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Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

992 replies

RainboxFX · 11/10/2012 09:22

A shiny new thread in memory of our angels. To bring us all BFPs, sticky beans and healthy happy Rainbows.

OP posts:
Babyh200 · 21/12/2012 23:37

Evening All

Thinking of you all as Christmas is getting closer. Been quietly lurking and not posting because I'm finding it all a bit much and don't want to bring you all down with me.

Trying my best to stay strong for the kids x

So sorry I haven't got enough time to mention everyone individually but great big hugs to all......thinking of all our angels.

Green: Fingers crossed lovely lady soooooooo pleased for you and just hoping everything will be ok. (Sending massive virtual hugs) Loving the pics of your Alpacas and well I have to say the rope swing and the river just made me want to live where you live even more ;) x

Thinking of all the other growing rainbows too xxxx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 21/12/2012 23:39

Hello all, just a quick one. Finn has been feeding e very 1.5 hours for the past day, so somewhat weary - but hoping he is better tonight. Just wanting to connect with you all, to augment the happiness (green!!) and share the burden of sadness. I miss my Mia so, so much. xx

greengoose · 22/12/2012 10:04

Hi BABYH, you wouldn't bring us down love, that's what we are here for. I hope today can be brighter for you somehow, but this time of year is just sooo hard isn't it. I will be thinking about you, even if you don't post.... X

mIAS.... 'somewhat weary' mmmmm, Im spotting an understatement here! I hope you get some sleep at some point, the early days are hard going, and of course you must be missing Mia terribly. I can find no words that would help, there are none maybe.

As for me, well the sticks still have two lines, but I still don't believe it. Why would this one be the one to stick.... But why wouldn't it? I don't know, I don't feel very pregnant, but it's so early. This is horrible. I don't think I count it as pregnant until I see a heartbeat, before that, it's just closer than before.... Eight weeks (when i should have an early scan), is 20 th jan, which is my birthday (!) and also the day last year I had a 20 week scan with Merryn and we found out she had a tumour, (the day before we left for holidays), we were so confident we had the boys with us, it was impossibly hard.

Today we are finishing the shopping and wrapping, making biscuits etc. life is so full of extremes of feeling.... Christmas underlines this for us here I think.

My thoughts are very much with everyone just now. I hope you are all, somehow, coping. X

KleinePoppet · 24/12/2012 11:02

It is - of course - very quiet on here, but I just wanted to say, I'm thinking of everybody so much. This is such a rough time of year for us all, and we've all got different things to cope with over Christmas and New Year, but we all share in the one, big, important, impossible thing: that we're having to get through it all without our children. It shouldn't be this way, should it?
Especially thinking of green with your appointment today, and blizy I think you were hoping to get your blood test/SA results...
Also, elly, I'm wondering if you've just had your twenty week scan... But, mostly, I am thinking of you as I know it's Nancy's first birthday on the 29th, and this Christmas and New Year will be so, so tough for you and DH. Wish she was with you...
mias, just before coming on here I sent a text to a good friend which exactly echoed what you said in your last post, just very simply that 'I miss my little girl so, so much'. Loads of love to you and all of yours - and to everyone else - take care, lovelies, and I'm thinking of you all Xxx

Bluetinkerbell · 24/12/2012 11:55

Thinking of you all! Wishing you a blessed Christmas!
I had a few cards from friends that included our precious Sterre, was very heartwarming to read they didn't forget!

AngelGeorgie · 24/12/2012 12:49

Merry Christmas all my lovely supportive buddies. Xxx been busy but upset at times with the realisation this is the third Xmas Georgie has missed .its too many ; 3 Christmases we should have been spoiling her . Went to her special place yesterday to lay some flowers for her ; it feels like such a little thing to do when Phebs , quite rightfully, has a shed load of presents.its too sad ...I miss my Georgie so much.
So, happy Christmas my darling angel ;thinking of all our darling children who aren t with us ... Miss you every minute if every day.
Love & peace for us all xxxx

RainboxFX · 24/12/2012 17:32

Can I enter the insensitive card sweepstakes? A friend sent us one with a photo of their baby who was born THE DAY DEXTER DIED and no acknowledgement of our son. That really did hurt. But we have also had so many cards thinking of him and us, and so many candles lit for him. Really heartwarming.

Quiet Christmas day for us with my PILs, very low key, really looking forward to it.

Thank you all for all your support over the last 8 months. It had been so appreciated. Wishing us love and all good things for 2013 xxx

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greengoose · 24/12/2012 19:13

Just popping in to say I'm thinking about us all today, and tomorrow. In amongst everything today the boys and I made a star to put on the top of the tree for Merryn, J sewed a heart on it and K sprinkled it with glitter, and my Dp put it on the tree. So little we can give her.

Merry Christmas my beautiful baby, what fun you'd have had in the midst of us. Xx

Much love to everyone, and as others have said, thank you for being there this year, it has meant everything at times. X

spilttheteaagain · 24/12/2012 21:14

Also just popping on quickly to say love to you all, most especially for tomorrow. Thank you all for all the friendship and the understanding and the just being there. You are amazing women, I am proud to know you. Thinking of all our beautiful children xxxxx

blizy · 24/12/2012 21:18

Just want to say merry Christmas to you all, I hope there is some joy within the sadness. I will be thinking of you all and of course our beautiful, precious angels. I don't know where I would be without the support and friendship from you fantastically amazing bunch.
Thanks and love to all. X

fanjodisfunction · 24/12/2012 23:33

Just popping on to say Merry Christmas my wonderful friends!
I'm missing Fi like crazy, our second christmas without her.
I have the flu, so resting up. Will post more soon.

Love to you, I hope its a peaceful christmas for you all, but if it isn't then hugs to you.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 25/12/2012 00:11

Thank you everyone for all the friendship, love and support here. Wishing you all a gentle Christmas.

literaryone · 25/12/2012 06:52

Wishing us all peace and comfort and joy in this Christmas season. Much love to all of you ladies and your families.

Babyh200 · 25/12/2012 21:57

Evening All
Hope you have all managed to muddle through today ok. I'm sure its been tough on you all as it has been here in the Babyh household. Managed to put on a brave face for the kids and know how blessed we are to have to 2 beautiful children. I had a little wobble this morning and scurried off upstairs to the bedroom for a cry......was thinking of being pregnant last christmas and our dreams of what this one would be like.

Thinking of you all and particularly ELLY, It must have been tough for you so sending big hugs xxx

Hello also to Literaryone, so sorry to meet you here and hope your coping with Christmas x

So glad I found you all and thank you for helping me on this sad journey.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

BartletForTeamGB · 26/12/2012 09:33

A friend made a lovely decoration for our tree that remembers DD - we've just not got round to putting the tree up as I am sure it wouldn't survive long with 2yo DS!

Rainbox, you have my sympathy!

I got a great Xmas Hmm Christmas card last year just a couple of days after I'd given birth to sleeping DD: "We are sorry that your little fetus didn't become a human being." Xmas Shock I have NEVER seen DH, who is normally infuriatingly mildmannered. so angry as he emailed his uncle back to put him straight.

Then a couple of months later, very, very close friends who had been expecting their DC4 just a couple of weeks before DD was due excited on the phone announced the birth of their new DD - and gave her the same name as our DD. "We know you like the name too." Hmm, yes, that's why my dead baby is called that, but there was just no acknowledgement of that. I've not been able to speak to them since. To be fair to them this Christmas, their card came from "Janet, Roy and the kids."

Hoping that yesterday was as good as it could be for everyone here.

greengoose · 26/12/2012 12:30

FAN, flu, yuck. I hope DH is looking after you and you have lots of medicinal chocolate and wine in your house...

BARTLET, your friend sounds lovely, (the one that made the decoration), it makes such a difference when people get it 'right' doesn't it?
Can't believe what your DHs uncle wrote! I'm glad your DH put him right, outrageous though. Also about your friends and dds name, that's insensitive to the point of stupidity, I don't think I could have stayed friends after that, just so hurtful and wrong really, why do people not think?
I wanted to thank you for your advice last week, I went to docs armed with printouts on 24th and got meds upped, consultant appt booked and bloods redone, but none of that was offered or suggested until I pointed to the guidelines etc, so very grateful to you for that!

ELLY, my thoughts are with you for the days ahead.

As for us, I think yesterday I was carried through by the boys, I was very aware of how much easier they make things, and how lucky I am to have them. We had many moments that were about Merryn, and we hugged a lot. My DH had bought me a lovely silver bangle with 'Merryn in mind' and I had got him a book on trees, also with her in mind, we were both relieved when we confessed we had both thought like this. It's so bloody difficult to find a way through this.

The best bit was when J spoke to relatives on the phone he without fail said that the tree was his favourite bit because it had Merryns star on top, and was hung with packets of Lego mini figures by Santa. I loved that he could put the two things side by side like that, it made me feel we had got it right for him this year, through everything, Merryn is part of his everyday life.

I hope everyone found their own way through yesterday, and felt loved and looked after by family and friends.

fanjodisfunction · 26/12/2012 19:31

Sorry not to name check but I'm sitting in my living room with my family so can't speak to my DH about how I am feeling.
Yesterday I got a bit upset, I was fine until BIL daughter in law was playing mummy and baby with me, and then I had to look after her for about half an hour. And well it just hit me for six, she was playing with everyone sitting on everyones laps and I just thought that should be Fi.
And then today I have started to spot so AF is apon me and then my wonderful friend in the states has announced they are pg, I'm so happy for them but why did my AF have to appear on the same day as their news. Fucking fuck!

greengoose · 26/12/2012 20:12

Fan, I'm sorry love, it's just crap, it should be your lovely girl on your knee, of course it should. And AFs a b.

KleinePoppet · 26/12/2012 20:58

Just coming on to have a quick read and say hi, but I have been rendered very nearly speechless by bartlet's stories .... Shock Shock Shock I can't BELIEVE the things that people will do. Honestly, nearly speechless. Poor, poor you. I hope that you've got through Christmas as painlessly as possible this year, it must have been very hard.
And rainbox too, receiving the photo of the other baby - what is WRONG with people??? So sorry for you too. Hope you enjoyed your day with PILs.

fan Sad sending you so much love. You are such a lovely woman, such a trooper to be doing Christmas with family and their children, it's deeply unfair and so sad. I wish so much that Fi were with you. And as for AF's arrival - well, AF always knows just when to arrive to make things even worse, doesn't it? So sorry honey. Loads of love xx

green glad you had such a productive GP appt!
I love your little J. He says the sweetest things Smile I'm so glad that Merryn was a part of Christmas for him - and for you and DP too.

babyh how have you managed today? Have you been seeing family, or is it just you, DH and the children?

We have had a very quiet time, and are ok. It hasn't felt too much harder than usual, but we're aware that we've been hugely protecting ourselves from everyone this Christmas. But, it's got us through, and that's what matters.
(We did have a giggle at the presents we'd received in the post from DH's family... two tea towels!!!! They obviously REALLY didn't know what to get us...)
I'm so sorry not to namecheck everyone else. You are all wonderful, wonderful women - bless you all, and, as so many others have said, thank you so much for being there for me. xxx

BartletForTeamGB · 27/12/2012 13:56

Thanks for the sympathy, Kleine. I can laugh about the card now. He really was trying to say something nice and just failed in a massive way! The friends I have much more difficulty with...

Anyway, as my MIL told me this morning as I mentioned how we had struggled over the last few weeks as the anniversary of DD's birth had happened, "time is a healer and this will all be forgotten before too long", so let's all just get over ourselves, shall we?! Xmas Hmm

green, delighted to have helped. Do keep those printouts and keep referring to them. As I said to you or in another thread, it wouldn't bother me not physically SEEING you in clinic (as opposed to your blood results) for several weeks/couple of months BUT that's on the understanding that your GP was managing your bloods and increasing your thyroxine appropriately.

fanjo, that must have been hard. Sending hugs.

KleinePoppet · 27/12/2012 14:57

bartlet our MILs must have been reading the same heartless-instructions-for-dealing-with-bereaved-parents manual Grin Mine has recently informed us that our baby 'thinks we are crying too much', and so we must stop... I wasn't too sure where to start with that one!

to everyone, I'm hoping you're all as ok as possible. xxx

spilttheteaagain · 27/12/2012 19:19

Evening all, I am Shock at these comments!! Though I don;t know why, we've had a fair few of these too. Some are well meaning, kind attempts to be understanding but just come out appallingly - these I can have a wry smile at and forgive, others are just bloody callous and those are blood boiling.

green glad it was a productive appointment, I hope you feel happier that at least that bit is being well looked after now. I take it you told DP? Loved J's comment about Merryns star being one of his favourite bits of xmas Smile

elly thinking of you especially just now with Nancy's birthday just coming. How are you doing? Do you have any plans for the days?

fan so sorry. You are right, of course it should be Fi there too ((())) Bastard AF.

Speaking of AF, mine has just turned up Shock I am a bit sad tbh as it's all crampy and I'd enjoyed the whole period amnesty of the last 16 months. I've just remembered how skanky they make me feel

Got the ILs coming tomorrow whhich should be good hopefully, they are much more chilled out than my family who have been both a pleasure and a fecking nightmare to spend christmas with. Suffice it to say, it was lovely to see them all but I am delighted to be back in my own house, and am letting Freya make all the mess she pleases as an act of rebellion against my mum Grin Poor little love is really suffering with her molars but she;s damned if she'll let me give her any calpol!

Love to all xx

Ellypoo · 28/12/2012 19:01

Hi all.

Sorry not been on for a while - haven't read back and caught up yet, but wanted to say hi and I hope that your Christmas's have all passed as gently as possible.

DH and I went away for a few days, which was very much needed. Back home now though, and it's Nancy's 1st birthday tomorrow. Not doing very well really, and I think DH has managed to pick up this norovirus thing so will see how he is overnight (could just be overindulgence!!) but think we might have to cancel her 'party' we were going to have tomorrow. Think I might struggle for it, so maybe it's a good thing. Don't know. Don't really know about anything. Just keep thinking back to last year.

God it's hard, isn't it.

blizy · 28/12/2012 19:16

elly, I'm thinking you,dh and Nancy tomorrow. Sending you a massive hug and strength to get through the day. X

I hope everyone had a nice (as it could be) Christmas.

I still have no af I day 60 something noŵ. Dh and I have a joint appoint,ent with the dr on Monday, I am sick with worry about it.

I have had a rather shit few weeks with RL stuff going on, i can't really go into it here.

Fan, so sorry, af got you again.

I doth think I have congratulated you green, somim quietly offering my congratulations and I am praying this little one sticks. X

Love to you all. X

Whatevertheweather · 28/12/2012 22:26

Hi lovely ladies, so sorry I've been absent. Found Christmas surprisingly hard this year. I think because I felt like I should be so much happier than I was - last year we just gave ourselves permission to be melancholy. I don't know. Tricky tricky. Please know I've been thinking of you all. Sorry to those who've had to deal with shitty, insensitive friends and family Hmm

Green quiet congratulations to you. I'm extremely happy for you but know how anxious you must be feeling. Here to hold your hand xx

Fan so sorry AF got you again and with such bad timing (not there's ever a good time!) Hope you are feeling better. I have a little something for you from Knotty that she left with me at Holly's christening. Coffee soon? xx

Blizy sorry RL being tough on you. The Fb group is totally private if you need to get something down? xx

Elly I will be lighting a candle for you and darling Nancy tomorrow. What time was she born? I don't blame you for thinking about cancelling the party. I regretting surrounding myself with people on Erin's birthday I just wanted to fall apart but didn't feel I could.

Mias and Blue how are scrummy Finn and Lotta?

My best friend has just told me she's very early pg and is due on Holly's birthday! But my first thought was oh god please don't be 10 days overdue and be born on Erin's birthday. Very selfish I know as I'm totally thrilled for her. I'm struggling at the moment with my looming (9 weeks) back to work date. I just don't know how I'm going to leave H. I've done it before with K but somehow this time I'm feeling horrendous about it Hmm

Sorry not to name check everyone - am on phone and can't scroll back.

Lots of love to all xx