Hi everyone. My crazy busy week leading up to Jacobs birthday is done now. We had his party yesterday, and it went really well. Going with the Harry Potter theme they all dressed up and got the steam train from Totnes, platform 9 3/4 to our village ( one stop) and then walked to our house which is really close. Once in our paddock a very lovely man from dartmoor zoo flew owls and hawks with them. ( which j didn't know was going to happen). Then dp played Quiddich with them, and they chose wands. Adults collected and stayed for soup at the yurt and everyone went home when it got dark.
It's been a hell of a week, and yesterday morning I was in tears, but Jacob said he'll never ever forget his tenth birthday, and that's all I wanted, just some memories to go alongside the year we had Merryn. My friends 'got' it, which was lovely, and they fussed around me in a way that felt very loving. The day had a lot about Merryn somehow too. Now we have to manage on thin air until payday at the end of the week, but that's ok.
SPILT, I think it's fine that you hug Freya while she sleeps. Jacob slept on me like this for about a year. (and in same bed much longer). He's the most independent and confident kid now, not clingy in any way, just very loving. (I might be biased)! If she didn't like it shed tell you. My DS2 insisted on hugging for a bit and then being in his space in the bedside cot. Both sleep fine and enjoy going to bed now, and both enjoy sleepovers, so IMO it's been good for us, and it's over so very soon. People find there own paths, I think the struggles in feeling good about our choices, whatever they are!
WTW. You must be so tired lovely. Holly must be bringing everything you and Erin missed into such painful focus too. Make sure you are looking after yourself, grief and two hour feeds sounds like it would exhaust anyone, and your hormones must be in a jumble. You are a brilliant mum, to all your girls. X
KLEINE. Oh my love, that appt must have been difficult for you and DH. I can see why you want to keep what you tell RL friends simple, you have your own feelings about this to live with, there is no need to deal with everyone else's too. After Merryn died we had to fight not to be very angry, (lots of things could have been different). I can say five months on I have let go of most of the anger, and now feel love and pain for loosing her, but they are feelings belonging to her and my relationship, not medical conditions, or doctors, or tumours. That has helped me, but I had to fight for it. Some dark days its still rage I feel. I guess I'm wishing some sort of peace for you and your DH. Xxx
MECHA. It's not right. I hope your cycle works out what it's doing. You, as FAN, really don't deserve the extra stress, and the confusion. I hope your doc is sympathetic and helpful. (and fingers sneakily crossed for the super drug test)...
FAN, that curry has made my mouth water, and it's only 9.30! Are you having scan this week? (sorry if thats wrong). If so I hope they are kind and you get some answers. You must be one of the strongest people I know. When you have your rainbow I hope they are told how bravely their Mummy fought for them. Sending you love. X
BLIZY, I was genuinely confused by the cup comments. Thought your DH was celebrating having won said cup at sporting event!! Does he know we are all talking about him?! I am quite jealous that you are in Scotland for Halloween. (whisper; these southerners don't do it right)!
I think i am clearly in denial re my BFP (although had very matter of fact dream last night that i went to the loo and MCd, had to remind myself on waking that i hadnt been out of bed). I do an eBay cheaply test everyday, and the line is getting nicely darker, and my flea bite boobs are a little less saggy. So it must be true, but I'm not 'feeling' it yet. I need to call my consultant soon, but can't make myself do it... Too real.
Thinking of us all, but didn't want to write the longest post on MN, so will come back later.