Fantastic 40+ Thread - Part Eight.

[goldengirl71]

"Come on ovaries! Let's get this party started, yeah?"

JBrd, ditch your NCT friends. You have nothing in common with the smug bitches.

Muhahahahah....oh golden your dentist fantasy has really just made my day. Bloody fantastic.

Goldengirl, I am sort of reluctant to stop breastfeeding (because ds loves it, and he's hardly ever ill), i have cut it down to just one feed in the last month. I may indeed go further.

DH is not fully convinced about another baby all the time. Sometimes he says he wants dc1 to be an only child, other times he agrees that a sibling would be good. He's usually happy to do the shagging and he knows full well what my intentions are. So I've stopped actually discussing it with him

I've been using opk's for the last few months. I haven't been able to temp because I had been being woken up too often in the night for bfing. That should change now. I didn't catch an LH surge last month, and didn't get the nipple tenderness that had come post LH surge in the previous few months.

Anyway, I don't know how old you are, or much about your situation, but I hope that you do get your baby soon.

Gum, I am also haunted by pregnant women. I try to remind myself that we are actually in the middle of a baby boon. Not that that really helps.

oops, i meant baby boom, obviously

Remnant, nipple tenderness after LH surge?? What with you and Gum's and Hippy's ovulation pains I'm feeling a little inadequate on here! I hope you find some peace with the whole bf/ttc.
You asked how old I was et. I recently turned 41, have no children, had an abortion at 30 (boy, do I regret that) and a mmc at 11 weeks in March this year. I am a recovering alcoholic (been sober just over two years) whose only aim in life is to have a child. The longer I am not pregnant the stronger the voice which taunts me: 'what? You went through nine months of rehab and turned your back on everyone and everything in your life to come and live out here and you're still not a mother? What was the point of it all?' I am a freelance editor who does very little work (which is why I'm always on here), lives way out in the sticks and needs to find a job which gets me out of this house and far away from ttc threads

Not feeling much better, but have consoled myself with Lindt dark with coconut chocolate,a cup of tea and a British country living magazine. It will have to do. So sick of feeling lousy. Every day this week I have cried on the way home from work. Doesn't help that the job hasn't been great, loads of issues there, but all will probably be resolved next week and of course the PMS should be over soon and I will be more resilient.

golden I think you are right that our eggs are probably less than perfect, but I really have to believe there might be one good one in there, otherwise I will spiral down into the mire of deepest depression. This month I have taken it hard and it has made me realize how much I still want a baby. I also think sometimes it is about proving that my body can do it, and wanting to prove all the skeptics wrong, but ultimately it is about completing the family I dreamed of having ( and yes, I do know we can't always have what we dream of), and that means having a baby. God knows if my DH was up for it I'd be with an ivf clinic having donor eggs. But my DH just isn't and I know he won't ever be. However, he is happy to have unprotected sex and to risk it when the chances are so low, and to live with the consequences if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant.

I have thought some more about clomid, but one woman,my age, that I know, spoke to a consultant who said it might not be a good idea when the egg reserve is very low(which according to my AMH result, mine is low). However I have decided to stick with the Vitex and take DHEA for a couple of months to improve egg quality. I think it can take four months, but I don't care. I know Jollster took it for a while before she got her little boy, so I think it is worth a try, and maybe in January I might consider taking clomid. I am seeing my gp in a couple of weeks, I might discuss it with her, however I think she'd want to send me to a consultant (we call them "specialists" here) and I don't want to do that. It would involve a barrage of tests and bad news, and I don't need that.

The good news is that it is the weekend and my hubby's birthday tomorrow, so I will make Nigella's cloud cake, a cassata for dinner and other yummy things.

jbrd sorry you are feeling low too. If only we could just have our heart's desire

Crossed post with you golden. I am not sure about remnant, but that nipple tenderness she described was something I had too, but only when breast feeding and ovulating.

Don't feel inadequate, sweetie, you had big bulging follicles. I am feeling rather [henvy] and inadequate comparing my pathetic shriveled up pips. I just want a big juicy, genetically perfect egg to meet up with a strapping strong muscular genetically perfect sperm. Why oh why is that too much to fucking ask....for Pete 's sake, I seem to have managed it before[hangry]

deige I need the bistro tonight.litres of Riesling darling , crayfish salad, something with potatoes and loads of cream followed by cream brûlée . Muchas gracias. [hgrin]

Gum, what the hell is cassata? It sounds like a South American percussion instrument. (Also, can anyone tell me what 'metalling' is? I keep reading it on mumsnet). Please don't tell me Vitex is some kind of alternative therapy/medicine. What is DHEA? Sounds serious.

Gum, I am not rubbing salt in your already gaping wound - I would genuinely like to know - how many women on this thread have got pregnant and had a baby after the age of 43? I can think of Jollster and Lolfactor. Anyone else? Do you think, say, Lolfactor had all the tests you are now afraid of? Maybe she, too, was given crappy results? May I gently say, if I were your age, I would stay away from anything 'alternative' or 'herbal' and get stuck in with some serious drugs. What the fuck have you got to lose, Gum? So what if the egg reserve is low? The Clomid forces the eggs out - sometimes two at a time - and I thought I could trust my charts which told me, month after month, that I was ovulating. I wasn't. And that was a nasty shock to me.

Enjoy your DH's birthday (is he 52 now? See, I listen to everything on here). Nigella's cloud cake sounds divine - I had her ham in Coca-Cola the other week at my sister's. Very tasty. I still think she's a smary toff, though.

*smarmy!

Gum! Read this. Brilliant. Confirms you need the drugs: www.reproductive-medicine.com/index.php/news-a-articles/articles/19-there-is-hope-for-women-with-declining-ovarian-reserve

Hi everyone, hope that the Clomid has done its job GG. Everyone seems on a bit of a downer at the mo, me included, so we could all do with some good news soon.

I have a stinking cold and while the physical effects of the mc are behind me, I still feel really emotional and confused. Some days I tell myself to be happy with what I've got, that some people have been through such heartache I should consider myself lucky to have two healthy DDs, that having a third at our ages (42 and 52) would be impractical in so many ways, that ttc again may just lead to more upset. This was why, in so many ways, our little 'accident' was such a blessing, because it took all these decisions out of our hands, a very different scenario to actually making a conscious decision to conceive.
Yet like you Gum I have other days when I just feel so desperate for another baby to complete our family that I physically ache. Despite not having planned a third, there will always be someone missing now.

I'm aware that it's early days for me yet, that some of this might be hormonal, but I know that I can never go back to the way things were pre-mc. It doesn't help that DH, while agreeing in theory to try again, is not following through with the required action! He has moved on, and is trying to ease the pain for me by saying what I want to hear, hoping that I will change my mind I expect. I felt so angry with him last night, lying next to me snoring, completely oblivious to everything, while I feel in turmoil that our lives are at a crossroads and I don't know which path to follow. I want a crystal ball to see what the future holds for us...

Bah, sorry to offload. I went out shopping with my Mum yesterday and I just felt a bit of wreck, the shops seemed to be full of new Mums and babies and Christmas frivolity already and just don't feel up to enforced jollity this year. Hope this mood lifts soon or will have to hibernate to get through the approaching festive season.

Hi ladies, don't really know why I read the ttc threads today as I haven't been trying myself for more than 5 years now (ds is 4.7) but I was glued to them once and know what you are going through.

As some of you are feeling a bit down I thought I would try to cheer you up by telling you that I was 46 when I had my son (my one and only!). There were many times in my early 40s when I sat and wept at my childless state, but it happened for me and hopefully it can happen for you too.

Wishing everyone all the best x

Hi everyone . We will indeed be having the bistro tonight - theme: 'comfort food', so get your orders in. I'm having mashed potatoes with onion gravy, (quorn) sausages and yorkshire pudd, followed by apple crumble (with NO cinnamon or sultanas) and enough custard so that you can't see the pudding beneath. Your order is currently in the system Gum and should be with you shortly
I can see Golden how the scan can be a double edged sword. Lots of info' that does empower to some extent, but then at least when we get a bfn under usual situations we can blame timing etc etc whereas I can see how you have a lot of pressure on yourself. But then who's to say you won;t get a bfp? The odds are very good xx
Gum sounds like things are pretty tough at the moment - hopefully as you say work will resolve soon, but it's odd how lots of 'little' things on top of each other can really conspire to make us feel very down. Just wondering about the 'vitex' you speak of - is this the same as agnus castus?
I have decided I am going to get proactive and start ttc-ing (like Remnant and Gum dh knows my intentions and I'm not going to start informing him of cycle days etc). To be honest, he has admitted that he has been focusing too much on the practicalities (ie. money) the other day, and he still saya he'd love another baby, so that is enough in my book to signal the green light. But I'm not going to talk about it if that makes sense?
So once Amazon delivers with the new thermometer I will be joining in with charting, testing etc etc.

Thank you so much for sharing that tripletipple ,it does give hope!
If you don't mind me asking did you have any miscarriages/tests/treatment before you had your son at 46?
Sorry to be nosey !
x

irishmammy sorry i don't have much time to reply right now, dashing out.
I didn't have any tests done as I was too afraid of what I might find out! Hence no treatments. No mc, only conceived once (as far as I am aware).

Tripletipple, can I second Irish's thanks and may I ask if you used your own eggs and IVF?

Womble, please don't despair. I reckon you have a chance at 42 (drugs! drugs! drugs!) Miscarriages screw women up big time, I know. It's a cruel tease, making us think we're oh-so-fertile when, in reality, we were just extraordinarily flukey. All you can do from this point onwards is to be extremely patient, have all the tests you can afford and settle yourself in for the long haul. This won't help you whatsoever, but when I am feeling particularly 'woe is me..this is so unfair', I remind myself that, in evolutionary terms, we are not supposed to be having babies at this age; it isn't 'natural' and there are reasons why this struggle is so pronounced for the over-40s (get the drugs!)

Diege...hurrah! (get some drugs!)

Tripletipple, we crossed posts so I know you conceived naturally. Wow. I do wish, though, women wouldn't be afraid of having the tests. Surely it's better than believing everything is o.k and having false hope month after month?

just wanted to say brilliant news about tina 's BFP, cheese 's scan and golden 's follicles. so happy for you - hope is scary but it sounds like there's every reason for it.
xxx

Mmmm, Diege, comfort food sounds just the thing for this drizzly depressing weather. Can't beat bangers and mash then spotted dick and custard! Tripletipple, thanks for popping in and trying to cheer us all up, that's great to hear.

GG, I'm not sure that we'd go down the route of medical intervention yet - DH is still not convinced about my plan yet so like Diege and Gum I plan to appear nonchalant about the whole thing to him, whilst charting and temping and seducing at the necessary times. I suppose there's also a part of me that thinks the GP will just tell me to go away and get on with my menopause quietly and be grateful for the children I have.

Gosh ladies! What about tfi Friday? Everyone seems miserable but ttc gets to you like that, as I we'll know. No ti e to name check bit hugs to all.

I'm happy! Now on cd 15 , smiley this morning .dtd Wednesday and plan again tonight , Sunday and Tuesday! I'm remaining optimistic that my eggs ave it in them and dps sperm can all rise to the occasion [hgrin]

Ladies HELP....
So today was my appointment. As I think I have said before I already had an idea about my results so no surprises there. (I did however have to look like it was fairly new news to me as I'm not really supposed to access my own results.) Anyway, lady Dr started off by opening my results screen (obviously never looked at it before I came in) she started off smiley on seeing my HSG result and recent progesterone then her face fell and there was an audible "ohhh" on seeing the AMH of

PINK!! If you got your smiley this morning it's highly likely you will ovulate tomorrow. Have sex tonight and tomorrow. Fuck Sunday off and deffo fuck Tuesday off! Good luck [hsmile]

Bloody hell, *Calibee, I'm confused: 1) What the hell is Provera? 2) Are you ovulating according to your progersterone result? What was the score on day 35? 3) Can they explain why your cycles are 41 and 46 days?

Admittedly there's not much scope for advisement regarding your OH going away, so I guess it is up to you to consider the dates as best you can and work around them - although the days you need to take the Clomid are inflexible. I'll go and research Provera x

Right...so, Provera mimics progesterone which gives a kick up the arse to the other hormones which are misbehaving and giving you ridiculously long cycles. I think she's right in telling you to take it for 15 days before your period (which can be CD35 for you, poor cow) because that is how many days too long your cycle can be (if you count your 46 day one).

I think this is all really positive, Calibee - you really need to get those cycles down to 30/31 days maximum and then you can effectively utilise the Clomid during those cycles where DP's home leave coincides with your fertile window [hsmile]