Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

[RainboxFX]

A shiny new thread in memory of our angels. To bring us all BFPs, sticky beans and healthy happy Rainbows.

Good luck elly xx

I didn't know about little Bea but how very, very, very sad

Lots of waves to all today, I think I'll just say that I'm thinking of elly and will come back later to check if you've updated...

Elly, just to say thinking of you today. Everything's crossed.

I'm not up to posting much right now, feeling a bit hopeless, which I need to get on top of. MC is still going strong, and I'm worn out. DP is in London until late Fri, sometimes I hate his job. It's getting hard to hide from the kids that anything (more than tummy ache) is wrong. They worry now when i am ill. They will have had a rubbish half term. I need to think carefully about whether the positives of trying out way the negatives for my family. I feel very selfish keeping going, but I'm not sure I have the willpower to say we need to stop. Very confused right now.
My little one said to me out of the blue "did you not feed Merryn Mummy"? It just about dissolved me. I think he thinks we should have saved her.

Good luck Elly. Thinking of you xxxxxxxx

green what can I say? I'm so, so sorry for all of this. It's impossible. I wish I lived down the road... if there is somehow anything I can do... I know you would let me know, but just to say it again.
Hand-holding, hugs, love, and many other things that aren't technically allowed on MN are coming your way from me xxx

Oh Green love.......life is so unkind to you right now. I can't say whether you should keep going ........all I will say based on my own experience is that we saw what we could have had........Merryn was amazing such a beautiful little girl and u saw what could have been........if only. Please don't think I'm trivializing your little bean because this is truly horrific and the pain goes on with no end in sight.......Its all part of the same grieving process and my aunty once said from the moment we are pregnant we love that baby and can't help but hold all our hopes and dreams for the future. As someone with 2 other children I know how difficult it must be right now. My DH keeps reminding me that I need to pick myself up for them because its not all about 'A'. I hope these dark days soon pass for you I wish more than anything that your future rainbow was still here. Maybe one day if your brave enough to continue it will happen.........sending you lots of love and hugs your such a brave brave lady xxxxxxxxxx PS hope Im not waffling too much Im hopeless with words sometimes x

Vvv quick post - not read up to date at all so sorry I'm not replying to you all, but ...

Scan went well, thank goodness!!! Put me at 12+2 which is 5 days more than I'd thought, new edd 7th May.

Sooooo relieved.

Love to all, will catch up with you later cxx

elly that is wonderful news! Congratulations Do you have a plan of care in place yet for your pregnancy? Any idea when your next scan will be? Enjoy the relief and the excitement, long may it last!

green I don't know what to say. I am so sorry it's taking so long and draining you so much. It's so very unfortunate that this has happened at half term too, just when you need to do so much more childcare Do you have a friend/family member who you could ask to have the boys for an afternoon or take them out somewhere? Even if you have to lie to said friend/relative and say you're under the weather/migraine etc and could really do with a favour that you'll repay next school holiday or whenever when they need a child break. I don't know if you told anyone in RL about the pregnancy? You really sound like you need a big rest to help you cope physically. Nightmare that DP is away. Are you managing to eat and drink properly? I wish I could pop round and bring you a big beef stew or something. Look after yourself and please don't be shy to ask for help xx

elly hurrah!! so so pleased for you. So would you be looking at a late-April arrival, then? I do realise that is very far into the future. But I hope you're allowing yourself to feel the relief and the joy, just as spilt says!

Elly, I'm chuffed to bits for you love! You must be so relieved! And five days further on, which is lovely! Well done today, it must have been difficult but you made it through. Xxx

Thanks lovelies - it feels good to have it all out in the open now and be able to talk about it in RL, makes it feel more real. Am going to push for c-section at 37/38 weeks, which will be 17th or 24th April (they only do them on Wednesday's at my hopsital). My favourite time of year - new starts etc. They had put me under a different consultant at the hospital, but I have requested to be under my same consultant as last time, as she knows my history and has been brilliant with all my other friends who have lost and subsequently had rainbows. I don't think that I get an appointment with her until after my 20wk scan, and I guess that then we will be able to talk about my care plan and what they will do for me. MW appointment in 5 weeks, so should then hear the heartbeat so that's my next milestone!

Green, I'm so sorry that you are still suffering physically as well, you really shouldn't have to cope with all of this as well. Is there anyone who can help you out, as spilt said, just to give you a bit of time to yourself?

Fan, I hope that you aren't feeling so down today. Comfort eating is such a difficult thing to take control of, I really sympathise.

mias, I don't know what to say, just want to send my love & hugs xxx

Hi to everyone, sorry I have missed so many of you out - am thinking of you all xxx

Oh Elly what lovely news I'm so pleased for you I'm so relieved for you. An April spring baby - perfect. I didn't see my consultant until after 20 week scan xx

Green I so wish I lived closer to you so I could help you out It really is the cruellest thing to happen. Like split says you do sound like you need a big rest. Could you get even a weekend away without the boys and just sleep, sleep, sleep? xxx

Waves and love to all xxxx

I'm having a shitty time with dp at the moment. No idea what's going on with him but he's being a horrible miserable bugger and I'm at the end of my tether. He seems to not be able to cope at all with two children in the house. Am doing everything myself which I don't mind at all but I do mind him huffing and stressing every time H cries or K plays up. I'm sorry to moan on here, I know it's nothing compared to what some of you are going through. I just wish he wasn't here at the moment

Elly fabulous news xxxxx congrats xxx
Wtw sorry xxxx hope stuff improves with your do soon xxxx
green xxxxx sorry you re having a crap time xxx

Thanks for all the lovely wishes to help, cook tea etc! I have lots of lovely friends here, but I had only told two that I was pregnant this time. They are both away for half term, so don't want to tell anyone else. I don't want to fib either, as we already have to do that to get someone to have kids when I have scan appt next week to confirm its all gone. I think I feel guilty for keeping causing so much drama, and if we are keeping trying I want to just get through these times quietly now, I've been pregnant, grieving, MCing or waiting to try again after MC for a very long time now, even I find me a bit boring!! I'm hoping I'm through the worst of it, although POAS is still showing a very clear +, which isn't a good sign. So maybe more to come. Anyway, DH back from London late tonight, so I guess I'll make popcorn later and settle into the couch with the boys!

WTW, can I give your DH a virtual kick up the bottom? I'm sorry he's being a pain! Have you told him how you feel? Maybe he's being a 'man' and hasn't noticed what he's (not) doing?

SPILT, I almost cried at your beef stew last night! (All I managed was pasta and cheese for the boys, and I couldn't stomach it!) Thank you lovely lady!!

BABYH, thanks for your kind words. You weren't trivialising it, I understood what you meant. There was no 'bean' there, just an empty sac, so I'm not grieving anything but lost hope really. And lost time. I know everyone sees MC differently, but personally I'd go mad if I remembered due dates etc for every MC. Merryn was my daughter, that's who I grieve and remember and think about. This is my body doing what it should with a pregnancy that never had a chance. Hopefully my body will also know what to do if I get a sticky one!

I hope everyone has something to look forward to this WE. Wish I was going to see Skyfall, is anyone going tonight? Daniel Craig's yummy... (older Mum here). Love to all.

Morning all. elly good to hear that you've requested to be under the care of a consultant who you already know and trust. That will help a lot. Are you doing anything 'differently' already, eg aspirin, or does the need for that only kick in later on?

wtw hmmm your DP sounds like he needs a good slapping. Feel very free to whinge. It's all part of it, isn't it? I don't wish to excuse his behaviour (far from it), but do you think it has ANYthing to do with having lost Erin, and the pressures and the stresses of your pregnancy with Holly? Or is he just Being A Man? Hard to say, presumably. Poor you xx

green I do understand why you don't want to broadcast the news round your friends, or lie about it. So, so hard for you to be doing this by yourself, though, esp as I know you are so concerned about your boys, and how they are feeling. Oh but I do SO hope that the MC will very soon be over. You've had such an incredibly rough ride. Also hope DH will spoil you and take extra-careful good care of you once he's back xx

Nothing much else going on here. Had a friend round last night which was nice; haven't seen too much of most people for the last few weeks, it just feels a bit too difficult to make the effort. I prefer snuggling up with DH and ignoring the rest of the world. But I am well aware that I can't!
On a random aside, I have just started feeling phantom kicks this week, which feel like twenty-week kicks (E was such an active baby, and I lost so much weight, that by twenty weeks I was routinely feeling some pretty massive whacks in the tummy!) Can't believe it, four and a half months after she was born... I think it must be related to slowly getting some feeling back around my CS scar.

PS green sorry but I'm not with you on the Daniel Craig thing, although I know DH wishes I was, however odd that may sound, as it would mean I was more inclined to go and see the Bond films with him!

Oh green so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Sending you lots of hugs.
mias hope the anniversary date passed OK. You sound like such a strong lady I'm sure your little girl would be so proud of you.
Sorry to hear your DP's being a pain wtw. hope he gets over his stress/huffing soon. It must be tough having to deal with that on top of 2 DC's!
Fantastic news on the scan elly! You must be so relieved. Hope you can relax a bit now (ha! I know that's not so easy....)
Sorry to hear you're feeling down too fan. I'm with you on the comfort eating. I'm a terror for sweets - munched a whole 250g bag of wine gums at work on Wednesday. I can't seem to resist when I'm feeling stressed.

I had an appointment with my gynaecologist today and got my blood test results back. Despite not seeing the nasal bone, and getting an NT measurement of 3.2mm, my risk has come back at 1/2850. The gynaecologist still couldn't see the nasal bone today unfortunately, as the baby is facing my spine, but he measured the NT and it seems to be down to around 2mm. I'm 14+4, so I know this measurement doesn't really mean anything though.

The gynaecologist thinks we should still do the amnio, especially as I'm nearly 33 and the blood tests are not 100% reliable. The amnio risk here in Belgium is lower than in the UK - around 1/250-1/300 - and he seems to feel that the pros outweigh the cons. DH and I had got ourselves into the mindset of having the amnio, so think that we'll maybe still go for it. I'm a bit worried that something might go wrong, but also can't get away from the worry that in 3 pregnancies this is the first time I've ever had an NT measurement of over about 1.5mm... I guess I'm just worrying that the measurement still might mean there's something wrong. Am beginning to think that this pregnancy is going to be one big stress from start to finish!

Elly: Wonderful news for a lovely spring baby xxxxxx

WTW: There's only 20 months between my two so I understand it can be tiring for you both. Plus most men don't multitask as well as us women. Me and my DH used to count each others sleep an have some right old arguements so don't worry about having a moan its hard going with a new born. I hope he straightens his face quick smart. Hugs to you xxxxx

Green: Glad your DH back later you need the support right now. Popcorn and a movie sounds great but I have to agree with Kliene ....lm not a bond fan I'm afraid xxx

Angel: How are you? I'm not from Blackpool but not far away in Liverpool. Have lots of fond memories....took J when she was little about 18 months old actually and she loved the lights.

Waves to Split plodding on :) xxx

Can't read any further back cos I'm hopless on my fone. Just on our way home from Butlins and its pouring with rain.

Love to all xxxx

Cross post Amy. Isn't 1/2850 a very low risk? Forgive my ignorance on this? Also feeling old when you mentioned your only 32 lol
Have you fully looked into the risks of the amnio chick? I hope they have explained everything to you before you go ahead.
So very sorry your having all this stress in your pregnancy.
I hope things get better for you xxxxxxxx

Ah that lovely squeaky clean teeth feeling, just been to the dentists and been polished

wtw I hope things at home improve soon x

green I am scared of JAmes Bond! Get DH to do dinner & childcare this eve and have a rest my lovely xx

kleine funny you should say that, I still get phantom kicks from time to time, it's very weird. I occasionally freak out at the possibility of suddenly being 20 odd weeks pg and not having realised and then come to my senses and remember that there is no way I could have failed to notice the puking/first trimester so clearly it is just my little phantom doing a jig again. Bloody odd though. Why does it happen anyone know?

amy gosh 14 weeks! 1/2850 sounds low risk to me, is it? Good luck with your decision, lots to weigh up. Do you have a gut feeling on it?

I LOVE James Bond (and Daniel Craig) and can't wait to see the new film - am on standby for tonight - my BFF has booked tickets to go, but her due date was yesterday so if she goes into labour, we will be able to go instead!!!! Unlikely I think at this time of day.

No idea about downs risks - had NT measured at scan, and it was 2.3mm, no idea what that means though. We had a CVS with Nancy because of a genetic condition (we've decided not to this time as it wouldn't make any difference) so we knew that she didn't have it.

kleine - am taking baby aspirin daily since getting the BFP because of the blood clots in the placenta last time. This is the only thing extra, although I am now so fat (put on 4 stone when pg last time/shortly after and have only lost 1 stone of it so far!) that I have to have the GTT at 28 weeks.

I still feel numbness around my c-section scar, and when I stroke it it feels really weird, but apart from phantom kicks in the first few weeks after having Nancy, I don't think I've felt any others.

WTW, sorry your DH with being a PITA - it happens to most of them from time to time, but that's not particularly helpful, sorry! I hope that he sorts himself out soon & becomes more aware that he's being a pain and not very helpful.

Green, popcorn & film sounds like a great idea tonight. Could DH take the boys out for a few hours tomorrow to give you a rest at all? Sending love & hugs xxx

I'm so glad it's Friday - this has been a really long & emotional week, and I think I'm coming down with this horrid cold that seems to have been going around. Just had some chocolate to try to make me feel better, but it hasn't worked [hsmile].

My DP is home! He caught an earlier train and brought me lovely flowers too. I've been sent to bed with a cup of tea, while he plays UNO with the boys. Thank god. I'm not sure I could have lasted through settling!

On a practical note, does anyone know how long it should take to get a - on a pee stick after a MC? I am worried I still have lots to get through because it's still a fairly strong +?

ELLY, I'm not surprised youre tired after the roller coaster of a week you've had! Can you have an early night?

I'm glad someone else likes Daniel Craig, it just seems obvious!! We will probably wait until the DC are back at school and sneak off one afternoon.... Sad, but convenient without having to use babysitting favours!

KLEINE, I've never had phantom kicks, I remember in the early days I hoped I would.... Now that feels like a slightly crazy thought. Merryn only ever kicked me on the left side as she couldn't turn because of her tumour, and it used to get really sore. Worse for her though, obviously.
How are you after today?

Got to go, I like to listen in on Harry Potter!

Wtw, that's my DH too! Don't get the inability to deal with a baby - every time he picks him up he cries and then dh hovers round me waiting for me to take him back, jiggling him round aimlessly. Think I'll have to wait a few months before they 'bond' and just get on with it - which actually is fine by me, I can't get enough of the little guy

Greenie, glad your DH is doing his bit and being kind.

Hello ladies

Ive been a bit quiet sorry. Im back in full spirits now.

wtw Im sorry you have having annoying problems with DP, I think men have a problem with the baby stage, especially when we are primary carers. Do you share care of Holly or do you mainly feed and change her? Maybe a day of caring for the kids by himself will stop him Whinging! Hopefully it will start to settle soon.

green I didnt use pee sticks after my miscarraiges, the bleeding was just a very long period so I just waited till it finished and then waited untill my next period. Its a long waiting game I gues, that just sucks!

Sorry cant name check everyone, but I will just say agree on the Daniel Craig love! Cant wait to see the new James Bond myself.

Im off to wembley on sunday to see the St Louis Rams vs the New England Patriots, we are going with some friends, Im really looking forward to it.

Just met a lady from my NCT classes, havnt seen her since before Ophelia was born. She was lovely, she asked all about Ophelia, told me about her own problems with her baby, shes had really bad PND. It was good to talk.