Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

[RainboxFX]

A shiny new thread in memory of our angels. To bring us all BFPs, sticky beans and healthy happy Rainbows.

Adding my welcome to missamel. I am sorry anyone has had to find themselves here, but I am so grateful for all the support I have been given over the months. My first son Dexter was born in April this year at 24+2 weeks and stayed with us for twelve days before catching pnumonia he was just too premature to fight. I miss him every day. We would love to hear about Blake, whenever you would like to talk about him.

Sorry I have been so quiet. I have been thinking about us all. First day back at work today after maternity leave and I am not as okay with that as I thought I was, so have been a bit weepy and odd all day. It is Dexter's six month anniversery tomorrow, so that is not helping. Glad we had his stone in place in time for that though.

Cycle-wise, I think I ov-ed late this month. So I am on Day 37 but only 10 DPO. Too early to tell anything, I am not testing for at least another 4 days. Feeling crampy and odd, but trying so hard not to get my hopes up.

Sending us all so much love.

little I was consultant led but had a number of midwife appointments too and my booking in was done by the community midwife. The consultant then just flicked through it quickly in my appointment with him - I first saw the consultant after my 16 week scan, saw his registrar after the 12 week scan, only MWs before that. Basically I saw the consultant every time I had a scheduled scan (16w, 20w, 28w, 36w) and MWs for the inbetween appointments. Hope that helps.

little my experience is the same as spilt. Consultant-led, but nothing really happens with them until 16 or 20 weeks. I also did my booking-in appointment with the midwife. After conversation with the consultant, we agreed that I would had scans at every month from 5 months (but this is up to you), and then see the midwife in between, and she has said I can see her more regularly if I want.

little, I had my booking in with MW, and am expecting to see my consultant for the first time after my 20 week scan, although this isn't definite and I need to call consultants secretary to find out if this is the case. Think all the extra care & scans & appointments will come after 20 weeks, but will keep you posted! Also, reading what spilt and mias have said above, I am going to call them tomorrow to see if I can get a scan at 16 weeks too, for reassurance, as not got another MW appt until 17 weeks (hopefully to hear the heartbeat!!!).

Rainbox, what horrible timing for you this week. I remember my first day back at work was so hard - I didn't know how I wanted people to be with me - wanted them to acknowledge Nancy, but not make a huge deal of me being back. In the end it was fine - I think the build up for these things is sometimes harder than the event themselves. It feels like another step further away, if that makes any sense. I'm not surprised you are feeling weepy etc, going back is a big big step xx
I will be thinking of you tomorrow on Dexter's 6 month anniversary - such a hard one, his stone is lovely xx

DH went to some stonemasons today - I would really like to have her headstone in place before her 1st birthday, but not sure if we've left it too late. Anyway, the stonemason was horrid to DH - he explained that the stone was for our little girl, and the bloke didn't say anything, just hmmphd and moaned that he should have called first! Needless to say, we won't be getting the stone from there!! FIL is on the case for us now - he used to be a funeral director, so is going to get in touch with some of his old contacts.

to everyone else xx

Little I, too, was consultant led with Phebs but also had scans 2 weekly from 6-14 weeks as was on Pregnanyl injections twice a week. On 75 mg Aspirin from BFP.then scans 4 weekly & dr review from 16 weeks to 36 weeks. Planned section at 37,3 weeks... I had a Doppler which I used most days at home....
Spilt so much to ponder on...xx
Green hope u re ok? Xxx
Miasmum whoop whoop on a big bouncy active baby... Much love to Mia... Xxx
Kleine hope u re ok? Xxx
babyH Arh you sweetie ... Nice to know I don t look my age... Certainly feel it at the moment!!!!!
Busy at work 1 st day of seeing pt's in new clinic; hard as having to review how we work!?? SW ; lost 1 lb again still hovering at 2 stone loss seem to be stuck there... However, still a 2 stone loss...
Love to all xxxxx

Hi, I wondered if i am able to join or point me in the right direction ! Not sure if this thread is for babies only ? My son was 2 and 2 weeks when he suddenly had a cardiac arrest in hospital. Its just been the one year anniversary, and until now I haven't come across a thread or website like this.

You are all so wonderful, it's comforting here. My little Blake, was my third baby, my dds are 19 and 15, and he was my first biological child with DH. We decided to try for a baby and I became pregnant as soon as we took chances. We were thrilled to find a strong heartbeat at 8 weeks, and thrilled to find he w a boy at 20 weeks. We had a scare where dr thought he might have downs but he didn't. A thorough scan of his heart, brain and body 2 weeks later by a specialist showed his health looked great. I went for reg checkups and everything tested and measured well. My two girls both had some iugr in the middle of pregnancy, but not Blake. At about 33 weeks I noticed his kicks were smaller and he was rolling more, but I remembered something similar with my girls, and other ppl said they had the same thing. Sunday October 15 was my baby shower, and when I got home that evening I felt him moving. The next morning however, I wasn't sure. I went to the labour dept right after I got up. The nurses thought they found his hb but didn't get it pinned down. They brought in the ultrasound and found no hb. DH and I were in shock and crushed. We cried on the bathroom floor together in the hospital.

Of course you can join mumalah - a very sad welcome to you. I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your son a year ago. The ladies on here have all lost their children at various stages of pregnancy, neo-natally and when they were older. What was your son called, if you don't mind me asking?

Oh missamel, such an horrific experience - I remember it well. Are they doing tests to try to find out what happened to Blake? Such raw awful emotions at the moment for you - these early days are so hard to get through, but get through them you & your DH will, somehow.

Hi , his name is Jack. He was my 5th, but 2nd with dh. I also miscarried exactly a year before Jack was born at 8 weeks. I'm 42, we were trying for another baby straight after Jack, as there was a 10 year age gap between my youngest daughter, but it never happened.

I chose to be induced right away, and he was born the next morning at about 1:30 he was beautiful and perfect...and he was smaller than he should have been! Only in the 3rd percentile for date! That was a big surprise for me, and we still don't know why he wasnt growing at the end! We live in a small town and no specialists have consulted with us yet. Just waiting. Today I feel so empty...it feels like all my hopes and dreams are gone along with my little boy. My brother and DH brother both had babies 4 months ago... I feel like my girls are almost grown. I love them and DH and I want to have more children but I'm so scared and lost.

Hola chicas. I am watching The Devil Wears Prada for the umpteenth time (I used to think it was a pointless movie. Now, I view it as background noise...). How are you all doing tonight?

mumalah of course you are so welcome here. I am so very sorry to hear about your little boy. The one-year anniversary of his death must have been terribly hard. Please do tell us anything about him that you'd like to share - we'd love to get to know him, a little bit. Have you been ttc for a little while, or are you just starting out? If you scroll back just one page, a few of us were welcoming missamel, the other newcomer here, with details about our stories. My baby girl died in June, aged 2 days, and we're trying for our second, now.

babyh sorry that things still aren't so great with DH. I really hope that it will be better in a few days. Also, is it possible that you are going to ovulate a bit later in your cycle? My ov pattern has changed and now - I've had three cycles since E - I ov on day 19/20. (Which is now!! I get ov pains, it's happening right now... ) I know that my cycle doesn't have any relevance to yours, but, well, here's hoping for you...

elly hurrah for the tiny bump!! But boo to the terrible stonemason; glad you have other options. And, re your weight, well, you must have been an actual twig before having lovely Nancy... I am not trying to minimise the effect of putting weight on (I do know it can make you feel so awful), but really, I think you look so lovely.
I, like spilt, currently have the opposite problem and am still losing weight, despite my best efforts. It's a new one for me! I would certainly have wanted to lose a few pounds before having E, but now I am trying to hold on to them.

spilt and back to you too, you wonderful and sensitive lady Shall we have another thread love-in like the other week?
Also, I wanted to ask you, as you said you no longer go to church - did you go before Bobbie? Or is it unrelated? We are struggling with the idea of going back to our church - mostly because it's full of gorgeous babies and toddlers, but equally (and obviously) it's just a very difficult thing to return to any form of worship right now.

to little. I'm not sure about your midwife/consultant question. I know that our hospital has a high-risk midwifery team, and if I am ever lucky enough to be pg again, I will be under them as well as being consultant-led.

green as ever, lots of love. I will be so glad ('glad'....) for you when the MC has properly ended. You have been a bit of a hero. I know you will disagree with me and think that you've barely been coping, but - trust me - you've been amazing.

rainbox bless little Dex. Six months. I am so sorry. And also that you are back at work to coincide with it. I will be thinking of you tomorrow xx
Also, am I allowed to have my fingers very, very quietly crossed for you this cycle? Lots of love to you xx

mias sorry to hear about a stressful morning, but it's lovely to hear that all is well with your chubby little baby Porky baby tummies are so cute! I was worried that E was going to be a huuuuuge baby, as I was so late with her and scans seemed to show she was already 6lbs at about 36 weeks, but in the end she was only just over 7lbs/3.1kg.

also at the lovely angel. Glad your heating's back on!!

missamel thank you for telling us a bit more about Blake. He was so clearly wanted, loved and welcomed into your family from the start. It's just so very, very sad. You and your DH crying on the bathroom floor together... oh, bless you. Hoping that you will find the strength to get through another day, together, without Blake. xx
(Oh and I will send you a private message about FB in just a minute )

Hi to everyone else, too. fan I saw those photos of you on Sunday - you and DH looked just so lovely, you really had a good day out and enjoyed yourselves by the sounds of things! A perfect way to distract yourself during the 2ww. xx

EPIC post again from me!!!! Love to you all x

I crossed posts with lots of you.

mumalah I love the name Jack. So perfectly simple and boyish. What was he like? How are your other children doing? It must be so very difficult. I'm so sorry you haven't been able to conceive again yet and hope VERY much that you will do, soon.

missamel more hugs to you. I am scared and lost too. On this thread, we are all scared and lost together. xx

mumalah of course you are welcome, we have all lost a baby whether during pregnancy or after. So sorry to hear about your little boy, what was his name if you dont mind sharing, please dont feel presured into doing so. I hope you find this thread supporting.
My duaghter Ophelia was stillborn 18 months ago. She died of a knot in her cord ar 36 weeks.

missamel that is so sad. The day Ophelia died, we had gone into the hospital in labour, they couldnt find the heart beat and had to bring in an ultrasound, we then saw our baby still on the screen, not moving at all. I didnt have time to take it all in and she was born two and half hours later. Its so hard to come to terms with, its so early in your grief, and Im not going to say it becomes easier it just becomes part of your life. You build everything else around your grief. You will laugh and joke agian. You will think of your blake with fondness rather that total loss.

green so glad things are moving on. Have you had any more thoughts about ttc?

rainbox I have everything crossed for you, or if its isnt a BFP then at least you will know more about your cycles. First day back at work is a hard one, be gentle with yourself and take it slow.

elly booo to the bad stonemasonm shame on him. Im glad you are getting some help gettign the stone, hopefully you can get one pretty enough for your little girl.

angel spilt waves! you still both feeling broody?

blizy how are you doing?

blue and miasmum getting excited for you two now, have you started looking at names? Sorry if Im being nosy, I just love baby names and why people choose them.

poppet how are you doing? Has your brother been in contact again?

amy hows that little bump of yours?

wtw loved the pic of your girls in their holloween costumes.

waves at too, moomins and mogwai and trickle and august

(and just wanted to say really miss ciwi, razz and dachs oh and mel waves just incase you occasionally read)

I am in my last fews days of this cycle, trying desperatly not to think about it, have not looked at the diary to see what CD Im on, so hoping it will be more relaxed. (obvisously still thinking about it but stepping away from the diary untill AF rears her ugly head.) Cant wait to carve the pumpkins either tomorrow or on halloween, and the fireworks on thursday. (love this time of year, its DH's birthday on sunday, gots lots planned for him, he hates his birthday but Im going to make sure his day is special, Im going to make him breakie in bed, make him a giant birthday cookie and then its Indian takeaway and a on-demand movie for the evening)

crossed posts all round

oh I feel terrible I missed little waves to you too.

Gosh so much has happened in a few days. I'm afraid I've been cheating on you ladies......I've discovered selling on eBay It's completely addictive Though I found myself tucking away some of the tiny baby and newborn stuff 'just in case' Thank you all for your kind messages about my dp woes, I think hope it's just the adjustment of having H. We'll work it out I'm sure. I'm just getting on with stuff, making plans etc and if he wants to join in/come along that's up to him, if not, his loss!! I'm too thankful for what I have to get too stresses over it, I've lived through much worse!!

Mulalah and Missamel I'm so sorry you have found yourselves here. Thank you for sharing Jack and Blake. We lost our 2nd dd Erin last August to cancer shortly after her birth. We were blessed enough to fall pg again quite quickly and we had a beautiful rainbow daughter Holly in August this year. We also have a 5yo dd. You will find so so much support on this wonderful thread. Whereabouts in Canada are you Mel my sister lives in Waterloo, ON.

Mias huge hugs lovely. How stressful but so relieved all is well. Fab weight too H was 2.91kg when she was born at 37 weeks. My last scan a week before was scarily accurate! Yay for sensible mummy getting you to pack your bag Hang in there my friend not too long now xx

Yay for little bump Elly I had the gtt in all 3 pregnancies and was always fine. Definitely doesn't sound like the stonemason you want! My headstone angst was well documented on here - it's so important to get it right xx

Waves Kleine been thinking about you a lot lovely. Such early days for you still xxx

Little I was consultant led for my pg with H - I didn't see her until after my 20 wk scan though but then it was 22, 26, 30, 34 weeks then weekly for the last 3 weeks. I had a scan each time then saw her afterwards. Also saw CMW as normal all the way through incl booking in. 12 and 20 wk scans were as in a 'normal' pregnancy.

Just 3 little weeks blue eeek!

6 months rainbox a hard milestone I found. How is work? I was due back in January so 4 months after Erin but found I wasn't ready so was signed off sick for a month and went back in February. It was hard but also I was ready for the distraction by then, I hope you find it a help too. But if not don't be afraid to say xx

Hi fan blizy split angel too and anyone else I've missed!oveNove to all. First day of half term and I'm cream crackered!! Off to bed now xxxx

Argh green knew I missed someone, sorry my love! Like Kleine I'm 'glad' the mc is coming to an end for you. What an emotionally draining time for you. Hope you cab get some R&R soon xx

Cross posts Fan Hello lovely, thank you, they are a bit cute aren't they Are you going to Sultan Thursday then? We are, can't wait. K loved the Whiteley ones, she's a bit of a firework junkie so we're there on Thursday then at some near my sister on Saturday. Love this time of year as long as the rain holds off DH birthday plans sound perfect - he's a lucky man! Hope the wool has arrived for Cups blanket xxx

Thank you for making me so welcome everybody. Jack had white blond hair and beautiful blue eyes. He was very much loved and spoilt by his older brothers and sisters: ds1 20, ds2, 18, dd1,16 and dd2,10. They have been so strong, i'm so proud of them. Everyone used to comment on Jack, and say he looked just like an angel- little did we know he really would be. After numerous visits to doctors,eventually being admitted to hospital, in and out, blood tests, scans, x-rays, they said he was their little mystery - we got a diagnosis. Jack had a neuroblastoma, a tumour on his adrenal gland. We were transferred the same night to a specialist hospital, due to Jack having very high blood pressure. After 7 days sadly they still couldn't get the right balance of medication. The blood pressure would suddenly go to low, then rise quickly again. He was anaesthetised for a ct scan, but it couldn't be done as he woke up during scan , so another one was booked two days later, this time under a general. Jack was drowsy afterwards, but happy, that night He went to sleep as normal. He was in P.I.C.U, so I was unable to stay with him, I had a room in a house on the hospital site for parents. It was that night, I got a call to say Jack wasn't well, and could I come. I ran as fast as I could. The first thing I saw was a crowd round a bed , working hard to revive someone, then i saw jacks nurse, Thank god, I thought that was Jack and pointed at the crowd. She came towards me, and guided me into room. It is jack. After his medication he started fitting and then arrested. They were unable to revive him.

I'm sorry. I think this is the first time i have written down what happened< but strangely, I feel it has helped.

Whatevertheweather I live in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, it's about 9-10 hours away from Waterloo, we are farther north, it's colder here. We have lots of family near Waterloo...in Toronto and Brampton. Wouldn't mind going to spend some time down there soon, visiting, Christmas shopping, and visiting a high risk ob for some reassurance

It's very cold here, it's just above freezing right now. Not looking forward to Christmas right now....I had hoped DH and I could be actually married(were common law 7 years) on dec. 22 , but he thinks it would be a nightmare to get it together so quick. Sil and I were scheming about it, she prepared her own wedding in 6 weeks!

All ladies, do you, did you find it hard to stay connected, I'm sometimes sinking into my own little world of sleep, journalling, researching, and online friends

It's hard to stay connected with those around me, I mean

Hello MUMALAH, I've just read your posts. I'm so so sorry. Jack sounds adorable. Ive cried reqding your story. We lost our little girl, Merryn, in PICU, after she had arrested. They brought her back, but she died shortly after. I know that the memories stay forever, it's like my own private hell. I'm glad you have found us, these women have kept me sane, and at times carried me when I've needed it. They are amazing. This is the only place I know where everyone just understands, but it's so sad they do... I hope you find some solace here. Xxx

I can't bring myself to speak to everyone, just a bit full up tonight, think my hormones have crashed. Tears everywhere! Sick of getting the baby blues with no baby! And sick of DP being in sodding London! (do you lot fancy moving to Devon)? We have decided to keep trying. Decided is a bit misleading, because I'm not sure there was another choice I could have made. I don't have any hope it will work, but I know there is no real reason why it shouldn't, it's just been a long time. I really miss Merryn. Thank you all for being so utterly wonderful, I really really appreciate it.

Just a very quick message, to send special hugs to rainbox. Thinking of your gorgeous little Dexter today.
green also gets special hugs and so does missamel.

The rest of you are probably feeling a little left out... ok, you can all have one too. I hope everyone's day is as peaceful and easy as possible, and has as many of these in it as possible too. xx

Rainbox.... Thinking about you and Dexter today... It doesn't seem as if six months have passed... A big hug for you. Xxx