Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

[RainboxFX]

A shiny new thread in memory of our angels. To bring us all BFPs, sticky beans and healthy happy Rainbows.

Just quickly wanted to send love to green and say that I hope so very much you've not been in too much pain, and that at some point you'll get a nap in. This really sucks... you are truly extraordinary for managing the birthday party.

Waves to all! And hugs for all who need one (can't scroll back but I remember that fan was feeling down...) xx

She's ok thanks blizy. I have tempted her with cullen skink tonight which has gone down well, nice and soft, huzzah! I was just so relieved to realise the food refusal was teething, I had horrible visions of her turning into a child who only eats plain pasta and cucumber It would drive me round the twist!

Ooh new bed, little how fab Nothing like a luxurious new mattress. We are half thinking about doing the opposite to you and going from a king to a superking - F takes up lots of space these days, me & DH are getting squished . Sorry you've got the sickness, it's really miserable. I definitely found that eating at the first hint of nausea helped (so all bloody day then!), counterintuitive, but hunger made the sickness worse. Sod healthy, eat whatever you can face.

Just wanted to pop on and say that I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and Wednesday. Am sure both days will be incredibly difficult. Do you have any plans? xx

Darling green I'm sorry you are going through this hideous time. I so wish I could make it all better for you

Ah the teething split poor Freya. Katie got her first 2 teeth at 10 weeks old she then went onto get the full set by 7 months! It was a very intense period of ridiculously young teething but it did get it all over with quickly!

New bed sounds lush little I'd love love love a king size bed!

Blue can't believe how close you are now! So hope the next few weeks fly by for you. Is E getting excited? xx

Waves fan glad the wool arrived How you doing lovely?

Great news about your friend Elly it's so incredibly sad what trauma people go through to get their children.

Lots of love Kleine totally understand the need for a change of scene xx

All well here. Looking forward to having my big girl home for the week next week. Have got some spooky Halloween activities planned Holly seems to be growing at a rate of knots and changing every day. I feel so bloody lucky to have her. Dp wants to start putting her to bed upstairs in the evenings now but I just don't think I can yet......not sure when I'll be ready to stop checking her every 5 minutes!

Sorry if I've missed anyone - a hot bath is calling

Love to all xxxxx

Really should proof read - Miasmummy am sure you realised but the first part was to you! xx

wow to all teeth by 7 months wtw, Freya didn't get her first one until about 9 months (bad mother - can't actually remember, but it was fairly late!). I know what you mean about feeling so lucky and checking all the time. Don't rush it if you're not ready, plenty of time xx

Hello all. Just feeling very weird. Drained. As if all this happened to someone else, I even travelled to London today for a business meeting... But so very sad and confused on the inside. Now it's time to have my real life back, please. The one with my little red-head toddler here, who pats my tummy and chats about 'baby.' It all happens in my head, that's for sure.

We were playing some videos of Mia over the weekend, and the baby responded to Mia's squeaks and squeals, kicking very noticeably. That made us happy, but in a sad way. And MrMia and I hugged for some reason later in the day, and my round belly was in the way, which made me start to cry, as I felt we were having a three-way family hug, which should have been a four-way hug with Mia scooped up in our arms too.

But we were horribly scared yesterday, when we heard that one of Mia's friends was admitted overnight to hospital with a chest infection and shallow, fast breathing, on her 2nd birthday. Surely it couldn't happen again? And like us, there had been a death in the family only a few days before. We were so very anxious. Fortunately, she was discharged late yesterday.

Tonight I went to pre-natal yoga classes for the first time, and as I was late and flustered, I had to launch into my personal introduction quite quickly, and ended up blurting more about Mia than this little baby inside me. I am hoping that I will be able to make some new baby friends, but worried that my 'bereaved mother' status will make things very awkward for others to feel like they can approach me. Very glad that my SIL is in the class, as she makes friends easily - just as I used to - so I am hoping that will help.

Forgot to say that we have no plans for tomorrow. We are ignoring MrMia's birthday, as he says it no longer has any significance to him. MrMia is going to work, although he has admitted his head is not in the right place, and he is drained of energy. But on Wednesday, he and I will be planting snowdrops and bluebells at Mia's Wood with my parents.

We received her death certificate today.

Missing you all just so busy all the time with my boys I barely have a chance to read and am missing so much!
blue here to follow your last few weeks of pg, exciting and nerve racking times
mias thinking of you today x
wtw holly is so cute, and I live K's smile - what a gorgeous pair
little congrats
green so sorry, hope you're getting some rest

thanks for Mia

Sorry, on phone, was meant to be flowers. Royally messed that up!

Again -
for Mia
X

mias, sending you and mrmia huge hugs. x

Miasmum xxxxx love to you all xxxxx life is incredibly surreal sometimes isn t it? I get that xxx
Green hope u re ok as you can be? Xxx
Kleine hi, how are you? Xxx
Wtw gosh !!!! Teeth at 7 weeks!!!! ??? Xx
Hope your girls are good? We didn t put Phebs in her own room to about 5 months... Xxc phebs still hasn t got 1 tooth & has been teething intermittently since she was about 5 months old .i feel so sorry for her & it's a royal pain now!!!! Xxx
Spilt what's Cullen skink? Xxx
Blue yeh to finishing work soon xxxx
Hope everyone else is well?
Had a fab , but exhausting weekend in Blackpool. Phebs recieved loads of lovely cards & presents (& a shed load of cash!!!) she loved the lights we were just knackered as we didn t get to bed to 1 am Sun then she wouldn t sleep in her travel cot so ended up in bed with us which always guarantees she sleeps well we don't!!!!
Felt flu like again Sun night , didn t get home to 6 I was in bed at 8 then Phebs was awake at 4!!! To 6 then work , really hard this week as we re moving premises so lugging tables, packing up clinic rooms then un packing them... The lift broke ( we re 3 floors up in our new place , walk in centre) so the poor delivery men we re carrying our couches up 8 lots of stairs!!! Bless them ...,felt flu like again ... So sick of feeling ill & was a little worried if something is underlying but convinced its just being tired & never fully recovering. Never getting a full night un disturbed sleep whilst working.... Could do with a week off to sleep xxxx
But apart from that we re all good!!!! Miss Phebs has had a week long celebrations for her birthday
Love to all xxxxxx

MiasMummy, thinking of you, MrMia and your amazing Mia today, sending you all love. Xxx

Morning all

Sending much love & hugs to mias and MrMia, what an incredibly tough time for you, following the inquest which was the focus for you both for such a long time.

I'm pleased that some of you managed to get out and about this weekend - the weather here was lovely, but DH was poorly so I welcomed the opportunity to do very little all weekend & just slob around with him!!

2 days to go, and first counselling session this afternoon - what a week! Am in London all day tomorrow for a management meeting with work, so that should distract me at least a little bit.

How are you doing green, I hope it is settling down a bit now and that you are managing some rest & sleep.

Hope Freya is ok spilt and is starting to eat a bit and isn't in too much pain, it must be horrid when they are teething.

little, so at your new bed!! We broke ours so got rid of it when we moved, so are just in the spare double bed at the moment, can't wait to get a new king size!!

[waves] to everyone else - hope you are doing ok xx

Firstly today - huge hugs to miasmummy and mrmia. Thinking of Mia, and wishing so very hard that she were here with you, that today was an entirely different type of day. Lots and LOTS of love xx

green there is still loads of love coming your way from me, too xx

elly how lovely about your friend! I do so hope for her that she has a very uneventful pregnancy ahead of her. Infertility is so tough.
And - just two little days until your scan now...

spilt how is Freya doing now?

little oh, the nausea... I hope that ginger/crackers/etc do work for you. (My pg was off-the-scale for sickness - used to want to punch people when they suggested ginger to me - by week 11, I was on drugs that were designed for chemo patients, and even they didn't work that well!! But hopefully you will be able to manage it ok. Very much agree with whoever said just to eat whatever you can.)

blue hope your midwife appt goes well tomorrow, and that you manage to get some rest soon, too... It IS exhausting, isn't it, carrying a little person around inside you all the time! Is E excited about her party?

blizy it must be hard with your sis due so soon. How are you coping with it all? Lovely to have a little niece or nephew on the way, of course, but very difficult, too.

fan how are you feeling today - any better? I do hope so xx

babyh hope the hol has improved since its disastrous beginning!!

august how lovely to hear from you - am not surprised you're so busy - hope all the boys are doing really well, and that you are managing to get at least a little bit of sleep every now and then, too

angel your life is such a whirlwind! But how lovely that Phebs enjoyed her birthday so much. What does she want to buy with all that birthday money?

waves to wtw, bet you'll have such a lovely half term with your girls...

Hi to rainbox, how are you doing?

I do hope I've not missed anyone, though I'm sure I have. No real news to report from me, not much happening here... Love to all xx

miasmum sending you all the strength I have today, all the trees have turned here red and gold, she is every where. Much love to you.

God kleine that sounds like bad sickness! Was it hyperemesis? You must be really to think about having to do that again. Mine was grim but nothing like you describe. Even so I remember crying down the toilet whilst puking pg with Freya because I was so damn miserable about facing all that wretched nausea again. It felt so unfair, like I had already been through this bit!!

Good luck with the counselling Elly, I hope you get someone good and that it's helpful.

You sound run down angel. I think it's a combination of things, long term sleep deprivation and also all the horrible bugs that small children expose you to, from nursery/playgroups etc. I have had soooo many more illnesses this year than normal. I guess all we can do is try and eat well and be scrupulous about hand washing and pray for sleep! Cullen skink btw (look away little, this would have made me vom if pg!) is a kind of smoked haddock & potato soup/stew. Absolutely delicious. Not sure how authentic it is, but I got the recipe off of here. Is:
Melt some butter in a lidded pan. Put in some onion and leek in and sweat for about ten minutes. Add about half a litre of whole milk and some diced potatoes. Cook with the lid on until potatoes are soft.
Take off the heat and add chopped smoked haddock and let it cook with the lid on for five minutes.
Serve with parsley on top and grated cheddar.
I added some garlic and sweetcorn.
It goes down Freya a storm and is a rare opportunity to get some fish into her!

Hope you and the boys are well august

miasmummy ouch the death cert must be horrible. Thinking of you and yours today. How worrying about your friend's DC, really glad they are ok, but how upsetting for you. I hope the yoga is good for you. I hate those introduction circle things now though, I get really worked up about them now.

Freya is miserable today and hard work. I am looking forward to DH coming home! We are having a massive fight with her over her carseat at the moment. She throws a proper tantrum and arches herself back screaming blue murder and WILL NOT go in. Really stressful going anywhere.

Oh I see ta. Spilt does sound nice I , too , think its a combination of everything. Just so hard when I ve got stuff to do & can t be off work ( we rd really cracking down on sick time so need to be careful) just want to feel healthy & fit again. Felt better today just been shopping & for lunch with Phebs. She's asleep on me now
She's totally shattered , catching up from the weekend , I think ... Xxxx
Kleine spend her money on her lush mummy I think!!!!! don t know, she doesn't need anything so we ve banked it for now... Poor you, your hideous nausea & vomitting in pg I was lucky ??? & only suffered it occasionally . Xxx
Hope Miasmum & MrMia are surviving today? Xxxxx

Kleine, I finding it a bit hard with my sister being pg, especially since she moans about everything!

angel, hope you are feeling better and the move is not too stressful.

Spilt- I have never had Cullen skink especially since its a Scottish dish!. Hope Freya is ok?

Green- how are you today?

Elly, only 2 more sleeps to get through. X

August, lovely to hear from you! I hope you and the boys are well? How old is little A now?

Fan, how are doing?

Waves to little, Mia's, too, Amy, blue, babyh, rainbox and anyone else I might have missed. Thinking of you all. X

blizy it's v easy so give it a go!

Spilt, I meant I dont like the sound of it, I'm not a great fish lover, especially in soup! It
Makes me boke .

Ah fair enough, maybe best leave that one be then!

Evening all. miasmummy, hope your day has been... well, I hope that you found a way of helping it to pass.

Yes indeed I did have hyperemesis. For 39 of my 42 weeks! (And then, bizarrely, it vanished and I was the happiest heavily-pregnant woman in the world.... now, I find it very hard to remember those last few, very content weeks of my pregnancy. They were part of another lifetime.)
Do you know, spilt, even at the time I didn't mind so much. Obviously it was hideous - the first twenty or so weeks in particular - but I was so thrilled to be pregnant, and I knew my baby would be worth it. And she VERY much was. And so now, I am just longing to be confined to bed, constantly puking and experiencing the joys of muscle atrophy! If I'm lucky enough to get pg and I am that sick again, of course it will be miserable - but it's the thing I want most in the world.

spilt that cullen skink sounds good might give it a try.

blizy I'm doing fine, just had one of those train hit moments earlier today when I saw an ambulance, starting thinking of things and it just hit me all the pain I went through. I miss her everyday but I don't often think of the pain of labour and the heartache afterwards. But seeing that ambulance started off this chain of images in my mind that just resulted in the total feeling of pain of loss, pain of labour joy of birth and then utter despair.

I'm not feeling totally happy at the moment, I have been secret eating, and put on half a stone. I really need to stop, I know that losing weight will help my chances but I'm in a bit of a rut. I need to snap out of it and get going again, I feel so much happier when I was losing weight and I need to feel that again.

Sorry for the self indulgent post. Sometimes its just easier to write stuff down than speak it aloud.