TTC for 10+ months, part 10

[princesschick]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Just popping in for a quick hello.

Mrsden I know exactly what you feel re being super sensitive! Hugs for you. Despite how lovely and amazing this thread is, sometimes we have contradictory "needs". So when someone consoles a 10+er about how (as an example) they have time on their side, then I get all stressed about how I don't. Similarly ICSI is a wonderful technique, but perhaps not right for everyone. But I guess, whilst none of us want to do IVF, or indeed ICSI, we are all amazingly grateful that it's there for us. You'll get your baby :). So sorry about your WTF cycle.

The hair loss is worrying me, given the fact it's happening a month before the wedding . Luckily I have thick hair.

Hope you are feeling ok Joy

Welcome back mrsmellow hope you had a lovely holiday. Sorry for long cycles.

Rabbit sorry you are hanging out in the tent, but I think you are not so far away from your win.

It's so exciting that you are moving on princess, but in a really really sad, we're going to miss you soooo much, kind of way. You need to keep us posted, and share your sea sickness to make us feel a little better about not being pregnant .

critter it's confusing to know what to do about the IVF I'm sure. You are so much fun on this thread, and always seem to be so motivated and zen, that you'll be great when it comes!

Hooray for new job sar but boo for sick-leave concerns; and euro too :(

Well done on stealth-IVFing from artemis and doll. I'm sure I'll be much less quiet and stoic. Keep safe, doll.

OK that's as much as I can remember. I'm just up to my eyes with wedding stuff and work is too busy. Quite stressed, but on the plus side no time to worry about lack of pregnancy, or how I'm going to stick needles in me. I only need to do 10 days and it's a pen, so how hard can it be .

I'm reading still but not posting much so just a general hello to everyone else I've not name checked.

I don't think my post made any sense! as per usual And I've not even been drinking. Unfortunately!

I also cross posted loads.

Hi ladies, thank you SO much for all the good wishes. I am finally home. I went in at 12pm and left at 10pm tonight. The morphine was making me wobbly and now I think I'm high as a kite. I had to wait until 5pm for the op and the two women behind me never got to go in as everything was running so late. So very grateful i just made it. Anyway, it was absolutely fine. I was so so nervous and anxious. I burst in to tears in the operating theatre and was very scared but everyone was lovely and that was that. I woke up feeling very proud of myself. So best birthday present was that everything was fine. I feel really relieved to say the least.

Anyway on to other stuff. Princess thank you so much for organising Saturday's meet up. It was really great and you are such a lovely bunch of women. As Sar said, it certainly made me feel less alone. And Gin, I agree, I am sure all the tables around us were wondering what was going on.
I'm sorry i had to leave early. I was suspicious that Roy (so that's MrJoy - poetic huh?) was throwing me a surprise as he was really keen for me to meet him. And he did. He took me to a smart hotel in london (i feigned shock but was obviously on to him) so i could take my mind off things. I had a massage. And one of the questions was 'are you pregnant or trying'. The lady was lovely and when she was massaging me , she said 'please don't give up'. It turned out she is 7 months pregnant after trying for 13 years. She can't believe it. She has been trying with her husband since she was 18 and didn't find out until she was 3 months pregnant. She had her 2nd round of ivf in 2009. It was so nice talking to her. and she said I didn't want to hear it but it happened to after she totally gave up, concentrated on her career and didn't even think about it for the first time ever. For 13 years she had been waking up just desperately wanting a child with her husband. Isn't that lovely?

This morning, i went to Andrology Solutions and had an extremely interesting conversation with the main Dr/Scientist there. Roy is going to have a sperm fragmentation test and some oxidising test done just to rule out any dna problem there. But then we got on to the conversation of bacterial infections and the role in infertility. This woman was excellent. It's so good talking about things from a scientific point of view. Although she hadn't heard of this Hidden-C test I had done, she thinks, it's significant. From a scientific view she said it makes absolute sense that a bacterial infection can cause infertility. She gave me a name of a brilliant scientist and medical doctor who comes to London once a week and is doing a lot of research in to bacterial stuff and apparently would be fascinated by what they have found in this hidden c stuff. So cosmos or any others if you wanted his name if you ever wanted to perhaps pursue him, I can PM you. But it was interesting because infections can be asymptomatic but they can raise NK cells etc etc. THis man is writing a paper and wants to get it published in a proper medical journal. This is basically exactly the stuff I was talking to Troth's office in New York about. oh she also said to me to stop feeding Roy extra vitamins like zinc as this can make things worse. Never self prescribe things like apparently. I felt embarrassed as i have forced all sorts of things down him over the last few years.

Wow - really sorry about the essay. I'm trying to write it down in case I forget.

So, Princess - really sad you are moving on but it sounds like you are ready. We will miss you and please pop back and keep us posted. I'm not going to say I'm sorry you have been sick. I'm going to say 'that's great!' as it sounds like your bean is well and truly stuck in. You thoroughly deserve it and you will make a great mum.

cosmos - so great to meet you. I was also very nervous. It's always slightly awkward and a bit blind datey but it doesn't taken long to get the conversations going. It was really nice to see that you are in a better place. It's probably those meditation cd's which you have , they have really helped me. And I really felt that it's going to be a matter of time for you as well. It will come your time.

sar - so great to finally meet you as well. You have had the most extraordinarly tough week but you are handling it with great fortitude. it's all about ticking things off and pursuing avenues and getting to the bottom of things. You WILL get there as well. and the lap will shed more light and give you a better plan. \

Gin - wondferful to see you again. I hope you are much better now and the very best with your upcoming ivf. I have a good feeling it's going to be much better.

Rabbit - thank you so much for the lap tips. It was really generous of you. Can i get my medal?! I am sorry you hit the tent the other night. It's not surprising considering your cp and the emotional toll that takes. But this was such a near miss and we all feel it's going to be your time soon. It's in the stars. I see it.

Art - so lovely to meet you. I hope the down regging continues to go really smoothly. You are cool as a cumcumber and I'm was extrememly impressed.

nelly - i hope the wedding plans are going smoothly.

freedom - oh no, i'm so sorry about the hair loss. I hope they can shed light on that. That's a distress you don't need but it will grow back. Look after yourself.

mrsd - oh so sorry you are in the tent. As others have said, ICSI shouldn't be for everyone, but it will the magic bullet for you and others. It's incredible what they can achieve with it. We were discussing this the other day, where when we have a fear and a worry, we can come on MN and say, oh i only have this afc or just this amh level. And there are always going to be others with worse results which we must remember. I have read people's posts where they say their situation is bad and you think 'gees my figs are worse than that' and it can really worry and panic you. I've just re-read that and that makes no sense whatsoever...sorry...i think i'm trying to say, you are not being sensitive...it's just all very close to the nerve. All of this is.

Waves to buzzy, doll, critter, euro.

F*ck me that was long. I'm so wide awake and chatty. I'm waiting for the crash

www.nejm.org/doi/pdf/10.1056/NEJMoa1008095

mrsden I'm really very sorry to upset you. ICSI is recommended for when there are male factor issues and my gynae reassured me that there was no significant increase in birth defects. I really don't this this reputable clinic I am attending would take the risk of doing this routinely if it were a big risk.

This recent (May 2012) study found that there is a slight increase in risk with ICSI over IVF, but that this may be confounded by other factors and it was not conclusive.

CONCLUSIONS The increased risk of birth defects associated with IVF was no longer significant after adjustment for parental factors. The risk of birth defects associated with ICSI remained increased after multivariate adjustment, although the possibility of residual confounding cannot be excluded

The thing is, in general, the risk of a birth defect is quite small, so increasing it compared to non-assisted conception doesn't make it big - just slightly less small.
And, most of these birth defects are minor and completely treatable...

Of note, the use of clomid has a greater risk of birth defects!

I agree, that if we do straight IVF unsuccessfully, I'll wish we'd listened to her advice... and vice versa.
This place we're in and these choices we have to make are shit, no matter how you look at it - but ultimately, we could have been us 35 years ago and there would have been no options. Or we could get pregnant at the age of 21 and have a baby with Down's Syndrome.

We have to work out what we can do and do it and have faith that it will work out. The vast majority of women who have babies with IVF have perfectly healthy beautiful babies - worrying about the minority is pointless.

Incidentally - I was born on the same day as Louise Brown -the first 'test-tube' baby - I have been wondering if thats a sign - am clearly goo-goo anyway and grasping at straws.

In 10 yrs time as we discuss whether to allow our children to have implantable ipads in their wrists or whatever the latest game technology is, this will all seem like a minor distraction at the beginning of the 2010's....

Sending you a big hug - the tent is a shit place. I had to buy new moisturiser to sort out my tear-damaged cheeks a couple of weeks ago. We're all here for you.

x-post joy
yup, that was long!
Was the lap ok? tubes ok?

Sorry just now re-read and i should have written this tomorrow. It's appallingly written and i don't understand half of it

cosmos - I'm going to be away for the fertility show but that would have been a really lovely idea. It's better going to these things with friends and people who are in the same boat so sorry i can't join.

hi MrsM - yes all seemed fine. I have a follow up appt in a month but initial conversation was all good. Leaves me at unexplained which is frustrating but having spoken to ladies in the ward today who are going through a horrendous time with fertility, I feel fortunate to be unexplained.

and how amazing you were born on the same day as Louise Brown...that is a sign.

Hooray for an all clear lap Joyce - what a relief. Although I can understand that still being in the undiagnosed camp is frustrating. But well done you for bringing up the genetics stuff and and hidden c stuff with the scientists. I often find the scientists behind reproductive medicine more human and knowledgeble. Our embryologists were fab (and I think they would have been regardless of the outcome). There is a also a freelance scientist who uses these boards who gives great no-nonsense but reassuring answers.

And that is amazing about the zinc. To be honest after we put chum on vits his SA was slightly poorer. It was the acupuncture and antioxidents (pycenagol) which appeared to help a little. And how lovely is Roy taking you for a suprise hotel trip. . The massage ladies story is amazing. I want a massage by her. Was she unexplained too?

Happy Birthday for yesterday Joyce (6 days between us). I have a good feeling about the age of 33, don't you? The weekend you just had is one of those which you will remember for the rest of your life.....a bit mysterious. Things happen for a reason. Have a good rest today. Oh, and when you get a chance, the nosey part of me is wondering what kind of fertility problems the other ladies on the ward had, if you don't mind? I can't believe 2 woman didn't get to have their ops. All that build up.

Mrs Den - big hugs. I find IVF distressing and always find something new to worry about. I have done a bit of reasearch and agree the risks are genuinly minimal. Mrs M described it all above better than I can. During my last 2ww after IVF I was talking to a 'freind' and she informed me that her cousins little boy has leaukimia. And in her opinion this was becuase he was an IVF baby. She mumbled something about research papers in a non convincing way (was so clear she hasdn't read a single paper). Even though I do know better, my heart sank. I had an IVF embryo in me at that stage. Anyway said 'freind' went on to give birth 2 days a go. Yes another prego instadiff (the one who I got pregnant because I said to her 'you don't know what will happen in life'). Unfortunatley she had a very traumatic birth requiring an emergency c-section as the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck 3 times and there was a load of meconium. Thankfully both mother and baby are doing fine but the risks of something going wrong were very high for them (e.g. cerebral palsy or even death etc). So I guess I'm trying to say that risks are there for all mothers and baby's but in our shoes, we are all to use to mulling these things over far more than most. Mrs Den, sweetheart, I want to wish you all the luck in the world with your upcoming cycle. Stay positive and heres hoping it is your time soon. There is every every chance!

Hello Nelly - hope you get the odd breather from werk and wedding stuff.

I got in touch with another mumsnetter last night who I use to PM. She too was diagnosed with a hydro. Anyhow the upshot is after her lap (which lasted 3 hours) they found her tube and ovary were fused together causing a bubble which collected fluid (hydro). When these were split it allowed the tube to open. They also found endo which they cleared up for her. One month later - bam - she got pregnant. I am not naive enough to think things will go like that for me but it shows there can be success. I am now beating myself up for not having the lap before IVF. But my scary consultant made me feel that the tubes were damaged and an operation would be useful for diagnosis but the outcome of progressing to IVF may not change. That may still be the case but feel I have done things 'arse about tit'. Like other have been saying, it is so hard to know what choices to make and when to do things. Where is the manual for dealing with this stuff?

princess wishing you all the best, I'll miss you but am so happy for your graduation!

sarlat congratulations on the job, I do think it is a good idea to let them know what you are going through. You may need their understanding and you will need to take time off for your appointments and it's better they know from the beginning what to expect. How are they concerning maternity leave, is the possibility that you may be pregnant soon going to be a problem for them?

mellow sorry about the long cycle but I think you're probably right that it's just your body normalising itself after the OP so don't give it too much thought. I think some clinics prefer to go straight for ICSI as they can guarantee fertilisation. I was expecting they would recommend IVF before going to ICSI as well but the specialist said they prefer not to waste cycles on IVF and that the disappointment is very high when they "wake up in the morning only to find the egg hasn't been fertilised". I suppose it depends on the philosophy of the clinic. Ours recommended the natural route without hormones without super ovulation which means there would only ever be one egg per cycle and if that egg wasn't fertilised it would mean a failed cycle. Their theory was that even if you produce several eggs in a cycle, there is generally only one really good quality one - whether that's true, I don't know but that is their theory. I'm in two minds about it, I think there are benefits and drawbacks to both. I like the idea of not using hormones- but of course I don't love the idea of some tech picking the sperm that will become my baby - you want there to be some element of magic left in the process, don't you? Then again, who is to say that a tech won't do a better job of selecting a healthy sperm than chance? When you've removed almost all the hurdles (as with IVF) even an unhealthy sperm could manage to fertilise the egg. I really don't think ICSI is somehow worse or even necessarily so much more "meddling" than IVF. Once you go down that road, there is going to be some meddling and I think it's a valid choice whether or not IVF is an option for you. It's so much to consider and it's so individual. I wish you luck with your decision.

Welcome s43 good luck with your lap. Many of us have had one (or several) so feel free to ask questions. We even have a special lap recovery guide (patent pending)

joyce I'm so glad everything went well with your OP. A new year and a fresh start for you!

joyce I think it is good that they didn't find anything as well, here's to 33 being the right year, happy birthday! Hope you got some sleep last night and aren't too uncomfortable today. I found the day after a bit worse when the opiates had worn off, so take it easy today. But you'll be back on your feet in no time. And fingers crossed the flushing out did some magic!

missM I'm so sorry about your recent ups and downs - I was away while that was all going on, but I've been trying to catch up on my reading. How are you doing?

I agree that they probably prefer to go straight to ICSI to guarantee fertilisation and improve their rates. And as a wannabe hippy, the whole concept of IVF is so wrong anyway - I want the moon to be in the correct quarter of the cycle while we have tantric sex (surely not a good method for pregnancy!?)... blah de blah.. but you're right, some meddling is surely inevitable at this stage and maybe it is better to go straight for the method recommended with the highest chance of success. Although, given that I know our problem is blockage, the one egg, one sperm low intervention that you've described sounds very appealing. I am somewhat terrified that they'll discover I have loads of other problems once they overcome the blockage issue....

sarlat unhelpful leukaemia story! some people

mellow I sympathise with that completely. We're relatively new to fertilisation enquiry business but every single thing we have tested so far has been not quite right (bad sperm, dodgy ovary, irregular cycles, whacky hormone levels). Nothing so definitively bad that we can blame it alone on the fertility issues but there's a lot more digging they could do, are they just going to keep finding things wrong with us?

How is it possible that something so intrinsic to who we are, arguably the whole point to life, is so fucking hard? No other species in the world has this much trouble procreating. My god, how does our species even survive? /rant off

mrsmellow I'm a bit of a hippy too and find any kind of intervention difficult to accept. IUI really upset me - the medicalised process was just not how I imagined my baby being conceived (where was the wine and candles, eh?). Getting my head around IVF has been a real internal battle for me. I've had to work up to it with baby steps - superov, immune therapy, iui and next natural/mild IVF so I know I will be having the least amount of intervention that is possible for me. One thing I also find difficult is that most "unexplained" types do end up pregnant if they try for long enough (like Joy's masseuse) but after only starting at 34, I don't have 7 years to wait.

joy I'm glad the lap got done and nothing bad was found. And Happy Birthday! Good on Roy for arranging a treat for you.

I'd better do some work now but will try to catch up more later.

Hi everyone

nelly you are a sweetie. Thanks for saying such nice things. I hope that the wedding stuff is under control - what month are you getting married? Don't feel you need to be too specific, of course. The pens, if they are the gonal f style ones, are pretty easy.

heart it's lovely to see you back and I am so glad that the spotting has stopped. Fingers crossed for you and your little poppyseed - it must be really stressful and you're managing brilliantly.

euro you made me laugh with your 'wine and candles' remark. I can totally relate to that. Although it might be rather alarming if they played Barry White while they were doing the IUI or ET.

joy The massage sounded lovely, and Roy sounds like an absolute darling. And happy birthday! I'll be joining you and sar on the 33 train in about 6 weeks. I have a good feeling that it will be our year!

medusa I so hear you on the 'how did our species survive' stuff. I think the answer may be by reproducing at 14 and shuffling off the mortal coil by 40, at least back in the Dark Ages.

mrsm at the implantable ipads and the full moon with tantric sex. You are one funny lady!

sar you have been really comforting to me on the whole IVF thing, I'm sorry that it's distressing, but that might be why you've been so helpful to me in putting my unfounded worries to rest, if that makes sense... anyway in a crap way I am trying to say thank you.

mrsd hope you are ok.

Hugs to lemon and rabbit and buzzy and doll, and anyone else that I have missed.

Oh - so last night I babysat for a friend's 5 month old for a couple of hours - my friend is 42 and tried for a long time to have this baby, and knows all about my reproductive woes, so I didn't mind. Anyway - the baby was teething and hungry, and he screamed and screamed for about 70 per cent of the time that I was looking after him. Our flat is really echoey because it was built with crap materials (hollow core doors, etc) and the noise was unbelievable. I put in earplugs which helped a little, and just sat in the dark with the lights off holding him and waiting for him to tucker himself out. Poor little thing. He perked right up when his mum came back, of course. Anyway - point of the story was that I thought - I could live a few more months without one of these! The little fella did me a favour by squalling, instead of being all sleepy and smiley. It's not so bad, getting to sleep through the night, for now.

Joy am soooo glad you're ok after the lap and they gave you a clean bill of health. I think sometimes when you get a test result that's normal its a massive relief, combined with a feeling of 'well what is going on then', but a lap is a big one and so lots of things are very right, and I'm sure by crossing this off the list you're a massive step closer. Its a scary thing too, and you really didn't seem it on sat. Hope you manage to rest a lot this week, how long have you got off work? Happy Birthday, and the hotel trip sounds like a lovely surprise. How serendipitous (?) that the massage therapist went through all that - a sign I think that its worth persevering and you will get there! Yes please PM me the name of the scientist, that sounds really interesting. I will be really interested in the sperm fragmentation test results etc, this is something I've thought of possibly doing next.

Critter at the Barry White during IUI or IVF, that would be a little disconcerting!

I bet Mr Doll could have used some Barry White though to drown out the thoughts of where he was! I was ultra impressed with that, i'm not sure Mr Cosmos (or Dust shall I call him if we're coming up with other names for DH's) would have managed it!

Heart that's great news.

Gin I'm really pleased you might be up for coming to the fertility show and of course I understand about possible clashes with dates, plus don't worry if nearer the time it feels like a bit much with everything else you've got on. Let me know nearer the time.

Euro I understand about the not wanting too much to menkul about. Trying to get the balance right of new avenues to try, without being overwhelmed is tricky I find. Are you weighing up other options alongside possible mild IVF as your next step?

Sar I think you have very right to feel encouraged at the other mn'ers story - there's every chance the same could happen for you. Your PM to me was so lovey, thank you. At least by having the conversation with your new boss you can guage their reaction and how supportive they are which will be good to know before you start there. Difficult though to have to discuss it so early on, but i don't think you need to go into more detail than you feel comfortable with.

Muddy wow you don't do things by halves do you, you've got so much on! I love a good wedding, tell us as much as you can!

As to the natural vs science conversations, I can appreciate all the different views. 2 people close to me said that all medicines started from nature, and all scientists and ideas etc have all started from nature so its just an extension. I think I've said on here before that I think what you're comfortable with doing is an important factor to take into account, and this is different for everybody, plus changes over time. I've found my views on what i will and wont do has changed considerably, and back again. Like Heart said, you have to make an assessment on what you know at the time and how you're feeling.

Art and Doll really hope you're both getting on ok. The about to start / just started part is such a difficult part.

My dilemma of the day is a close friend is organising a dinner party for about the time she'll be at least 3 months gone, so will be a big announcement dinner. My heart sank. I haven't had to deal with one of these in a while. Any advice on how you've tackled these? I still haven't worked it out.

sorry mrsd :(

Heart - hope you are doing ok? So glad the spotting has stopped. However, I know this is a worrying time. The scan souds like a good idea and hopefully things are progressing as they should. Remember spotting is common in normal pregnancies. When you get a chance Heart, if you don't mind, please could you let me know some more detail of what they found at both your laps. Especially the peritubal stuff. You may prefer to PM me. I have been researching all this like mad for the last few days. Thank you so much for your ongoing support about my situation. It would be lovely if I could conceive afterwards like you. Also prior to the laps did you have any symptoms of adhesions / endo? I occasionally get a pulling sensation when I stand and turn at the same time around my right ovary area which I assume are the adhesions. But heart, if you are busy with other stuff, please don't worry. Thanks xxx

Joy - how are you today? I am assuming yesterday you just needed to sleep, sleep, sleep. I meant to ask you what you said to your employers about time off work?

Cosmos - thanks for your good advice about my new job. I did have another conversation with the new manager. Without using specific words, I said I had gynae / fetility issues, was under a consultant, have experienced miscarriage and treatment and assisted conception, that it was an ongoing issue in my life but won't impact on my work. I said I may need occassional time off for an appointment or minor treatment. She seemed happy with that and was quite empathetic. Now my next dilema is the anticipated op date (which is 4th or 7th Jan) and the date they want me to start 2nd Jan. Always a dilema, always a dilema, wouldn't be my life without it I suppose,

Critter - thank you for the babysitting story. Sometimes babies / children are not fun I agree.

Hello to everyone else.

morning all

Brilliant to meet those who were there at the meet on Saturday. It was such a relief to talk to people in RL who really understand and everyone was lovely. Princess thank you so much for organising. I'm so pleased you are feeling rotten and it's finally sinking in that you might just have cracked it this time. But I'm gutted you're leaving us even though i understand the need to move on. Pop back and see us from time to time though, we'll miss you. We'll keep a special corner of the tent just for you with an extra comfy throne, special pregnant treats and a gold plated bowl just in case you need to boak Surely with all the IUI, IVF, healthy living, woo action, meditating, temping, pee-sticking, mindfulling, mekulling, extreme wanking and rear entry shagging going on on this thread we should be able to manage some more BFPs soon to keep you company on a proper grads thread. Come on, fertility gods. I'm too tired for a proper rant, but... come on

Freedom, on the hair loss ? when I washed my hair a few days after I started downregging it felt like it was coming out in handfuls. I was really scared and upset. That hasn?t happened since to the same extent but I do seem to be shedding more hair than usual. I have a lot of it, thankfully, but I?m anxious. Nobody mentioned that side-effect at all (or any of the others for that matter). Hope you enjoy your trip and that it helps manage the 2ww stress.

Heart how are you doing? I?m glad the spotting has subsided but I daresay you'll still be anxious coming up to the scan.

Cosmos great idea about the fertility show. I won?t be able to get there that weekend, but would love a report back if any of you do go . I haven?t any useful advice on handling an announcement dinner. My usual tactic, if I know an announcement is coming, is avoid like the plague but if it?s a close friend that?s probably not helpful

Sar I?m glad your new manager was sympathetic to your situation, sounds like you handled it really well. Could they move your start date back to after the lap?

MrsM wow, a 45% success rate sounds really promising.

Akuaba respect to Ken on the jizz test. I saw the news, scary stuff where you are. Hope you are able to hang in there through the IVF cycle, though obviously your and Poupye's safety are the most important thing.

Euro glad you had a good time with the ILs, hope the snot is subsiding!

S4 welcome, sounds like you?re having a rough time. Are they looking for anything specific with your lap?

Critter how generous of your friend?s baby to scream the place down and make you feel better about where you are I was trapped on a train with a squalling baby yesterday and it set my teeth on edge. I'm sure it'll be less annoying when it's our own...

Hugs to those in the tent or down the rabbit hole. Pats on the back and hand-holding to those handling big decisions and horrid drugs. Special lap medal to Joy - fabulous news on the all clear and I hope you?re feeling OK today with Rabbit?s patented recovery plan. Welcome to the 'unexplained' club - it's frustrating but like you say it's probably something to be grateful for. How lovely of Roy to arrange a special treat for your bday. I may hold him up as an example to Mr A.

Oh yes, I need to rechristen Mr A. If I'm staying with the Greek pantheon I should call him Adonis . He thinks he's a god anyway (of the rock variety at least). My first thought was to call him Rod, since he once declared that his idol was Rod Stewart , but then I couldn't get leopard print leggings and 'if you think I'm sexy' out of my head. I'll leave you with that ear worm. Naa naa naa naaaaaaa naaaaaaa...

Doll and Gin I was hoping we?d be IVF buddies but as ERTD has put in a late appearance I may end up having EC/ET a week behind you. Trying to get through to the clinic to find out if I should keep my Friday scan appointment, but I?m thinking they?ll say no and make me downreg for another week. Of course my body shouldn?t actually need another whole week of downregging drugs, but the clinic likes everyone to start stimming on a Friday to fit their schedules. FFS . I agree with those who don?t want unnecessary drugs but here it is a case of 'clinic says no'. Looks like I would have to move clinic and go fully private for a future cycle if I even want to have the choice.

I think the downregging drugs are melting my brain. As well as being shattered, I keep doing random things. Who wants to guess which discreet but essential item of clothing I forgot to put on before leaving for a meeting yesterday morning?

Oh ? to all those with 33 birthdays ? many happy returns. 33 was absolutely my favourite age so far

I'll go for bra, Artemis.

With a white top on that you could see the nipples through.

Urgh. Seriously. Who forgets to put their bra on? It's not 1973. I am not over-endowed so it's not like huge swathes of flesh were being liberated but on the other hand I need all the help I can get not to look like a giant 11-year-old. Thankfully I was wearing a black dress with a cardi over the top but I felt massively self-conscious all day (and anxious about peanut-smuggling, it being cold!) I'm glad nobody can see me today. I keep panicking and feeling myself up just to check my underwear is still in place

Oh, artemis I know it isn't funny, but it kind of is !
My SIL forgot to put her bra on under her bridesmaids dress on my wedding day, what with the champagne and dressing me in our room etc - and she is well-endowed - when I was very drunk tipsy at midnight, I kept telling everyone - she was luckily off her head tipsy too so found it amusing

Apparently, the clinic I am going to doesn't do downregging.... they just stimulate, collect eggs, fertilise, then implant - whole thing takes 19 days. Must go and do more reading...