The femmes fatales of the BESH are lying back and thinking of England

[maamalady]

As witches and pumpkins become old hat, the BESH are scrubbing up well in salute to James Bond in general and Skyfall in particular. Put on your slinky cocktail dresses and stiletto heels, grab a Martini, and start schmoozing with well-dressed secret agents.

Insta-diffs will be shot with a quip but without a qualm. Anyone else wanting to join can dodge a few bullets post the BESHtionnaire.

Husband has been flirting and wore his best pants. So when he said 'let's go to bed' I thought I was getting some.

He's snoring away next to me. I'm pretty sure I'm about to ovulate - this month has been completely wasted.

Anyone got any reasons why I shouldn't smother or divorce him? :(

Winkly that's truly gutting. I really think that like one of the other hags suggested it might be worth packing him off to the Drs. It's emotional abuse of him to be quite honest, the whole infertility thing is stressful enough without uncooperation from a key participant.

I've had a day of very mixed emotions. Spent hours this afternoon talking with my aunty who is infertile. She hasn't ever ovulated once naturally and took clomid for years!!!! I mean literally years. She had a pregnancy after two years on it which produced my cousin but didn't carry to term. She then fell pregnant almost immediately after giving birth (think weeks) but that little girl was still born at 26 weeks. This was all by the age of 27 (and 40 years ago). Tried then for another 20 years with one further pmiscarriage after more clomid and finally gave up for good at 43. Apparently my nan tried for years and years, only ever two babies. We are obviously a very infertile family! So, not feeling wholly confident. She was so sad. She was telling me that she so badly wanted a huge family but it just wasn't to be. 40 years ago, well, even 25 odd years ago when she finally threw in the towel there just wasn't anything around like there is these days. She wasn't even allowed to see the baby girl that died because it wasn't 'good form' in those days. Told nothing really about her other than the sex of the baby, it was just taken and destroyed with other medical waste I suppose. Horrific. She said the Drs were just unpleasant and not particularly caring. It just must have been horrendous.

slaps I cannot imagine how awful that was for your aunt. I do think medicine has improved with respect to appreciating the human being behind the patient - too late for your aunt though.

I have moved into the.spare room. So bloody angry. I sent him to the doctor a while back but he clearly underplayed it, the doc did a blood.pressure test and said 'yeah shift work can affect your libido', and it was left at that.

During our horrible row last week I said no more porn and that I always knew because his ipad history was cleared. I was out for a few hours today and when I got back, i had been logged out of mn. I don't log out; it only happens when private browsing is used or the web history is cleared. He hadn't touched the laptop since he got the ipad. So I wonder why he used it today for private browsing. Hmm.

Clearly I have relationship rather than fertility ishoos :(

So sad tipps

I suppose we should be appreciative of the help we can get these days.

I think my family is on the less fertile spectrum as well. My granny had my dad in the when she was late 30's. And in the 1940s I'd imagine that was geriatric in terms of first babys. All my aunts were adopted after that. I suspect dad was a hard won win. (aunts and cousins appear to fall pregnant at the sight of a man)

the fact my mum had ovarian cancer at 29 doesn't do anything to help my feeling that my chances weren't great from the off...

Oh winkly, such a shit situation. Your suspicions are most likely right on the porn front too, sounds like he has an issue. Trouble is because it seems to have been so 'normalised' by men they genuinely can't believe that it has any kind of impact on their libido. There always seems to be a lot of threads on the relationships forum about it. Is it something you have brought up at the couples counselling? I really don't know what to suggest. Have you talked about perhaps what he thinks is missing from your sex life, what he thinks he expects from it? Porn gives men massively unrealistic expectations of what women should be like their boundaries just get blurred then if we don't act how they expect us too they start to shut off. It's so easy to get hold of these days too, it's not even like a naughty treat, it's just something that can be watched during adverts or on phones etc and its really quite disturbing.

Sounds like there is no hope for us then sinky! It is a very sad situation though thinking about it for those who it is actually too late for. My aunty was just so sad and said it was her biggest regret in life which is awful really because you can only regret the things you didn't try to achieve and my god did she try. I hate the thought that I might get to that place too one day, never really get over it and just always have to plough on. That scares me a bit.

Right AIBU - the wording of this is wrong, is it not, or have I missed something and she's posted the words of some famous poet I'm not cultured enough to know about (friend posting on FB):

'To all that has fallen. We will not forget you. Today we will remember them that has fallen and them that are still fighting'.

I find running really, really difficult, but enjoy eating the calories it let's me enjoy without piling on the pounds. Almost nothing else is as efficient at burning calories! I was always shit at sport at school. Poor eyesight (but couldn't manage sport without glasses falling off) meant that I couldn't see the bloody ball until it was almost hitting me in the face for ball sports and I used to wheeze when I ran (lived with a very heavy smoking father and suffered the effects one of the reasons I am so anti now). I discovered swimming when I was about 18 and happened to be good at it, and took up running a while later, when no longer living in a cloud of nicotine. I'm shit at cycling though. I got on a bike for the first time in about a decade at the outlaws' place in France in May. It wasn't too bad, cycling through the local vineyards (hilly though). I'm too wobbly to try it in London though.

Oops, pressed post too soon.

Winkly that it shit. Can you talk to him about it? I have a pretty relaxed attitude to porn, but if my potential babies were being spaffed over some blonde bird with French polished nails and a bad boob job on the ipad I would be seriously pissed off.

Slap that is awful. We are lucky in comparison to previous generations that there are options out there to help, even if they are not exactly fun! I come from a pretty infertile family too. I'm an only, with my mum miscarrying 4 kids after me. My dad is an only. I've never talked to my gran about it, but I suspect that wasn't intentional. There are 9 years between my mum and her younger brother. But my grandparents were all from large families, as was typical back then.

Right, I need to stop posting and do some work. I have a couple of things to get done before Monday and I have to go Xmas shopping later! I never start this early but we only have three free weekends before Xmas at this point, due to visits and the holiday.

BTW, we went to see Bond yesterday. I liked it, but thought it wasn't quite as good as the last 2.

MissTickle that wording is definitely wrong. It should read...

'To all that have fallen. We will not forget you. Today we will remember those that have fallen and those that are still fighting'.

if my potential babies were being spaffed over some blonde bird with French polished nails and a bad boob job on the ipad I would be seriously pissed off. Arf.

slaps your poor poor aunt. And all the other women who suffered such casually callous treatment in those days. The thought of that stillborn little girl being chucked in the medical waste must be so agonising for her.

@ Euro. That's quite an image!

Also arfing at Euros French manicured whore!

winks, I cross posted with you last night- sorry if it looked like I was ignoring you. It sounds hard. Will he talk to you about it? Or just get defensive/angry?

Men are odd. Ghj doesn't get off on porn, but our problem is he has never provided him self with, ahem, hand relief. Never. He's tried it a few times since we started down the assisted conception road, but says it just gets sore and comes to nothing . This creates interesting problems when samples are required.

What I really want to ask him is, as a horny teenager, what did he do? I know he wasn't shagging around from his 12th birthday, but most men seem to claim its an essential bit of being a man..

As I said. Men are odd.

Oh, and in me news...

Hags with long cycles, (Frankle? Anyone else?) I'm on cd 40 something. When my cycles approached regular they were 35 ish days with ov around cd21 (prog on day 28 over 100, ewcm from cd 18 ish)

I had that this cycle around the right time, and was quite hopeful, but no droid, and now I'm getting the ewcm again. Why?

My last 2 cycles have been around 80 days. Any ideas what this rogue pant snot might be about?

It is officially menkulling my head.

Apologies for the grimness. As ever.

sinky no need to apologise. Nothing appears too grim for this thread! And I didn't think you were ignoring me, but I wouldn't have minded if you were - I even bore myself with my complaining sometimes. Afraid I have no helpful ideas about your pant snot so I will stamp my foot on your behalf.

Talked to Husband this morning. He emphatically denies using the laptop for porn yesterday, saying he was logged in to a site that needed flash so he couldn't use the ipad. I'm inclined to believe him - he can evade and downplay problems, but to my knowledge isn't one to tell outright lies. So the divorce is cancelled for now and I found some ewcm so all is not lost for the month, perhaps. Not that we don't have problems but we are in therapy and I love him.

Oh - euro - ICK to that mental image cheers safe to say he wouldn't spaff on the ipad itself (loves it more than me...)

But it's so wipe clean.....

(I'll stop now).

Your poor poor aunt :(. I can't believe they wouldn't even let her look at, let alone hold, the dead little baby. We are "lucky" now in that, if we lose a child even way before term we can have a funeral and say goodby properly.

I come from a fertile family. It's just me that's barren. I'm one of three, MrA is one of three, my mum and dad are both one of three, my grandparents on my dad's side were one of five and six respectively, and the GPs on my mum's side were both one of three. My sister has one already and is up the duff with her second and both girl cousins have at least three children each. Sigh.

This reminded me of my granny telling me that she had one of her babies and it was taken away. She swears she heard it crying but was told it was stillborn. She never got to see her baby either :(

My granny had 8 live births and my other granny had 4. My parents stopped at 2, don't know why, and my sister has 2 - one easy win and one surprise win. BIL1 has one surprise win, BIL2 has 2 with a tiny age gap so it's just us letting the side down.

Oh winkly. She must have been haunted by that cry. My heart hurts for her.

My friend lost her baybee at 35 weeks in July. She said the day they found out was awful but the day she had her was a good day. She got to see her little girl, wash her, clothe her, cuddle her and that gives her comfort. How awful for your aunt but thank goodness things have changed. Super fertile family here on both sides!

I never must weight more quickly than when I was training for the 10k at the start of this year even though I wasn't dieting!

Oh faif. I suppose life is so shitty sometimes we have to hold on to the moments of peace :(

We went out tonight to see the singer who played at our wedding. He's incredibly charismatic and knows how to work a room. His set tonight was a bit more 'gospel' than usual and some was so on the nose it was quite painful to listen to. I had a good sob (in public - mortified) but also a good laugh, a good sing AND I got transported back to the magic of our wedding day. That can only be a good thing.

We also went for a run today. It had better get me skinny - I can barely walk and I blame you lot!

I will run tomorrow. Maybe.

Just got back from a Jamie at Home party. Much like an expensive tupperware party but the stuff is pretty good quality. cue £70 later and i have bought a mixing bowl and a steamer. And signed up for my own party.

Wink make sure you stretch well afterwards!

Hey alwyn. You sound as easily led as me. I went to a cookery day course, and came away with a cookbook, several utensils and a metal scrapy thing (which is amaz-balls). I would have had a guillotine aswell if I thought I could have kept all my fingers...

Ran Sunday as well. feeling very virtuous, until I spent several pounds on more running gear.

I told you. I'm weak and like spending money.

Quiet on here today!

Faith I stretched well but my calves are still pretty sore. sinky you are a better woman than I am...

Alwyn enjoy your new stuff, I'm not a big Jamie fan but my Jamie balloon whisk has changed my life (a little bit)

I am extraordinarily tired today. I went on a go-slow at work, which translated into taking a full half hour for lunch and only finishing 30 minutes late.