Fantastic 40+ Thread - Part Eight.

[goldengirl71]

"Come on ovaries! Let's get this party started, yeah?"

Thankyou for the good wishes ladies. One day down...four to go lol. I did have a bit of a grovelling phone call this afternoon from the email writer of Friday afternoon, who had obviously heard from the person (whom I knew couldnt keep their gob shut) that I told this morning that I was disappointed with her behaviour and email writing skills and that I had booked an appointment to see both HR and Occupational Health. Hah. Its great to rely on the tittle tatlers to spread the news.....
Still awaiting AF.....maybe it was just too early after last af to start the provera and there was no lining to shed. I will start trying to calculate for the xmas break. DP will have a two week break yay

Calibee - I reckon you'll be having a very "Happy" Christmas this year with loads of shagging! I hope you get a fabulous little souvenir of Christmas with a positive HPT and a lovely baby.

Hello Geminita and welcome. I am so sorry for your miscarriage. I have had three and it isn't easy. I am glad you partner has come round and is understanding. My DH isn't keen on ttc, and although he is fully aware of how I feel, he believes that a 1% chance of getting pregnant is contraceptive enoughI personally believe that I have a better chance than 1%. I could be wrong, but I prefer to think I have a better chance than that, despite my exceedingly old age of 46 yearsI have fallen pregnant once at 41(at have a gorgeous 4 year old son) and twice at 44 and once at 45. I don't know if I'll end up with a baby, but I still believe I can get pregnant again, it's just a matter of time.

It can't hurt to get some testing done now, to know where you are at, because some things, like low progesterone, can be corrected. I had a whole lot of testing done after my second miscarriage and although it didn't help prevent another miscarriage, it did help reassure me that I was ovulating,and my progesterone levels were okay during the luteal phase. However, I am going to ask for progesterone to take if I get pregnant,because I have heard it can help women with previous miscarriages as it helps prevent the body from rejecting the fetus as a foreign body. As well as the importance of the level being high enough to maintain the pregnancy.

Also, your doctor may prescribe clomid, which might help.

It is very hard to stay sane and unobsessed when all you want is a baby. It's perfectly normal to feel that way, especially if you don't have any children of your own. I do have kids (whole bunch of them) and I still feel that longing very deeply, it must be even harder for you. Can you do something to help you relax - I have acupuncture which really helps me relax,(and might help my fertility too), I believe reflexology and massage is also helpful.

How is everyone else?

Deige, Irishmammy,remnant - haven't seen you in the snug for a while?

Hi all,

Thanks Gum, yes I'm still here. It's just hard to keep up with everyone! I've taken up knitting again while I wait so my typing fingers aren't so busy.

Welcome to Geminita. I'm also sorry to hear about your mc. I'm sorry to hear about everyone's to be honest. Good for you for asserting yourself about wanting to have a child after all this time. I made a similar decision a few years ago, after having convinced myself that having children was something other people did. Managed to convince my long standing partner to go for it and I feel very very lucky to have DS1 as a result. I gave birth to him at 40 and hadn't expected to want another, but seems like I do. I know the odds are against me, but better than odds of winning the lottery and those odds don't stop buying the occasional ticket.
If DH was more enthusiastic I'd consider more intervention, but I know that's out of the question for me.

Anyway, I'm still waiting for my AF. It will be 28 days if I get to the end of tomorrow, which will be a great result for me if it means I've regulated my cycle. If it turns into a really long cycle that's not such good news. I think cutting down BF's will have made the difference, but I've also been pumping myself full of vitamins thanks to Fireflies. So, so far then, I'm feeling quite optimistic, looking forward to trying the CBFM next month, and hoping I find DH in a compliant mood when the time comes. Not much point in all this if that doesn't happen!

Sorry Golden about the adoption thing!

Hoping you keep on top of bullies Calibee
Thanks again Gum, Golden, Bluebird and others for keeping all the information flowing

morning ladies - I'm really sorry but I feel like having a moan/rant/general upset type post this morning. I'm just feeling so low and sad at the moment. I know this should be the happiest time of my life but I'm really feeling the lack of supportive family around me at the moment and how my poor babies won't have loving grandparents around them as they're growing up.

When my dh told his parents who live in France on Sunday I felt they weren't really interested, just oh congratulations, not thats fantastic we're really excited to be grandparents. In fact before he told them my dh said we'd really like you to come over to england in June next year and straight off his dad said oh no we don't want to come to England, I could tell it hurt my dh and I just wanted to punch his dad right there and then! We also found out indirectly theyd sold their house in England last year and hadn't bothered to tell us but were happy to rub in the fact theyd just bought a new 4x4. Perhaps they think we would ask them for money if we knew - I dont mind saying I dont want a penny from them theyve never helped us out and we've never asked

sorry it probably all sounds petty but I could weep at the moment - my best friend is a gran to one at the moment and has 2 more grandchildren on the way and is absoloutely thrilled, she's there for her daughters and I just wish all the time she was my mum (I see mine twice a year, she's never bothered calling me or coming to see me since 1993)

I know I'm not the only one in this position and that its been brought home to me because I'm pregnant now and I'm very hormonal but its just preying on my mind at the moment and I just feel so so sad

sorry to dump and moan about this but I dont want to upset my dh :-(

Thanks guys for your responses - it's nice to know that you're not the only one going mad!

Had a good chat with DP last night and I have booked an appointment with my Dr for Friday morning - going to ask to have my eggs etc tested, so at least I will know where I stand and can make an informed decision about what to do next........... will let you now how I get on.

Anyone who can advise any further, would be very much welcomed.

Thank you again and wishing everyone else the best of luck too xxxxx

Tina, I will let you have a little cry [passes tissues to Tina] and then I will tell you how children do not need grandparents. Some families are lucky enought to have tons of oldies around who are fit enough to join in fun and games, or to fly off on holdays with us, or to be of serious practical or financial help. Then there are families who are stuck with crumbly old whiskery feckers who do nothing but moan about the war and how shit it is now and how milk used to cost a shilling. They are so decrepit and bitter you would just rather they 'went' away. Then there are families like mine where all the grandparents died really young and my sister and I can't remember a single one of them. It hasn't affected us one iota that we have no grandparents and neither will it matter to your twins.

Maybe you are actually grieving the estrangement from your own mother at this hormonal stage of your pregnancy? It doesn't sound as though your husband's parents are that groovy to have around anyway, Tina. They're obviously intent on living it up since their retirement and when oldies start spending their savings there's no stopping them. They go mental and start to lose sight of the rest of the family at home and any issues they may be struggling with. Start as you mean to go on, Tina. You are building your own little family now and you mustn't look around you believing others have it better than you. You are massively blessed with those twins. Who needs fecking grandparents anyway? Lots of them smell of wee, don't have a clue who we are, cost a fortune in residential fees and think it's still 1941. Who needs that? It's not all Werther's Originals and hand-knitted booties. Chin up, love, and ride those hormones out. Come and rant here any time x

P.s...can you tell us more about your mum and what happened in 1993?

Geminita, that's smashing news - you will feel better having armed yourself with some knowledge. As you are just beginning your ttc journey I would suggest that you get to know your cycles inside out (which days are your fertile window, which day you ovulate, tracking your cervical mucus, how long your luteal phase is etc) and you can do this by using a basal body temperature thermometer (Amazon, a few quid) to chart your temperatures each morning. Go to www.fertilityfriend.com where you can plot your temperatures and really educate yourself about charting and fertility. Buy some cheap internet ovulation predictor kits (OPK) which are little strips you wee on which can tell you when you are 36-48 hours away from ovulation (this gives you enough notice - supposedly! - to get enough sperm in place, that is if you haven't been bed-rocking already like maniacs for the last week )

Buy Zita West's Guide To Getting Pregnant (Amazon, a few quid) which is comprehensive, addictive to read and very informative. Knowledge Is Power!

bless you golden youre such a tonic, I've been laughing my head off at your comments lol - I think you're right about my mum. Basically she didn't bring me up my gran did so I did have lovely grandparents who were around, both dead now but I still miss them particularly my gran very much.

My mum isn't a bad person she's just strange I guess I've never talked to her about anything important she's never asked me about my life or how I'm doing and never wants to come over to my house when I've asked her. She basically has her routine in the day (shopping followed by soaps) that she can't interrupt, i think it comforts her or something. She buys a lot of stuff from catalogues then stashes it in her room and doesn't open it (I was told this by my brother). She was mentally abused I believe by my dad whilst they were married as he was intelligent and she wasn't really so much, so as well as knocking her about physically I think he also meesed up her head. I do feel sorry for her life as she hasn't really had one but I saw her do some awful things when I was small (she used to be horrible to my grandad for some reason even though he sheltered her and all of us and on one occasion she pushed him around and attacked him because he didn't answer the door to someone knocking)

I was never told why I was brought up by my gran instead of her although i remember being scared of my dad's tempers and I haven't bothered asking about this or anything serious as she gets very flustered and upset. 1993 isn't that significant just that my daughter was 2 at the time and that was probably the last time she came over to the then house I was living in, since then she hasn't bothered. I go over on xmas eve, mothers day and thats it as she makes us feel so unwelcome when we go there. My dh has remarked that I can't look her in the eyes and its true. I probably sound cold but I don't look on her as a mother as that was what my gran was to me - she was the one who cared for me when i was sick, gave me huge amounts of love and was there for me when my daughter was born and I needed advice - my mum wasn't

wow sorry to rattle on, I feel like I should be laying on a couch with Dr Golden asking me probing questions lol.

I think youre right about my dh's parents, he had had similar issues with them and his mum stopped talking to him for a year when he had an argument with her about his upbringing, during that time he tried to kill himself and had a complete breakdown (another story) but she never relented being more concerned about the fact he swore at her during the argument - if I stopped talking to my daughter evertime she swore at me we'd never see each other but diferent generations I guess

I suppose that I wanted to recreate my loving grandparents for my children but as you say you didn't miss yours and neither will my babies - one good thing about having ineffective rubbish parents is that you can learn from their mistakes and hopefully not make the same ones!

thanks Golden you're a star

Test

Tina, I think you are really lucky to have had those wonderful grandparents and I can see how you would want to recreate that dynamic within your own little family. However, your grandmother was simply fulfilling the role which your mother was unable to carry out. You will be nothing like your mum and your twins will want for nothing in terms of love and sacrifice. It sounds to me as though your mum has suffered from some kind of breakdown herself - certainly she has OCD issues with the hoarding and the refusal to break from routine. It's really hard when we have tried and failed to connect with parents who we would expect to love us in 'normal' ways. How hard can it be to open your fucking heart and throw your arms around your daughter and want to be a part of her little family? But some mothers (and fathers) find this nigh on impossible and it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the vision they have of themselves and what they have become.

Your mum sounds like she has suffered quite considerably in her marriage and has lashed out and retreated into a shell in equal measure. You cannot fight her demons for her - she is an adult - all you can do is keep telling her you love her and that she is welcome in your home. When she rebuffs you it is because she cannot cope with the vision she has of your family (she had to retreat when your daughter was two) and you may as well accept this. People are fucking weird and this includes our loved ones. If they have suffered in their lifetime but failed to embrace the next generation that is their loss. Keep looking within your own little unit and build the life you want from there x

Peaches Geldof is 12 weeks pregnant after giving birth only six months ago. What the absolute downright fuck?!? I hate 23 year-olds.

I read somewhere she has pcos and was told she'd have difficulty conceiving, obviously she didn't find it that difficult!

Hello! Just popping in to say hi - have been poorly with a horrible sickness bug but feeling better for the first time in 5 days, so hope to be back properly with you all soon!

Diege!! I was beginning to suspect you were preggo and too chicken to tell us

Hee hee, I must say though that the nausea was a horrible reminder of how (viable) pregnancies seem to affect me!
Have to err 'do the deed now' (a 'freebie' so to speak as neg opk...) Must show willing though

Hello, Deige, sorry to hear you've been ill, glad you're on the mend.

I think I might have picked up something too, have been feeling very tired and last night felt nauseous, and again this morning - mainly when I'm hungry. Weird. But not symptom spotting as that would be mad at this stage of the 2ww. At this stage I always feel okay about everything - that there's a chance I could be pregnant, but most likely I'm not, and that's okay because life is good,I have a lovely family,good job,great lifestyle etc,etc. This time next week I will be angst ridden, woe-is-me, I desperately want a baby,wah!

Fancy Peaches getting upduffed so soon. Doesn't she know about contraception? Lucky bitch.I'm Flippin jealous.

My sister was diagnosed with PCOS.But I'm not sure the diagnosis was correct. Anyway, she wasn't having periods or ovulating and was obese, so that's the diagnosis she got. She conceived her fist child after 7 years of ttc: she did clomid for months,had her tubes cleared went off the clomid and fell pregnant.Then fell pregnant again when the baby was 4 months old. She then didn't get pregnant again for 8 years.That's when they diagnosed PCOS. The amazing thing was that she got sick with a stomach ulcer, lost tonnes of weight and got pregnant. Her + hpt coincided with a visit to her doctor to get her fertility test results. Guess what? The doctor told her,with her results,she would not get pregnant - so she handed him the positive test and said, "you're wrong!". then, when that baby was 6 months old, bam, fell pregnant accidentally again! Of course she was younger than 35 in all those instances. But you know, she got pregnant again (this is the one who had all the fertility troubles) at 39, whilst on the pill (though she did have gastro around the time, and I guess the pill wasn't working). She didn't have the baby as it was her "lover's" babe and she's married.But that's a whole other story...

Anyway that's enough babbling from me.

Seeyou later

P.S. I "won" a CBFM on ebay. I got caught up in a bidding war with someone else who wanted it and ended up paying far too much, and now feel really stupid for buying it. Now I have to find some spare cash to waste on the sticks! I'm an idiot, I probably don't really need it, but I'll have to use it to justify spending $100 on it.

Still thinking about clomid. Will see my doctor on Monday (if she isn't called away). If I can't catch up with her this time, I'll go to another doc. I want that script for progesterone.

Gah! Diege, I really resent those freebies. Such a waste of sperm. Dp gets his freebie on Thursday, purely to ensure his ball-bag is empty for the five-day drought which precedes SWI next Tuesday & Wednesday

Gum, congrats on winning the prized CBFM! What a warrior! How do you feel knowing you've deprived some other woman of the chance to have a baby?

I feel absolutely fine! She fought hard, but I've been ttc this baby for three long years, so I deserve it, goddamnit!

But I still feel a bit silly, it is really just another way of trying to control the uncontrollable.

Universe, could you just get me upduffed already. So, so sick of waiting for my THB.

gum if you lived closer you could have had my cbfm it's now gathering dust. I suppose I ought to get round to selling it but ebay is such a hassle - anyone here in the Uk want to make me an offer for it? i didn't use it for long, it hasn't got any sticks though

Tina - if af arrives again (due on Fri/Sat), I'd be interested.

Grinding my teeth through the 2ww here - 8 DPO, and after taking a couple of weird dips at 2 and 5 DPO my temp is still rising. But I'm not too hopeful, starting to get that achey/crampy feeling that always precedes af, sigh
Feeling very under the weather at the moment, stinking cold with a throat/chest infection had me flat for the last couple of days - which might have contributed to the elevated temps I've been getting. That or the thermometre is pants. I tend to fall asleep when I take the bbt in the morning, and a couple of times the thermometre has fallen out of my mouth again - so much for accuracy

Oh, and Tina - whinge away! Remember, you're allowed to give into any little mood you fancy, all those raging hormones .
But seriously - I can understand that you're upset your inlaws are not sharing your joy. I think because we are all struggling here, when you actually do manage to conceive, you almost expect everyone to be as elated as you are! Of course it would be lovely if they would be more involved, now and when the twinnies arrive, but not if they don't really want to be. I see it every time with DH's parents - they have been and still are very involved with their first grandson, who is taking up a lot of their time and energy. And now it's almost as if they have nothing really left for the subsequent grandchildren. Mind you, they are getting on a bit in years, so I don't blame them. And all other grandchildren live about an hour's drive away, so it's more of an effort to see them anyway. But you can tell that they just don't have the energy and commitment left in them - which is sad, and entirely DH's sister's fault (she's been abusing their helpfulness ever since her son was born), but it doesn't matter. And my mum and family live too far away to be really involved with DS. Between DH and myself, and lots of supportive friends, we are managing just fine - and you will, too, I'm sure!

Hello to all.
So finally I think af has arrived...well something has anyway.
Sorry for too much info but its more just blood stained ewcm at the moment.
So...my dilemma now is do I go ahead with the clomid in next day or so, along with the scan in a fortnight to see if it has worked (even though DP will not be around to make use of it this time) and then hopefully the timing should be good for the beginning of his two week leave at xmas. But I guess this would only work if I ovulated on cd14-16?? Does anybody know if at the follicle tracking scan they would say it hadnt worked if I wasnt due to ovulate at that time??
Hmmm I'm not sure if that makes sense.
Let me know if it doesn't

AF here too, giving me my first 28 day cycle for as long as I can remember. It was always 27 before ds. Anyway, at least it means I can get day 3 blood tests actually on day 3 on Friday. I guess it's time to boot up the cbfm...

It sure is remnant.... dont forget to do it slap bang in the middle of the time you will usually test as it only gives you (I think) a 2 hour window either side of the time you push the "m" button.