Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

[Moominsarescary]

Hoping the thread brings us luck and that soon we will all be holding our rainbows xx

Hello all!

a regular but a name changer. My little boy's name begins with a D!

I have been taking a much needed break from the internet, my cycle has gone all wierd and I have been looking into Dr Google FAR too much! I am thinking about us all and often.

Have missed far too much to name check everyone, and I am sorry about that. Am going to make a cake to cheer myself up, I can post everyone a slice?

Take Care xx

Ooh yes please rainbox - would love a slice!!

spilt I hope today is gentle for you all, sending big hugs, and floaty kisses to Bobbie.

Angel - thinking of you for tomorrow too xx

I agree with all the MN 'loving' that was going on yesterday!!!

Hi to everyone else - am just having a quick lunch break as got to leave work early because I've been asked to be an independant person on an interview board for a local pre-school later this afternoon!

Much love to all xxx

Just a quick hello from me. Much love coming your way spilt, honouring your beautiful Bobbie today. The sun is shining here for your little girl. Also thinking of you angel, after your holiday dramas with Pheobe, and getting ready to mark Georgie's birthday tomorrow.

Also loving the loving from yesterday!! You all are truly fab

Dreamt about Mia's death last night, and somehow, you MN ladies are there too, notably spilt. Can't remember much, but know it was very hard and sad, and so feeling quite tired today as I was up at 5am to meet my parents at the airport... nice to have them here, but it makes the reality of Mia's inquest very present.

Had my WC injection on Monday, and the nurse asked me if this was my first. I had to say no, and then explain about Mia. I have a special sticker on my file, but very few nurses, even in the midwife section of the hospital, seem to recognise it. I don't mind explaining about her, but it is hard. Yet I did my bit for other sad mummies and told her about the sticker so she wouldn't make the same mistake again.

Off to consultant and scan this afternoon, will agree a delivery date. Not yet sure if we will share it with people, as a little worried about the whole expectation thing again... but guessing it will be very early December.

Another quick one from me whilst mindee is asleep.

fan- dh gets his results friday afternoon.

rainboxFX- Ohh, I would LOVE a slice of cake.

mias- When is the inquest? I hope you are doing ok? Hope the consultant appointment goes well and you get the date. x

Hi blue, that sucks about your eyes, your eye sight can get worse during pregnancy because of hormones, although it does correct itself after birth.

Elly- what are they interviewing for? I have visions of X factor type auditions.

Right, I'm off for a quick coffee before baby wakes.

elly are you a jokey panel member or a stern one or are you a bit rude like craig off strictley?

blizy fx for friday.

mias that's must be very frustrating about the sticker. I remember my dreams being very vivid when I was pg, they felt so real and hard to shake off the nexy day.

rainbox would love a slice of cake, would really brighten up this rainy day. (Very jealous that all you lot have loads of sun)

fan & blizy you've just really made me smile - am picturing myself sitting there being really bitchy to the candidates a la Craig on Strictly!! Actually, it's for a new manager for the pre-school - one of the applicants is the chair of the committee so they needed an independant person to make sure the process is fair! Not half as exciting as you suggested!!!

Oh mias, that's so hard - I have been having some really weird and vivid dreams since being pg - a lot of them about Nancy, it's so hard waking up in the morning and having to remember it all again isn't it. I hope the inquest is gentle on you, and that you have lots of supportive family & friends around you.
I have asked about the stickers as I want one on my notes too, although I don't suppose it would be much use if no-one knows what it means.

I hope that your eyesight does improve after you have had rainbow, like blizy said - that must be horrid though for it to suddenly get worse like that. Fx for go ahead from your consultant on Thurs for a HB!

Sending love & hugs to everyone, especially those who are struggling at the moment, or have big anniversaries today/tomorrow xxx

Babyh, I didn't use a CBFM, but conceived this time the first month of using OPKs (although I think it was a huge fluke because we'd given up for the month because of no smiley face, then got one the day after we DTD on CD23!!)

Oh, and kleine, I'm so at your 'friend' - how damned unthoughtful, tactless and down right insensitive. Unfortunately, I can believe that some people can be like this, but it's just so wrong & unfair. i hope you're ok xxx

Have come back for another love-in!! You do indeed ALL deserve many many . I am feeling rubbish - she'd be four months today... - and so thought I'd pop back on. Honestly, I might be going insane if I couldn't come on here and sob all over your virtual shoulders. Also, it makes me feel useful somehow - I'm not very useful in RL right now - but at least here I know how other people feel, and care about you all, and can offer my shoulder too if anyone wants it.
(But, we might get chucked off MN if we are too nice to each other... so I shall stop now...)

spilt still thinking of you all xx
and of course angel while you are in the dreaded run-up, as well xx

mias each time you write something I just want to give you a massive hug. Every single new little thing that you have to do must be so hard. Well done for explaining to the nurse. I hope that you will be able to enjoy some special time with your parents before the inquest starts, I'm sure there will be tears aplenty, but it's so wonderful that they are there to support you. Mia has such a fantastic family! Also hope appt and scan today go brilliantly, and that agreeing a date helps you a little bit.
rainbox welcome back (I am very likely wrong, but does your name have a typo? If so, I wanted to say - I think you should keep it - I like it!!) I will join you in mentalling about weird cycles as well as eating cake, if that's ok? I think babyh will be along soon to share in both, as well...
blizy my lovely, how are you doing on the ADs - any less sick, or not? Thinking of you for results-day on Friday x
blue they wouldn't check my eyes during pg, either... I finally have an opticians appt coming up this weekend. My eyesight has really deteriorated, for me quite a lot of it has happened since E's birth.
elly hope the interviewing goes well - how lovely to have been asked to do that.
So glad that Holly is doing well wtw, though you must be exhausted! I was on FB and saw that unbelievably gorgeous photo of her on Erin's woolly hug. So special.
fan how's your cold?

to everyone else!

thank you elly (Am now also giggling at the opportunities this afternoon may give you...). We are going to let the sun set a couple of times on our fury with our friends, and then send them a polite-as-possible email explaining how awful they've been and asking them not to get in touch again. It's honestly not a big loss for us anyway, as they've not been the greatest of friends over the years, but it is sad when someone acts like that. I spoke with mutual friends last night, who were so outraged on our behalf, and they agreed that we should just cut the ties now.
Sorry to hear about your dreams. And mias', too. Our dreams can be so unkind to us, can't they?

Thanks all xxxc
Happy birthday Bobbie , love to all the spilt family xxxxx
Miasmum oh hope your due date is very early Dec ie; 1 st as that's my birthday.... How exciting to get a date & that's only 6 weeks away!!!!! Eek.... Love to u all special love to Mia xxxxxx
Elly how you doing? How many weeks are you now? Xxxx
Kleine hope u re ok now & not wasting any of your energy or time on that so called friend of yours.....xxx
babyh sending love your way xxxx
Blizy thanks xxxx not long to Friday now ... Xxx
Hi all , ok here just sad thought that 2 years ago now we had been advised our Georgie had died & life was never the same again .... xxxxx

Oh Blue glad alls well with your pg... Sorry about your eyes that's crap... Have u tried other opticians???? Not long now xxxxx

Oh kleine, 4 months is a tough one, I remember it well - I hope the day has been gentle for you. Sounds like a really sensible idea about those people, you are very sensible!

Just to continue the love-in, I'm so pleased to have found you all - you are and have been so supportive, I really appreciate you all, lovely lovely ladies

Evening all. Thank you all so much for all your lovely thoughts, posts, messages, love & candles, it means so much. We've had a nice day. DH was off work, so a leisurely start and then we took Freya out to an arborteum for a wander around in the autumn leaves for the morning. After lunch we went to visit Bobbie, and thankfully Freya slept so we had the chance to take our time and remember and talk about her. It felt very peaceful. Then home to a bit of a challenging evening with Freya hellbent on causing maximum carnage - knackered now! She's now out for the count so I can catch up with you lot. Bobbie's candle shining near me, Josh Groban "To where you are" playing. It's Bobbie's song for me, I listened to it hundreds of times after she died and nothing makes me feel her near quite so powerfully. Love my girls xx

angel my lovely, my thoughts and love to you tonight and tomorrow for your beautiful daughter on her second birthday. I hope the day brings you peace. I know so well the "this time two years ago.." torment that it sounds like you are in this evening. Sending you peaceful sleep vibes for tonight xx

blue I am truly shocked about your eyes. What if you are an extended bfer and feed for 3 years say. Do they expect you to stumble around half blind all that time? How much are you struggling? Is driving a problem? Very pleased to hear all is well with the bump though and homebirth plans still ok.

miasmummy I feel very honoured to be in your dream! I'm so sorry it was a hard one though, they can be so draining. It's hard enough being bereaved all day, without our minds doing this in the night. I can't imagine how you must be feeling with the inquest so soon, unreal possibly? What a shame the MW didn't recgnise your sticker. Part of me is annoyed thinking "what's the point then?" and finds it callous, but part of me is also pleased thinking that if they don't recognise it then they mustn't see many, and that at least is a good thing - it must mean that the vast vast majority of mums & babes are ok.

hehe kleine we are reputed to be a nest of vipers on here you know!
Big ((hugs)) for you today and a shoulder too. Know what you mean about needing this place for keeping sane and having somewhere to vent and rant and cry. It really takes others who have walked the path to truly comfort. A "normal" person can be the loveliest, most supportive person ever and I can still find a way to be offended/pissed off because they just aren't in tune in the way you guys can be. It's invaluable. No one else gets the permanent and ever present nature of grief for child bereavement. They all genuinely tyhink it's like when their grandparent died and will be intensely sad & painful but get easier and then stop being sad at all really with time. It's totally and utterly different.

Hey rainbox! Like the name

blizy how are you feeling with the SA results coming up soon? I know there's nothing to do but wait, but if you want to talk about it we're your ladies!

Glad the girls are well wtw, but the babies do make it difficult to post! I read and try and remember everything so I can comment when I get my hands free!

I've just been looking over her photos and spotted the time on the last ones. Exactly 2 years ago we were saying our final goodbyes. The last photo was at 20:48. Then we handed her into the care of a midwife who's name I can't even remember. I can't describe the utter emptiness of arriving home after that day, those months, to know it was all all over and we were left broken hearted and empty armed. But I don't need to describe it. You all know xx

Split, hugs for you my lovely. I have Bobbie's candle dancing away on my sideboard x . I feel ok about the results, no point in worrying yet.

Angel- huge hugs to you too. X

I am it feeling sicky any more, thank goodness. The AD's seem to be agreeing with me now, I am still feeling down but I know they take a good few weeks to kick in.

Sending you all love and hoping for a peaceful night for you all. X

spilt my thoughts exactly indeed, I cried when I put the phone down. Will phone another optician tomorrow. It's quite bad to be honest, shouldn't really be driving... Did drive to pregnancy yoga yesterday in the dark, luckily it's not that far... But I think if they would have stopped me it would have been illegal for me to drive :(

I know it's early but i wrapped my Christmas presents today and it reminded me of the Christmas cards exchange we did last year. Shall we do it again this year? For the new(ish) ladies, we basically sent each other a card in which we included our angel babies. As lots of us felt we couldn't do this in 'normal' Christmas cards as people might find it weird.

blue Have you spoken to your MW or consultant about your eyes? I can't believe how bad they are - has it happened quite suddenly? V plsd everything is ok with bump & fx for your hb.

Like the idea about Christmas card exchange - I have ordered some stamps which I will stamp in all cards, which is for N. last year all my cards went from us & bump :(

Wishes for peaceful evenings spilt and angel. spilt your post about the time on your photos made me cry, its so bloody hard xx best wishes, lovely xxx

elly I mentioned it to midwife and she doesn't seem too bothered. It's slowly deteriorated, I do have very bad eyesight anyway... One eyes is -6.5, the other -5.75
I'll see if the consultant can tell me more on Thursday.

Spilt xxxx time is engraved on my mind too... I remember this night so vividly 2 years ago couldn t sleep as I had very bad lower back pain to the point my brother & sister took me in to the delivery suite at 05:00 for some pain relief. ( I'd sent Ant to the pub the night before so knew he'd be over the limit) then the 2 nd stage if labour had started & my darling Georgie was born at 14:03 ... Funny how times are etched on your memory ... Glad today was nice ...it's so heartbreaking . At the moment every minute is being replayed in my mind & it's truely horrible. I miss her so much & feel robbed & deprived to the life she was entitled to . My thoughts always come back to the same mantra; it's just not fair why this awful tragedy has happened to our babies... Why us ??? Why not someone else? ant used to say to me at this point " why say that? , why should it happen to someone else? My thoughts ; why not??? Why did it have to be my girl??? Sometimes, still all seems surreal... Xxxxc
Thanks all for your support & kind words.. Xxxx feel like tomorrow is looming over me .... Darling Georgie xxxxxx

Evening all

Sorry for the very late post.

Split: Been thinking of you and your darling Bobbie all day on her 2nd birthday....my heart broke when you talked about leaving the hospital.....I know that was the worst feeling walking out of there feeling so empty.........oh and the innocent life we lived before all this when we related it to such a happy event. Glad you and your DH had a peaceful day and your beautiful rainbow Thea chose a fitting time to sleep. Sending you love and hugs brave lady xxxx

Rainbox: Chin up chick....this cycle malarky is rubbish especially when AF plays evil tricks on you xxxx Waiting for my cake to be delivered : )

Blue: My eyesight went awful when I was having Jess. I remember not being able to see subtitles or headlines in the news. It really gets on your nerves after a bit...hope you get something done soon. Cant remember if mine went better afterwards but I ended up having them lasered because I was sick of breaking/losing my glasses!!! Also glad all was well with the midwife...wishing the days go fast for you.

Elly: Hope your ok : ) thanks for the CBFM advice....also the Christmas cards sound lovely xxxx

Mias: Sorry about the bad dreams and the hospital stress. Hope you have a peaceful sleep tonight. Looking forward to December and your winter babyxx xxx

Kliene: Four whole months....forever and no time at all. There is less than a month in age between our angel babies and I totally understand the raw pain and aching heart. Thinking of you and your beautiful 'E' you truly did her proud in the short time you had with her your photographs show only love and unbelievable pride not sorrow. Big hugs lovely lady xxxxx

Angel: What a touching tribute to your beautiful Georgie...it brought tears to my eyes....she should be hear and it is truly a waste she isn't here xxxxx

Blizy: Not long for the test results. Glad you had a nice time at the wedding.

Sorry if I missed anyone. Brain frazzled after a busy day @ counselling etc

Still no AF but had cramps again tonight. Fingers crossed the CBFM arrives quickly so I can start using it this month.

Night all xxxx

Sorry cross posted Angel: Hey chick....Ive thought those words many a time....why not pick someone elses baby.....anyones except mine. I dont think we would be human if we didnt think that!! I truly wish it wasnt any of our babies its so bloody unfair. Thinking of you and your beautiful daughter. I wish I could make it go away for you but will have to settle for sending you a virtual hug you brave lady xxxxxxxxxx

angel thinking of you and Georgie this morning. Sending you love and strength, and every wish possible for a gentle day.

Ah, the impossible "why?" question. All I can offer is to share my mantra - I don't understand. I will never understand. I love her so much.

Happy birthday to Georgie, sending floaty hugs up to you. X

Angel- thinking about you, Ant and Phebs today. I hope the day passes peacefully for you all, sending my love to you. X

Angel, thinking of you today. Happy Birthday, sweet Georgie.

Spilt, hope today is a better one.

Blue, that's shocking about your eyes - why on earth can't they give you a new prescription when you're pg? It's barking. And when you're bf as well - maybe the thing to do is fib to them when LO is here (assuming you're planning to bf) and say that you aren't.

Babyh, hope your CBDM arrives soon, and either AF or a BFP so you can move forward!

Love to everyone else - it's too early to name-check everyone!

Happy birthday to beautiful Georgie. Love and blessings to your wonderful family xxx