for it with treatment next year - FET, iui, possibly an egg sharing ivf round- and then move onto adoption. It's getting to the stage whereby I don't care how we get a child, as long as we get one!

Just noticed these are back . Bring on Christmas!

Sunday greeting time! Got a bit behind I think but going to try and do a catch up of sorts.

doll I've been thinking about you a lot. I'm so sad on your behalf that your quality of care was not up to scratch. At all. I hope you've been going easy on yourself this weekend.

nelly I felt a bit tearful when I read the red haired twins were back in their home. Well done for getting so far.

pout it's amazing you are at the top of the list. The shit do I really want a baby thought is quite normal I think. During the whole October gate maybe I was pregnant for a microsecond event, I had a shit are we ready thought. It was mostly hugely displaced by grinning though. So I think we are definitely ready! But we have spent our whole adult lives trying not to have a baby. It's a strange old thing. How goes the house hunt going?

gin hurray for boozy weekends. It's not by any means game over for you. I too feel like I just want to be a mum now and it is mattering less how I get there. I never thought I would feel that.

sar I'm not sure of the following will help you much but the report I got after my big op was wrong. It described my womb as being anteverted when actually it is retroverted and they apologised for the mix up. When I read it I was totally confused as it went against all they had told me. I'm not sure who writes the notes. I think you need to make a list of all the things you want answering. I still have some questions that plague me and I intend to not leave the hospital next year until I get answers! I hope you enjoyed your hen do and got to let your hair down.

critter another one here to say I am always uplifted by your posts. It sounds as if something is going on in there!

art post weekend update?

Big wave to everyone else. I feel like I've missed bits, sorry.

This weekend has had nice things in it, blue skies, frosts, Xmas markets, sticky toffee pudding, housey things and seeing friends. All good. Mostly. Nar a comment I got on Friday from someone nosing who said well maybe it's natures way of saying you weren't meant to have children. It's made me feel a lot which is a blow as I was doing really pretty well. Aren't people dicks sometimes?

rabbit I seriously cannot believe someone said that to you. WTF? What an unbelievably horrible and unkind - not to mention totally idiotic - sentiment. It says far more about them than it does about you. For what it's worth, I think you'll be an amazing mum and that your child will be a very lucky little person. I know we were talking about religion earlier - well, it does always interest me how much infertility there is in the Old Testament and also in fairytales and myth. People have been dealing with this pain for a long, long time in human history. And still other people manage to be horrible to them. Also, WTF about them getting the notes on your uterus wrong? Seriously, how hard can it be to write something down correctly? Argh. I am sorry you've had such a knock and you're doing wonderfully to remain cheerful under the circs. Sticky toffee pud sounds divine, I miss it here! I wonder if I could make it myself successfully - anyone tried?

gin I hope the shoe shopping was productive and that the hangover was worth it. I had a bit of a hangover myself today - my karaoke antics last night had me paying the price this morning! My karaoke highlight was singing Common People by Pulp, our two friends hadn't heard of Pulp or the song but according to MrC I 'killed it' with my rendition ! My pal who I think I've talked about here before, the former Miss Teen Mississippi, sang various country classics and a good time was had by all. I know what you mean about Christmas being a good distraction. It's good that you have a plan and we will be here for handholding through it. You've been really amazing at dealing with all this shit - I am constantly inspired by how ladies on this board cope. I'm also really sorry about your friends' BFN.

doll 50 days is gruelling. And the quality of care issue still makes me angry. Especially the no follow up. I know it makes a good story but it really is outrageous that they haven't called you, not to mention all the other unbelievable unprofessional moments in your treatment. It's just a massive pile of shit that you had to deal with crap medical care on top of everything else. I'm so sorry, I wish that you'd had a better experience and of course I wish it had worked. If it had worked, it would be easier to overlook the massive litany of cock-ups on the way. It's just completely shit and I am so sorry.

Waves to everyone else - I put up our tree today and am having a lovely evening at home with all the twinkly coloured tree lights on, watching Elf with MrC. I absolutely love Christmas. December is my favourite month, all the lovely sparkly festiveness, the jolly music - and it's my birthday on Wednesday and MrC and I have plans to go out after work for celebratory drinks. I am actually pretty glad not to be IVFing right now as it means I can partake in the mulled wine, hooray!

rabbit I saw your post just before I went to bed last night and am back to reply before the boys get up and I get distracted with morning things. critter has beaten me to it - I only tells of their situation not of yours. But it is profound twattery. I'm sorry love, really sorry. I'm not sure I mentioned this before but I was sitting with a friend with her newborn in her arms and her toddler running around with little doll. By the reports of this family the kids were both 'accidents' (long standing married professional couple in late thirties) and children "just come when they are ready". So by extension it's "natural" that some people are rewarded and some people are not? Only kids that pop out yelling "surprise!" should be welcomed into this world? Same sex couples should not have children, IVF shouldn't be undertaken and little doll should have died in a ditch of exposure? Nature doesn't know who should be a parent and who shouldn't. It's just nonsense. For a few people having children takes extra bravery, tenacity and strength and sometimes, unfortunately, shed loads of money. I had a moan to said women's husband actually, he said she had always had a hard time organising her head around having children and this idea of "coming when they are ready" gave her comfort. rabbit I often pass a thought your way when I try and catch some of the bright winter sun on our terrace. It's a little perk that I have in excess and I know you would appreciate, so I send some your way. X

It only tells not 'I'....

Thanks critter and doll I don't rate this persons views but it has still taken the wind out of my sails. I think it's the notion that other people can possibly think this way perhaps. Or that I'm viewed as lesser. I don't know. To make matters worse I have watery pink bleeding today at about a week or so after ov. But using the cosmos rule this has happened before with no baby imminent. I did wonder if my period is going to rock up stupidly early again.

doll how are you feeling off the drugs?

critter sticky toffee pud is quite easy to make with good outcomes!

Where is everyone? I'm running round the tents feeling like everyone left the festival! Come fluff my dropping feathers. I am right tired of all of this. It's like climbing up a mountain with no visible summit.

We haven't left you rabbit I'm running into a meeting now and will be back to check in later. Consider your feathers fluffed. X