Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

[RainboxFX]

A shiny new thread in memory of our angels. To bring us all BFPs, sticky beans and healthy happy Rainbows.

oh fan poor you. I'm so sorry. Though, unsurprised that you are having a tough time. You are keeping on going through such awful circumstances - yes, you carry on with life, you laugh and chat with friends, and you are even sometimes 'ok' - but on here, we all understand the weight you always carry with you. The memories, that hit when you don't expect it. And over and above it all, the longing, the wishing... I wish so very much that you had your beautiful golden-haired Fi with you.
Hugs for you, my lovely. I'm sorry you're struggling with eating. What has worked for you in the past - what would help you to alter your eating patterns again? It's so hard isn't it. I have been so tempted to comfort eat, these last couple of weeks, when it's all felt so hard and so dark. Tbh the only thing that stopped me was that I didn't want to go out to the shops.
Please don't put any blame on yourself. Can you try to look at it in a more positive way? Anything good that you manage to do or eat is GREAT! And if you slip up, never mind, just start again afterwards, and it doesn't matter. Lots and lots of love xx

poppet thanks, I've always comfort ate. Its generally when I'm on my own, when DH goes out. When I'm alone at work, I know that's when it happens, and I know how to stop it but just havnt done it yet. I'm going to make a real effort tomorrow, if I suceed then I will feel better in the evening. I've done it before so I can do it again. I think losing bungle in april really pushed me back more than I thought.
I'm excited about this weekend though -m going to the NFL game at wembley with DH and some friends, and also its halloween and guy fawkes. I'm planning the pumpkin carving, so I'm hoping this will help me feel happier.

Oh good, I'm really pleased you have an exciting weekend ahead!
More hugs coming your way. Of course, losing Bungle must have been so terribly hard... (without wanting to presume too much - would your due date have been around now? Do you think that's a reason why you would be feeling so bad at the moment?)
Will be thinking of you over the next couple of days, and wishing you lots of luck and strength to eat the way you want to.

poppet I think you might have hit it on the head, he (coz I think bungle was a boy) would have been due january but they would have induced me december.
Oh well it will happen soon, ?

I'm so sorry you don't have any of your babies with you It must be very difficult, imagining how it would be if you were still pg with Bungle now.
But, keep going - it WILL all be worth it when you have your little one in your arms. There is hope! Good things await us xx

poppet you will get there too. We will all have our rainbows one day, it just take longer for some.
How are you doing? When do you get to speak to the doctors about IVF?

Thank you all for your beautiful, kind thoughts. Sorry I am not posting or commenting on anyone else at the moment. Just immersed. Today was ok, but now we are in the countdown to when our world fell apart. It feels like yesterday. Darling, beautiful Mia. I love you so much.

Thinking of you so much miasmum

MIA'S MUMMY, as a lovely friend once said to me, our hands are by your arm, to steady you if you stumble. I have no brave or knowing words, just know that many people are thinking of Mia and you this week, and the world has lit up the trees with her colours. Xxx

Miasmummy sending you all the love in the world. I have been taking photos of the autumn, inspired by your wonderful Mia. She is so beautiful. I parked under a tree today, and when I came back it had shed orange and yellow leaves all over my car. A beautiful blanket from a special girl.

I know I have been quiet lately, nothing dramatic, just getting ready to start work full time again next week and feeling really bogged down in ttc. Six months. I can hardly believe everything we went through. I know exactly what you mean fan, sometimes I wonder how we are all still standing. We are clearly all very strong and capable women. I just wish I felt that way sometimes. It is really easy to fall into the "Bereaved Mother" pigeonhole. I feel guilty for not wanting to be this way, like I am betraying him somehow. I miss him so much.

I am thinking about us all. We all deserve good luck and happy times, and we will get there. I know it.

On a lighter note, Cullen Skink is the best. I wasn't allowed any for months (due to stupid low fat gallbladder diet) and now I really want some! I wonder if one in the morning is too late to make stinky fish soup? ponders

Everyone - you are amazing. I hope you know that. The last few posts in particular, by rainbox, fan, green and Kleine made me think of something I once wrote on the bereaved mothers' thread, as it applies equally here:-

You are all Amazons of the heart. You love fiercely. Your courage to continue each day is not a choice, it is simply part of you. You are loyal and strong, and lift your shields to protect those of us when we are weak. You do all this in the name of your children, proudly shouting their names across the world, defying the odds which seek to overwhelm you. Love is your weapon. I salute you all. Xx

So much love for a little flame haired princess, none of us had the pleasure of meeting you but all feel we know you through your mummy's beautiful words. Sending you love, light and a virtual hand to grip miasmummy to help you through today xxx

Love to all, sorry not to name check but just wanted to say fan if you want an understanding ear you know where I am lovely. Be good to see you. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time xxx

Fan xxxxx I, too, comfort eat. Straight after Georgie I was very thin but then I soon put my weight + extra on!!!! U did well on SW? Why don t you re-join? It's a viscious circle ; we feel crap then eat then feel crapper about our weight!!!! Due dates impending are very hard ( what isn't???) if I hadn t had my first MMC way back in Oct 08 I'd have a child who'd be 3.5 years old now!!!! Can t relate to that!!!! Take care ,hope you find something to keep u going xxxxxxxx
Miasmum xxxxx your picture on FB is absolutely stunning. Gorgeous Mia ; you must be so proud. You re all in my thoughts xxxxxxxx

Mias, I am thinking of you all today. I have a little cherry blossom tree in my garden which we planted for Zoe. I had a look at it yesterday and there are only 2 leaves left on it. They are the brightest red, it made me think of your little red haired beauty. X

miasmummy I hope you were including yourself in that lovely paragraph you wrote. You very, very much belong in any group of strong, fiercely loving, protective mummies. Sending you and mrmia so much love today, and, as ever, thinking of Mia too xx I expect you've been up through the night, I hope you can sleep at some stage.

fan our referral is on its way, we will choose when to have our first appt - definitely before Christmas - starting thos process again requires a real effort, so we have to gather our strength first, I think!
Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts for today.

blizy I meant to add yesterday, can't quite imagine how tough it must be with your sister complaining about her pregnancy. Of course you wouldn't want her to have to understand what it's like for you - but I'm sorry if she's being a bit (or a lot!) insensitive. Really hard stuff.

green how are you...?

rainbox you've said it all so eloquently yourself. So, really, all I can do is send you love and hugs. Please know I'm thinking of you, and of precious, tiny, brave little Dex. He tried so hard to stay with you, I'm so sorry that he couldn't.

elly one little day to go! How are you doing? Also - how's your uncle?

Huuuuge waves to all. I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Morning all,

Still away. Shitty week everyone sick with this nasty bug. Its been J's turn to chuck up all night.....in her words Ive never been sick like that as a big girl have I mummy.....poor thing! At one time I would have been pissed off but all i could think was that nothing could be worse than losing our beautiful boy and all of our angels. Its funny how our perspective on life has totally changed and everything now seems trivial in comparison to the bigger picture. The kids are tough cookies and having a good time anyway apart from the quarentine days when they've moaned about staying in!

MIAS mummy I cried when I saw your little photo last night and those words 'who could have known'.....stay strong I salute you and send lots of virtual hugs xxxxxx

Fanjo: Big hugs. Hope you feeling a bit better today xxxxx

Kliene: Poor you all I can visualise is your 9 months of puking, yet complete bravery and positiveness for the end result. I hope your head is back down the loo very soon.

Angel: Your sound exhausted but glad you enjoyed Blackpool if I wasnt down south I would have met you at the tower : ) Lots of love xxx

Rainbox: Love Dexters stone just prefect.

Elly:Thinking of your scan everything crossed here xxxxx

Green: Love to you.....just so sorry and thinking of you xxxxxxx

Waves to TOO, SPLIT, BLUE, LITTLE (In your lovely new bed) Whatever and blizy......god I hope I havent missed anyone xxx

Missing posting this week. I always shed a few tears as soon as I wake up each day and remember............and then I think of your ladies and what a complete lifeline you have become over the last few months xxxxxxx

Thinking of Mia today as I went for a walk and kicked through some leaves. Bet she'd have liked that. miasmummy please don't apologise for not namechecking etc, there are times when our own grief is so all consuming there just isn't the strength to face other people's at all. Wallow all you need to, and know that we are all there in spirit to hold you up. Love to you today xx

fan a rough time for you xxx It's hard when unexpected things hit you, and hard when an unexpected low patch washes over you. All you can do is keep plodding, one bit at a time, and an easier patch will come in time. It's rubbish. Do you think you might try SW again? Would that give you more of a sense of control over life if you could tackle the eating again. Comfort eating is a very hard habit to break, I've done it at various times too. Sometimes I found that when tempted to crack open the cake tin/biscuit jar if I forced myself to go out for a walk instead the urge to eat would pass and the fresh air helped perk me up a bit.

kleine a big hand squeeze to you as you take that deep breath and get ready to start the IVF xx

babyh so sorry about all the sickness, I hope you are all back to rights very very soon. And then you can get through the laundry!!

rainbox Dexter's stone is gorgeous, I love the little birds in the leaves. So pretty.

Nowt to report here, just plodding along as usual xx

I don't know if any of you ladies have followed cupoftea and Beatrice's story but I'm so so sad to say that Bea lost her fight today aged 13 months

wtw that is so sad. Poor cupoftea and poor little beatrice.

Oh no I remember the thread when she was born and they thought they would lose her straightaway to Edwards I think, and then the diagnosis was wrong. How awful. Bea was such a gorgeous newborn I remember her amazing eyes. I didn't know she was ill. I am so sorry.

Well, as well as all your wonderful thoughts, we have been inundated by messages from friends and family today, and we are cocooned by love for Mia, and for us. We also planted the snowdrops and bluebells at Mia's Wood, where her tree glowed vibrantly red against the muted sombre grey of a dull autumn day.

But I am so sad about little Beatrice ; only 13 months, just like Mia. It isn't right.

babyH do u live in/ near Blackpool then? Hope u find some peace on holiday xxxx
.Kleine hope u re ok?
Miasmum xxxxxx
Love to all, busy day at work xxxx

Good luck Elly. xxxx

Hello and waves to all. New bed is amazing although miss the extra foot - oh well I'm sure I'll get used to it soon (not sure Sammy will though!!)

Mias - my doggies and I are always thinking of you all when we are on our walkies in the park (although as Sammy is also red I keep losing him in the leaves!) .

Fan - honey, don't beat yourself up so much. If you have lost weight before then you shall again. I know you can do it when you are ready. I too still get thumped by the memory of losing Daisy. It creeps up on me at the weirdest and unexpected of times. A week on Friday is her due date as well so keep getting chocked up about that (don't think hormones are helping). Big hugs.

Green - hope you are ok.

babyh - hope you are all fit and healthy again soon.

Spilt - thanks for warning me. Cullens skink is not for me!!

Elly - good luck for tomorrow.

Kleine - really hope IVF works for you and you get a BFP asap.

Waves and apologises to any I haven't mentioned. Am knackered and luckily the sickness is only minimal and manageable with eating (although need to be careful as put a stone on whilst pregnant with Daisy and have only lost half of it!). Good night ladies. Off to bed now, mmmmm! (have it all to myself (with pets of course) as DH is at the pub and yes, I know it's early but.....zzzzzz)

Oh Mias cocooned is a perfect word. That's how we felt on Erin's anniversary too. It's a good feeling amidst the pain. I hope it's not inappropriate to say one of my first thoughts when hearing the awful news about Bea was the parallels with Mia - both 13 months old, on the same day a year apart and both with amazing mothers who have shared them through their words and love for them xxx