The femmes fatales of the BESH are lying back and thinking of England

[maamalady]

As witches and pumpkins become old hat, the BESH are scrubbing up well in salute to James Bond in general and Skyfall in particular. Put on your slinky cocktail dresses and stiletto heels, grab a Martini, and start schmoozing with well-dressed secret agents.

Insta-diffs will be shot with a quip but without a qualm. Anyone else wanting to join can dodge a few bullets post the BESHtionnaire.

Thanks for the support...loverly lily is clearly not a gin person...probably good old wholesome tap water up there with her self-righteous claptrap. God that feels better.

Must be lovely to be lillyloveslife, floating along on a mindless little cloud of insensibility. Or do I mean insensitivity? Both, why not?

I also have the sore buzzwarms. But that might be due to the time spent wearing a bikini rather than useful bra type thing.

(don't worry folks- last day of my holibobs. How are the floods? )

You know what? I wish I was as good as some other posters. Damn my hag ways. Snarfle.

Oh, and who's doing the new fred? Times getting short. ESP with new blood willing victim new person in our midst.

I would, but will have no Internet tomorrow. And I did the one before this.

winkley?

Morning hags. I am tired today after a late night last night. We took a friend to see We Will Rock You for a much-belated birthday present. Twas fun. At one point, I thought I might have to get very shouty at someone as another couple came along who appeared to have also booked our seats. Until I pointed out that their tickets were for 22 October and yesterday was 22 November.... The show was good fun. And we got chips from the local dirty kebab place on the way home.

Ooo, fresh blood. Interesting....

Are we really doing a kittens feem?

Kittens was a daft idea. It doesn't really go anywhere! I only said it because I had been watching the dear little kittens on the webcam!

Kittens would compromise our image as mean horribles.

The feem that obviously presents itself is a Christmas one, but is that too obvious? With the current weather an apocalypse one almost seems like an idea.

My buzzwams still hurt and I got a major bollocking AND a very overdue flu jab at the asthma clinic this morning. The nurse was Unimpressed by my poor management of it. She then told me I would have to be more organised when I had children

Did you kick her in the cunt?

Yes, how about an apocalypse thread? Good one.

Didn't someone propose a Victorian Christmas themed thread a few threads ago?

I like the idea of an apocalypse feem. I could bring guns.

Nobody got kicked. She was behind a desk then had a stabby thing to defend herself. And based on my pathetic peak flow reading I am too feeble of lung to exert myself in that manner.

So a Victorian Christmas/apocalypse split. Votes?

You know the official day of doom is actually 21 December. My 30th birthday. So at least ill be pissed when I die.

Naked man on a statue outside my office! How thrilling!

Get a pic and post it on the internet

Is it the Naked Rambler?

Oh! I have found Norf's naked man. Turns out there was no need to take a photo and put it on the internet after all.

Ooo, that's also right outside HWHNN's place of work. He's not there, he's in bed asleep

This link says Scotland Yard thought he might have had a knife.

WHERE?!?!

And what was he planning to do with it? There was a limited number of cuttable things up there...

One thing (or two things) come to mind...

Oh, thank god we're not doing a kitteh fred. I just didn't have the strength to argue yesterday after that horrible lily called me bitter

Tis early for Victorian gentlemen. That should surely take us to Christmas, what with all the Yule logs and wassaling open to us.

Let's do apocalypse. I have my shotgun and bunker readied. I have more than enough canned food to make a pig sick and my mullet is coming on a treat.

My mission that I chose wildly to accept!

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Yes, I'm an old sea dog!

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Oh I'm a cougar but I wish I'd had the sense to be a gold digger - must be nice not to be poor!

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

Well I have it from the teens at my work that poopoo is the new form of birth control - no risk of prenancy - so I'll be avoiding that and sticking with foofoo.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings

Well I like boxercise so I'll pick a) plus the other would make me vomit.

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

the source of all evil - I think he bullies C3P0

6. what colour are your walls?

Magnolia - it was a bulk job to get rid of the old person look when we moved in. Prior to that the whole house was a fetching shade of frog arse green.

7. Number of pets?

none but I have adopted some local cats

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

When I was much younger Michael Jackson.
Now it's probably Damien Lewis - ginger fetish.

9. Lesbian crush?

Natalie Portman

10. What are your views on camping?

It's how we spend our holidays - over the years I have insisted on an upgraded tent you can stand up in and electric hookup but I have been known to 'rough it'

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?

i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
ii) Over 100 quid
iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

I'm developing a OPK habit - the clearblue type - but i havent told my husband what they cost...

Submitting for your approval/scrutiny. ooh I'm nnervous...

Damien Lewis - CRUSH OF SHAME??? Shame? I would so do him. We would have little ginger babies.

Other than that, good answers especially the cat one.

Sinky, so what if you're bitter? You're a BESH - that's what we do. She can get stuffed

Hmm, I think you can find a more shameful crush than him, blue

Aside from that, looks good :)