TTC for 10+ months, part 9

[akuabadoll]

Ladies, number 9. The lucky one.

I wasn't going to write till later but saw your name rabbit , hang in there, toes crossed for you.

sar your news sound great. So no more trips in until next Tuesday? Any plans for staying sane waiting?

Hope you are feeling better today buzzy

Good luck for appointment today Critter

This thread has really made me laugh this morning. That and the crisp bright morning walk to the station has cheered me up no end.

at the squeezy cheese shake-n-vac hoovering dog distraction combo.

princess (and Kiki) I had a major at your tissue and tena story.

lemon I am amazed you are back at work already! You are a hero. Just make sure you look after yourself. I was left anaemic and with a low blood pressure bumping along hypotension level. Make sure you eat and drink well and more importantly look after your head with copious treats.

Welcome picolina (excellent name). Sorry to hear what you have been through, what a harrowing journey. These lovely ladies have made me feel welcome, so you've found a good home. I hope your stay is a short and sweet one!

buzzy at poo throwing

FX for you sar and rabbit

I tried my damnedest to dream of George Clooney doing the washing up but instead I dreamt of chimps smashing up the house and rubbing raspberry jam on the windows Freude would have a field day with that one.

Things here are much the same. Spotting seems to have stopped yesterday but will see if that's still the case today. I've been mentalling big time. Felt slightly nauseous on Sun morning, odd ache in left side that's similar to what I had last BFP. I've been covertly fondling my boobs to see if they are sensitive, no conclusions but maybe slightly.... bloody hell! stupid brain!

The zen, meditation comments up-thread have helped me no end
I LOVE the quote:
"there's much to say for just being a happy mammal clinging to this spinning rock."

I have been thinking to myself that Im not really the best candidate for having kids, I've never been very good with them and have always been a bit uncomfortable around babies. So the chimp conversations has given me a new angle. I want them but I don't know why, so I'm guessing it's my chimp. She's an orangutan rather than a chimp. She's called Ginger, she gets most mad when she's hungry and is most happy when sat like a little furry orange Buda in the park.

It makes so much more sense to know where this urge is coming from and in an odd way takes the weight off. If it happens then Ginger is happy, if not there's nothing I can do about it anyway. I'll just keep on shagging.

Best get on with my work now.
Hugs and waves to all those I've missed.

Coco and Ginger

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=orangutan&hl=en&client=safari&sa=X&rls=en&biw=1615&bih=1000&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=VhbJYe_6ytG7XM:&imgrefurl=www.st-andrews.ac.uk/news/archive/2007/Title,14765,en.html&docid=ATE1yzP4vNy63M&imgurl=www.st-andrews.ac.uk/media/thumbs%252520up.JPG&w=479&h=319&ei=6EVQUK36D-OY0QWovYC4Dw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=412&sig=116809841649986175847&page=2&tbnh=146&tbnw=191&start=42&ndsp=47&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:42,i:276&tx=80&ty=32" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ginger

critter - oooh thank you for the tip about rosehip oil. How convenient there is a neal?s yard 5 mins from my office. I know where i will be going at lunch!. I have to say i did Carol Vorderman?s detox diet once and my skin was illuminous. People commented on how well i looked. The only problem was you could only really eat mung beans so it was pretty restrictive and i?m not sure that is much good for fertility. You should be proud of how you have handled things so far. You are always so upbeat which is great.

sarlat - fabulous that you have got a smiley this morning. There?s no chance that your eggs over cook themselves! And actually some people ovulate about 6hrs after the surge. I?m feeling really positive for you. no crap in the tubes is great. I wonder whether the maya has done something? Thanks for your positivity. It always helps to read positive thoughts from other people because it?s so easy to forget sometimes. & yes you?re right, i don?t quite drink my 2 litres a day these days.

buzzy - i?m sorry you are feeling so rotten and so vulnerable right now. I hope a new day has brought on different feelings. You are going through so much just now, the lows are so difficult to handle. I?m sorry counselling didn?t seem to work either.

cosmos - at ?ercule Poirot.

Gin / sar - ok so if ivf is not bad enough, you have to deal with hair loss and weird hair growth and skin issues? My god i am loathing the sound of all this. [freaked out emotion] I presume once all the drugs and everything is out of your system, it goes back to normal??

rabbit - oooohhhh, i am on tenterhooks on your behalf. It has to be your time, i am sending bfp vibes your way.

coco - i have never been very good with babies. Little kids annoy me but when they don?t say anything i find them cute . Now if you?re a bad candidate, i most certainly am! But there ?s no underestimating that maternal urge to want to be a parent. And i also think it?s quite natural not to like other people?s kids but to love your own [she says in hope].

Big waves to everyone.

That's excellent news sarlat!

Can someone explain the chimp thing to me please? I am rather baffled!

coco I kind of feel the same. I doubt anyone would ever describe me as maternal!

Wow Sarlat that is good news about the transfer date. I've got a good feeling about your embies. Hope you have a nice relaxing weekend ahead of you.

Rabbit ooooh interesting... FWIW, I don't want to fuel mentalling but gassiness was the main sign of pregnancy for me - the other symptoms (sore boobs etc) were consistent with PMT but constant burping and indigestion weren't. Nor was the horrible metal mouth though that didn't start until i was about a week late. I admire your resolve to wait it out and not test. The clinic here says to wait until day 35 to be sure, though I have never got that far. TCOYF says test if you get to 18dpo and your temps are still high. Hang in there and I've got everything crossed for your long awaited BFP.

Buzzy sorry about the crap feelings. It is truly rubbish. I've got nothing useful to say - I hope a new day brings you a better mood. I know how Charlie feels about just wanting to fling shit

Welcome Picolina. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time of it. You'll get plenty of support on here

Coco I think I've said before I have no interest in other people's kids (except my nieces) and I am not remotely maternal. The biological urge is the only reason I can think of for my desperation to have a child of my own. It certainly isn't rational.

Cosmos sorry for the strange skin discolouration. Hormones sound the most likely culprit - I got small brown patches on my face when I was on the pill. They have faded with time but they really freaked me out. The older I get the more I think the pill is just evil.

Euro nice to have you back. 16 hour days over here too. It does help occupy my mind and the trips have been a good distraction from ttc but on the flip side I don't think my brain is working as well as it should. I'm probably just over tired. is the end in sight for your extreme workload?

Lemon you're doing terrifically well. I worked during my mc too but I work from home anyway and tbh I didn't know what else to do. I think you just need to be kind to yourself - as someone said upthread, this too will pass. Hugs.

We had a hospital appointment this morning. We were the first of the day but they were still running 30 minutes late, I don't understand how they manage to do that. We are officially now on the NHS waiting list for IVF. It's 10 months long still so I probably need to go for a self funded cycle first but i don't feel I know enough about it yet - then again, will I ever? I came out clutching a price list and a sheet about an IVF info evening which hopefully will shed more light on the process. We have another appt in 6 weeks to ask questions (we were both like rabbits in headlights today, when the dr said 'do you have any questions I went completely blank) and potentially sign up for the first self funded cycle - eek - I hadn't imagined starting before christmas but there doesn't seem to be any point in delaying and waiting for a miracle.

I am still going to try to get the HSG for my own peace of mind. The doctor confirmed that the one and only reason they insist on it being before CD10 is the risk of pregnancy, as ladies on here have said. This despite the fact that I was told to abstain from sex from day 1 of my period until I have the test. It seems they either expect me to flaunt that advice or imagine an immaculate conception is going to happen to a 38 year old barren in a small town in West Yorkshire. I am so not madonna material. Personally I think it's to reduce the likelihood of them getting sued if someone does happen to be pregnant. I can't believe the amount of hassle I've had over this one basic test.

One thing I have discovered is the difference between self funding via the NHS and going directly to a private clinic. I must be a bit thick because i didn't know there was a difference. I talked to a nurse who said it is a lot cheaper to go through the current clinic for IVF. It still looks like being a minimum of £4k but they will do some of the tests (bloods etc) on the NHS and we won't pay for consultations. The EC and ET will be done at one of the two clinics I was considering approaching about private appointments anyway. The difference might be that through the current clinic it is pretty much guaranteed to be long protocol. They only do short protocol in specific circumstances or for subsequent cycles if long doesn't work. I need to know a lot more about this stuff before I'm in a position to make any decisions, though it doesn't sound as though choice is really on offer.

I'm sorry for a ranty me post. Even though I was expecting to get to this point I am utterly . Right now I just feel like crying but tears won't come. I've got a shitload of work to do and a 6am start tomorrow on another work trip. There just isn't enough time for all the practical stuff I've got in front of me never mind emotional stress as well. Any advice anyone can offer on questions to ask about IVF or about private vs self funded cycles would be welcome

How are the other ladies who had appointments today - akuaba and critter I think we are appointment buddies?

I'm loving the chimp talk. I must get hold of that book. Mine's called Anastasia, she's the secret love child of Keith Richards and Elvis and right now she's reclining smug and exhausted amidst the debris of a hedonistic party clutching a bottle of JD

There's lots of other interesting stuff I haven't responded to but I need to get my work head on and stop hogging the thread... waves and hugs to everyone and hope you all have a good day

thanks for the welcome, ~to be honest , its somehing thats been on my mind so long i find it hard to believe i will ever get there, will keep trying cause im a sucker for punishment!hu

pout the herbs im on for the fluid is huang gi and gin jiao , the accupuncture is what really helped , they drain the fluid, within 1 session i could see a difference, may be worth looking into if things dont improve, i remember how bad i felt , i waled like i had a hip replacement and since i waddled at the best of times it was not a good look

Hi all
welcome picolina goodness you have had a tough few years - hopefully you'll find some luck here and have a short stay.

rabbit fingers gently crossed for you, well done for holding off on testing for now!
coco fingers crossed for you too
sarlat all sounds promising for your FET next week, more finger crossing for that too

rabbit any news :)

coco sounds promising and at ginger

sar wow not long now, very exciting/scary

artemis great that you are now on the waiting list, I hope you manage to get the HSG done too.

mellow I remember being a small kid in Zambia and my sister and I had been feeding some kind of monkey that then chased us back to the car

I feel worse than yesterday, I would love to take time off work but i worry that it would go against me if I look for another job, so I feel rather stuck.I have asked for my line supervisor to refer me to Occupational health. We are in position to go away, it was only 2-3 weeks ago that I had time off.

Lock up your chimps ladies as Charlie has gone postal!!!

Hello,

I'm going to join euro in declaring thread bankruptcy. I haven't posted for a while because of holiday and then I've been in the tent of doom and didn't want to bring you all down.

Lemons, Ive just read your sad news. I'm so, so sorry, this is such an awful thing to happen to you. The biggest hugs.

buzzy it sounds like you're having a really rough time of things at the moment. I am so sorry, this whole experience has been mega stressful for you and MrB, and I really hope that things look up for you both. I'm thinking of you.

lemon how are you? Thinking of you.

mellow love the pink-bottomed baboon.

artemis wow - that's a lot for you to process. I don't know what questions you should ask but I'm sure that the other ladies will have brilliant advice, as always. It does sound like things are moving forward - this whole process really is a weird mix between waiting for ages, and then taking huge leaps ahead for which we don't necessarily feel fully-prepared. I do think it's good that you are moving forward though. If you do a self-funded cycle, will you still be able to have your NHS cycle in 10 months if the self-funded one doesn't work? If so, and if you can manage it financially, that does sound like a workable plan.

joy rosehip oil on its own is great, but the rose facial oil is the one to ask for as it smells like heaven. They have a frankincense facial oil too which I'm using at the moment, and an orange flower facial oil which is also really nice. I have started to get wrinkles so am liberally greasing myself with the stuff every night to stave off Father Time!

sar and that Tuesday is the day - is it weird that I'm actually really excited for you? You have such an amazing attitude going into this. And wow about the tiny curled up hairs, the human body is so mysterious.

coco Love Ginger. I also loved the mammal quote too, from princess's life coach I think. A great mantra for living. How many dpo are you, do you know? Not to add fuel to the mentalling.

doll how did the appointment go?

gin love your princess chimp, I imagine her in a frilly party dress daintly nibbling on a banana.

cosmos at Poirot.

euro the inner chimps come from a psychology book that princess is reading - I haven't yet bought my copy but am planning to. Given how hairy MrC is, I often feel like I am living with a chimp that sheds fur all over the shower.

I had my scan and another blood test this morning and had lots of follicles but they were all still really small and my lining was still thin. But they said that on Monday my blood test showed that my oestrogen levels were rising, so that is a good sign and it is probably just a bit early still. MrC is getting his SA on Thursday and they've asked us to abstain so he's been refusing me my marital rights.

Xpost mrsd - welcome back! I was wondering how you were doing. Sorry to hear about the tent sojourn. As princess once said, we all take our turn with the sad stick so you should never worry about that.

Thanks critter, Im ok now. Cd 1 today so I'm mooching and generally feeling sorry for myself. Not helped by two births today. I can't even bring myself to text congrats yet, that's awful of me I know. I also wanted to puke when I saw baby shower photos on fb.

Rabbits, oh, oh oh, sounds promising!

Miss m are you preggars? Woo hoo!

Joy, I love rosehip oil too. My skin is greasy sometimes, and dry at other times. I'd love clear skin like all my friends have.

Would you believe we're still waiting on the genetic results? I had to go in last week to have another blood test so they can check me for all of the cystic fibrosis mutations. This has turned out to be such a long process that I sort of wish we hadn't started it. None of you have had such in depth genetics tests have you? But dh is of the view that we should check out as much as we can before ivf. I'm so jealous of people who can get upduffed without considering any of this.

hello ladies and chimps,

Put on the party hats - no alien the cyst I had on my left ovary just pissed off by itself which they do when they are not aliens. Well done on your appointments artemis and critter. I'll be back later today on the IVF chat and artemis we can compare notes. For now, may I ask for observations as I am inexperienced with pre-ov fanny cam. The cyst was found on 'routine' post-ov fanny cam which here is standard with a check up/smear test. Today is CD 8 and it went like this:

cam:

Dr: So the right ovary is fine
me: Well, at least you can see it, it was hidding last time
Dr: And this cycle you will be ovulating from the right side, there is a 15mm follicle here, you see?
me: mmm yeh [squints]
Dr: Okay so the left, ..mmm, oh so...the cyst ...mmm has gone and...move down a bit...mmm...a bit more...so these are...no, err not cysts, err eggs..err I mean follicles. Okay that's fine.

office:

me: Why is the left size so buzy if I am going to ovalate from the right side this cycle?
Dr: Err no we don't know which you are ovualating from, there are two big follicles on the left, one is bigger than on the right, it's, I think, a case of your age. You know there are a lot more multiples in women of your age.

So ladies, is this completely normal? When does a follicle became dominant? You think I will conceive triples naturally this weekend? Is this man really a Doctor?

but seriously I need your feedback before I start on 'bout IVF situations.

doll you are a one woman super ovulation machine, I have first dibs on one of your triplets, I have heard this can happen but thought it was rather rare, that makes you special :)

mrsd I hope you enjoyed some of your hols, sorry about CD1

critter I just read I imagine her in a frilly party dress daintly nibbling on a banana and nearly spat my tea out, too much thinking about Oscar Pistorius and George Clooney I am in shag week though.

My moods are really swinging today, Charlie started bright and early with the ovulation sticks,I managed to pee in container, fine went to open pee stick when Charlie dropped it into my pee, wrapper and all with good splash back, fine, manage to use it still, I then thought I might aswell use up the the internet cheapies, (I am still sitting on toilet putting all these pee stick into my pee container :) ) he managed to drop that one in my pee too, without its wrapper so had to use another one then went to turn on CBFM and it didn't work, changed batteries still didn't work, later found more batteries and then had to dig pee stick out of the bin also had to take my temp twice as thought my thermometer was playing up.
So my quandary is yesterday CD10 I pee'd on two sticks no dropping, CBFM said 2 bars but got a smiley face on the other, temp was 36.71
today CD11 CBFM 2 bars, no smiley face and no line on internet cheapies and temp was 36.40.
I'm thinking Charlie and I shall ambush Mr B tonight just to be on the safe side

waves to ladies and chimps

buzzy first answer, first dibs. That is how it works. Thanks, okay, so not normal right? It seemed that way from the Drs reaction but he didn't say much and you know how it is, you think of a hundred things to ask after you leave. Would there normally be a dominant folly at CD 8 already?

On your shag week, yes I think an ambush is best. I don't know about these CBFM number of bar thingys though.

Doll, I had something similar on a scan, there were two big follicles on cd 11 and the gynae thought I'd release both. But, and you might not want to read this ... They both stopped growing after day 14 and I didn't ovulate that month. It was like my body couldn't decide what to do. Sorry, that's not a very cheery answer is it? But the gynae did say this was how twins started so they could have both released just mine decided to stay put.

critter - well i have acquainted myself with Neal?s Yard over lunch. I came out with a bit more than i went in for...I could have done without their herbal cookbook . Oops! I shall let you know results of the rose facial oil. I can?t believe how many times I have actually gone and bought something because the people on here said it?s worth having and I didn?t think I easily persuaded. Oh and I have become incredibly self conscious about my wrinkles in the last few months. I have developed dreadful crows feet. I think it bothers me because i don?t have kids. Ah well. That?s good about your oestrogen levels. Hopefully come next week, things will be a different story.

mrsden - sorry you have been in the tent of doom. I can?t believe how long all this testing has gone on for. I certainly haven?t heard of all these tests being done here. I thought the main one for the man which isn?t standardised here is the sperm fragmentation test. Has your husband had this done? To me this seems vital to do before ivf because sperm can appear to be normal but if there?s a fragmentation problem that will mean a pregnancy won?t get past a certain stage or may not even get to implantation stage. I don?t understand why this isn?t done as standard procedure alongside other more advance unexplained infertility tests. I need to get MrJoy sorted out for one of these tests.

artemis - sorry your meeting left you with a lot of questions. There is a place on Fertility Friends on all the questions you should ask at your ivf meeting. I still haven?t got my head around the long/short protocol.

doll - at ?is he a doctor? comment. I haven?t heard of multiples being common when you are older but your ovaries are obviously very busy right now. Wow!

buzzy - sorry you are all over the place. Best to get down with it though with mrbuz just in case.

euro - Princess can tell you all about the chimp thing!

It's true about multiples being more common the older you get. Not sure why.

Joy, dh hasn't had the fragmentation thing, but it'somethng we will ask for if the first round doesn't work. The genetics tests are because it wouldn't stop conception so there would be a baby but with serious problems so it's important to know before Ivf starts so then we could opt for the pre implantation ivf. So far all the tests have come back ok, but I can't help thinking the harder we look the likelihood is they'll find some thing.

My favourite name has been pinched today by friend, can you imagine the roasting I'd get if I posted in Aibu because my friend named her baby the name I e chosen for my as yet un conceived child? I told dh, and he said oh well, it will be out of date any way by the time we have a baby. That made me cry.

Doll I had a similar experience though it was my first cycle of clomid so not directly comparable. The first scan on CD10 I had several follies and the nurse was talking about advising me to use contraception not chuffing likely. A few days later one had taken over and was mahoosive but the others were still hanging around. The bloods showed I did ovulate and the final fanny cam showed one corpus luteum so only one of them actually popped. I think it's normal to have a few follies develop but only one actually release an egg - unless I'm just trying to convince myself I'm normal - anyone know better? I'm not going to encourage the idea that that man was not actually a doctor and just there for his own entertainment

Buzzy I have limited success with ov sticks and no experience of CBFM but I'd unleash Charlie if I were you

Mrsden sorry you've been in the tent and especially about CD1.

Critter yes you're right about moving forward. It is just terrifying. I do want things to move forward but I feel very much at the mercy of anonymous doctors who i don't really trust and don't want things happening that I don't fully understand. I need to learn to have faith in the medical profession, and maybe take up meditation. At least we have 6 weeks for some serious research and thinking and hitting poking Mr A with the big stick

Joy tell me more about this neal's yard? Who is Neal? I'd love to be able to go one in my lunch hour. Instead I spent it in a grotty works cafeteria. Working in central London must be so good for shopping.

Welcome back mrsd.

Thanks to princess for explaining the chimp thing. I reckon my bursts of uncontrolled wailing were Hatty's doing, whereas the general sadness is the more human side of things. Thankfully today I have been mostly human, I did have an important presentation (which is why we opted to go back to the clinic tomorrow, rather than yesterday) and it went really well. So I feel proud and relatively happy. I guess it is Hatty making me eat lots of sweets and bad things.

And doll about the multiple follies, was this man sure none of them were the cyst? Also I tend to have two very busy ovaries until one passes the magic 10-12mm mark and then that one becomes dominant (unless you inject the devil's juice m-enopur to make a second one grow alongside). So you could easily have three follies of 10mm, without a raised chance of multiples.

Also sar my follies grow quite big, which the clinic is not worried about. Just about missing the surge. Mine usually comes at 21/22mm not at 20mm.

Right, I have no idea what else I meant to post, so I am going in search of food, Hatty's not happy with just sweets!

Cross post mrsden. What a horrible thing for a friend to do - did she know it was your favourite name? i don't think you're the only person that's happened to on here. Genetic tests sound scary. I've got my head in the sand about all that stuff. Joycep I can just imagine MrA's face if I said I wanted to fragment his sperm

Lemons, you should be very proud of yourself. You're amazing just to be in work. Give yourself a treat tonight. I'm using cd 1 as an excuse to drink wine on a school night.

Artemis, no she didn't know which is why i am being very unreasonable and slightly unhinged to be cross about it. It's just my baby should have been conceived in 2010. She didn't start trying til autumn 2011 so in my head it sooooo unfair she has a baby now and that it has my (non existant) baby's name. It's the chimp talking.

Massive cross-posting. I would be unreasonably upset if someone pinched My Name too. I have had it picked since we started TTC (at least the girl's name, a boy would present us with a bit of difficulty in the naming department). But so far noone has, thankfully.

at fragmenting the boy's sperm... There would be none left with poor DH!

Right, did Hatty mention food - she definitely did. Off I go...

Can I just share that one of the worst practicalities of MC is the no-tampax rule. I get a bit scared about leakage, even though the flow has been relatively light, I have had to sprint to the loo a few times