TTC for 10+ months, part 9

[akuabadoll]

Ladies, number 9. The lucky one.

Buzzy a diary sounds like a great idea. I think I may go and buy a nice new writing book today. I've found writing over the last few days and I find writing on here really therapeutic. I used to keep a diary as a teenager and also when I was going through my first serious break up. I find that I organise my thoughts better on paper than I do in my head. I did counseling years ago, which was a complete waste of my time and money and I think a lot of it was lack of preparation and therefore lots of 'talking' about useless things and trying to delve into my childhood - which was great and therefore I didn't want it picked to pieces. I also think that by looking at my thoughts in line with my cycle I'll be able to unpick what's genuine anger, fear, sadness etc and what's hormonal. Gin suggested this to me at our last meet up and I didn't get 'round to doing it. It's amazing what a motivation expensive therapy can be! I don't think we can justify £4.5 grand at the moment, not with the house costing so much anyway. It seems stupid to spend it all on making a perfect home, but that's our first priority at the moment. As you've all pointed out at one time or another, I've got to learn to be patient and give the diet time to work out first. Maybe Jan was jumping the gun a bit anyway? I don't know. But yes, we can talk about my writing at the meet up :) Sorry you have a migraine. That's horrid. Do you think it's hormones or stress?

princess I've had migraines for years, they became really bad about 5 years ago, I used to get 8-10 a month, been on so many different drugs, acupuncture has really helped, I get 1-2 a month now. I have to admit the book a have to write in has small pages I like pretty little note books that are not very practical.
Ha I just opened it to a page where I had a weird dream that I was working in a chocolate factory up north and it had been moved to Glasgow but some of us weren't told :)
It is frightening how much IVF costs which is why we are looking overseas, its not ideal

Hello lovely ladies,

CD1 for me today, or tomorrow. I'm spotting now, it doesn't take long for me. I'm freed now from my obsession of the grand and silly symmetry that has fuelled the last 6 months (stopped taking the pill at age 29, this my last cycle to conceive at 39).

Now:

Know that the liklihood of conceiving now is tiny
Know that I don't see a way to rid myself of that hope and not to feel bad about that
Have good and happy sex 2 or 3 times around ovulation trying to balance the hope against the mentalling
See the doctor next week and hope the cyst issue doesn't end with a knife
Ask the doctor for stats for IVF for me here
Make a decision about a round of IVF based on what he says in the knowledge that even a round of IVF will not draw a line under anything
Continue to wish for everyone here, to watch and post, and to know that a + HPT is going to happen here soon with many more to follow.

As always, thanks for reading.

doll I am so sorry, big hugs x

Oh Doll I'm really sorry lots of hugs and kisses xxx

Oh doll, I am sorry. At least it didn't actually come on your birthday, but even so that's shit.

princess you have every right to be impatient! Even though this was only the 2nd brown diet cycle, you have been trying overall for a long time and working so hard towards it. And I'm sure that being told to be patient really doesn't help! My friend who was diagnosed with PMD kept a diary of emotions and symptoms, which helped her to get diagnosed and for the drs to take her seriously. She's now on some fancy hormone treatment, which sounds ace - it's killed her pmt!

I love the easy jet/ivf analogy. They don't yet charge you to go for a wee, but do slap on consultation, blood tests and scan charges and the drugs are v expensive too. The Lister are about £8k I think and agrc about £12k! Luckily the one nearest to me and whose protocol I like is cheaper..
mrsm Intersting that SA is cheaper. In fact everywhere else seems cheaper than the uk...

buzzy sorry about the migraine. I had a terrible one last week. It's like hormones adding insult to injury - not just a period, but a debilitating headache too!

mrsm hope you aren't working too hard.

Welcome sea. Weight is such a difficult issue whether you need to put it on or loose it. Sounds like you're doing great.

Waves to everyone else, now on the previous page! I'm off to enjoy the unexpected sunshine. Scorchio!

Doll big hugs. I know of 2 siblings close in age conceived naturally after 13 yrs. It can happen.

I've read it takes 150 days to produce an egg in total.

I've realised after all these midsussex cycles and the lovely dildo-camming that I've never had a dildo-scan on a natural cycle. Think I might arrange one next month.

Oops that should say medicated

And I mean to check follicle size and lining thickness

Waves to sea (very nautical, eh) I too am new to this thread but am so glad to have found myself a 'home' - seems odd to hope that you won't be posting for long, but you know in ttc land the shorter the stay the better.

and doll I would like to add to the many hugs already coming your way, AF's arrival doesn't get any easier especially as you get closer to (or in my case pass) the big 40 - but I keep telling myself, it's just a number and early 40's is still close to late 30's in terms of general fertility (if you put any store in generic stats) and you just never know (I too have been smitten by the 'hope bug').

I'm at that optimistic stage of my cycle, whereby I waved goodbye to AF on sunday, so myself and OH scheduled in a bit of lunchtime nookie today (must be the sunshine!) and I get to enjoy/hope that this month will be it (and you never know, it might be - women manage to get pregnant every day, here's hoping some ladies on this list join them!)

Hi everyone

Just back to work after a 3-day weekend here and my goodness the thread has moved fast. I'll update properly in a bit, but just wanted to update my stats on the list.

artemis the sunny delight pee tablets are just called 'urinary pain relief' here, but the active ingredient is Phenazopyridine Hydrochloride.

doll massive hugs, I am thinking of you. The number is just a number. Sorry also about the haircut - that always makes me miserable.

Adding to the stats:

gin me 34, Mr Gin 33. Ttc too long to count 26 months. Mr Gin has OATS - v low count, crap morphology and motility. Things with me seem to be ok. One failed icsi round in April, using mild ivf and planning a fresh round in October/Nov.

rum 31, Mr Rum 30. TTC 22 months. 2 early MCs. Diagnosed "Unexplained", HSG soonish, another year to wait for NHS IVF.

akuabadoll me 40 Mr Doll 47, TTC over 10 years, never pg. "Unexplained" and living in hope.

Sarlat - me 32, Mr Sar 48. TTC 2.5 years. 1 miscarriage at 6 weeks when first began TTC. Hydrosalpinx on left tube but not fully blocked and suspicious, sluggish right tube and no known cause of tubal issues. DH has borderline morphology and motility but very high counts. 1 failed fresh cycle of IVF and natural cycle FET to come Autumn.

Joycep - me 32, mrj 30. TTC 2.5 years. 1 m/c at 7 weeks when we first started. Clomid, gonalF& IUI, HSG. AMH fallen off a cliff in 18 months now very low. Hidden-C found. Lap&Hysteo coming up. Immunes being tested. IVF hopefully Dec.

coco me 37, MrCoco 43, ttc 15 months. Got BFP after 12months and had mc just after 12wk scan. Always had erratic cycles so assumed from young age that would have trouble conceiving (took sooo many HPTs as a teenager because of AWOL AF ) but not had lady bits checked officially yet.

Artemis me 38, MrA 40, ttc 2.5 years with 1 mc at 6 weeks one year in. Bloods and SA fine therefore "unexplained"; been trying to get appt for HSG for past 3 months. Likely to go on NHS waiting list for IVF later this month.

Princesschick me 30, Mr Princess 34, TTC on and off over 3 years, into 24th cycle, 2 MCs both at just over 6 weeks, poss blighted ovum in Jan 12. Bloods and SA fine, right ovary has polycycstic appearance. 7DPO test shows that prog was 30.1 (bit on the low side for my liking). Nutritionist suspects luteal phase defect. Not sure what tests next, appointment with consultant in two weeks. Considering mild IVF in Jan 13 if no BFP by then.

buzzy me 39 DH 38, TTC #1 for 16 cycles, miscarriages in June 2011 @ 6 weeks and October 2011 @ 10 weeks, 2 x ERPC's with a perforated uterus. Diagnosed with High NK cells, 5 cycle of Super Ovulation on Tamxifen and Gonal F, 1 round of IUI with SO. Looking into ICSI here and abroad.

Rabbit 35, mr r 33. Ttc #1 18 cycles, longer in real time. SA very high count, rapid motility, 7% morphology. Prog 47, fsh 9.5 done on wrong day but too scared to repeat it. Massive saga with a fibroid that disappeared but unfortunately this wasn't realised before major surgery to remove it in May. Once opened up it was discovered I have a healthy, lumpless uterus and clear tubes. Deemed unexplained and trying au natural til I hit the two year mark.

Care 34, Mr C 35' ttc #1, 5 yrs and no bfps, lap and hyspinogram clear, monthly hormones fine, dh results all fine, recent diagnoses of low amh, low antral follicle count and high nk cells. 2 rounds clomid, 3 SO's, 1 mth anti-b's. 2 fresh ivf, 1 FET, all failed implantation. 4 frozen embryos. Currently brewing Chinese herbs whilst having some medical time out.

mrsmellow 34, MrM 39, ttc 13 months. No BFP's. polycystic ovaries and never knowingly ovulated alone, 3 cycles of stimulate ovulation (clomid [thin uterus], letrozole, letrozole), Laparoscopy and hysteroscopy - blocked left tube, right looks ok. Plan - 3 more stimulated cycles +/- IUI if right sided follicle, followed by IVF if unsuccessful.

Critter 32, Mr C 33, ttc 18 months. No bfps and only one ovulation since coming off Yasmin - periods never came back (used to be every six weeks before pill). PCOS, six cycles of Clomid, three monitored - one 50mg, three 100 mg, two 150 mg. Only ovulated once. Now about to move onto daily injectibles. MrC hasn't been checked out yet.

So as you can see in my update above, I haven't responded to this last sixth clomid cycle - my one follie had shrunk back down when I went for my dildocam this morning. The nurse said they'd call me later today with a plan, but that it would probably be injections with FSH. Don't know if they'll want to do IUI or just the usual SWI with it. MrC has so far escaped any analysis of his swimmers - although he said his ex gf had a mc when they were at college. I feel alright about things - kind of relieved not to have to keep taking clomid, actually.

critter sorry that it didn't work but i'm sure the injectibles will, they did for me, it wouldn't hurt to have Mr C checked out, if they offer IUI I think its worth a go.

Holy heck, I've missed a lot. At work, so a relative quickie...

doll - huge hugs.

Hello sea. I'm also a newbie here; may both our stays be short & sweet.

princess I loved your post. Something you said about getting fitter to cope with this better really resonated, because that's exactly what's motivated my health & woo kick. Good luck with your journalling - I'm in therapy but have always found keeping a diary immensely helpful when times are tough.

I had my first acupuncture yesterday. Unlike my very first, brief lot a year ago which used to leave me feeling quite relaxed but didn't seem to actually do anything, I got the sense that this lady really knew her stuff, and I was completely wiped out after the session. So I'll be back for more of that next week! And I discovered that I'm terrible at self-diagnosis and have basically been doing/taking things that just reinforce my type, instead of helping to balance it out. Bloody typical of me.

Anyway, onto the optimistic first couple of weeks of my cycle! And time to start gearing up for some of those 'bloody good shags' the acu recommended. (Who was talking about quality not quantity earlier?)

Anybody else ever want to reset the clock and begin again? Maybe since I'm doing something new I can cancel out the previous 2 years and call this one cycle 1?

Aaah I'm too busy too post! I'm off to other clinic tonight. Had an interesting chat with my colleague friend today (who has done IVF) so will try to fill you all in later, still on phone though. Grr.

Huge hugs to doll on the cruel arrival of spotting.

Afternoon,

Critter really sorry the last round of Clomid didn't work. But renewed hope with the injectibles? Hope you are feeling ok about all of this. Big hugs xxx

Rum your accu sounds great! I've just had to cancel my next appointment because of various logistical nightmares. I know the feeling about starting again. Despite being in my 24th cycle of actively TTC, I actually feel that it's more like my 3rd cycle because I had weird cycles that made conception impossible for the first 3 months of the year and then I stopped trying whilst I was on a strict diet to cleanse and re balance my system, so I'm kind of trying to kid myself that I'm on a clean slate too. I'll join you in being !!

Ele liking your positivity. Good luck for shag week :)

Carebear sounds like a plan to have a scan and see what happens inside au naturel. Have you had any more tests / advice re your immunes?

Gin I sent a good friend a long email today. In it I concluded that we have been actively trying for 24 months and the first MC was 40 months ago. And basically telling her how annoying it is that there are no answers. Put like that, it's really scarey! I do have to channel some patience though. I have downloaded Zita West's 'get pregnant naturally' mp3 today. It's oddly soothing, although I had a few raised eyebrow moments as I lay with my hands in a heart shape around my belly button going deeper into relaxation, imagining a beam of bright white light coming out of my forehead and letting my subconscious look out for me Everyday you say Zita, every day?

And oh god I've just had an email through from a holiday company about babymoons. Oh purlease.

doll very sorry about spotting, take care of yourself
critter hope the injectables are more effective than clomid - and less emotional?!
rum am intrigued about the acupuncture - definitely call it cycle 1 (except with any health professionals!) Maybe we should make that a philosophy - every cycle is the first cycle....
princess one of my friends swears by the mp3 - but what you've just described about heart shapes confirms all my fears about it.....
I am exhausted today and went to work for about 5 hours... now at home to zzzz
had a chat with a friend who's had IVF and confirmed that hers (over the last 3 yrs, one success 3 yrs ago) cost between £8000 and £12000 all in (CRGH, ARGH and the Lister)..... freaked out . I really thought it cost about half that. And she didn't have anything 'complicated' as it were. Outrageous!

It's busy here today. And a little sad. I am offering and to those in need. I have custard creams AND chocolate hob nobs.

Buzzy - I'm sorry that your DH's job ended today. Things must seem even more uncertain. And sorry for the migraine and general crappy way of things. I think your overseas IVF research sounds sensible. You were asking earlier about IVF and time off work? You are a fellow NHS girl. I was advised to get a sick note from the GP for a 3 week period. This made things straight forward. I insisted that managers didn't tell people what I was off for though.

MrsDen - sorry for all the ladyboy's and preggo holiday makers. But - you are lovely lovely as you are and please allow yourself a lovely lovely holiday as you deserve it sooo much.

Nelly - welcome back and so glad to hear that you are all relaxed.

Princess - sounds like things are up and down for you. You mentioned that you haven't had that many real cycles this year in which to try - this is very true. Therefore, in terms of recent times and TTC it is still early days for you. And it sounds like something did try and implant for you last month - no?

MrsMellow - sorry for the bruising and ouchiness. The costs are appauling and they are taking advantage of a vulnerable client group!

Doll - sorry for the spotting and thanks for sharing your inner thoughts. I hope that gives you some release. I have my fingers firmly crossed for you about IVF - why wouldn't it work?

Sea - welcome and sorry to hear of your long journey. Forcing food when you aren't hungry is a vile thought. I am not underweight (would like a to shift a few pounds) but I never eat when I'm not hungry so really empathise with how awful that must feel. I guess it's a case of getting the most amount of calorie per bite to reduce the volume needed?

Gin - soak up that sunshine girl!

Care - a natural cycle scan is a great idea!

Eleth - grab that optomistic feeling and bottle it. Why shouldn't it be your month? Whoever said it is worth starting form the beginning again is on to something - genius. Eleth - I challenge you to pretend and feel all excited again like early days TTC -I think it could happen for you!

Joyce - I felt all excited reading your post. Go for it!!! Get that new career. Babies happen despite well laid plans. I think you are on to something new and I think your life is going to take a turn for the better. I have been moaning to DH recently that nothing new ever happens to us anymore. Infact you have inspired me. I am applying for a new job - who cares that FET is coming up. It's time to progress the old career!

Really sorry if I have missed anyone.

Went to acupuncture last night and had a new lady. She was lovely and let me sit for half an hour talking rubbish before we even got on with the needles. I wish I could copy her and send her to each one of you as she had the ability to speak with scientific clarity and emotional wisdom. She really empowered me. When I told her about the last weird cycle -- cramps, metallic taste, tingley nipps etc she said it was likely I had a failed implantation. She even suggested I delay FET on the basis of something is likely to happen naturally soon. I am tempted to do this but I won't delay FET for 2 reasons. 1 - it would still be a gamble - I do feel my fertility is returning (mainly due to Mayan massage) but after 2.5 years of TTC it's hard to believe natural will happen any more. 2 - and most importantly, my frozen embryos are my little ones and I need to give them a chance of life. She reassured me that I have babymaking kit and it is very likely to work. She also said the level of fear and stress I have about my dodgy tubes isn't propotionate to the actual problem.

Another intersting thing she said from a woo perspective is that the women she sees struggling to conceive (not so much my type of condition) are woman who have irregular cycles - not irregular in the western medical sense i.e. long gaps between periods but irregular in character. So those who have monthly bleeds but some months light and then some months heavy. Or some months with loads of PMS symptoms and other months none. She things good quality and consistent periods are key. I'm not saying this is gospel but may be helpful to some.

Critter - sorry hon. I hope the injections help things move along. Just remember, you can ovulate!!! I agree with Buzzy that getting Mrc checked out may be helpful!

Rum - you had the genius idea about stopping the clock . I'm so pleased you are having some lovely woo -I love it when it makes me go drowsy and brain numb. It gives me a break from the whirring cogs of my mind!

sar I do have plenty of sick leave thanks to the NHS :) so can I ask when did you take your 3 weeks, can I ask about EC and ET. Glad you enjoyed your woo, interesting about irregular periods, I'm going to look at my records

sar Thanks for the custard creams. Your acu lady sounds very sensible and wise, and that sounds like it makes a lot of sense about the failed implantation - and that your fertility is getting better, with the Mayan woo. I can totally understand that you'd want to give your little frosties a chance. I am cheering for them! How soon do you start with the FET process?

mrsm hope you're getting some rest. It sounds like your situation is similar to mine, in that you're having ovulation woes. Will they keep you on letrozole for the next cycles, or will you move onto injectibles? I can't believe how expensive IVF is. My health insurance will cover two rounds at 90% of the cost, thank goodness - it is a real lottery here, some health plans don't even cover clomid.

princess well done for listening to the Zita warbles. I agree with others that this is only round two of trying post-brown diet, and given that there's supposed to be a 20% chance of pregnancy every cycle for people who don't have ishoos, I still have high hopes for an autumn bfp for you.

buzzy I'm so sorry about the migraine - talk about adding extra misery onto an already stressful time. And sorry about your mister's work. That sounds tough.

rum your acu sounds great - I have never felt like that after acu and stopped doing it because of the cost and because I wasn't getting the results I wanted (ie ovulating). But if I could find someone who really knew their stuff, I would def try it again.

gin hope you got a whacking dose of sunshine and Vitamin D. It really does make you feel better, doesn't it?

rabbit teaching sounds absolutely knackering - you are totally my hero.

doll hope you are feeling ok. Thinking of you.

eleth I love that you're having lunchtime SWI! Go girl!

Welcome sea - the enforced weight gain doesn't sound fun at all. Peanut butter? Protein shakes? Sorry you've found yourself here with us, but hope that your stay here is short (in a good way).

joy I love your plan. You've made me feel all positive. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, carpe diem and all that!

artemis has the UTI gone yet?

nelly lovely to have you back and glad that you're feeling chipper.

bunny I don't know if you're still reading this, but like the other ladies here, I really admire your bravery. I wish you peace.

Haven't heard back from the clinic yet, but agree that it might be worth me asking about IUI and whether they think MrC should be checked out (he'll love that, of course) . Might as well go the whole hog if I'm doing daily injectibles. Hope everyone else is ok. I am feeling positive - I've only had one ovulation so only one chance to get pregnant in the past 18 months. I really am a human panda. If I can ovulate on injections, at least I'll have a chance to get pregnant. Sorry everyone is having such a shitty time. We'll get there, ladies!

Gin - that's great your work is busy. I do like my current job but it's not a career and can get pretty quiet and have wanted my own business for yonks and to do something that gives me meaning which I have never had in my jobs.

Buzzy - I am sorry to hear that MrB's job finishes today. That must be a bit stressful.

Sea - welcome and I am glad you found your way over here. It gets a bit busy! Sorry to hear you have to force feed yourself. I find people are never sympathetic to thin people as normally most people want to lose weight. But I can imagine it's incredibly hard to put on weight if it's not your natural build. I'm the other way round and if I eat bread, the scales tell me in the evening so consistently have to watch what I eat.

Doll - I am sorry about AF. . You do hear of extraordinary stories of people conceiving after donkey years of ttc. I think getting some idea of ivf and stats etc sounds like a positive idea.

Critter - oh blast, i am sorry to hear your follie has shrunk down. As others have said the injectibles sound ike a much better option. Also it is advisable to get MrC checked out just so you can rule out any issues on his side as well.

Rum - that's great about the acu and also good luck for cycle 1. I keep wanting to start again and pretend the last few years haven't happened.

Sarlat - ooh that's great about applying for a new job. It's so easy to put things off just in case but I am now of the opinion that we should all just get on do things we want to do! And that's great about your new acupuncturist. The person who does it makes all the difference.

Rabbits - hope school was ok. Out of interest are you prescribed antibiotics after a lap?

I am afraid all those ivf fees you see on websites are pretty misleading. I thought ARGC was pretty reasonable when I first looked but no drugs are in the prices and so it amounts to about £13k a round.

Anyway loving that everyone is doing so much woo at the moment. I had acupuncture today. I think I just like talking through everything and discussing my plan of action. It's quite helpful as my acupuncturist knows all the big clinics in London quite well so it's useful to have him as a sounding board.

Waves to everyone else.

Ladies, my thanks to you, your support and wishes made me sob a little, in a good way. I wrote a thing and delated it because I was after . I'm still reading and waiting for the next +HPT, just around the corner... Allow me to still be shagging here and wishing for all...I know you will, I just want to be

Hi everyone, thanks for making me feel so welcome.

Interesting to read all your stories too.

I hit healthy BMI today. I just need to make sure it stays as my weight can change 3kg in one week. Lots of snacking for me. For those of you who asked how I did it. I struggled a lot for the first 6 months and then my nhs doctor gave me a serious talking to. She told me that I had to make more of an effort and told me to eat high calorie foods and I MUST eat 3 meals a day plus snack 3 times in between meals. I do exactly that even though I don't like junk food and I'm rarely hungry. I also stopped exercising so no running or gym. I only yoga and swim these days.

I wondered if any of you have had treatment at CRGH? If so, what's been your experience and also how much are costs - ballpark inclusive of drugs etc. I saw a post before that said 8k to 12k - for CRGH, ARGC and Lister. Do you know which one is the cheapest/most expensive? I have learnt from reading your posts that the fees can be pretty misleading. I am going to CRGH tomorrow for information only. I saw that care, you have been for ivf at ARGC. How did you find it? I thought about going there but I read so many negative things that I got put off.How was your experience?

I am still waiting to hear back from re my latest blood tests. My consultant at the hospital hasn't come back and I feel bad about calling her too much as I know she has so many patients but I have been waiting 3 months to be referred to have IVF/IUI and still no results on my latest bloods and DH's SA.

One last question for you all. Not sure if any of you are London based. Are any of you familiar with The London Acupuncture Clinic? I went a few months ago to see a practitioner there and I just didn't feel too comfortable. I am been using Chinese Meds for 15 years but this was specifically for fertility. I just wasn't sure about the place or the practitioner. Can anyone share their experience or recommend a Central London practitioner. I am put off my the big name people like Zita West. Any insight would be really gratefully received.

sarlat applying for a new job is great. Many of my friends ask me why I make plans to do things e.g. I started a part time masters degree this year. They say," what if you get pregnant". We still have to live our lives even if we are TTC - no?

Thanks again everyone and wish you lots of luck on your journey to becoming mothers.

sea do all the things you want to do (IMH) if you get pg while doing then there is always a way. If it changes things you will not be sorry. X

Then/them,